


The Queen of Hearts

by lostariels



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, the messenger au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-04-18 20:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 124,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14221566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostariels/pseuds/lostariels
Summary: Kara isn't exactly the most exceptional student at St. Rao's - she isn't the most popular, the smartest, the sportiest or even the funniest - and she's just trying to survive boarding school. That's when the first Ace shows up. When an ordinary playing card shows up in her mail with a name written on it, her first thought is why was it sent to her? Confused as to why she's been sent the Ace of Diamonds, Kara finds her plans for a peaceful school year disrupted when she finds herself the messenger. Chosen to care, she makes her way through the school helping and hurting the names on the cards she's delivered, trying to find out who's behind the mission she's been given.





	1. Chapter 1

            Kara wasn’t exactly exceptional in any way, although a lot of exceptional things had happened to her over the short span of her life, but she was rather ordinary as far as teenagers went. Her parents had been killed in a plane crash when she was thirteen - it was still debatable as to whether it was an intentional hit, or a complete accident - and she’d been adopted by the Danvers not too long after. She had a cousin in Smallville that she never saw, and an aunt overseas who sent her birthday and christmas gifts every year but never visited. Her adoptive father had died from a heart attack a year after she’d joined the family, leaving her with her new adoptive mother, and a sister who couldn’t stand to be around her. She’d been sent to boarding school - the most prestigious British school in America - alongside her new sister, where she’d been on the debate and rowing teams for the past two years. Science and math were her best subjects, she was terrible at home economics, and she wanted to be a corporate lawyer when she was older, and take over the multi-billion-dollar company her parents had left behind for her to inherit. But for the most part, she went unnoticed. Her navy uniform blended in with everyone else’s, her new mom was one of the best neurosurgeons in the world so she wasn’t a scholarship kid either, and she mostly kept to herself. Nothing interesting ever happened to Kara - only bad things.

 

            So as she checked her pigeonhole in the post room, pulling out a thin manila envelope, she looked puzzled. She was already carrying a small parcel off Eliza, no doubt filled with cookies and an assortment of other treats to tide her over until the next package, and it was unusual for her to ordinarily receive any other mail, let alone at the end of the first week of the new school year, and definitely not from any students. It was clearly from another student though, because there was no stamp or address on the envelope - not even her name - and Kara frowned as she tucked the parcel under one arm and tore open the envelope. The post room was empty except for her and a small girl in her first year, looking extremely short for an eleven year old, by Kara’s standards, and she decided to go back to her room and find out what she’d been sent. Walking through the old hallways, the mahogany floor creaking and the smell of expensive wood and dust permeating the entire building, she made her way up to the west wing of the huge building. It was the girls dormitory, full of comfortably sized rooms spread across five floors, and Kara was grateful for the fact that St. Rao’s was prestigious enough to allow them the courtesy of their own rooms. 

 

            Hers was in the south corner of the fourth floor, tucked away in the corner and overlooking the lush rolling grasslands, covered in waving lilac stalks of lavender and butter yellow daisies, giving way to the woodlands crowding around the foothills of the mountains, the leaves ranging from burnt orange to a deep maroon as autumn set in. The snow capped mountains in the distance were little more than blue smudges on the horizon, and Kara opened her window a crack to let in the fresh air blowing in from the plains. A bed was pushed up against one wall, a handmade quilt her mother made her when she was born draped over the end of it, a worn teddy bear with a missing eye resting against the pillows, a tall dark wood armoire stood beside the door, holding Kara’s neatly pressed uniforms and weekend clothes, and a small desk and chair was crammed in, with a row of battered paperbacks held on shelves above it. She had a few posters and a calendar pinned to the walls to try and make the place look a little more homely, but it was a miserable effort, and Kara couldn’t even bring herself to try and liven up the place with her large income like most of the students did here. One thing about being in a school filled with rich, prissy, spoilt kids was the constant competitions of who had the latest and most expensive new things, and Kara was loathsome to join in with their bragging and peacocking. She was more content to hole herself up in her room and try and stay away from the bitchy girls who gave her cool looks as they sized her up, and the pampered boys who thought their money made them more attractive. 

 

            Dumping the parcel on the sturdy desk, Kara sat down on the edge of her bed and turned the envelope over, letting the occupants of it slide out into her hand. With a small crease between her eyebrows, Kara stared down at the red playing card in her hand with a baffled look on her face and turned it around to find herself looking down at the Ace of Diamonds, the tiny red diamonds and A’s staring up at her from opposite corners of the card. There was writing in an unfamiliar hand written across the large red diamond in the middle, and Kara’s blonde hair fell around her shoulders as she bowed her head, frowning as she read what was written on it.

 

_             Winn Schott. _

 

            Blinking in surprise at the name scrawled in neat block letters in a black biro, Kara frowned slightly. She knew Winn - not that they were friends - and she wondered why she’d been sent the Ace of Diamonds with his name written on it in an unmarked envelope slipped into her pigeonhole. They’d never spoken before. He was captain of the I.T. club, a genius in science class, and ran the weekly  _ Dungeons and Dragons _ game for him and two other students in an abandoned classroom on the second floor. Their circles had never collided, and Kara turned the card over in her hand, staring at the unmarked red-patterned back of the ordinary playing card, before she pulled open the drawer of her side table and tossed it inside. There was nothing else in the envelope and she crumpled it up and tossed it into the trash, opening the parcel from Eliza and digging into a homemade chocolate chip cookie as she opened her laptop and brought up her half finished essay of  _ The Great Gatsby _ and squared her shoulders as she settled in to do her homework until dinner time. 

 

            The sun was starting to set when she rubbed her tired eyes, jostling the plastic frames of the glasses perched on her nose, and stared out at the blindingly bright rays of sunlight disappearing over the fringes of the fiery trees, just to the left of the hazy mountains, and she shut her window as a chill seeped in. Smoothing the grey skirt of her uniform, she made sure she had her room key and walked out into the hallway, passing open doors to other dorms, where music drifted out of, and stepping over the legs of girls sitting along the base of the wall, chatting and laughing, and made her way downstairs, slipping back into the main area of the school. The sprawling mansion was old, filled with old antique clocks and vases and stuffed velvet wingback chairs and persian rugs, and Kara had to admit that she liked the dusty smell, the cozy wood panelled walls, the high arched windows and the flagstones courtyards outside, and the heavy leather bound books in the old section of the library. Being sent away to boarding school had been a big adjustment to her when she’d first been sent to St. Rao’s - she’d always been homeschooled with private tutors - but she’d found it easier in some ways. Kara still missed her parents, and she wasn’t sure if she would’ve been able to stay at home with her new mom, because as kind as Eliza was - if a little unavailable due to her work - she wasn’t Kara’s mother, and Kara didn’t want to have to struggle with the guilt of feeling ungrateful for the fact that she’d been so graciously taken into the family. She’d even been given their surname, a thing she’d strongly objected to and was still getting used to. Being sent to boarding school had been somewhat of a blessing - only somewhat though. 

 

            As Kara entered the dining hall, the trestle tables spanning the length of the massive room, she immediately spotted her sister sitting with her friends, and Kara felt a flicker of sadness inside - she’d thought that having Alex here at school with her would’ve been a good thing, but her sister was so insistent on pretending that she didn’t have a new sister that she barely spared Kara a quick glance whenever they crossed paths. She never told Eliza of her problems with Alex, because her adoptive mother was trying so hard to be a good replacement for Kara, calling her three times a week to check up on her, sending her snacks and gifts every so often, and Kara didn’t want to sow discord between Alex and her mom. She couldn’t even fault Alex for resenting her, because she was like a cuckoo - a fully sized cuckoo that had barged its way into an already full nest with no warning. It was difficult for them both. Ignoring her sister, Kara made her way to the buffet set out at the back of the room, filling a tray up with food and choosing a seat in an empty section along the second table that spanned the hall. She’d brought  _ The Great Gatsby _ with her to refresh her memory on some key points for her essay, and she pored over the book as she made her way through the shepherd’s pie they were serving for dinner, occasionally letting her eyes wander around the room as she ate. Very briefly, she met Alex’s eyes, giving her sister a tiny smile and feeling her heart sink when Alex scowled at her, and she kept finding her eyes wandering over to Winn, the weedy boy with a shock of mousy hair that always seemed to be sticking up on end and who always carried around figurines and had his shirt neatly tucked in beneath his school sweater. She stared at him intensely, trying to figure out why his name had been on a playing card delivered to her pigeonhole, and was still in the midst of trying to figure out the puzzle when a snarky voice came from behind her.

 

            “Got a crush on the super geek have you, Danvers?” Veronica Sinclair drawled, and Kara felt her cheeks turn red at the realisation that she’d been caught staring at Winn, and her shoulders were hunched nearly up to her ears as she ducked her head down.

 

            There was a melodic laugh behind her, and Kara felt her stomach twinge slightly at the sound. She’d been hoping for a good year this year, and so far, it wasn’t off to a great start - an interesting one, perhaps, but not  _ great _ \- and the appearance of the girls behind her made Kara wish that she could truly turn invisible. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she’d just been completely ignored and shunned to the side, being the friendless loser until she could graduate and go off to one of the Ivy League colleges she had her eyes on, but she was the friendless loser who wasn’t  _ allowed  _ to be overlooked. Her head came up slightly and she turned to peek over her shoulder, her eyes seeking out the raven dark hair and the sharp green eyes, and she had to bite back a groan at the smirk playing on Lena’s lips. Of all the people Kara had to have a secret crush on, she cursed herself for having one on the resident popular mean girl, with her posse of arrogant bitches who took any opportunity to embarrass some of the social outcasts, which unfortunately for Kara, included her. Lena Luthor. She’d caught Kara’s eye the second she’d been sent to boarding school, and apparently Kara had caught hers too, but not in quite the way she’d hoped. For three years she’d been the butt of cruel jokes and rumours, mean pranks and taunting, and she was hoping that this year would be different. She was almost sixteen now, and so was Lena, and she’d thought that maybe she would’ve changed over the summer - her mom was a surgeon too, and they’d been at a few garden parties and mixers together, not speaking but Lena hadn’t been mean to her either, which was a win in Kara’s book - but apparently Lena and her gang were up to their usual antics.

 

            “Nerd love,” Gayle snorted, and the group of pretty girls that surrounded Lena all burst into laughter, making Kara’s cheeks turn even redder.

 

            Finding herself tongue-tied, as she was prone to being in the presence of Lena, Kara buried her face in her book and tried to pretend that they weren’t there, knowing the back of her neck was red as she shovelled mash into her mouth. There were a few more jibes and then they moved on, no doubt out to find their next target, and Kara finished her food quickly, dumping her tray and walking out of the dining hall at a brisk pace. She turned around once, scanning the sea of faces and finding Lena watching her with an unreadable expression on her face. Feeling herself flush, Kara quickly ducked her head down and doubled her pace back up to her room. Foregoing a night in the common room, she changed into a pair of expensive pale blue flannelette pyjamas and climbed into bed, listening to music while she reread her book, and by the time she finished it, her eyes were burning and itching to close. Before she took her glasses off and went to bed, she pulled the playing card back out of the drawer and looked at it closely, wondering what it could mean, before she tossed it back inside and switched off her lamp. She slept restlessly that night, too many thoughts swirling around in her mind, and she still couldn’t make heads or tails of it when she woke up early the next morning, the sky a dusky blue and the view outside her window still all shadows as she breathed in the sharp coldness of the fresh air through the open window.


	2. Chapter 2

            She forgot about the card for the next two weeks, going about her business as usual, keeping to herself while she did her homework in the library, went to classes and went to rowing practice once a week on Wednesday’s. Still, everytime she passed Winn in the hallways or spotted him eating alone in the dining hall, Kara would get the nagging feeling at the back of her mind, and the itch to draw that red Ace of Diamonds out of the drawer again. She never approached him though, just observed, keeping a watchful eye on him and waiting to see if he’d make the first move. Perhaps he was trying to get her attention - perhaps he  _ liked _ her - but if he did, he kept a very large distance from Kara, because she never so much as met his eyes once. 

 

            But, on Monday evening, after winning her debate in their practice session, Kara made her way to the post room, feeling elated at having won, and checked her pigeonhole for mail. Eliza’s parcel for the next month was due to arrive any day now. To her surprise, all she found was another blank manila envelope, just like the last one, and Kara frowned, tearing it open right in the middle of the room. This one had another playing card inside, with the same generic red pattern on the back with another diamond on it. The Three of Diamonds. There were more words scrawled across it.

 

_             Protect the diamonds. _

 

            Jerking her head up, Kara frowned, glancing around at the empty room before she looked back down at the card, pushing her glasses up her nose as they slipped down slightly.  _ Protect the diamonds.  _ What was that supposed to mean? Crumpling up the envelope, she slid the card into the pocket of her navy cardigan and turned around, marching out of the musty mail room and into the dark panelled hallway, thinking of the card upstairs in her dorm. Whoever it was had been watching her, and they’d realised that she’d ignored Winn and whatever the card meant. He was clearly the diamond it was referring to, but what was she supposed to protect him from? Glancing down at the brown leather watch on her left wrist, Kara pushed her thoughts aside and doubled her pace, realising that she was going to be late to dinner if she dawdled. It was already dark outside, the evening air cool as it whistled through the draughty corridors and rattled the old glass windows. She kept her head down as she walked into the dining hall, the sound of laughter and loud conversations washing over her as she lined up behind a short eleven-year-old girl with dark curls, grabbing a plastic tray and letting the woman with grey hair slop some chicken casserole onto a plate and pass it to her. With the rest of the tray filled with an assortment of vegetables, she turned around and scanned the room for an empty seat, steering clear of the laughter coming from the the far right of the room, near the doors. She could see Lena sitting on the bench, the muscled arm of the polo team’s star player and captain, Jack Spheer, slung around her shoulder. Her usual group of friends were gathered around, and Kara ducked her head down, trying to go unnoticed.

 

            Dinner passed by quickly, sitting alone at a table, eating her food, which of course was delicious - for the amount the tuition cost, of course all the students would be eating food prepared by incredible chefs, even if it was served on cheap china on a plastic tray by a careless old woman. She spotted Winn at one point and spent the rest of dinner quietly watching him, grimacing when some of the fencing boys in their pristine white suits messed up his neatly combed hair and jostled him about as he tried to make his way through a book Kara could see was called  _ Theory of Machines _ , laughing as they hassled him. He looked downtrodden, as if he was used to it, and Kara saw somewhat of a kindred spirit in her helpless classmate, who was struggling through the same things as she was, and was already defeated before he even tried to stick up for himself. She pitied him.

 

            After dinner, she went up to on of the common rooms, deciding to sit and wait and see if Winn came up too. He did. Sitting in a forgotten corner, much like Kara was doing, he read his book alone, and Kara did the same with  _ To Kill A Mockingbird _ , hoping to make an early start on her next book report. Usually she retired to her room immediately, having no reason to sit out amongst her fellow students and socialise - she’d learnt the hard way that it just meant she’d be a potential target for the polished and prim girls who prowled the school looking for their next victim. Sometimes she asked herself what she saw in Lena, but there was no logical reason in her mind for why she was harbouring a deep infatuation with the most popular girl in school. The only justification she could come up with was that Lena never bullied her  _ herself _ . It was always her friends. Lena just watched, a curious glint in her eyes, and an expectant look on her face as she smiled slightly. It would’ve been easier if Lena had been cruel to her herself, instead of passively watching as her friends bullied Kara. At least that way Kara would have a solid reason to hate her - or so she told herself. Instead, she was stuck in this place of acting like a blithering idiot around her, getting flustered and unable to defend herself with witty words because she was so self-conscious about the piercing green eyes watching her every move. Staying quiet was easier. So was keeping her head down.

 

            After Winn left, she tucked the latest card into her book as a bookmark and climbed to her feet, coming face to face with Alex. That was a whole other problem. A small green and white bottle was thrust out towards her, and Kara took it was a questioning look at her adoptive sister. “Here. Mom put this in my parcel instead of yours,” Alex bluntly told her.

 

            It was glasses cleaner - Kara had run out of hers - and she quickly tucked it into her backpack. “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

 

            Without another word, Alex turned around and left, the sleeves of her blazer and shirt rolled up and her chunky black boots heavy as she walked away. Kara bit back a heavy sigh, not quite understanding why her sister didn’t like her. She’d never done anything  _ wrong _ . She’d been thrust into this new life as much as Alex had, except she was lonelier. A new school, a new family and none of her old friends didn’t make for much company, and in the three years since, nothing had changed for Kara. Sometimes she just wanted someone to talk to. A part of her had thought a sister would help make things easier, and when Jeremiah had suffered his heart attack, Kara had foolishly thought that perhaps she would be able to relate to Alex more, having lost both of her own parents. Instead, Alex pushed her away even more. Watching her sister leave, Kara followed after her and decided to call it a night. She had P.E. first thing in the morning.

 

            The next two weeks were spent observing Winn. He seemed to be everywhere she was; they shared four classes, he had the same time slot for her in P.E. even if they were in different cohorts, and as she ran laps around the track, she watched him struggle to not trip over his own feet. In the hallways, she watched as he was shouldered into the hard panelled wooden walls, and some of the rowdier guys on the soccer team threw peas at him during lunch. The more she watched him, the sadder it made her feel. Kara still had no idea what purpose she had to serve. Why had the cards come to her? Why his name? There was little she could do to protect him. And then one day, leaving the lab after chemistry, she watched as the mousy boy fiddled with a pack of cards in his hands, which were promptly knocked out of his hands by a boisterous guy called Mike, whose laugh echoed around the quickly filling hallway as he leant down and picked up a handful, roughly tearing them in half and tossing the pieces into the air. They fluttered down to the ground and Winn scrambled for them, the back of his neck turning red with embarrassment and anger. No one else seemed to notice.

 

_             You’re supposed to  _ care _. _

 

            The answer was so startlingly simple, that Kara paused in the doorway, blinking in surprise. An impatient cough behind her got her attention, followed by a sharp poke in her shoulder and she scowled as she glanced over her shoulder, catching sight of a perfectly arched eyebrow and that permanently sarcastic smirk. Her cheeks immediately warmed and she ducked her head down, listening to the muttered “freak” that came from someone who sounded a lot like Veronica Sinclair. Joining in with the flow of the students rushing towards the dining hall, Kara struggled to duck into one of the girls’ bathrooms on the lower floor, escaping the claustrophobic feeling of the bodies all pressed together, and took a few moments to brush a few flyaway hairs back into her ponytail as she checked her reflection in the speckled mirror. She was washing her hands under the warm water at the porcelain sink when the door opened and the sound of footsteps reached her ears. She didn’t even have to turn to see who it was; just the glimpse of the dark curls and the distinct cloud of the vanilla, freesia and sandalwood perfume that she had made in Paris was enough to alert her to Lena’s presence. Hurrying to was the rest of the rose soap of her hands, Kara was still trying to dry her hands under the machine when Lena walked back out of the stall. Glancing at the mirror for a split second, Kara met her eyes and quickly looked away, the small glimpse just long enough for her to catch sight of Lena touching up the vivid red lipstick, which she somehow got away with, and the flicker of amusement in her green eyes.

 

            “I’ll see you in debating tomorrow,” Lena called after her when Kara turned to leave, and she instinctively hunched her shoulders as she waited for an onslaught of cruel words, but was just met with the light sound of Lena’s laughter following after her. 

 

            The crowd outside had thinned slightly, and Kara quickly made her way into the dining hall, fetching a tray and watching as a small piece of pink salmon was handed to her on a plate, the thin layer of grey skin cooked golden brown. She wasn’t a big fan of seafood, but she accepted it without complaint and moved down the line to get her vegetables. Then came the seating problem again, as it did everyday, three times a day, and she quickly swerved as far away from the far right as she could get, near the high table where the teachers took their lunch. Heading towards the left of the room, Kara sat down at the nearest clear space, with no one in the near vicinity, and scooped some buttery mashed potatoes onto her fork. Letting her eyes wander as she glanced around the room, and then with a start, she realised that the closest person to her was a mousy haired teen patiently taping some cards together. Winn. Taking a deep breath, Kara decided to bite the bullet and see what the fuss with the cards was all about, scooting along the bench until there was only a gap big enough for one person between them. 

 

            “Hi Winn,” she warmly greeted him, watching his hands freeze with the tape he’d been about to stick to two halves of a torn card. He looked up at her with wide eyes, a look of disbelief and wariness in his eyes as he stared at her in silence. The friendly smile on her face faltered slightly, and Kara cleared her throat, trying again. “I’m, um, I’m Kara.”

 

            “I know,” he said, not unkindly and with a tiny bit of awe in his voice, as if he could hardly believe she was talking to him.

 

            “Mind if I sit?” she asked, and when he shook his head, she scooted closer, catching a glimpse of the red card he was taping back together. She felt her heart leap at the sight, thinking that she’d found the culprit of her secret card messages, but at a closer inspection, she realised that it wasn’t a regular playing card. A red flame and hand and other symbols were printed on the creamy coloured card, along with a zero in opposite corners, and Kara stared at them with interest. “Playing cards?”

 

            He carefully stuck the two halves together, making sure the pieces were perfectly aligned and the tape neatly stuck down, nodding in answer to Kara’s question. “Dungeons and Dragons. Arcane deck.”

 

            She had no idea what that meant, but she enthusiastically nodded as if she did, “cool. You run the club right?”

 

            A dark look crossed his face and his mouth turned down at the corners as he nodded. Spearing a piece of salmon onto her fork, Kara took a bite, a curious look in her eyes as she studied him. He had almost elfish features, and his neat hair and uniform automatically pegged him as one of the nerdier kids at school. Kara remembered that his father was a world class inventor, owning a huge company that created some of the best computer technology for sale. She was in Winn’s I.T. class and physics class and knew he had his father’s brains, coming in second in the school science fair last year with a little robot he’d created. He hadn’t been able to beat the self-sustaining energy prototype made by none other than Lena Luthor. Still, she knew he was bullied, just like she was.  _ Protect the diamonds. _ Staring at her classmate that she’d never exchanged more than a dozen words to in three years, she wondered if perhaps she was supposed to protect him from the bullies. That was almost laughable, considering the fact that she couldn’t even face the girls that tormented her. Not that she  _ couldn’t _ \- Kara was quite muscular from days spent rowing on the large lake on the school grounds - but she wasn’t the violent sort, and besides, would she even be able to confront the pompous, entitled guys who were the bullying sort at St. Rao’s? Sure, the girls were nastier, but the boys seemed to listen to physical strength more, and it wasn’t like she was about to knock one of them out because a playing card told her to protect someone. This whole situation was dizzyingly confusing, and Kara wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.

 

            “They cut the club,” Winn miserably confided in her, pulling the pieces shredded pieces of another card towards him and tearing off another piece of tape.

 

            “Oh … why?” Kara asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

 

            He let out a heavy sigh, “well, one of the guys graduated, so now it’s just me and Querl Dox. The school says we have to have at least three members to make a club, so we got cut at the start of the term.”

 

            Her heart leapt slightly, and she felt a flicker of determination inside. This was how she could help him. This was how she could protect him. He had no friends, and the only thing he enjoyed doing had been taken away from him. Surely giving him back his club, along with a new friend, would help. “Well I could join,” she eagerly volunteered, giving him a hopeful smile.

 

            Giving her a dubious look, he raised his eyebrows,  _ “you _ play Dungeons and Dragons?”

 

            With a sheepish look on her face, Kara gave him a helpless shrug, “well, no, but you can teach me! It’ll be fun.”

 

            “But  _ why?” _

 

            “It’s not like I have a lot of friends to hang out with, and you need a third person,” Kara said, wincing slightly at how pathetic she sounded. It almost felt like she was begging to have a friend to spend time with. In some ways, that was exactly what she was doing, but it was also to help out Winn, because a playing card with his name had told her to. 

 

            After a few moments of silence, where he stared at her blankly, waiting for her to tell him she was joking, he gave her a shy smile. “Okay.”

 

            “Okay?”

 

            “We meet on Saturday’s at seven, after dinner. The old Math classroom on the second floor. I’ll help you set up your character then.”

 

            “Great,” Kara quickly agreed, a smile lighting up her face and a warm feeling spreading throughout her at the spark of happiness in Winn’s eyes. He loved this game, that much was very clear, and Kara felt better about herself for volunteering to help him out. A part of her realised that protection wasn’t always physical protection. In this case, perhaps it was the protection that this nerdy board game offered Winn. It was his escape. She could give that to him.

 

            They spent the rest of dinner in companionable quiet, occasionally talking as they ate their salmon, and Winn waited until Kara was finished before they left the dining hall together. Neither of them went to the co-ed common rooms that night, and they parted ways with small smiles, and Kara gave him a small wave before she made her way towards the girl’s wing. Passing through the common room on her floor, she glanced at the girls in the corner, catching the eye of the blonde girl in a leather jacket, watching as the corner of Gayle’s mouth quirked up slightly into a sharp smile as she shuffled a deck of cards. They were deep blue and battered, not the pristine red and white of the ones mailed to Kara. Still, she found herself hovering just inside the door, watching as the cards were dealt and Lena threw a few chips into the middle of the table, wondering who was sending her the cards. Their poker nights were a common occurrence, and Kara didn’t want to know what kind of bets they made and the obscene amount of money they won and lost to each other, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they knew who the messenger was.

 

            “Am I dealing you in, Danvers, or are you just going to stare at us all night like a creep?” Gayle asked, turning over another card while everyone cast her a glance or decided whether to fold or call.

 

            Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Kara ignored her and carried on walking towards her dorm, passing through into the corridor that led to her room, thinking that she might’ve done some good helping Winn, but she had done nothing to help protect herself. Still, she’d done what the card asked, and she could put it behind herself now.


	3. Chapter 3

            It had been a long week. First of all, she’d been left scrambling for anything resembling an argument in debate practice when she’d been opposing Lena and found herself incapable of keeping her thoughts straight around her, then there had been rowing practice, where she’d been pushed into the lake afterwards by Veronica, who was sitting on the edge of the small dock along with Lena and her usual crowd of followers. Then there had been an essay and two pop quizzes she’d had to study for, so by the time Saturday rolled around, she was relieved to have a day to herself. Her morning was spent jogging on the track behind the school as the sun rose, watching the sky turn from the colour of a bruise to an eggshell blue, and after a breakfast of scrambled eggs, she took a book outside to read beneath one of the oak trees shading a small courtyard at the western edge of the classroom block. The weather was mild, and she was undisturbed outside, making her way through most of  _ The Catcher In The Rye _ before she was disturbed by a gang of English girls, mostly the daughters of politicians and the like, and Kara quickly packed up her things, brushing stray blades of grass of her skirt as she made her way back towards the main block of the school. 

 

            She passed by a group of students lounging around on the glass and quickly realised that it was Lena spread out in the shade provided by a tree, her head in Jack’s lap as they all laughed at something Gayle said. Ducking her head down, hoping to go unnoticed, Kara scurried past as casually as she could, not wanting to draw attention to herself.

 

            “Hey Danvers!” a shout rang out behind her and she froze, shoulders hunched, knowing it would be less embarrassing if she just kept walking. Lena had pushed herself up slightly by the time Kara had turned around to glance at her, fighting back a blush. “Come here.”

 

            Sighing, Kara reluctantly walked over to the group, a wary look on her face as she stopped where the brick pathway gave way to the neatly trimmed lawn. “Lena,” she said with a curt nod.

 

            “I was just telling everyone about debate practice,” Lena said, a mocking smile curling her lips, “what was it you were trying to say again? I can’t quite remember. You didn’t really say much.”

 

            “I was just- I was-” Kara stammered, feeling her cheeks turn red when they all started laughing at her. She cleared her throat, trying to will herself to say something witty or at least coherent so they would stop making fun of her. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what her argument had been, she’d just been so flustered by Lena’s presence that she’d lost her train of thought, and Kara had been hoping that Lena would leave it at that. It wasn’t the first time it had happened.

 

            “Hey!” a loud shout came from her right, and Kara turned to see Alex storming towards her, a hard look on her face. “Leave her alone.”

 

            Lena smiled slightly, tilting her head to the side as she leant back against Jack’s shoulder. “We were just talking about debate practice. Kara didn’t get to finish the other day.”

 

            Flipping her off, Alex grabbed Kara by the collar of the pale pink shirt she was wearing and started towing her away from the group of students, already sniggering and talking in hushed tones behind them, and Kara stumbled slightly when Alex finally let go of her. Smoothing out her rumpled collar, Kara scowled at her sister, her book clutched safely in one hand while she pushed her glasses up her nose.

 

            “I don’t need your help,” Kara quietly told her.

 

            Scoffing, Alex rolled her eyes, “whatever. Just stay away from them.”

 

            “She was just asking a question.”

 

            “She was making fun of you.  _ God,  _ you’re so weird. Is there something wrong with you or what? Girls like Lena Luthor don’t play nice unless they’re trying to embarrass you.”

 

            Her sister stormed off without another word, disappearing off to wherever she’d been going when she’d spotted Kara being laughed at. Following after her at a slower pace, Kara smiled slightly to herself, thinking that Alex had been quite nice, trying to defend her. It was probably the nicest she’d been since Kara had come into the family.

 

            The rest of her afternoon was spent in the common room, finishing off her book and then going downstairs for lunch, where she sat with Winn. It had become a habit to eat her meals with him now, after realising that perhaps there was safety in numbers, or at least they would have someone to talk to and ignore the taunts sent their way. It wasn’t like they had any other friends. After lunch, they went to the library and worked on their math and physics homework, with Kara faster at calculus while Winn was better at physics. They helped each other until they’d finished and made their way back down for dinner, sitting at the very end of the far table, opposite each other as they chatted. Kara learnt that Winn wanted to go to MIT after high school, to become a computer programmer and work at his father’s company, collected superhero action figures and was a huge Star Wars fan. Kara told him she wanted to be a lawyer, missed her parents, and received a strange playing card in the mail that she still  _ slightly  _ suspected was off him.

 

            “A  _ playing card?” _ Winn asked, his brow wrinkling in confusion.

 

            “Mhm. You didn’t send it to me?”

 

            “No. Why would I?”

 

_             Because you don’t have any friends  _ Kara wanted to say, but realised that it had actually been her with no friends. Winn had Querl and their weekly  _ Dungeons and Dragons  _ club meeting, but then again, without her, they wouldn’t have a club to meet with. Sending her that playing card made no guarantee that she would have volunteered to join the club, or that she would’ve even figured out the purpose of it anyway. A mild brooding look on her face, Kara poked at the asparagus on her plate, wondering once again who had sent it to her. It didn’t matter though - not really - because she was surprised to find that she liked Winn. He was nerdy and awkward, but he was kind and oddly funny, and Kara found herself smiling and her heart feeling a little lighter when they ate together. It was funny how quickly you could feel like you knew someone when you’d spent so long pushing through the steadfast loneliness.

 

            At seven, they went up to the unused classroom, Kara buzzing with curiosity at the board game she was about to play. They walked into the room, with Winn carrying the box under his arm as he smiled, fumbling for the light switch and flooding the room with yellow light. Desks and chairs were stacked against the wall looking out onto the lawn behind the block of classrooms, the lake shimmering slightly in the pale moonlight, and the classroom had an air of disuse about it. Streaks of dusty chalk marked the old blackboard, and a few pens, faded posters and crates that once held textbooks, and a few desks were pushed together in the middle of the room, a few chairs gathered around them, waiting for the game to begin. It was a few minutes later when a tanned senior walked in, his hair dyed a shock of white and his dark eyes kind, and Kara looked at him with interest.

 

            “Querl! This is Kara,” Winn excitedly introduced them, “she’s our new player!”

 

            “Nice to meet you. Do you have a character sheet?” he smoothly greeted her, a curious glint in his eyes as he studied her, taking in the neat shirt and pleated skirt, not quite the new player he’d been expecting.

 

            A look of apprehension crossed Kara’s face, and she quickly turned to look at Winn, who was already setting everything up. “Uhh.”

 

            “Not yet,” Winn answered for her, holding out a few sheets of paper and a pencil, and Kara quickly took them, reading over everything.

           

            “Here, I’ll help you,” Querl replied, sitting down in his seat and gesturing to another one for Kara to sit on.

 

            Together, they pored over the pages and he even made her take a few quizzes on her phone, filling in the information on the paper and explaining everything as they went through it. It was a dizzying amount of information, and Kara tried to keep up as he talked about races, classes, strength and dexterity, backgrounds and hit points. And then there was the name to figure out, and Kara was beginning to second guess her decision to help Winn out, because this seemed like a lot of work for a light Saturday night of playing a board game. All in all, it took about half an hour for them to help get her all set up, and Winn perched on the edge of a desk, helping them pick traits and her history. In the end, Kara was a human Paladin called Allegra Windriver, devoted to the gods and a guard. Winn was a halfling Wizard by the name if Emrys Sparrowhawk and much to Kara’s amusement, Querl’s was a high elf Rogue that just went by Brainiac. She suspected that having such an unusual name was grounds to have quite an ordinary name in a fantasy world.

 

            They spent the rest of the night playing, rolling odd shaped and coloured dice, reciting spells and describing their actions, and getting into a lot of trouble, in Kara’s opinion, right up until it was curfew time, and they hastily packed everything up. Kara was surprised to find that she’d enjoyed herself more than she’d thought she would - she’d never been one for roleplaying board games - and they’d spent a lot of time laughing and making up ridiculous stories for their characters as they played. A part of her couldn’t wait until next Saturday so she could play again. She’d never had anything to look forward to on the weekend, except the monthly trip into the nearby town that they were permitted, and she found herself eager to spend more time with the new people she’d met. Winn was already tagging along behind her like a lost puppy, but Kara was intrigued by Querl too, and had found that she enjoyed his eccentric personality, and might even consider him a friend too in the future. She didn’t care who had sent her the card, she decided; potentially two friends had been the outcome, and she’d done what she’d been asked to. It was behind her now.

 

            Or so she thought, until Monday morning when she checked the mailroom in her break, groaning when she saw another envelope in there. Binning the envelope, she turned the card over and peered down at the blue writing across it. Under different circumstances, Kara might’ve thought that it was obvious who was sending them to her. Instead, she just felt confused. Saturday night she’d watched Winn  _ and _ Querl write on their character sheets and help her with hers, so she knew that the writing wasn’t theirs, unless they were purposely changing it to throw her off. But why would they? Still, as she looked down at the card, she couldn’t help but feel a little suspicious.

 

_             The Rogue. _

 

            There was only one person she knew who was a Rogue. Querl. She doubted few people knew about his character, Brainiac, outside of those who played the board game or knew he did. He wasn’t quite the loner Winn or Kara were, and had a few friends who were seniors like him - surely they knew that he played board games every Saturday night, even if they didn’t play with him. But would they have cared enough to help Winn out? They could’ve sent their friend’s name first of all, but the first name she’d received had been for the lonely boy who had lost his source of fun. The nagging feeling about who it was that was sending them to her struck her again, and Kara felt frustrated at the unknown messenger. The second question she had was why did Querl Dox need her help? He was the smartest in his year, he had friends and was in half a dozen clubs and probably on track to get into every Ivy League college with his spectacular GPA. Kara didn’t know much about him, but she knew he was smart. How could she possibly help him?


	4. Chapter 4

            Weeks passed by and she went about her usual life at boarding school, doing her schoolwork, team practice for her extracurricular clubs,  _ Dungeons and Dragons _ with Querl every Saturday night, and sticking to Winn’s side or keeping to herself whenever she had free time. During all of this, she watched Querl closely. She noticed a number of things about Querl Dox - things she’d never known about him before - and she slowly pieced together an image of the guy he was. Firstly, he was a genius, which she knew, and secondly, he was almost  _ popular _ , which she hadn’t picked up on. One of his closest friends seemed to be Mike Matthews … the guy who bullied Winn. That irritated Kara to no end, but she grew to learn it was more of a situation where Querl helped Mike and a few of the other athletes with their grades so they could stay on their teams, and they let him tag along like some odd pet who said amusing or confusingly smart things. She was unsure if they actually liked him, or just found his eccentricity entertaining. October had passed by in a blur when she realised what she was missing.

 

            She had a free period on Monday mornings, just before recess, and she’d decided to sit outside and soak up as much sunlight as she could before the weather started turning colder. Already the trees were turning yellow and orange, and the sprawling fields of wheat and dying grass were a blanket of russet and tan leading up to the base of the mountains, painting the whole world on fire, and she chose to sit on the bleachers, watching the seniors play soccer in gym class, smiling as she watched Alex dribble the ball and pelt it into the back of the neck. Kara had no doubt that her sister looked smug. While this happened, she noticed that Querl hovered slightly off to one side, wearing a navy bib to identify which team he was on, looking lanky and awkward as he slowly moved in the direction the ball was going, with no real effort to try and take possession. Kara realised he was terrible at sports. 

 

            Her day suddenly got a whole lot more interesting after that, and that night she huddled in the corner of a common room with Winn, asking him in a hushed voice if he could check some school files for her. Winn wasn’t much of a rule breaker, but he eagerly agreed, and Kara suspected that it was because she had asked. It wasn’t like either of them could afford to lose any friends, or they’d be back to eating lunch by themselves again. Kara decided that if it came to it, she’d rather eat her meals in the bathroom than the dining hall, knowing the target on her back would grow twice the size. She wasn’t sure what it was - there was nothing she could think of that she’d done to offend any of the girls in the group - but they still teased her mercilessly. The only one who didn’t seem to do anything was Lena. Whenever Veronica or Gayle started up, she’d watch with a curious look in her eyes, as if she’d never seen them do it before, and it was almost like she was waiting for Kara to do something. Kara couldn’t imagine what she was expecting, and it wasn’t like she expected Lena to defend her, but she just wished she wouldn’t sit there and watch her be embarrassed. That was the most embarrassing part of it all. 

 

            Winn was as loyal as ever though, and he managed to get into the school’s computer system, sliding the laptop over to her so that she could use it. Shoulders hunched, she balanced the laptop on her lap, scrolling through folders, until she found one with report cards and grades. It didn’t take her too long to find one for Querl Dox. Even she was impressed with his marks as she went through his whole high school education worth of marks and comments from teachers - all exemplary except for in gym class, where he received average grades every year without fail. It wasn’t that he didn’t  _ try _ , and he wasn’t exactly terrible, but he just wasn’t  _ good _ . He wasn’t good in the way that he could build a functioning clock in woodshop, or figure out an equation in mere moments in algebra. And then she blinked in surprise as she saw his grade for his senior year. They were two months into the year and he was failing. He was clearly on track for an Ivy League college, but a fail grade in gym class would be a stain on his application, and Kara knew that in most circumstances, it would mean that he wouldn’t get in.

 

            The only problem was, how could you  _ make _ someone better at gym class? He tried - she’d seen him do that bare minimum with her own eyes - and he was friends with some of the jocks, so it wasn’t that they bullied him in class. Querl just wasn’t very good at sport. Thanking Winn, Kara closed out of everything, not wanting to make Winn suspicious of why she was so interested in their third  _ Dungeons and Dragons  _ player, and she soon went to bed.

 

\---

 

            A few days later, Kara woke up early, before the sun had fully risen, and made her way towards the school pool. Sometimes she had the urge to be in the water, and she preferred coming in the early hours of the morning, when no one else was around, so she could have the whole pool to herself, without the watchful eyes of other students loitering around the pool. Sneaking into the locker room, Kara quickly changed into her navy school swimming costume, wrapping a towel around her waist and carrying a pair of goggles and a swimming cap out into the huge room. She’d been debating joining the swimming team this year, just like she had last year and the year before that, but every year, she chickened out. Swimming was peaceful, and the thought of turning it into something competitive made Kara worry that it would take the fun out of it. There was also the added risk of being made fun of by a certain group of students who also frequented the pool, usually just to sit around in their swimming costumes and gossip as they watched boys swim. It was empty at this time of the morning though, and as Kara stepped into the room, she breathed in the strong smell of chlorine and smiled at the glistening surface of the water, walking over to the edge and dropping her towel. Making sure all of her hair was up inside her swimming cap, and her goggles were tightly fitted to her face, she dived into the pool, neatly cutting through the surface of the turquoise water and falling into a neat freestyle stroke.

 

            It was freezing cold at first, making her skin rippled with goosebumps, but she soon acclimated to it with each stroke. The feeling of the cool water was almost freeing, and it easily parted around her as she swam lap after lap, blocking everything else out except the rhythm of her stroke and the steady breathing. And then a small wave rocked her as someone jumped in right beside her. Head jerking up out of the water, Kara spluttered and wiped at her goggles, taking in the dark hair that floated like gossamer strands of silk in the water, fanning out around the head of the smiling girl floating on her back. Lena had her eyes closed, but she knew that Kara was there, treading water as she scowled at being interrupted, a feeling of panic washing over her as she quickly glanced around for the other girls. Lena was alone. 

 

            One eye slowly opened, and Lena arched an eyebrow at Kara as her smile slowly grew. “Morning, Danvers. Fancy seeing you here so early.”

 

            “Lena,” Kara curtly greeted her, “where’s the rest of the terror trio.”

 

            Letting out a sharp laugh that echoed slightly in the vast room, Lena righted herself, her dark hair slick against her scalp and her eyes looking owlish as she looked at Kara. “Sleeping.”

 

            Nodding, Kara quickly swam the rest of the way to the deep end of the pool, gripping onto the tiled lip of it and pushing her goggled up onto her forehead, wiping her face as she fought to keep her face neutral. Her heart was picking up speed in her chest. The sound of splashing behind her made her let out a small groan, and then Lena was beside her, hoisting herself up onto the edge of the pool and resting her chin on her folded arms, feet pressed against the tiles to steady herself. Slowly turning to look at her, Kara felt wary, wondering why Lena was paying attention to her without the accompanying teasing or lewd comments thrown in by her friends.

 

            “Can I help you?” Kara sighed.

 

            “Sorry, am I annoying you?” Lena snorted, rolling her eyes.

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Oh … well, nevermind then.”

 

            She slipped back into the water like a siren, her green eyes hard as she looked at Kara and her pale skin glistening with drops of water, and Kara couldn’t look away. It would’ve made things a whole lot easier if Lena wasn’t so pretty, because a part of her felt bad for being so blunt. The reasonable side of Kara’s brain was reminding her that it was self preservation though, because no good could come from playing nice with Lena Luthor, even just for a few moments while they were alone in the school swimming pool. Somehow, she knew it would come back to bite her on the ass. Watching as Lena turned and pushed off the wall, Kara took in the pale legs kicking as Lena swam off without another word. She’d almost sounded offended at Kara’s rejection. Sighing, Kara pulled her goggles back down and switched lanes, swimming the rest of her laps in silence next to the girl who tore through the water like a shark, her strokes powerful and almost angry. 

 

            When Kara climbed out of the pool, splashing water all over the white tiled floor, she’d been joined by a dozen students on the swim team and Lena was already gone. She hadn’t gone far though, because when Kara pushed open the door to the locker room, she heard one of the showers going, and sighed as she made her way to the line of stalls, trying not to glance in the direction of the dark head peeking up over the top of one of the white tiled walls separating each cubicle. Picking the one furthest away from Lena, she quickly showered, and was done before Lena had finished washing her hair, sitting down on one of the benches in the locker room as she pulled her school uniform out of her locker, trying to stay invisible as students with gym class for their first period crowded in, getting ready for class. Kara realised that breakfast was almost over, which meant that she was going to be late for her first class if she didn’t hurry. Blonde hair hastily pulled up into a ponytail, with little damp hairs curling at the nape of her neck and forehead, and uniform quickly tugged on, she all but ran to the dining hall, managing to steal a stack of toast and spread a thick layer of butter and strawberry jam on them all before the last crumbs of breakfast were cleaned up. Sitting down at the end of the nearest table, she pulled her socks up properly and straightened her tie, looking up as the sound of hurried footsteps raced into the empty dining room. A slightly ruffled looking Lena, hair still a bit damp and uniform perfectly dishevelled in the way it was usually styled, made her way towards the nearest dinner lady, quietly asking about breakfast and letting out an angry curse a few moments later when she was informed that they had already tossed everything out and couldn’t serve anything else. 

 

            Watching with wide eyes as she nibbled on a slice of toast, Kara couldn’t help but pity Lena, who seemed to realise she was there for the first time. “What’re you looking at?” Lena snapped at her, looking peeved and mildly embarrassed at having been caught losing her temper a little.

 

            “I was just- I was-” Kara stammered, trying to find some of the courage she’d mustered in the pool, “would you like some toast? I have enough to share.”

 

            “Oh, sorry, am I  _ not _ annoying you now?” Lena snarkily asked, her heavy brows drawn together in a dark look as she slowly but surely walked over to Kara and dropped down onto the bench, picking up a piece of toast and giving it a look of disdain. She hesitated slightly, not quite turning to look at Kara, who was still trying to fix her appearance - she couldn’t button one of her shirt cuffs properly - and her voice softened slightly as she lost some of the hardness. “Thank you.”

 

            Shrugging, a piece of toast jammed into her mouth, Kara gave a muffled reply. “No problem.”

 

            “Here,” Lena sighed, setting her piece of toast down and reaching out to fasten the button for her, and Kara instinctively bit down, severing her mouthful of toast from the rest of it, while the rest fell into her lap and left a sticky jam stain on the grey pleated shirt. Cheeks flaming as she ducked her head down, Kara swore under her breath and rubbed at the stain while Lena laughed. “Nice one, Danvers. You’re such a clutz.”

 

            “Yeah, well, at least I’m not a bitch,” Kara muttered, feeling disgruntled at the incessant teasing she was the victim of.

 

            Much to her surprise, Lena didn’t slap her, or lash out in any way she’d been expecting, she just let out a crow of laughter, surprised that Kara had the guts to say it to her face. A bewildered smile on her face, Lena stole another slice of toast and climbed to her feet. 

 

            “I might be a bitch, but we all have roles to play,” Lena told her, “you picked yours, and I picked mine. Now we have to live with our choices.”

 

            She was gone before Kara could say anything else, leaving her to scoff as she stubbornly rejected Lena’s view on the whole matter. Kara hadn’t picked anything - her life as an orphaned loser had been picked for her - but then again, she sure hadn’t done anything to change it. Not until a card with Winn’s name had been sent to her. A part of her just suspected that Lena wanted to justify her mean girl attitude, and there was some truth to her words, because if she wasn’t the head bitch then it would’ve been Veronica, or Gayle, or someone else, but that wasn’t comforting to Kara at all. If Lena  _ wanted _ to be this person, then she was no different than the rest of them, no matter if she’d shown Kara a rare, very,  _ very _ brief moment of something that was almost kindness this morning. 

 

            Picking up the rest of her toast, Kara made her way to the nearest bathroom, wiping at her skirt with a damp paper towel until she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to wear the stain all day, and then she made her way to class, with the revelation that perhaps Lena was onto something. Maybe Querl had to  _ want _ to not be the terrible sportsman. Perhaps if Kara could motivate him into trying to change the way he behaved in gym class, he might actually  _ become _ better. Her mind turning over the beginnings of a plan - an elaborate plan with multiple stages - Kara made her way to gym class, lost in thought. Somehow, despite her tardiness, she arrived at the gymnasium just before Lena did, her bag slung over one shoulder, holding her uniform, and a sheepish look on her face as she gave the teacher an apologetic look. Lena just strolled in as if she owned the place, not even bothering to apologise, and made for Veronica, Gayle, Jack and a few other friends, who were all standing near each other.

 

  
            “Ah ah ah, not so fast, Miss Luthor,” Miss Wilson, the pretty, blonde gym teacher said, smiling slightly at them both, “you too, Miss Danvers. Team up, girls. We’re moving onto ballroom dancing today and seeing as you’re both late, everyone else has already been paired up.”

 

            “Miss, can’t I just go with Jack?” Lena complained, trying to reason with her so that she could be paired with her boyfriend. Kara caught Winn’s eye - he was standing with a blond girl called Lyra - and he gave her a sympathetic look. There were a few other girl duos, with the number of boys in their class easily outnumbered by them, and Kara knew that there was no way they were going to be allowed to switch. 

 

            She was half terrified, partly elated, and partly relieved. At least being paired up with no choice meant that she didn’t have to find her own partner, although now she assumed she would’ve paired with Winn. Either way, she was paired with Lena now, and she silently listened to Lena argue with their teaching, earning herself detention as well as the promise that she would now have Kara as her partner  _ every  _ lesson, much to Kara’s dismay. One lesson was going to be nerve wracking enough to get through, even if a little exciting, but  _ every _ lesson was a death warrant. She let out a small groan as Lena stormed over to her, arms crossed over her chest and a face like thunder.

 

            They were all told to spread out across the gymnasium, and Kara followed after Lena as they made for an out of the way corner, as if she was embarrassed for her friends to see her dancing with Kara. It seemed like she was right, because Kara caught them all giggling together across the room, her cheeks flaming bright red while Lena flipped them off, as proud and arrogant as ever as she didn’t let them get to her. She wouldn’t let anyone mock her, but Kara was a bumbling idiot as she shifted uncomfortably beside her, knowing she’d be easy prey for tormenting later on. She was already debating whether she should skip lunch and dinner as Miss Wilson shouted directions to them, before she called Kara and Lena forward. Cursing herself for spending too long in the pool, Kara dragged her feet as she walked over to her teacher, hearing Lena huff as she dawdled behind her.

 

            “Alright, everyone pay attention,” she called out, touching Kara and Lena on their shoulders as she smiled, “Miss Danvers and Miss Luthor are going to kindly demonstrate the steps for you. Girls, if you’ll get into position, please.”

 

            There were a few moments of awkward shuffling as they both tried to get into a traditional ballroom starting pose. Kara tried to hold Lena’s hand, self-conscious of her sweaty palms, and reached out for Lena’s shoulder, but Lena was trying to place her left hand - the hand that Kara was trying to hold - on Kara’s shoulder, and take Kara’s left hand in her right. “What’re you doing?” Lena hissed, “my right goes in your left.”

 

            “No,  _ my  _ right goes in  _ your _ left,” Kara replied, her voice slightly strained from the feeling of dozens of eyes on her, accompanied by quiet sniggering.

 

_             “I’m  _ the woman.”

 

            “No,  _ I  _ am.”

 

            Lena made a sound of frustration, “you’re taller than me. You have to be the guy.”

 

            Kara scoffed, a pouty look on her face as a crinkle formed between her eyebrows, “well  _ you’re _ bossier than me.”

 

            “Girls, please,” the teacher sighed, “Kara, you can take the male position. You  _ are _ taller. Besides, this will be a good chance for you to lead for once.”

 

            With a smug look on her face, Lena took Kara’s left hand in her right. Neither of them would look each other in the eye as they held each other at arm’s length - Kara, due to fear of being too close to Lena, and Lena in disgust or embarrassment, or so Kara assumed - and Miss Wilson tutted as she pushed them closer together, still leaving a sizeable gap between the two of them.

 

            “Why’re your hands so sweaty,” Lena grumbled.

 

            “Shut up,” Kara muttered, all of her awkward stuttering gone, replaced by the motifying fact that she was being forced to slow dance with Lena for the next few weeks. If she’d known that they were starting it today, she would’ve turned up half an hour earlier to class and made sure that pretty girls with sharp green eyes weren’t distracting her.

 

            They spent the next hour fighting each other as they slowly made their way through the steps of the waltz they were learning. As the male, Kara was the lead, but that didn’t stop Lena from trying to take charge, which led to  _ more _ bickering. Then there was the fact that neither of them would look up from their feet, no matter how many times they were chastised for it. By the end of the hour, Kara was wondering if perhaps she should question her taste in girls, because there  _ had _ to be something wrong with her if she was genuinely crushing on Lena. She was the most insufferable girl she’d ever met. 

 

\---

 

            Saturday rolled around again, after a few days of teasing and another ballroom dancing lesson, and Kara was looking forward to a night of mindless fun with Winn and Querl. It was also time to put into affect her new plan, which had taken on some changes over the course of the week. Halfway through their game, surrounded by cans of coke and packets of nachos and red vines, rolling the colourful dice and coming up with chaotic scenarios, Kara looked at him and asked him if he could help her with her ballroom dancing. The top three years of the school were all taking lessons, which meant that with soccer over for Querl, he needed to get good at ballroom dancing. Luckily for him, Kara was willing to help. Also lucky for her, Querl was less demanding than Lena. And so, she got to work on the second card.


	5. Chapter 5

            The next card came the following Thursday, this time slipped under Kara’s bedroom door, waiting for her when she got back from rowing practice. Arms sore and feet dragging, Kara groaned as she looked down at the unmarked envelope, stooping down to pick it up and letting a Ten of Diamonds slide out. Looking down at the name neatly written on the card, Kara frowned slightly.

 

_             Imra Ardeen. _

 

            She knew Imra - everyone did - and her mind went into overdrive, thinking about what she would need help with. Imra was beautiful, smart, kind and  _ almost _ popular. Kara thought she could’ve easily become a part of Lena’s clique, but she chose the kinder path, well liked by all, whether they were popular or not. Recalling the year she’d first been sent to St. Rao’s, Kara remembered being partnered with Imra in History class, to present a report on Nazi Germany. She’d been kind and friendly, and Kara couldn’t help but like her, enjoying the fact that Imra was as dedicated as her to completing their joint assignment. They hadn’t become friends because of it, but Kara remembered her kindness nonetheless, especially after she’d become lab partners with Lena that year in Chemistry class, as both of them were the smartest. That’s where it had all started for her. Kara’s slow decline into loneliness began the day she sat next to Lena in that class, and from then on, for no particular reason, Kara had been mercilessly teased by Lena’s friends. No one had ever tried to stop them - not the teachers, no other students, and not even Imra, despite her kindness and  _ almost  _ popularity that would surely have given her a leg to stand on against Veronica Sinclair and Gayle Marsh. Kara would never blame her for sitting by and watching it happen though, it was just amusing to think that now she was in the position of power to help Imra, and it was up to her to do it or not. She was too empathetic to not though, and so, the next day, Kara began to watch.

 

            At lunchtime, she dragged Winn out to the football field, sitting on the bleachers while she watched Imra in cheer practice. She wouldn’t deny that half of her attention was on Lena - cheer captain, of course - watching her get hoisted up into the air by the other team members. Imra was further down the pyramid, in terms of social hierarchy - definitely pretty enough and rich enough, but not quite mean enough to be up there with Lena’s crowd - but she was one of the cheerleaders being hoisted up into the air alongside Lena, which made it easier for Kara to pretend that she was focused on the other dark haired girl, instead of the one with porcelain skin and a smirk that made her insides get all twisted. She wasn’t sure what watching Imra at cheer practice would achieve, but it was just nice to be outside, even if the wind managed to snake beneath her school blazer and sweater. Winn didn’t complain or question her though, he just sat beside her, finishing off his chemistry homework with the occasional input from Kara, while Kara ate an apple and watched the cheerleaders with an intense look in her eyes.

 

            By the end of the week, Kara still had nothing to go off of. From her observations, previous knowledge and subtle questioning of Querl on Saturday night, Kara knew that Imra had a black belt in Taekwondo, wanted to go into political communications after graduating, and was dating Mike Matthews, the captain of the football team. If Kara had to say Imra had one downfall, it would’ve been the fact that she was dating Mike. It wasn’t so much that he was downright awful, it was the fact that he did the bare minimum in everything and was applauded for it. He was nice to one nerdy guy, he had passable grades from all the homework he copied, and constantly tried to make himself seem better than he was by twisting things into going his way. Whatever he was, he irked Kara, and she couldn’t figure out why Imra would want to date him. 

 

            “Danvers.”

 

            Shaking herself out of her thoughts, quickly averting her gaze from Imra before she was caught staring, Kara looked up at Lena, who was standing over her, surprisingly not flanked by her usual shadows. A spoonful of her rice pudding hovering halfway to her mouth, Kara let it fall back to the bowl. “Lena.”

 

            “We’ve been summoned,” Lena dryly told her, her lips pressed together in a grim line. “Mr Henshaw wants to see us.”

 

            “Now?”

 

            “Obviously.”

 

            Casting her dessert a regretful look, Kara climbed to her feet, slinging her bag over her shoulder and giving Winn a slight grimace as she followed after Lena, dumping her tray on the teetering stack of others. They didn’t talk as they walked through the dining room, with Lena confidently striding ahead, her chin raised slightly, while Kara scurried along behind her, shoulders hunched as she tried to make herself as small as possible, hoping no one would pay her any attention. Lena turned heads though, of course, and when she peeked up for a moment, she met her sister’s cool stare, which didn’t exactly incite feelings of comfort. Once they exited the hall, the hum of voices disappeared behind them and their footsteps were loud on the flagstones floor as they passed by rows of lockers and closed classroom doors.

 

            Clearing her throat, Kara took a few hurried steps until she fell into stride beside Lena, looking down at the shorter girl. “Do you know what this is about?”

 

            “If I knew, I would’ve told you.”

 

            “Oh. Okay. Um, any ideas?”

 

            Lena tilted her head up slightly to look up at Kara, her green eyes steady as she gave her an unflinching stare. Ducking her head down, her blonde hair creating a curtain between them, Kara nervously fiddled with her glasses, wishing she’d had some of the courage she’d had the other week when they’d been alone in the pool. Feeling her cheeks warm, Kara kept walking with her head down, listening to Lena quietly laugh beside her, before she decided to finally reply.

 

            “Who knows, maybe we’re both being given detention for our shitty dancing.”

 

            “Maybe we’d be better if you just let  _ me _ lead,” Kara grumbled, thinking about her last gym class where they’d ended up having an argument in the middle of the waltz when Kara stepped on Lena’s toes because Lena wasn’t following Kara’s movements. She’d started to dread gym class, purely because she was forced to stare into Lena’s eyes for the whole hour - Miss Wilson insisted that eye contact would help them become less focused on what their feet were doing - and Kara would have to will herself not to blush as she met Lena’s steady gaze, noticing how one eye was a little greener than the other. It was like her worst nightmare, so sure that everyone could see how flustered she got, and she knew Lena could  _ definitely _ feel how clammy her hands got, and could possibly even feel her pulse racing as they were forced to stand close together.

 

            Lena just rolled her eyes, carelessly running a hand through her hair as she walked on ahead, Kara keeping pace with her as they made their way to Mr Henshaw’s office. Knocking on the heavy oak door, they waited until it swung open, and the kindly face of their history teacher greeted them. Ushering them into his cozy yet spacious office, he gestured towards the two chairs set before his desk and sat himself down behind it. Hands steepled before him, he eyed them both with a sense of achievement, before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

            “Sorry for the vagueness of this meeting, I just thought it might be better to explain it to both of you in person,” he said, his voice a low rumble, soothing and steady. Kara happened to know that he was Alex’s favourite teacher, and was also the coach of the fencing team, which Alex had joined a few years back at his recommendation. Another team he ran was the debate team, which meant that both girls had spent a fair amount of hours debating under Mr Henshaw’s tutelage.

 

            “Are we in trouble?” Kara nervously asked, an uneasy look on her face as she gripped the arms of her chair. Lena was slouching in hers, a cool look on her face as she eyed their teacher.

 

            He let out a laugh, flashing a white smile at them as he reached for two pieces of paper, handing one to each girl. “Not at all, Kara. In fact, this might be a good thing. There’s the regional debate coming up soon, and I think that this year, you two should represent the school. If you do well at that, then you’ll go onto the state one, and so on. It would be a good opportunity for you both, and look great on your college applications.”

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly in surprise, Kara read through the email about the regional debate, taking in the list of school names and the information, and then looked up at Mr Henshaw with wide eyes. “You want  _ us _ to go? Why?”

 

            “Us teachers talk,” he said with amusement, “and Miss Wilson said that you’ve been getting into quite the arguments in your dance lessons. You’re both some of my best debaters - even better than some of the seniors - and I think you’d make a great team.”

 

_             “Team?”  _ Lena spluttered,  _ “us? _ No no no. We can’t work together. We argue  _ with _ each other, not  _ together _ .”

 

            Kara was starting to make her own protests, but Hank just held up a hand, giving them both a warm smile, “girls, girls, please. I know we don’t really do teams in practice, but I bet if you worked together, you’d make a great team. Kara, your defences are always great! And Lena, you have such a strong attack, and you never back down.”

 

            “Thanks for the offer, Mr Henshaw, but I’ll pass,” Lena said, climbing to her feet and slinging her backpack over one shoulder, crumpling the flyer in one hand as she pushed her chair back, “I’m already really busy with cheerleading practice and my science fair project,  _ and _ the scholastic decathlon. I don’t have time for more clubs on top of all my other ones.”

 

            He gave her a small smile, a flicker of disappointment in his dark eyes, “well, consider it, just in case. You might change your mind.”

 

            Slowly climbing to her feet, Kara nodded, giving him a small smile in return, “thank you, Mr Henshaw. I’ll see you in class.”

 

            Leaving his office, Kara decided that there wasn’t much point in going back to the dining hall and decided to go straight up to her room. Lena had already seemingly disappeared into thin air and so Kara slowly wandered towards the girl’s dormitory. Slipping out of the old brick building that made up the bulk of the school, she crossed the main courtyard and made for the yellow lights beckoning her towards her room, shivering slightly as she was battered by a strong wind. With the colder weather starting to blow in, creeping down from the mountains and turning everything drab shades of brown, the vents blew out warm air, trying to chase away the iciness emanating from the stone, and it hit her like a wall of heat as she stepped inside, making Kara feel like she’d just been plunged into a hot bath after the freezing cold outside. Her footsteps echoing on the wooden staircase as she quickly ascended a few levels, Kara reached her floor and passed through the common room, quickly bypassing the poker table surrounded by the dark haired girl with jade eyes, the blonde woman with a sharp smile, and the other blonde with a penchant for gambling. A few other girls had been roped into joining them, and Kara didn’t envy them for the amount they were about to be tricked out of as she hurried past, all but invisible. She didn’t see the watchful pair of eyes on her back, smiling slightly in a way that made everyone else think she had a good hand.

 

            Changing into an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, Kara listened to music while she finished off the report for her biology class and got started on the French homework due in the morning. Taking a break after that, she decided to go down to the shared kitchenette on the first floor, in the main common room, and make herself a cup of tea to help her relax alongside the book she was reading. Padding back down the hallway with her mug in hand, a bottle of milk from the mini fridge in her room and a teabag, she quickly passed by dozens of rooms, some doors open to reveal gatherings of girls painting their nails, watching TV on their flat screens or listening to music as they chatter, and some doors closed to show the personalisation of the occupants. Sneaking past the poker table, listening to the jeering and taunting, Kara slipped back down the staircase, pausing slightly in the shadows at the top of the last flight when she saw the distinct figure of Mike Matthews slipping into the cleaning supply closet near the foot of the stairs. A clearly feminine voice reached her ears before the door was pulled shut and Kara rolled her eyes as she carried on down, walking into the main common room and lining up to get some boiling water from the complex coffee machine. It took her a few minutes before she realised she was standing behind Imra.


	6. Chapter 6

            Abandoning her place in line, Kara had snuck back out of the common room and watched and waited, lurking in the shadows at the top of the staircase, sitting on the top step with her mug clutched in her hand, other girls walking up and down them on occasion. It wasn’t too long late before the cupboard door opened a crack and a blonde girl slipped out. Kara knew her immediately: Eve Teschmacher. Frowning, Kara watched as she glanced around, giving the entryway a cursory look, missing Kara huddled in the deep shadow of the stairs, and gave Mike the all clear. Watching as he snuck out of the closet, Kara felt a burning anger well up inside. There was also a lot of frustration towards Eve, who for the most part was a sweet girl, naive and bubbly, and Kara wanted to shake her and tell her to snap out of it. Imra’s relationship with Mike was well known. And then she knew what she had to do to help Imra.

 

            When they’d both disappeared, Kara went back down to the common room, deciding that a cup of tea would help calm her down after witnessing the star of the football team cheating on his girlfriend. There was nothing she could immediately do, so she decided that making tea wouldn’t change anything. Besides, it gave her a few more moments to observe Imra, who was chatting with Alex, much to Kara’s surprise, but only in passing, because she was soon leaving the common room, smiling at Kara when she caught her eye. Returning the smile, somewhat sadder, Kara turned away and stepped forward in line as someone else made off with their hot chocolate. She knew she had to tell her. Imra was nice, almost  _ too  _ nice, and she didn’t deserve to love someone who didn’t care about her. 

 

            The real question was how could she tell her? It didn’t matter if Imra was  _ that  _ nice; telling someone their boyfriend was cheating on them was like waiting to have your head bitten off. As soon as Kara told her, she’d accuse Kara of lying - it was only logical, seeing as they weren’t friends, and Imra wouldn’t want to believe it - and she wouldn’t believe her. Turning the idea over in her mind, Kara stepped up to the counter and poured boiling water into her cup. Thoughtfully stirring her tea, Kara realised she was going to need proof. Solid proof. Something that was undeniable. And with a sinking feeling, Kara knew she’d need help, and she knew who to ask. Alex was sitting in the corner of the room, deep in conversation with two girls. Kara knew them both only as Alex’s friends - Lucy Lane and the other girl that she’d never asked the first name of, and was called Vasquez by everyone - and she approached with caution.

 

            “Hi Kara,” Lucy warmly greeted her, as kind as ever to her, and Kara spared her a friendly smile before looking at her sister.

 

            “Hey, uh, I was wondering if we could talk for a second?” Kara asked, an apprehensive look on her face. 

 

            Whatever it was that Alex read in her sister’s face, she gave her a hard look and sighed as she pushed herself to her feet.  Taking Kara by the arm and dragging her over to a quiet corner, Alex gave her an expectant look, “well, what is it? Make it quick; I’m supposed to be helping Lucy with her biology homework.”

 

            Nodding, Kara cast a wary look around the room, before tugging Alex deeper into the corner, “I need your help with something.”

 

            “What’s wrong?” Alex sighed.

 

            “You know how last year … with Josie,” Kara tentatively started.

 

            Giving her a hard look, Alex grimaced, her lips pressed together in a thin line. “Vividly,” she dryly replied.

 

            Kara knew it had been hard for her sister to go from quite popular to plummet down to moderately unpopular, all for the sake of helping a friend who didn’t think she’d needed help. It had been a big topic of gossip last year when their history teacher had been fired for sneaking around with a student. Alex had been the one to turn him in to the headmistress, and Josie had been so furious, turning on Alex and leaving her friendless. Kara knew that her sister had done the right thing, and she hoped that her strong moral compass might make her more liable to help Kara with the whole cheating problem. It wasn’t in Kara to be harsh, or sneak around spying on people, but she needed proof and she needed to break the news to Imra. It would all be on her in the end, but there had been nothing about enlisting help along the way.

 

            “Well, you see, there’s someone- they’re being cheated on. And they don’t deserve it, Alex, and I can’t just  _ tell _ them, because they’re not going to believe me. I need to get some proof, but I’m not  _ good _ at that stuff. I need you to help me find something to prove it to them.”

 

            Eyebrows raised in mild disbelief, Alex gave Kara an uncertain look. “You want me to catch a cheater?”

 

            “Please.”

 

            “Shit, Kara, what do you want me to do? Catch them kissing in a janitor’s closet?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            Alex let out a surprised laugh, giving her sister and incredulous look, “I’m already two friends away from being as much of a loser as you are. I don’t need to be any _ more _ of a social outcast. I’ve already been through that once, and I’m not being the school snitch.”

 

            A pleading look on her face, Kara reached out and stopped Alex from turning away, her hand clamped down hard on her shoulder. “Alex, please. I don’t know who else to ask for help.”

 

            “What about Schott?”

 

            “He won’t be able to help me with this. I promise I’ll leave you alone afterwards- I just- I’ll pay you. I’ll pay you or- or I can help you with calculus.”

 

            “I don’t  _ need _ your help with calculus,” Alex snapped, scowling at Kara.

 

            “I saw your grades,” Kara squeaked, ducking her head down and pushing her glasses up her nose as she admitted that she’d been through the school records - there was no other way to see them. “I can help you … if you help me.”

 

            Spluttering, Alex gave her a wide eyed look, shocked that her sister had been snooping through school files, even if Kara thought it had been for a good reason, in her opinion. Looking slightly embarrassed, Alex let her gaze wander elsewhere, scanning the room as she ground her teeth together, the muscles in her jaw jumping. Running a hand through her hair, Alex exhaled sharply, a sound of defeat that filled Kara with a spark of hope. Giving her sister a grim look of determination, Alex narrowed her eyes slightly. “Fine,” she stiffly replied, “but  _ do not _ tell mom.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara gave her an exasperated look, “I won’t.”

 

            Eyeing her up, Alex nodded. “Fine. Tell me who we’re spying on.”

 

\---

 

            With Alex’s help, things moved along quickly. Spending time with her sister was new for Kara, and she found it uncomfortably awkward, yet she was eager to get to know Alex better, a small part of her hoping that they’d warm to each other. Losing her parents and being sent away from the rest of her living family had left a hole in Kara’s chest, a void that she desperately wanted to fill, and the thought of a sister had once filled her with the hope that it  _ would _ be filled. Instead, they were at each other’s throats all the time at the million-dollar brownstone that they lived in during the holidays, and avoided each other as much as possible while tucked away at boarding school. Over the past few years, Kara’s hope at them ever getting along - even being just somewhat civil - had dwindled down to nothing. Yet here it was, rekindling in the back of her mind as they met up a few nights later, in Kara’s room.

 

            Alex knocked on the plain wooden door just after dinner, finding Kara in her sweatpants and a sweatshirt from the rowing team, halfway through typing up a report on the Napoleonic era, and brushed past her, standing awkwardly in the middle of Kara’s room. She was dressed in all black and holding a camera, which she waved slightly. “Borrowed this from James.”

 

            “James?”

 

            “James Olsen. Lucy’s boyfriend. He’s into photography so I convinced him to let me borrow one for a fake project,” Alex brusquely explained.

 

            Nodding, Kara shut her laptop and gave her sister an expectant look, “okay, so what now?”

 

            “We take photos.”

 

            “How.”

 

            “With the camera.”

 

            Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kara raised her eyebrows slightly as she gave her sister a stern look. “I  _ know _ we’re using the camera, but  _ how _ are we going to get photos? We don’t even know if he’s going to be here tonight. Or  _ where _ they’re meeting up if it  _ is _ tonight.”

 

            Giving her a slightly smug smile, Alex opened Kara’s armoire and pulled a pair of sneakers out, tossing them at her while Kara spluttered, trying to catch them before they hit the floor. “I’ll be hanging out in the common room here, and you’re going to hang out in the common room in the boy’s wing.”

 

            “The  _ boy’s  _ wing?!” Kara exclaimed, her eyes widening, “I can’t go in  _ there!” _

 

            “Just lurk about outside and peek through the window and see if you can catch him. Or ask your nerd friend to sneak you in.”

 

            Knowing that detention was a real risk here, Kara set her shoulders in grim determination, knowing that she either helped Imra by finding the proof, or she backed out and threw the cards away whenever they arrived. That didn’t sit well with her though, and Kara knew that she couldn’t knowingly let people suffer. “Fine. What happens if they’re there?”

 

            “Message me. I’ll come with the camera.”

 

            With another nod, Kara laced up her shoes, slipping her phone into the pocket of her sweatpants and fetching her room key. Alex followed her out into the hallway, and Kara didn’t look at anyone as she passed open doors and groups of girls loitering about, and she definitely didn’t look at the small table playing a loud game of poker as they came upon the common room for her floor. Down on the bottom floor, she parted ways with Alex without a word, watching her sister disappear into the main common room while she made for the doors. It was a few hours before curfew, and Kara hurried across the courtyard, following brick paths and wrought iron lampposts lighting the way, slipping through adjoining buildings and walkways, skirting around the various blocks of classrooms and the gymnasium, before she crossed another courtyard and snuck up to the boy’s dormitories on the opposite wing of the warren of school buildings. It was a mirror image of her own dormitory, and she made her way around to the back of the building, her hood pulled up over her head to hide her face, just in case she was seen, and pulled up short at the two shadowy figures pressed up against the side of the rough brick building, their voices low but unmistakably male and female.

 

            She wasn’t sure if it was Mike or not, and the thought that it might be made her heart race. Ducking back around the corner without making a sound, Kara messaged Alex, letting her know it could be him, and decided to take the risk that it was. Alex messaged back a moment later telling her she was on her way, but then Kara heard footsteps coming her way and panicked, knowing that she was losing her opportunity. Swearing under her breath, she got the camera up on her phone and made sure the flash was on, and when the figures rounded the corner, she snapped a photo that was momentarily blinding in the dark of the night.

 

            Taking off as fast as she could, she heard shouts behind her, one voice unmistakably British, and then she was tackled to the grass, gasping for air as the wind was knocked out of her. Roughly turned over, her hood was pulled down, and the blindingly bright light of phone torch was shining into her eyes. A second pair of footsteps reached them a second later, and as Kara blinked back black spots, she let out a groan at the sound of the voice.

 

_             “Danvers?” _

 

            “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Jack said, climbing off her, “I tackled you quite hard. Are you alright?”

 

            He helped her to her feet, and Kara could feel her cheeks flaming bright red with embarrassment at having been caught - taking photos of them no less - and she ducked her head down, rubbing at her chin as she avoided looking at them. 

 

            “Nevermind that,” Lena spluttered, stepping around him and grabbing Kara’s phone out of her hand. Letting out a small sound of protest, Kara reached for the phone and had it pulled out of her reach by Lena, who gave her a sharp look. “How long were you  _ spying _ on us? Why were you taking pictures?”

 

            “I wasn’t  _ spying _ on you,” Kara bristled slightly, even though she knew it looked like she had been, “and I didn’t know it was  _ you _ . I was looking for-”

 

            “What, you were spying on someone  _ else _ ?” Jack laughed, fixing the cuff of his rumpled shirt. He seemed as laid back and unruffled as always, and Kara knew he had a reputation as a kind hearted guy, despite all of the reasons for him to be the exact opposite. Kara had never quite understood why Lena kept him around - she wasn’t like him, except for them both being smart - but then again, Kara couldn’t fault him for wanting to date someone like Lena. After all, she was the one with a pathetic crush on Lena.

 

            Stammering as she tried to come up with a good enough lie for why she’d snapped a surprise photo of the head cheerleader and star of the polo team, Kara shifted uncomfortably on the spot. She was still fumbling for something to say when the sound of hurried footsteps reached her ears and Alex was suddenly in between her and Lena, camera held in one hand and a scary look on her face in the small light that Jack’s phone cast over her.

 

            “Hey _back off_ , Luthor.”

 

            Stubbornly jutting her chin forward, Lena gave Alex an unwavering stare, just as hard and even, and the corners of her lips curled up into a slight smile. “No need to kick up a fuss, Danvers, I was just asking a few questions.”

 

            Scoffing, Alex pulled Kara’s phone out of Lena’s hand, and Lena let out a quiet laugh as she willingly let her take it, holding her hands up in protest. “Yeah, well, mind your own business.”

 

            “You should tell your sister that before she snaps anymore photos of people,” Lena coolly replied, turning her piercing stare onto Kara, who drew back slightly, wishing the darkness would swallow her up.

 

            “We’re working on a photography project,” Alex stiffly replied.

 

            “Funny, I didn’t realise Kara was  _ in _ photography. I must’ve missed her in class.”

 

            “I never said it was  _ her _ project.”

 

            Jack cleared his throat and gently pulled Lena away from Alex, giving her a charming smile as he tried to diffuse the situation. “Well, all a bit of a misunderstanding then. We should probably be getting back to our dorms. Wouldn’t want to be caught where we’re not supposed to be.”

 

            Giving him a dismissive look, Alex rolled her eyes, letting out a snort of laughter as she turned away, one hand grabbing Kara’s arm and dragging her away from Lena and Jack. The beam of light from his phone quickly faded behind them, and Kara jerked her arm out of Lena’s grip, giving her an annoyed look.

 

            “I told you to be  _ discrete,”  _ Alex hissed.

 

            “They were coming right towards me!” Kara objected, crossing her arms over her chest as she hurried along after Alex.

 

            “I  _ knew _ you were going to mess this up. God, I don’t know  _ why  _ I agreed to help.”

 

            “Because you’re failing math, that’s why,” Kara quietly snapped, “and if you’re just going to complain all the time, then I’ll do it myself and you can postpone college for another year when you fail.”

 

            Taking offence, Alex let out a sound of surprise at Kara’s crabbiness, turning to look at her sister in disbelief, but Kara just ignored her and kept on walking, making it back to the dorm within minutes and going straight up to her room. Kicking off her sneakers, Kara tossed them into the armoire and switched off the light, turning the lamp on a moment later and climbing into bed. She opened up her laptop and started playing some music, trying to unwind and let the adrenaline fade after such an exciting and nerve wracking night. A few minutes later her phone buzzed and she looked down at the message lighting up the screen.

 

**_[Unknown]:_ ** _ Delete the photo _

 

**_[Kara]:_ ** _ That’s not very polite _

 

**_[Unknown]:_ ** _ Just delete the photo _

 

            Kara knew it was Lena, and the first thought on her mind was how did Lena get her number? The second was that it was a lot easier to be brave hiding behind her phone, which made her smile as she sent her reply.

 

**_[Kara]:_ ** _ Ask nicely and I will _

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ Please delete the photo _

 

            True to her word, Kara deleted the photo, a slight smile on her lips as a warm feeling spread through her at the sight of Lena’s surprised face. Her green eyes were wide, the pupils red, and her skin was stark white from the glare, her lips parted as her mouth fell open in surprise. Taking a screenshot of her camera roll, forgetting about the amount of memes and Dungeons and Dragons prompts she had, Kara sent it to Lena as proof, knowing the other girl wouldn’t trust her otherwise, and let out a quick laugh at the reply.

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ I’m too scared to ask why you have so many D&D screenshots, but thank you _

 

**_[Kara]:_ ** _ I’m too scared to ask why you know about D&D _

 

            Lena didn’t reply to her after that, and Kara couldn’t help but feel amused, wondering if she secretly played. Then she pushed that thought aside, because if Lena played, she’d need a group to play with, and she didn’t play with Kara, Winn and Querl, which meant that she didn’t have a group. Setting her phone down on the nightstand, Kara softly sighed, reaching for the book on there and flipping open to her page. The playing card with Imra’s name was used as a bookmark, and a troubled look crossed Kara’s face at the sight of the black writing scrawled across it. She felt like she should’ve known who it was.

 

\---

 

            It was a few nights later, taking inspiration from Alex’s plan, that Kara found herself lurking in the dark with her phone again, just like she had been every night, hoping to catch Mike with Eve. She was at the boy’s dorm this time, having seen Eve leave not too long before, and Kara had her feet braced against the brick wall as she tried to scale the back of the building and peer through the arched window right near the cleaning supply closet door. 

 

            “Don’t hurt yourself,” a quiet voice murmured behind her and Kara let out a terrified squeak, losing her balance and crumpling to the grass in a bruised heap. “Mom will kill you.”

 

            Scowling as she climbed to her feet and dusted herself off, Kara gave Alex a suspicious look, “what’re you doing here?”

 

            Lips pressed together in a grim line, Alex swallowed her pride and drew herself up slightly, “I need help with calculus. You need help with this.” She brandished the camera she had gotten off James, and Kara’s face lit up slightly, and a rush of gratitude consumed her as she smiled.

 

            “Thank you!”

 

            “Yeah, yeah,” Alex dismissively waved away her gratitude, “just give me a boost up.”

 

            Wrinkling her nose slightly, Kara listened to Alex and helped boost her up and brace her against the wall, wrapping her arms around her sister’s legs as she kept her steady. Her arms were leaden by the time Alex let out a quiet crow of triumph, followed by a series of clicks and flashes, which Kara desperately hoped weren’t visible in the lit room, and then she dropped Alex and they both sped away from the boy’s dormitory, their breathing ragged. Kara felt a stitch forming in her side, but she pushed onwards until the soft yellow light of dozens of windows came into view, and she was soon safely inside the warmth of her own dorm.

 

            “You got them?” she asked Alex.

 

            Giving her a genuine smile for the first time that Kara could recall, Alex nodded, “I got them. Now I just need to develop them. Hang tight.”

 

\---

 

            Two days later, at breakfast, Kara took in the puffy, red eyes that make up couldn’t quite cover up, and a lump formed in her throat at the quiet sadness emanating from the dark haired girl sitting a table over. Alex had given her the printed copies of Mike with Eve and Kara had typed up a letter, explaining what he was doing, before she’d slid it into Imra’s mailbox the night before. It was clear that she’d read it, and clear that she believed the photos, and Kara’s heart ached for the pain she’d caused the sweet hearted girl, but ultimately knew that it was what was best for her. For the first time since receiving the playing cards, Kara questioned whether or not she was actually helping, because this time it had felt like she was causing more pain than good.


	7. Chapter 7

            The next one came that evening, after a day of feeling upset and somewhat guilty whenever she saw Imra’s face, and Kara was almost tempted to throw the envelope into the trash when she saw it on her bedroom floor. Feeling drained after such a long day, Kara wearily picked it up, dropping her satchel to the floor and kicking it into the side of her desk. Pulling out the desk chair, she collapsed onto it and tore open the envelope, letting a King of Diamonds slide out into her waiting hand.

 

**_Page 7_ **

 

            She stared down at the words and frowned, her eyebrows furrowing as she brought the card closer to her face, narrowing her eyes slightly. Flipping it over to show the red patterned back of the plain playing card, Kara tossed it onto her desk, exhaling sharply in frustration. What did that even mean? That was the vaguest card she’d been sent yet, and even  _ The Rogue _ had been easy to figure out. Page seven of what? And when she found page seven, how would she know what she was looking for? Sick of the games, Kara roughly shoved her desk, banging it against the wall in her frustration, getting a dull thud in return as Gayle, her unfortunate neighbour, banged on the wall to get her to be quiet. Pushing her chair back, the legs squeaking against the wooden floor, Kara loosened her tie, turning the new card over in her mind as she shed her uniform and changed into her gym clothes. She had some spare time before dinner and she really needed something to distract her. Grabbing her phone and earphones, she laced up her sneakers and made her way down the corridor, picking a song as she stepped over tanned legs of girls sitting on the floor, her eyes momentarily seeking out a dark head bent over a textbook as a slender hand scribbled down notes. She hurried along before anyone could pay her any unwanted attention, and the cold air that hit her as she stepped outside was almost a relief after the dusty confines of the dormitory.

 

            With music blasting in her ears, Kara walked towards the running track, circling the green of the football field, and falling into a gentle jog, her feet pounding on the synthetic track in time with the music. The cold wind felt nice against her flushed skin as she started going faster and faster, until the only thing on her mind was how her muscles and lungs were burning. The sun set quickly though, and with only a sliver of daylight left, she made her way back to the dormitory, showering and changing into casual clothes before heading down to dinner. Sitting across from Winn, Kara spent most of dinner distracted, casting her eyes around the room as she pondered the question of which of her fellow students was the next person she was going to help. It could be any one of them.

 

\---

 

            The next morning, after a restless night of tossing and turning, Kara decided on another early morning swim, moving through the dark buildings, hearing the distant shouts of track team members already running laps as the sun rose, and into the gymnasium. A few minutes later and she was diving into the cool water, her skin rippling with goosebumps at the unexpected coldness, and she was cutting through the glistening water with ease, the smell of chlorine somewhat comforting. When she felt like she’d outswam her problems for the time being, she stopped at the end of the pool, pushing her goggles up onto her forehead and wiping her face, glancing around at the few other people that had joined her at the early hour. A blurry figure sitting beside the side of the pool waved at her, and Kara squinted, wondering who it was. Paddling over to them, she bit back a groan when dark hair came into focus, followed by a lopsided smirk and sharp green eyes.

 

            “Danvers,” Lena coolly greeted her, already dressed in her school uniform, looking perfectly polished as she dangled a phone in front of Kara. “Mind giving me the code?”

 

            “Is that  _ my phone?”  _ Kara spluttered, making a grab for it and feeling a flicker of anger.

 

            Lena pulled it out of her reach, quietly laughing at Kara’s annoyance, and then tutted as she looked at the specks of water soaking into her school skirt. “Lockers are easy to break into if you know how.”

 

            “Give me back my phone,” Kara quietly asked, holding onto the edge of the pool as she scowled at Lena.

 

            “I want to make sure you’ve deleted the photo.”

 

            “I told you I did.”

 

            “I want to make sure.”

 

            “God, are you really  _ that _ vain that the thought of someone having an unflattering photo of you makes you break into someone’s locker and invade their privacy?” Kara fumed, reaching out for her phone and giving Lena an unimpressed look. Slowly, it was handed over, and Kara typed in her passcode, bringing up her camera roll and showing it to Lena, before she went to her recently deleted and showed her that as well. “There. Happy? How did you even get my number anyway?”

 

            Ignoring her question, Lena tilted her head to the side, giving Kara a slight smile, a small crease forming between her eyebrows as if she was puzzled by something. “You don’t like me much, do you?”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara tossed her phone into Lena’s lap, keeping it out of reach of the water as she hauled herself out of the pool, “funny, I got the feeling it was  _ you _ who hates  _ me.” _

 

            Stooping down, she reached out for her phone, showering Lena with water and getting some satisfaction from the sound of protest coming from the other girl. Her phone in hand, Kara stalked off towards the end of the pool, where she’d left her towel, leaving a trail of wet footprints in her wake and a head cheerleader hurrying after her, much to her irritation.

 

            “I don’t hate you,” Lena said, sounding somewhat surprised at the notion of it.

 

            “You have a funny way of showing it,” Kara muttered.

 

            “What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?”

 

            Rounding on her, Kara pulled the swimming cap off, letting her dry blonde locks tumble around her shoulders, giving her a slightly frazzled look as she loomed over Lena’s smaller figure. She wasn’t in the mood for games, feeling tired and frustrated - not just at the messenger, but at the fact that she was holed up at boarding school, with one friend and a dead family, being harassed by girls she’d done nothing to piss off, and countless other things that had just piled up until she felt like she was going to explode - and she didn’t care how pretty Lena was, with her curls and her wide eyes, she wasn’t putting up with her shit right then. 

 

            “It means that all you ever do is tease me, or make fun of me, and just harass me non-stop. You and your friends think it’s  _ so _ funny to pick on people all the time. It’s not funny. They’re bullies.”

 

            “Well  _ I’m _ not the one doing it,” Lena said, frowning as she looked up at Kara.

 

            “You don’t stop them though, and that’s  _ just _ as bad. I’ve never done anything to any of them and all they do is- they just … they make fun of me and they’re mean, and what do they even get out of it? And you- you just, you don’t tell them to stop. You sit by and watch it happen, looking so  _ smug _ and amused, and it’s  _ not _ funny.”

 

            Lena laughed at that, an incredulous look on her face. “You think they’ll listen if I tell them to just  _ stop?  _ They don’t do it because I  _ let _ them, they do it because they  _ want _ to. It’s not my fault you pissed them off. Maybe you should watch your mouth next time.”

 

            She brushed past Kara, who reached out and grabbed her by the sleeve of her navy blazer, leaving wet marks in the shape of her hand. “I didn’t do anything to piss them off,” Kara quietly said, looked down at the ground instead of into Lena’s expectant eyes. “They’re just not nice people, Lena.”

 

            Letting go, Kara walked over to her towel, stooping down to pick it up and wrapping it around herself, before she walked into the locker room. Wondering how Lena had broken into her locker, Kara pulled out her toiletries and made her way to one of the shower stalls. Quickly showering and getting ready for class, Kara made her way to the dining hall, scooping porridge into a bowl and fetching some bacon and orange juice, she made her way over to a table - Winn wasn’t there yet - taking a newsletter as they were handed down the line on her side of the table, before passing it on. They were sent out monthly, to the parents and teachers, with information of events and due dates for payments and any big news or reminders for the school, and Kara froze slightly, a piece of bacon halfway to her mouth. Dropping her fork onto her plate with a clatter, she quickly flipped the pages of the thin newsletter, stopping at page seven and quickly scanning the page. She read over everything twice, scanning the paragraph about tuition fees, for the parents to review, the forms for the senior history students’ trip to DC that needed to be completed by the end of next month, and a small segment about the reallocation of funding for extracurricular activities. The last paragraph was the one that made Kara pause for a moment. The athletic teams were never in any real danger, and the arts were always funded to appease the parents of creatively gifted kids, and Kara couldn’t help but wonder what she was supposed to do about funding if she didn’t know what needed funding.

 

            Shoving the newsletter into her satchel, she scoffed down the rest of her breakfast and dumped her dishes with the rest of them, giving the dinner lady a quick smile and a half wave before she went off to class. First things first was History, and Kara slipped into the classroom a few minutes before the first bell rang, giving Mr Henshaw a warm smile as she took her assigned seat in the third row. Her smile froze slightly on her face, and she whipped her head around to stare at Lena, two seats over and a row in front. 

 

\---

 

            Lunchtime came around all too quickly for her liking, and Kara grabbed an apple and wrapped a few sandwiches in napkins, stuffing those into her satchel in the off chance that she was feeling less nauseous afterwards. Winn was in the computer lab, so Kara didn’t have to bother with explanations as she made for the football field, walking towards the bleachers furthest away from the rest of the school and hovering at the gap that would let her walk beneath them. It was no secret that this was where a select bunch of students - typically the popular ones - came to break the rules, smoking and skipping class out of sight of the school, and Kara was baffled as to how the teachers didn’t know about it, or if they did, why they didn’t do anything to stop it. Fortune was in her favour that day though, or disfavour depending on how she looked at it, and as she hesitantly made her way towards the sound of laughter and shouts, she felt her stomach tie itself into knots.

 

            She saw Lena first, her mouth open in a laugh and her eyes crinkling at the corners, and then there was Veronica, blowing out a puff of smoke from a lit cigarette that she was handing over to Gayle. A few other girls on the cheer squad, as well as some guys on various sports teams were there as well, and Kara froze as Lena’s laugh died on her lips and she stared at Kara. One by one, they all turned to look at her, and Lena’s lips curled up into a smile as she watched Kara force herself to take a few more steps forward.

 

            “Um, hi,” Kara squeaked, her voice trembling slightly as she looked down at the grass in front of Lena’s polished shoes, probably worth more than Kara’s generous monthly allowance.

 

            “Ah shit, better get out of her before  _ somebody _ snitches,” Gayle snarkily replied, handing off the cigarette to Veronica again, and Kara blushed slightly at the ripple of laughter that swept through the group.

 

            Half of them had gone back to passing around other cigarettes and sharing packets of chips as they lounged on the grass. A few furtive glances were still being thrown in her direction though, and Kara hunched her shoulders as Veronica stepped towards her, lit cigarette between two fingers, the nails painted a vivid red, and she choked back a cough as a stream of white smoke was blown towards her. Then an arm was thrown around her shoulder, a gesture that should’ve seemed friendly, but made Kara stiffen at the touch of the other girl. She felt like a coiled spring, waiting for someone to make the first move. It wouldn’t be her - she didn’t have  _ that _ much courage. The smell of smoke, jasmine and mint surrounded her, and Kara wondered if they were trying to cover up the fact that they’d been smoking, because if they were, they needed stronger perfume. She didn’t comment on it though.

 

            “Danvers. Come to join the party?” Veronica asked, her voice a slow drawl, “what should we do with her, Lee? Any ideas? Gayle?”

 

            “I was wondering if we could talk, Lena,” Kara managed to blurt out, her heart hammering in her chest at the feeling like she’d just walked into the lion’s den. “Privately.”

 

            With a gentle sigh, Lena walked towards her, stopping to nudge Veronica’s hand off Kara’s shoulder, before she carried on walking, leaving Kara to scurry after her like a frightened mouse. Making her way back through the bleachers, the tense knot in her stomach unwinding with each step she took away from the group, which had dissolved into jeering and taunts once more, Kara kept her eyes on Lena’s back, watching her long hair swish back and forth as she took small, prissy steps, her shoulders confidently thrown back as if she knew the whole world lay before her. It wasn’t too much of a reach to imagine that - everything Lena could want was given to her, her every whim and command obeyed. 

 

            She almost bumped into Lena when she pulled up short at the exit of the bleachers, whirling around to face Kara with an expectant look on her face. “Well?”

 

            “I need you to say yes to the debate thing,” Kara rushed out, giving Lena a pleading look as she worried at her bottom lip with her teeth. It was a long shot, but she needed Lena’s help. She’d realised that one of the clubs that would be affected by the redistribution of funds was the debate team - they hadn’t placed in the top three in years, and with nothing to show for their efforts, they weren’t exactly a top priority for the school - and if they didn’t do well at regionals, and make it to states, they wouldn’t have the budget to keep the club going. She hadn’t realised it until she’d walked into history class, but as soon as she saw Mr Henshaw, she recalled him begging them to work as a duo, because together they might have a shot at winning, and knew that was how she could help this time.

 

_             “What?” _ Lena spluttered.

 

            “I can’t really explain it, but Mr Henshaw really needs a team, and he said that we could win. So I need it to be you. Please.”

 

            “Oh, so  _ now _ you’re going to be nice, when you’re desperate for my help,” Lena said, smiling slightly, even though it didn’t reach her stony eyes.

 

            Biting back a snarky retort, Kara pressed her lips together in a hard line, slowly inhaling through her nose, before she sharply exhaled and gave Lena a tight smile. “Please. It’s not for me, it’s for Mr Henshaw.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena rolled her eyes, “I don’t give a shit  _ who _ it’s for. I’m in ten different clubs. I don’t  _ need _ anything else for my college application. I’m practically already in and I don’t graduate for another two years. Find someone else to help you.”

 

            “No one else will be as good as you,” Kara grudgingly admitted.

 

            Arching an eyebrow, Lena gave her a hard look, her jade eyes unwavering as Kara stared back at her, shifting uncomfortably as she waited for a reply. Whether it was the flattery or the pitiful begging, Lena sighed, giving her a dour look. “Fine. But you owe me a favour.”

 

            “Wha- I owe _ you _ a favour?” Kara spluttered, “you broke into my locker this morning. You owe  _ me _ a favour for not telling anyone about it.” Lena muttered something under her breath, and Kara had the feeling that she didn’t want to know what she’d said, and a moment later Lena turned and started stalking off towards her friends again. “I’m taking that as a yes then.”

 

            “You’re a pain in the ass.”

 

            “Yeah, well … so are you!” Kara called back, feeling somewhat childish and too flustered to even come up with a witty remark. She rolled her eyes as Lena flipped her off over her shoulder, and turned around, heading back towards the courtyard where she usually ate her lunch. The weather was getting almost too cold for it though, but the grey day wasn’t too bad today, and she didn’t feel quite as sick from her nerves as she’d thought, and was considering braving the sandwiches she’d brought. She didn’t see the backwards glance over a shoulder, or the confused, yet amused green eyes watching her retreat. 

 

            The rest of the day passed by in a blur, and Kara felt somewhat happier after the terrible day she’d had yesterday, looking forward to debating after her classes finished so that she could tell Mr Henshaw the good news. It hadn’t really dawned on her that it would mean spending more time with Lena, which was a double-edged sword, with pros as well as cons. Her infatuation with her was still strong, despite the bumpy interactions they’d had this year - she almost preferred keeping a wide berth, rather than reaching out to her like she had multiple times already, as opposed to last year where it was Lena’s friends going out of their way to talk to her - and Kara was torn between whether she wanted to steal more moments with her, or try and put a stop to her crush. Despite their constant bickering, she relished the moments that they got to talk, when Lena wasn’t around her friends. She was considerably more forthcoming and talkative when no one else was around. Either way, debating was about to give her the chance to find out just how much she liked Lena, and whether or not they could actually be civil towards one another for more than two seconds. The look of relief on Mr Henshaw’s face was enough to convince Kara that she’d made the right decision, and she knew she couldn’t back out of it now. She was helping someone.

 

            Feeling accomplished, she settled in for a night of homework after dinner, writing up notes in the main common room, a mug of hot chocolate on her table, while Alex sat across from her, puzzling over the numbers before her while Kara gave the occasional helping hand, trying to make it look like she wasn’t tutoring her sister. When she parted ways with Alex later on that evening, both of them somewhat cordial to one another as they said goodnight, she walked upstairs to find an envelope pinned to her door. Another one in less than twenty-four hours. Stepping into her dark room, she flicked on the light and opened the envelope, this time letting two cards fall into her hand. The first was an Ace of Clubs, and the second a Four of Clubs.

 

**_Survive the Clubs_ **

 

**_Auditorium control booth. Tuesday, 7pm_ **


	8. Chapter 8

            The rest of the week seemed to drag as she waited for Tuesday to roll around, and with every day that slowly passed, Kara felt her anxiety growing, unsure of what the card was bringing on the day. She had rowing practice and debate team practice, the latter which meant that she was stuck with Lena, trying to fumble as she counter-argued her point, and then there was gym class, where she was forced to dance with Lena, her hands no longer getting clammy after so many lessons spent with her hand on her hip. They were getting surprisingly good, having moved onto a slow foxtrot now, but were still mercilessly teased by Veronica, which Kara thought was rather childish after so many weeks, and could see that it was grating on Lena’s nerves. Still, they both grimly got on with it, with Kara’s painful flustering and Lena’s snarky attitude making it difficult for them to actually get along in the process.

 

            By the time the weekend rolled around, Kara was glad she had  _ Dungeons and Dragons  _ to look forward to. A night spent coming up with ridiculously crazy scenarios as she made her way through packets of red vines and jolly ranchers, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders at the mindless fun. It was times like this that she was grateful that the cards had come her way, giving her someone to befriend, and a way to have fun, but on Tuesday, she started her day with an apprehensive feeling, unsure of what that night would bring. That feeling made her grumble at the fact that someone had sent them to her. 

 

            Still, after dinner that evening - there was a choice of lasagne or meatloaf - Kara felt her stomach tying itself into knots as she made a show of reading in the mixed common room, sitting in an armchair near the window while Winn sat across from her, playing computer games on his laptop. As the clock ticked closer to the designated time, Kara caught sight of which students were milling around, with no signs of leaving, knowing that just a small fraction of the student body was in the common room. It could be anyone she was going to see. At ten minutes to seven, Kara closed her book, a red playing card marking her page, and she told Winn she was going to head back to her dorm, giving him a warm smile as she climbed to her feet. She felt a little bit bad about lying to him, but that wasn’t the overwhelming thought on her mind right then, and she pushed it out of her conscience, picking her way past the groups playing Monopoly around a coffee table, or reading magazines and watching TV. 

 

            The auditorium was to the right of the main campus building, and Kara shivered in her blazer as she hurried through courtyards and walkways, the lateness of the year making the weather turn cool with the absence of the sun. It wouldn’t be long before autumn fully gave way to winter, killing off the fiery vibrance of the surrounding countryside in favour of a fine dusting of snow and desolate barrenness. The holidays would be upon her soon, and Kara felt a sense of relief at a couple of weeks with no teasing, no cards, and perhaps even a somewhat nice Christmas, if her and Alex were still on good terms. Feeling a little emboldened by the thought of things on the up for her, Kara made her way towards the auditorium with a little more confidence, still sticking to the shadows, but no longer sneaking along like she was a criminal. 

 

            By the time she reached the back entrance of the dark building, slipping through the adjacent drama building and walking down the locker-lined hallway, she opened the side door, stepping into the theatre and creeping along the back. The auditorium was lit by a large spotlight, a white circle in the middle of the stage, and Kara looked out over the rows of velvet covered seats, a confused look on her face as she stared at the bright light, with no one else around. Slowly climbing the steps up to the dark room at the very back, she twisted the doorknob and found it open, letting herself inside with no problems. She could barely see a thing, even with the spotlight allowing some small amount of light to come in through the windows, and Kara looked around at the control panels and computers. She didn’t dare touch anything - knowing her, she’d break something - and in the limited light, she couldn’t make out much more than shadows. Feeling her frustration growing at the vagueness of her instructions, Kara was tempted to turn the torch on on her phone, with no sight of the person who had turned the spotlight on in the vicinity. And then, as she crept towards the control panels, her phone screen offering a small glow, a loud voice split the silence and Kara bumped into the chair set before the panels, catching herself on the back of it before she knocked it over, along with half of the control booth equipment. Peering out through the window, she looked across the expanse of the theatre and stared at the figure standing in the middle of the spotlight.

 

            She knew the girl on sight, with her blonde hair bordering on white, and her penchant for leather jackets and black when she wasn’t in uniform. Kara also knew her as a bit of a bully, with a bad attitude and a habit of ending up in detention at least once a week - usually for dress code violations - and she was struck by the girl’s theatricality as she spoke to the empty room. Kara listened in silence, surprised by Leslie Willis’ monologue as she prowled back and forth the stage, her voice drifting out across the emptiness. Leslie was a year older than her, and as far as Kara could tell, the complete opposite of a drama student. But she listened, and realised that it wasn’t a monologue for a play, or acting as per se, but she was ranting as if in front of an audience. Then Kara realised that is anyone knew about this, Leslie would be furious. This was the kind of thing that would embarrass her, and Kara knew that she was quick to anger and even quicker to hurl mean words at someone who pissed her off. Realising that it would be bad if she got caught, Kara stood silently in the darkness, watching as Leslie went off an a tirade, and finding herself impressed by the girl’s passion and natural gift for speaking. She would’ve been good on the debate team, but Kara knew that wasn’t what she would be interested in. Leslie wanted the spotlight. Clearly.

 

            She waited until Leslie disappeared from the stage, and with a start, Kara realised she would be making her way back up to the control booth to turn off the spotlight - that was why the door was unlocked - and muttering a curse under her breath, Kara dashed towards the door, her footsteps echoing on the steps as she made for the door she’d slipped in through. She wasn’t quite quick enough though, because an angry shout rang out behind her as she burst through the door and into the dark hallway. Her shoes squeaking on the wooden floor, Kara hurried back through the drama building and out into the fresh air, not pausing to see if Leslie was following her - she had to turn the spotlight off anyway so it was highly unlikely - and carried on across the courtyard, returning the dormitory and changing into her pyjamas. 

 

            Later on in the night, under the covers as she listened to the window panes rattle, Kara turned over what she’d seen and heard in her mind, wondering how she would solve this one. There was no easy fix for it in her opinion. Leslie wouldn’t be cast as the lead in the spring musical, and she wouldn’t join the debate team, or any other clubs that Kara thought of as theatrical. She was too aggressive and confronting for teamwork. She was still thinking about it when she fell asleep, and her dreams were plagued with red cards, a whole deck of them covered in names, and Kara felt small as she was assaulted by them all, a thousand questioning voices and small pleas for help. Waking up to the early morning light streaming in through the window where she’d forgotten to close the heavy navy curtain, and Kara groaned as she shoved her head back under her pillow. Her body ached and she was filled with a bone deep tiredness that sleep hadn’t been able to fix, and the heavy weight of the knowledge that she had to figure out a way to help Leslie.

 

\---

 

            A week passed went by with no signs of help, and then another, and Kara went through the motions of school with a lot on her mind. December arrived with blustery winds and the need for thick woolen tights, hats, gloves and scarves, and the impending arrival of Christmas was enough to make up for the miserable weather. When she awoke that morning, rain lashed the window and the sky was a steely grey when Kara tore open her curtains, speaking of a gloomy day. She had track practice after school too, to add to the miserable day, and as she stood in the courtyard with Winn, their breath visible before them as they shivered, Kara wasn’t looking forward to it. They were hovering around in a corner that hid them from the searching wind, and Kara was looking at Lena, who looked like a true ice princess with her pallid skin and dark clothes. She never wore scarves or gloves, or even tights, and Kara could see her knees tremble slightly as Jack hugged her from behind. It made Kara’s heart ache to see Lena in the arms of someone else, a longing feeling taking hold within her, and she would be lying if she said that part of it wasn’t jealousy too. 

 

            Pouting slightly, she turned around and reached out to steal a pretzel off Winn, feeling somewhat disheartened at the sight of Lena being so coupley with Jack. He was nice too, which just made Kara feel like her irritation was unwarranted, but then again, it was nothing personal, and she couldn’t just  _ stop _ being jealous. With a sigh, she bit into her pretzel and asked Winn about their English paper, wondering what topic he’d chosen for their essay, and pushed all thoughts about green eyes and snarky words out of her mind. It was the start of lunchtime, and they still had the better part of an hour left before their next class, and the sound of someone droning over the intercom mingled with the sounds of voices and laughter, and Kara found herself unable to even concentrate on what the receptionist at the office was saying. Her daily reports on news and other information were as boring as ever, and Kara felt a jolt run through her, an almost physical reaction as she was struck by surprise.

 

            Her mind quickly ran with the idea, and she could feel her whole plan forming in her head, everything falling into place with perfect clarity. Leslie didn’t need to be seen - she needed to be  _ heard _ . Feeling a buzz of excitement as she figured out how to help her, Kara had to bite back a triumphant shout at her revelation. 

 

            “So are you going?”

 

            “Hm?” Kara murmured, giving Winn a questioning look as she turned her attention back to him as his question intruded into her thoughts.

 

            He pointed up at the speaker above their heads, where the monotone voice had been informing them on the latest school news. “Into the village next weekend. Last time before school’s out for Christmas.”

 

            Kara wrinkled her nose slightly, but nodded, knowing that she’d take any chance to get out of the confines of the school walls. It wasn’t so much like being in a prison, and there were plenty of ways to sneak out if you were confident enough to break the rules - she wasn’t - but Kara liked the freedom of walking down the cobblestoned streets of the local village, buying snacks to stock up on in her room and buying things that she wouldn’t order for herself online or let Eliza send her. It would be decorated for Christmas too, with its pine trees dusted with snow and lights trimming the houses. She might even be able to pick out a gift that Alex would like this year, instead of the generic present they let Eliza pick out for them to give to each other. It would make for a nicer time over the holidays, especially if she’d have someone to talk to at the work Christmas party Eliza would inevitably drag them to, just like she did every year.

 

            “Sure,” Kara smiled at him, perking up slightly as she thought about how nice it would be to go with a friend this time. And hopefully with the weight of another solved card off her shoulders. It would be a nice reprieve for her before she went home to Midvale. First things first, she needed to find a laptop and a way to convince Principal Grant into falling for her plan.


	9. Chapter 9

            Over the next couple of days she wrote a long letter from Leslie’s perspective, talking about her passion for radio and all of the good qualities that would make her perfect to take over for the morning announcements. Kara hoped that giving her this small bit of experience might help Leslie see that she could do what she loved - she had no clue if she had planned on going to college, or if she was, if she was going for media or some other form of journalism - but she hoped it would motivate her to see that she could do it. Worrying over the small details of the request to take over for the bored receptionist at the front office, Kara finally finished it with Leslie’s name and slipped it into an envelope. Thursday evening, when she checked her pigeonhole in the mailroom, Kara stopped by the office on her way back to her dorm and slipped the envelope onto the stack of mail for Principal Grant and let time do the rest.

 

            It didn’t exactly go to plan though, because she hadn’t been as inconspicuous as she thought. In between fifth and sixth period the next day, Kara was minding her own business, thinking about her weekend and the Chemistry test she still had to study for as she pulled her biology textbook out of her locker for next period, when a hand banged down on the locker beside hers, startling her slightly. Then a piece of paper was thrust into her line of sight, and Kara shrank inwards as she hunched her shoulders, preparing herself for the onslaught of angry shouting, and perhaps even a slap or two.

 

            “Do you think you’re being funny?” Leslie hissed, keeping her voice down, much to Kara’s surprise, as she warily glanced up and down the hallway.

 

            “I don’t-“

 

            “Bullshit, Danvers,” Leslie snapped, and Kara peeked up at her with a nervous look on her face, her stomach dropping at the simmering anger in the other girl’s eyes. “I know it was you lurking around in the auditorium last week. I assumed a dormouse like you would be too wimpy to tell anyone about it so I let it go, but what is  _ this _ shit?”

 

            Blushing slightly, Kara clutched her textbook to her chest, her heart beating a mile a minute as she tried to keep calm. It wasn’t like she’d been doing anything  _ wrong _ , as per se, but she hadn’t exactly planned on being caught, and to be confronted with the fact that she had, after going through the effort to write a long and heartfelt letter to try and help Leslie, wasn’t exactly comforting. Knowing she had to be careful about what she said next, Kara shifted uncomfortably, wishing she had friends around who would come to her defence. She only had Winn though, and he had gym class next. Deciding that playing it casual was her best bet, Kara shrugged slightly, nervously clearing her throat so she could try and pretend that she wasn’t scared, and gave Leslie a hesitant smile.

 

            “Oh, well I was just, um, trying to find out about volunteering for the spring production - you know, for my college application - which is why I was at the auditorium. I didn’t know you’d be there. And then the other day I was listening to the announcements and thought that they were really boring, and I thought about what you’d been talking about on stage and thought that you’d, you know, liven it up a little.”

 

            She knew she didn’t sound as casual as she would’ve liked - she was so nervous that she could feel her hands shaking and had to clench them into fists, and she could barely even look up at Leslie. “What, so you’re trying to  _ help _ me?” the other girl scoffed, an incredulous look on her face when Kara peeked at her.

 

            Shrugging slightly, Kara nodded, fiddling with her glasses as she looked down at her shiny shoes and the worn wooden floor. “I mean, kind of. I just- I just-“

 

            “You what?” Leslie snapped.

 

_             You’re not a dormouse, _ Kara told herself, stubbornly looking up and giving Leslie a hard stare. “I’m tired of listening to boring announcements every morning and breaktime. You like talking about important issues and you're good at it. So yes, I wrote a letter pretending to be you, so that you could talk about what you like, and I wouldn’t have to force myself to pay attention to the receptionist.”

 

            Surprised by her honestly, Leslie raised her eyebrows slightly and dropped the hand still menacingly pressed against the locker. Looking down at the crumpled letter, she frowned slightly as she read over it. “You … you really think I’m good?”

 

            The doubt in Leslie’s tone caught her off guard, and Kara’s eyes widened slightly as she opened and closed her mouth. “Y-yes. Yes, I thought you were very good. You have a lot of … passion. That’s important. You could … be a talk show host. If you wanted to be.”

 

            “Why are you trying to help me?” Leslie suspiciously asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she narrowed her eyes slightly.

 

            Softly sighing, Kara helplessly shrugged, “I have no idea.”

 

            With a wary look, Leslie slowly nodded, unfolding her arms as she stared at Kara. And then she banged her hand on the locker again, making Kara jump at the loud, sudden sound of the metal clanging, and Leslie leant in close - too close for comfort - and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. “If I catch you prying into  _ my  _ business again, I’ll beat the shit out of you. Got it?”

 

            “Yeah,” Kara squeaked, staring at the shoulder of Leslie’s navy blazer as she tried to swallow her fear.

 

            “I owe you one, Danvers,” Leslie said as she straightened up, dusting off Kara’s shoulders and straightening her tie, trying to make the younger girl look less like she was about to pass out from fear.

 

            “Oh, no, you don’t-“

 

_             “I owe you one,” _ Leslie firmly told her, a hard look in her eyes as Kara met her gaze. She wasn’t after charity work, which meant that even though she hadn’t asked for Kara’s help, she’d pay her back. Knowing that she had no plans to cash in on that favour, Kara quickly nodded and, satisfied, Leslie stalked off, roughly bumping shoulders as she pushed through a crowd of first years.

 

            Letting out a shaky breath, Kara slowly opened her bag and slipped her textbook into her satchel, her fingers clumsily buckling it closed again. The sound of the final bell rang distantly in her ears, and she shook her head, pulling herself together as she hurried off towards her class. She knew that she’d been lucky that Leslie had been in a mercifully grateful mood, because judging by the furtive glances sent her way everyone had expected her to have her face pummelled in. Kara was just as surprised as anyone that it hadn’t. Feeling a little braver at the fact that she’d stood up to one of the mild bullies at St. Rao’s - albeit one who had never bothered her before - Kara raised her chin slightly and pushed her shoulders back, feeling less frightened as she walked down the draughty hallway. 

 

            Another card down, and an unknown amount left. Kara was just silently praying that she wouldn’t have to go through the whole deck of cards before this stopped. There was the overwhelming feeling that somewhere along the way she was going to get caught by the wrong person, or do something to piss off the wrong person. Adrenaline rushing through her veins, Kara was buzzing by the time she reached class, wide eyed and still reeling with shock at the fact that she’d been confronted by someone who didn’t exactly have a reputation as one of the nicest students in the school, and she gratefully sank down onto her seat, keeping her head down as she pulled out her books amidst everyone else taking their seats. When she cast a quick peek around the room, she found Lena staring right at her, looking mildly amused, and Kara firmly held her stare, until their teacher walked in and Kara finally looked away.

 

\---

 

            “Well if my opponent had bothered to read properly she would find that it _is_ in fact a savoury dish that originated as a flat bread, from the Byzantine Greek word _pitta._ _Obviously_ it was meant as a savoury dish which means that pineapple, a sweet food, shouldn’t be put on pizza,” Lena said, sounding somewhat smug.

 

            Scoffing, Kara rolled her eyes from where she sat behind her own desk,  _ “please _ , fruit is a savoury dish which means that it’s fine to put it on top of pizza. Most pizza toppings  _ are _ savoury, but that’s completely irrelevant anyway because dessert pizzas exist, so even if you say that pineapple  _ is _ a sweet food, then it can still be a pizza topping. If you can have chocolate on pizza, then why not pineapple?”

 

            “Okay now you’re just making that up,” Lena dismissively replied, “dessert pizza is ridiculous.”

 

            “I didn’t make it up!” Kara spluttered, her defences rising with her indignation, “it’s a real thing. Maybe if you weren’t so interested in a dead language then you’d know that.”

 

            Scowling, Lena clenched her teeth, the muscles in her jaw working as she gave Kara a look of irritation, “well sorry that I spend more time studying than eating my way to diabetes. A small price to pay for not being a complete and utter f-”

 

            “Ladies, ladies, please,” Mr Henshaw sighed, pushing his chair back and climbing to his feet. He gave them both an exasperated look as he rounded the desk he was sitting behind and sat on it, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at them both, giving them a stern look. “You’re supposed to be honing your debate skills in here. This isn’t a place to attack each other. If you can’t work together, then you can’t win together, so you should reconsider what’s more important to you; winning or arguing. How about we call it a day, hm?”

 

            Kara climbed to her feet, shoving her notes into her bag and slinging it over one shoulder. It was Saturday, and they’d been at it since eight o’clock, trying not to lose their temper with each other, which was more challenging than one would think about trivial debating topics, and as lunchtime neared, Kara felt herself growing crabbier with each stomach growl. Lena was never one to be overly kind anyway, and she argued with her on every point, which frustrated Kara to no end. Fussing with the cuff of her sweater, Kara made for the door of the classroom, quietly saying goodbye to Mr Henshaw before she slipped out into the empty hallway, determined footsteps following after her.

 

            “Hey!”

 

            Softly swearing under her breath, Kara closed her eyes and grit her teeth, before she turned around and looked at Lena, who was walking towards her with a frown gracing her delicate features. “What do you want?” Kara wearily asked, thinking about the food they’d have in the cafeteria.

 

            “Since when did you grow a backbone?” Lena asked, her frown morphing into a look of surprise at Kara’s disgruntled tone.

 

            Giving her an exasperated look, Kara turned back around and carried on walking down the hallway, hearing footsteps thump on the wooden floor as they followed after her. With a sigh, she pulled up short and turned around, watching as Lena almost bumped into her, and looked down on her slightly, taking in the arched eyebrow and amused smile curling Lena’s lips. “I’m just- I’m done with your games. I’ve never done anything wrong to you, and you just- you’re rude. You’re rude and bitchy, and I don’t know what I did to make you not like me, but I’m tired of letting it slide, because I don’t think I  _ have _ done anything wrong. So if I have, can you just grow up and tell me? Please.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Lena’s eyebrows shot up, and she let out a surprised laugh. “You haven’t done anything. I told you, I don’t hate you.”

 

            “Then why-”

 

            “Why do I  _ have _ to like you?” Lena interrupted her, an expectant look on her face, “why is it important to you to be liked by everyone?”

 

            Spluttering, Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to justify her answer without revealing her crush on Lena. It was a fair point that Kara  _ did _ have the need to be liked by everyone, and she was sure that a part of that came from the need to want people to notice her and be kind to her - she’d lost her family, been abandoned by the rest, and adopted and sent to boarding school, essentially leaving her alone - but with Lena it was more than that. She wanted Lena to  _ like _ her. Beyond just a friendly way, but at least if Lena was friendly then Kara could fool herself into thinking she might had the slightest chance. With the incessant teasing and mocking though, it made her feel stupid for having a crush on the other girl. It just didn’t make any sense, and Kara was looking for a reason to validate her feelings. If Lena was actually nice then Kara would feel like she had a good reason for her infatuation, rather than the shallow excuse that Lena was beautiful and Kara liked how smart she was.

 

            “It’s not important,” Kara lied after a few moments of struggling. "I don't need to be liked by everyone."

 

            Scoffing, Lena rolled her eyes, “sure, Kara. Whatever you say.”

 

            “Just because I don’t think you should be mean to people doesn’t mean that I need you to like me,” Kara said, bristling slightly at the insinuation that she couldn’t handle someone not liking her for no apparent reason. It was true, but her pride was rankled by the accusation. She turned around and kept walking.

 

            “Maybe you should care less about what I think,” Lena said, falling into step beside her, “and more about what the people who actually  _ don’t _ like you think, and maybe then you can figure out a way to stop them from bullying you.”

 

            “You mean your friends?” Kara huffed.

 

            “Yes.”

 

            Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Kara shook her head slightly and walked faster, ignoring Lena, who laughed as she trailed after her. They didn’t part ways until they walked into the dining hall, and Kara immediately sought out Winn, dumping her bag down and darting off to join the queue. She had a bowl of soup and some thick bread on her tray, a cup of hot chocolate beside it, and was debating between the chocolate or vanilla pudding when a voice behind her made her let out a quiet groan of frustration. 

 

            “Personally I’d go vanilla because chocolate pudding is awful, but then again, what do I know? I’m too busy learning dead languages,” Lena’s snarky voice quietly said.

 

            Silently, Kara reached for a vanilla one, listening to the quiet, smug laugh, and then she reached for another one and another one. Stacking all of the vanilla puddings on her tray, she turned and gave Lena a sweet smile before walking off. She heard Lena’s quiet protests following after her at the realisation that there were none left and smiled to herself as she sat down in her seat, falling into conversation with Winn, who eyed her tray of puddings with puzzlement. Eating her soup with satisfaction, Kara enjoyed lunchtime, right up until a finger scooped some pudding right out of the little cup she was eating it out of, followed by Lena sitting down on the table, her expensive shoes propped up on the bench as she stared down at Kara with a smirk on her face as she licked the pudding off her finger. Her usual shadows weren’t far behind, as well as a few other girls. Kara wondered why some of them were friends with Lena, but she knew that without the charity of Lena’s approval they would be no one, and with too many people around for Lena to put up with Kara's growing snarkiness, Kara knew this was a dormouse moment. With a small sigh, Kara picked up an untouched pudding and handed it up to Lena, who tossed it off to a girl called Jess, then held out a hand for another. Relinquishing up five of her pudding’s, Kara gave Lena a pointed look, and Lena gave her an amused smile, before getting off the table and giving Kara’s shoulder a quick pat. They left without much fuss after that, and Kara grimaced as she watched Lena walk off, shoulders back and long hair swishing.

 

            “So, what was that about?” Winn asked as soon as the group of girls were out of earshot.

 

            “Don’t even ask,” Kara muttered.


	10. Chapter 10

            The last week before the Christmas holidays went by quickly, with most of Kara’s days spent with her extracurricular activities and classes. The lake was too cold for them to risk swimming in it in the freezing weather, so rowing practice was spent finishing off her last few essays in the common room, and towards the end of the week, classes virtually became free time. The watched  _ Schindler’s List _ in history and learnt how to play chess in maths, and even gym class wasn’t too unbearable as they finished up their ballroom lessons. It was almost a relief to finish being paired with Lena every single lesson, until Lena loudly vocalised the same thought and had them both thrown under the bus with the promise that when they came back after the holidays and started their fencing lessons, they’d be paired up together again. Kara was both thrilled and annoyed with Lena and Miss Wilson for prolonging the torturous hours spent in close proximity with Lena, but at least with fencing she wouldn’t have to hold her hand and pretend that she didn’t like touching her waist. Even tutoring Alex on the sly was getting better, and they were somewhat able to get through the hour they spent every Wednesday without arguing over whether Kara was teaching her properly, and she wished that her Thursday debate practice with Lena went just as smoothly, but knew that the two of them debating was inevitably going to turn into an argument.

 

            When the weekend finally rolled around, with only two days of class left the following week, Kara was filled with excitement at the thought of heading into the little village nearby. On Saturday she went with Winn, accompanying him to the small comic store where they flipped through thin volumes of superheroes and checked out the figurines, before moving on to the music store and then onto the diner, which was known for selling the best donuts in the village. With hot chocolate and a glazed donut each, they looked out at the icy road, watching other students hurry about, making the most of their freedom, and Kara smiled at the light flurry of snow swirling around in the wind. That night, they ate dinner and met up with Querl, who showed up with an abundance of snacks and enthusiasm for the approaching visit home, and Kara enjoyed  _ Dungeons and Dragons  _ more than usual, staying up as late as they could without breaking curfew as they laughed and rolled the dice, making their way through increasingly more ridiculous scenarios. 

 

            It was all well and good until she made it back to her room, finding a playing card stuck to her plain door with a piece of tape, and Kara quickly yanked it off, jimmying her key in the lock as she turned the card over and shouldered her way into her room. Flicking the light on, she felt as if she’d been plunged into freezing cold water as a feeling of dread filled her at the name on the card. In bold black letters scrawled across a Six of Clubs was a nickname she’d come to hate, along with a bitter resentment towards the bearer of the name, and Kara would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit scared.

 

**_Roulette._ **

 

            Everyone at the school knew who to go to if you were after a bet, or willing to gamble, and Kara kicked the door shut behind her as she stared down at the card in her hand. There were few people who could best Veronica Sinclair at any sort of card game, or come up with a bet that she wouldn’t carry out, and it was half luck and half skill that made her such a force to be reckoned with, that the only people willing to play card or gambling games with her were her friends.  _ Survive the clubs indeed _ , Kara darkly thought, wondering why on earth she had to have been sent a card that she knew, without a doubt, belonged to the one girl who had taken it upon herself to endlessly torment her. How could she help someone like that? Veronica didn’t need to be tutored - she was fine being an average student with a massive fortune to inherit and fund her lavish lifestyle and gambling habits - and she didn’t need funding for clubs, or help making friends. She had everything she could possibly ever want or need, except a dose of kindness, and Kara didn’t think she’d be able to impart any of that onto the mean girl. Cursing her bad luck, Kara went to bed frustrated that night, her mind pestered by thoughts of trying to help the one girl she would’ve liked to never come within a hundred feet of if she could help it, and her sleep that night was restless.

 

\---

 

            The next morning, she was up and dressed early, ready to head into the village again on her last opportunity before going home to National City. She was going alone today, with Winn having some video game tournament on that he was staying behind for, and as soon as they were free to head into the village, Kara finished her porridge, slipped her puffy coat on and left the school. The gravelled rocky driveway leading from the front doors to the wrought iron gates was slick with ice, and her breath misted before her as she followed the smattering of students down the path. Passing through the towering gates, she felt elated at the freedom, looking forward to another day outside of the walls of the school. The first place she visited was a little bookshop tucked in beside a shoe store and a pharmacy, browsing through the rows of books - some new and some old - until the bell jingled and Kara saw the familiar swish of dark hair as Lena walked inside, alone, and Kara quickly exited before her friends could join and undoubtedly cause trouble. 

 

            Making her way down the snowy street, Kara made for her favourite diner, squeezing onto the cracked vinyl seat of a booth by the window and ordering a hot chocolate and a slice of coffee cake. In the stuffy warmth of the diner, she shed her layers and wrapped her frozen hands around the hot mug, shivering slightly as her body tried to accustom herself to the heat. At one point Alex came in, and Kara gave her a small wave, smiling at the slight smile Alex gave her before taking a seat with Lucy and Vasquez, and Kara happily ate her cake, feeling slightly better. It was a good day, as far as weekends at boarding school went, but she couldn’t help but feel irritated still. A part of her knew it was just the growing sadness at the approaching holidays without her parents, an annual occurrence since their death, and her frustration with the girls at school. 

 

            Lena was as confusing as ever, and the jibes and snide remarks off her group of followers was nothing short of infuriating, especially when Kara was too timid to stand up to them. Standing up to Lena was different because she wasn’t so much as mean, just passive in her friend’s bullying, and Kara found it easier to stand up to someone she knew was occasionally half-decent towards her, as opposed to Veronica, who would sooner knock her on her ass. Despite the relatively easy going week, they’d been as trying as ever, and with Kara’s patience wearing thin as the pressure of school and her returning grief about her parents drained her, leaving her feeling exhausted and grouchier than usual. She just wished it could be Saturday night every night, with the mindless fun and laughter with the one friend she did have, and the odd senior who she clumsily danced with, because with them she’d been able to forget about her life for a few hours.

 

            Being out of the school was a relief in so many ways, one of them being the chance to avoid the girls in the twisting streets of the village, and once she’d finished eating her coffee cake and finished the last of her hot chocolate, she donned her coat and wound the scarf around her neck, heading out into the cold to wander the streets some more. Kicking up snow as her cheeks turned rosy from the biting wind, Kara window shopped, not really looking to spend any of her allowance when she knew that National City had much better shops to offer her, enjoying the bracing fresh air as she tried to let it chase away her heavy thoughts.

 

            She waited until the last possible moment before heading back towards the school, lingering to get as much time outside of the school as possible, but eventually she had to make her way back. It wasn’t until she could see the gates in the distance that she recognised the voices behind her, casting a quick glance over her shoulder to double-check that she was right, and Kara had to bite back a groan as she took in the group of girls strolling along behind her. Hunching her shoulders and ducking her head down, she felt a growing feeling of unease knotting her stomach, hoping that they wouldn’t focus their attention on her. But then the taunts started as they closed the distance, walking a few metres behind her and making loud comments that were pointedly directed towards her. Pressing her lips together in a hard line, Kara felt a flicker of anger, but stamped it down as she kept her head down, taking each word on the chin as she told herself not to let it get to her. Eliza always told her that they were just insecure, and it said more about them than it did about Kara, but she secretly thought that there was always a little bit of truth to their words. Trying to block out the words, she passed through the open gates and listened to a particularly stinging insult, and felt something inside her snap.

 

            “If you have something to say, Veronica,” Kara sighed, turning around and giving the girl a withering look, “say it to my face.”

 

            The look of surprise on the other girl’s face made Kara feel a little braver, which wasn’t exactly a good thing, considering the fact that she was already struggling to keep her temper under wraps. Raising her eyebrows expectantly, Kara waited for a response, finally growing a backbone and steeling herself for whatever the other girl threw at her. It was time somebody stood up to her, and Kara took it upon herself to be that person, knowing that none of the other people that these girls bullied would be willing to put her in her place. Apparently it worked because Veronica didn’t say anything, and Kara turned around, facing back towards the school, making it two steps, before she was roughly shoved, stumbling forward a few steps as she kicked up the gravel.

 

            Feeling a surge of anger, she didn’t even pause to think before she whirled around and punched Veronica square across the face, biting back a curse at the white hot pain that ran through her hand. She knew it was a mistake the moment she did it, and the look of horror on her face at the realisation was mirrored by everyone else who was watching - not just the rest of the girls with Veronica, but a few other students heading back towards the school who had stopped at the first punch. Opening her mouth to apologise, Kara didn’t even have time to get a word out before a fist connected with the left side of her face, making black spots appear in her vision as she staggered off to the right. The punch had shattered the lense of her glasses and snapped the flimsy frame clean in two near the nose, and they clattered uselessly to the gravelled ground as Kara reached up to touch her face with a shaky hand. The realisation that she’d just been hit was startling - she’d never been hit by anyone, or even attempted to fight before - and Kara was reeling from it as she straightened up, look at Veronica in shock. A rush of rage bubbled up at the smug look on the other girl’s face, and Kara grit her teeth as she launched herself at her, tackling them both to the ground. She got in a few good punches, earning a few in return, before she was yanked backwards by her hair, blearily looking up at the blonde girl standing over her, before was hit across the face, her lip splitting from the ring Lyra, another follower, was wearing. Tilting sidewards as she was caught off balance, Kara grazed her palms on the rough stoned ground, before a swift kick to the ribs off Veronica made her crumple to the ground completely.

 

            The sound of laughter rang in her ears, and Kara shook her head slightly, blinking back spots as she pushed herself to her feet. A crowd was beginning to gather now as the last few stragglers made their way back through the school gates, and the sea of faces was a blur. She couldn’t say who was watching, but they  _ were _ watching, and the nagging thought that one of them could’ve been someone Veronica bullied made Kara steel herself. She was too stubborn to give in, or maybe she was too proud to lose, but either way, she faced Veronica with an unyielding look on her face.

 

            “Go on Danvers, take a swing,” Veronica taunted her, “you know you want to.”

 

            Hesitating, Kara balled her trembling hands into fists, swallowing the mouthful of blood along with the lump in her throat as she squinted at the other girl. She wasn’t a violent person - usually - and the anger has dissipated quickly, replaced with a dull pain, and she was silently cursing herself for letting her temper get the better of her. She hadn’t thought this through well enough. She didn’t even know if this was going to help change things at all.

 

            “Or maybe you’re too scared,” Veronica laughed.

 

            “She looks like she’s going to  _ cry _ ,” Alana, another girl in their group, said, laughing as Lyra joined in, both of them standing off to the side as they waited for Veronica to make the next move or give them ago. That was how they usually did it, and Kara was regretting the decision to pick a fight with Veronica when she knew that she was outnumbered.

 

            Taking a slow step towards her, Veronica arched her eyebrows and gave her a sharp smile, a cold humour in it as she sauntered towards Kara. She stopped a foot away from her, and Kara flinched when she reached out and clamped a hand down on her shoulder, staring down at the ground as she tried to swallow her pride and hope that Veronica would let it go and let Kara keep some of her dignity after having her ass handed to her. She couldn’t bring herself to meet the other girl’s hard stare as she tried to catch Kara’s eye, a delighted smile on her face as she watched Kara back down. Tutting, she let out a pitying sigh, “well, I guess you can always go home and cry to mommy and daddy about it - oh wait …”

 

            Kara’s stomach lurched slightly at the mention of her parents, and she blinked back angry tears as her head snapped up, giving Veronica a rough shove away from her. The resounding slap in return was loud and Kara could feel the urge to cry growing stronger as pain flared up on her reddening cheek. She didn’t have time to react though because a familiar voice cut through the cheering and laughter, and Veronica was shoved away from her by a tall figure with short dark hair and an anger that no one wanted to face.

 

            “Get the fuck away from my sister,” Alex snarled, firmly planting herself in front of Kara as she folded her arms across her chest, a stubborn tilt to her chin as she faced Veronica.

 

            “Stay out of this, Danvers.”

 

            Taking a threatening step towards her, Alex grabbed her by the front of her coat and roughly shook her. She was a senior, with a full two years on the other girl, and there was an unspoken rule that you didn’t mess with seniors - not the ones who fought back - and Veronica realised her mistake as Alex stared her down. “Don’t you ever touch her again. Do you hear me?”

 

            At the vague muttering in reply, Alex took it as a sign of surrender, letting her go before she turned around and grabbed Kara by the arm. Kara’s vision was blurry but she would’ve known that dark hair and pale skin anywhere as she watched Lena steady Veronica and prod her to move. Dragging a stunned Kara after her, Alex made for the school, following the gravel path all the way up to the massive arched doors, while Kara tried to catch her breath and gather her thoughts, knowing that she hurt all over and was surprised as to why. Trembling as the last of the adrenaline faded and her body caught up with her, Kara stumbled onwards, trying to keep her balance as she tried to keep up with Alex’s fast pace. 

 

            They were nearing the front door when they saw Mr Henshaw hurrying out of the building, along with Miss Wilson and another teacher, and Kara’s gym teacher nodded slightly to the man and carried on walking, casting a surprised look at Kara as she passed her by. Alex had pulled up short at the sight of the teachers, and Kara couldn’t even meet his dark eyes as he looked at her with concern.

 

            “Miss Danvers,” he said, and she could almost hear the disappointment in his voice as he addressed her, “if you’ll come with me.” She numbly nodded, feeling terrified at what came next. She’d never even gotten so much as a single detention before, and she knew this warranted more than a lunchtime spent writing lines, even with her clean record. Walking towards him, Kara listened to the angry voice coming from further down the path, wincing slightly as she listened to Veronica shout, and Mr Henshaw laid a quick comforting hand on her shoulder as she passed him by.

 

            She followed him through the hallways, heading towards the administration office as Alex followed along, and once they reached the principal’s office, Mr Henshaw turned around, taking in Kara’s trembling figure, one hand clamped over her nose and her slightly bowed head as she squinted through her blurry vision, and then he looked at Alex, giving her a serious but reassuring look. “Miss Danvers, it’s almost dinner time, you should go and join everyone in the dining hall.”

 

            “But-”

 

            “Alex,” he said, a strictness in his voice that was rare for him, especially with his favourite students, and Alex swallowed her protests and nodded. Leaving Kara to wait in the office, Alex left, and Mr Henshaw gently guided her down onto one of the standard bottle green chairs lined up to the left of the doors, fetching her a box of tissues as he sat down beside her. 

 

            Pulling out a wad of them, Kara quickly pressed them to her nose with her blood slicked hand, the white staining a vivid red, and she blinked back tears at the dull pain, thinking about how much trouble she was about to get into. It was a few minutes before a sulky looking Veronica was marched into the office by Miss Wilson, who gave them an exasperated look as she led Veronica over to an empty chair a few seats away from Kara. The silence was interrupted only by the sound of the clock ticking on the back wall and the sound of the receptionist shuffling the stack of paper in her hands as she wrapped up for the day. It felt like an eternity before the office doors were thrown open and the sleek and pristine form of Headmistress Grant stepped out, beckoning to both girls as they looked up at her. Quickly climbing to her feet, Kara followed the blonde woman into the office, the smell of expensive wood and orchids filling the room, and she fixated on the vase of flowers on a mahogany bookshelf to her left, not wanting to look at the principal because she knew she’d turn into a stuttering mess. 

 

            “Take a seat,” Miss Grant said, gesturing to the two chairs set before the desk, and Kara sat down, staring at the plaque with the woman’s name on it, and then the pot with the expensive pens and the back of a photo frame - anywhere but at Veronica or Cat - keeping the wad of tissues pressed to her nose as she tried to breathe evenly through her mouth. Steepling her fingers, Cat observed them both, taking in the damage they’d inflicted on each other with an unreadable expression on her face, and then she sighed, taking off the cat-eyed glasses and leaning forward slightly. “Right. Who would like to begin?”

 

            “It’s my fault,” Kara blurted out, the words sounding thick and mumbled between her busted lip and her bloody nose, and she felt her face turn red at the hard stare Miss Grant gave her.

 

            With a heavy sigh, full of disappointment, Cat leant back slightly, giving Kara a stern look. “Well, Miss Danvers, I’m surprised at this behaviour coming from  _ you _ . You on the other hand, Miss Sinclair, are very  _ un _ surprising.”

 

            “She hit me first!” Veronica spluttered, “I was defending myself.”

 

            “No doubt you were,” Cat wryly agreed, “now, would you mind telling me what the meaning of this is? Miss Danvers? No? Well, how about you then, Miss Sinclair.”

 

            “I told you, she started it,” Veronica angrily told her, and Kara gripped the arm of her chair with her free hand, feeling angry at the insinuation that she was the one in the wrong, as opposed to Veronica having bullied her on more than one occasion. She couldn’t imagine how she’d ever be able to help such a horrible person, and she silently seethed as she half listened to Veronica argue with Cat.

 

            It felt like an eternity sitting in that hot seat, stammering as she tried to explain herself, while Veronica tried to justify her own reasons, before they were both dismissed with stern warnings. There was only two days left of school, and for those two days, Kara was suspended, along with two weeks of after school detention upon her return after the holidays, and she walked out of the office in a daze, Miss Grant’s warnings still ringing in her ears after a long lecture about violence and fighting on school property. Eliza would be getting a phonecall off her too, and Kara dreaded to think about what her adoptive mother would say to her. She’d disappointed a few people today, and as she walked out of the administration office, she felt like crying, making her way into the nearest bathroom and walking over to the sink. Her bottom lip trembling as she gripped the edge of a porcelain sink, Kara narrowed her eyes, trying to get a good look at her reflection in the speckled mirror. Tossing the wadded mess of bloody tissues in the bin, she washed her hands clean of the blood with the pearly soap, watching as the water ran reddish and the creases on her hands were freed of the spiderweb of rust coloured blood running through them. She was fetching more toilet paper for her still bleeding nose, delicately dabbing at it in the mirror when the door opened and someone hesitantly stepped inside.

 

            “What do _you_ want?” Kara snapped, the words coming out thick and strangled from her split lip and the wad of bloody tissues pressed to her nose. 

 

            Lena arched an eyebrow, taking another slow step into the bathroom, her perfect beauty looking out of place against the black and white checked tiles and old pipes of the bathroom, and Kara glowered at her in the black spotted mirror. Walking over to the row of porcelain sinks, Lena leant against them, and Kara stared at her reflection, watching her stare at her. It was a few moments of silence before Lena reached out to gently touch the shiny red skin around Kara’s eye, the promise of a nasty bruise to follow in the morning, and Kara jerked her head away from Lena’s cool fingers. An angry look on her face, Kara squinted at Lena, a trickle of blood running from her nose as she removed the tissue for a brief moment.

 

            “What are you doing?”

 

            “Looking for you,” Lena said,  _ “obviously. _  You look like shit. ” __

 

            Huffing, Kara pressed her lips together in a hard line, wincing slightly at the dull throb in her bottom lip, which was already swelling around the cut. “You found me; you can leave now.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Lena tilted her head to the side, watching her closely as Kara dabbed at her nose again. A slender hand was extended towards her with an electric blue ice pack in its grasp, and Kara scoffed, shaking her head as she peered at herself in the mirror.

 

            “I’m just trying to help,” Lena said, sounding peeved.

 

            “You never do anything to  _ help,”  _ Kara bitingly replied, “what’s in it for you? What game are you playing now? Trying to lure me out into the hallway so your friends can finish the job?”

 

            The muscles in her jaw working as she clenched her teeth, Lena stepped closer to Kara, cornering her against the sink and the hand dryer, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared down at the angry girl in front of her, her nose still bleeding slightly and her handful of tissues hanging uselessly by her side. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest, and a lump formed in her throat as a feeling of nervous unease filled her. Those other girls bullying her and hitting her, Kara could handle, but she wasn’t sure what she’d do if Lena’s patience ran out and she snapped. She didn’t though, and Kara stared at her with wide eyes as Lena thrust the ice pack towards her, shoving it against her chest as she pushed Kara up against the hand dryer, the metal digging into her back. The cold feeling of it seeped into her skin, numbing the spot as Lena pressed it against her, a spark of anger in her eyes that Kara could  _ just _ make out without her glasses, and only because Lena was so close to her. 

 

            “I am  _ not _ like them. If this is what trying to be nice gets me then screw you. I should’ve known that you weren’t any different than they said you were. Too busy thinking you're all high and mighty for the rest of us with your moral high ground bullshit. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped them,” Lena scathingly replied, before drawing back, letting go of the ice pack, which Kara barely caught, a surprised look on her face as she stayed frozen in place. 

 

_             “You-” _ Kara spluttered, a look of disbelief on her face as she stared at Lena. She couldn’t believe that Lena had the nerve to think she’d done anything. The only thing she’d done was show up when the fight was over and give Veronica a nudge back towards the school, with a sparing glance at Kara before she vanished. It was Alex who had stopped it. 

 

            She watched as Lena walked away, pausing slightly as she reached the door, before she turned back around. “I almost forgot; here. Maybe you can try and see past your giant ego.”

 

            She carelessly tossed something towards Kara, the sound of something flimsy skittering across the floor before it stopped a few feet away from her. Lena roughly yanked the door open and stalked out, leaving Kara alone, staring at the varnished wooden door with confusion as it swung shut behind the dark haired girl. A drop of blood dripping from her nose broke the spell as it landed on the tiled floor, a vivid spot of red against the white and black, and she roughly wiped at her nose, getting blood on the cuff of her jumper as she stepped towards the little object Lena had tossed her way. Stooping down, Kara scooped it up, straightening back up with a pair of plastic black glasses in her hand, and she frowned slightly as she unfolded them and hesitantly put them on. The prescription wasn’t quite right for her eyes, but she could see better and she turned to look at herself in the mirror. With a start, she realised that they were Lena’s glasses, and a feeling of guilt welled up inside as it dawned on her that Lena had just been being nice. No other motives. Perhaps she felt bad for her friend’s behaviour, or maybe she just pitied Kara, but she’d been extending a sort of peace offering and Kara had thrown it back in her face. Feeling angry with herself, Kara blinked back tears, screwing the bloody tissues up in her hand and throwing them in the nearly overflowing bin.

 

            Taking a few moments to calm herself, she walked out into the hallway, pinching her nose between her thumb and forefinger so she didn’t leave a trail of blood through the school, and headed back towards the dorms. She was starving, and the muffled rumble of voices came from the nearby dining hall, but Kara couldn’t bring herself to walk into the massive room and have everyone stare and whisper; she’d had enough of that today. Much to her chagrin though, she saw the back of Veronica heading towards the girl’s dorms too, and with a rush of anger and determination, Kara sped up, fumbling in her pocket as she caught up to her.

 

            “Roulette,” Kara called out.

 

            A look of bewilderment crossed Veronica’s face as she turned around, almost in disbelief that Kara would chase after her after what had just happened. “Are you  _ trying _ to get your ass handed to you?” Veronica snapped, a determined look in her eye, as if she was eagerly waiting for Kara to try and start fighting her again. The stray thought at what was wrong with this girl that she was so ready to fight all the time crossed Kara’s mind, but she pushed it aside, drawing a quarter out of her pocket and holding it out. 

 

            “Heads or tails?” Kara blurted out.

 

            “Did you lose your common sense back there? Fuck off.”

 

            “You like gambling and bets, yeah? If I win, you’ll drop this. If  _ you _ win then you can … I don’t know, take me out to the forest behind the lake, tie me to a tree and beat the shit out of me. You can have revenge or whatever.”

 

            Letting out a sharp laugh, Veronica arched an eyebrow and gave her a stuck up look, “you’ve got some nerve. You think I’m going to let you pick a fight with me, and then think I’ll just  _ drop it?” _

 

            “Heads or tails.”

 

            With a hard look, Veronica silently stared at her for a few moments, a gleam in her eyes at the challenge, and she clenched her jaw as she took the bait and rose to the challenge. “Heads.”

 

            Giving her a curt nod, Kara tossed the coin up and caught it neatly in her hand, her bruised and split knuckles tightly clenched into a fist, before she uncurled her fingers to show the coin nestled in her palm. Tails. With a relieved sigh, Kara let Veronica see it, and saw the flicker of regret in the girl’s eyes, before she nodded and Kara shoved the coin back into her pocket.

 

            “Fine. You win this round. But don’t think this means I’m dropping  _ everything _ . You might’ve won this fight, but that doesn’t mean I’ll forget what you did to Gayle. And don’t ever touch me again or I’ll make sure you regret it,” Veronica threateningly said, her voice dangerously low.

 

            “Wha-” Kara spluttered, her eyes widening in surprise at the mention of her doing something to Gayle. She’d never so much as had a proper conversation with the girl, let alone done anything to willingly piss her off, but before she could even ask, she was left alone in the hallway, her face a swollen mess of blood and bruises, and she was filled with a bone deep weariness. 

 

            Pushing the nagging thought aside, Kara slowly meandered towards the girl’s dormitory, letting Roulette put some distance between the two of them before things got heated again, and made her way out into the frigid cold. The sun was already starting to set with the shortening days, and Kara shivered in her coat as she made her way towards the dark building, just a few yellow lights shining through the windows, and soon enough she was pushing her way into the warm building. Wearily dragging her feet as she plodded upstairs, she made her way to her room and let herself in, switching on the light and staring at the small neat space. And then she started to cry.

 

            It all came crashing down on her at once, and she couldn’t stop the tears or the sobs as she moved through the motions of fetching sweatpants and a sweatshirt and undressing, leaving her clothes scattered around the floor, before she curled up on the bed with the ice pack laid across her sore knuckles. Part of the pain was of her own making, but it wasn’t all physical. Everything had been building up for weeks, and she had finally snapped under the weight of her grief and frustration, and she covered herself with her blanket, trying to muffle the sounds of her sobs as she lay there alone. She’d never felt so alone before. For all of the improvements she’d been trying to make in her life, she felt worse than she had in  _ years. _

 

            It wasn’t until it was pitch black outside that a hesitant knock sounded on her door, and Kara was tempted to just ignore it, until it came again, louder and more insistent. With a weary sigh she climbed to her feet, the knitted blanket draped around her shoulders, and she crossed the room to open the door. She wasn’t sure who she was expecting, but the sight of Alex was a surprise, and even more so was the armful of jello and the plate she held. Looking down at the floor so that her sister couldn’t see her blotchy and tearstained face, coupled with the first shadows of bruises and the dried blood from the cuts, Kara cleared her throat slightly, unsure what to say.

 

            “Um, hi,” Alex slowly said, “I, uh, I brought you dinner. And dessert. Thought you might be hungry.”

 

            “Yeah, thanks,” Kara hoarsely replied, reaching out for the plate.

 

            “Can I come in?” Alex asked, keeping a firm grip on the plate. With a quick nod, Kara turned around and walked over to her bed, sinking down onto the soft mattress and listening to the sound of her door shutting as Alex stepped inside. She sneaked glances of Alex setting the plate down on the desk - it looked like lasagne - along with most of the tubs of pudding, before she crossed the room and took a seat beside Kara, jostling the bed and handing over a tub or raspberry jello and a spoon. “Dessert is always better before food.”

 

            Nodding, Kara held the tub in her left hand, her right resting beneath the ice pack, and they sat in awkward silence for a few moments as Alex observed her with concern, her brown eyes worried and mildly surprised. “Thank you,” Kara mumbled after a few moments. “For dinner. And for earlier.”

 

            Alex gave her a grim smile, “yeah, well you should thank Luthor for coming to find me.”

 

            Jerking her head up, Kara stared at her with wide eyes, feeling a throbbing pain on the left side of her face as strained the fresh cuts and bruises. Alex winced slightly as she fully caught sight of Kara, a look of slight horror on her face and the disastrous mess, and she softly swore under her breath. “What do you mean?”

 

            “Lena Luthor. She told me that you were fighting. I was heading back with Lucy and Vasquez. I guess she prefers a fair fight.”

 

            Stamping down the feeling of guilt, Kara looked down at the tub of jello, fixating on it as she struggled to come to terms with the fact that Lena  _ had _ been the one to stop them. Not directly, but she hadn’t been lying in the bathroom, because she’d inadvertently  _ stopped _ her friends. She’d said they would never listen to her if she told them to, and she’d been right, but they’d listened to Alex. Blinking in surprise, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, reaching up to touch the glasses on her face as she thought about the small act of kindness. She was similarly surprised by Alex’s kindness too.

 

            “Are you … okay?” Alex finally asked.

 

            Caught off guard by the question, Kara took a split second to think about it before she burst into tears again, tossing the jello and the ice pack aside as she covered her face with her hands, climbing to her feet and walking over to the desk. Alex made a small sound of surprise, panicking slightly at the sudden outburst, and Kara kept her back to her as she cried. “No. No, I-I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay for a while. My h-hand hurts, and my face hurts and everything just- it  _ all _ hurts. I hate it here. I  _ hate  _ it. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m so alone. I want my friends back, and I want my old school, and I want my parents. I-I want my mom.” She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach as she thought about her parents - particularly her mom, who had always been there to comfort her after a bad day - and she drew in a shuddering breath, her bottom lip trembling as tears ran down her cheeks. “I want my mom.”

 

            “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Alex quietly told her, and Kara jumped slightly at the gentle hand laid on her shoulder, letting out a choked sob. And then Alex was awkwardly hugging her and Kara was so touch starved for affection that she buried her face in her sister’s shoulder, wrapping her arms tightly around her and desperately clinging to her as she sobbed into the collar of her leather jacket. 

 

            Guiding them over to the bed with some difficulty, Alex steered her down onto the mattress again, reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around Kara, before wrapping an arm around her shoulder and holding her close. Kara had the vague notion that she should’ve been embarrassed by her breakdown in front of her sister that she’d barely gotten along with over the three years they’d been lumped together, but she was so  _ tired _ , and for some reason, Alex didn’t seem to care. She just set her shoulders and got on with it, rubbing Kara’s arm and mumbling vaguely reassuring sounds as she tried to calm her down, and soon enough, Kara’s sobs were little more the shuddering and hiccuping breaths, and her cheeks were dry of any tears, just slightly salty tracks and swollen and bloodshot eyes, which wasn’t saying much, given that one of them was swollen shut from a well aimed punch. 

 

            Once she’d completely calmed down, sitting cross-legged on the bed with the blanket drawn around her shoulders, Alex climbed to her feet and fetched the lasagne for her, along with Kara’s laptop. She put  _ Brooklyn Nine-Nine _ on and pushed Kara to eat something, holding the ice pack to her bruised eye while Kara clumsily cut up the food with her stiff and bruised fingers. They sat side by side for hours, making their way through a rainbow of jello tubs while they watched the comedy show, until Kara felt just a little bit better. When she finally went to bed that night, the pain numbed with some pills that she’d fished out of her satchel, it was a relief to fall into unconsciousness for a few hours, and she craved the escape, with the tiny thought that maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be as bad. It would be hard pressed for it to get any worse.


	11. Chapter 11

            Without school the next day Kara was left lying in bed while she listened to the sounds of the other girls get ready for breakfast and a day full of classes, and the excitement of the end of term was palpable even from inside her room. Her body hurt and she was regretting avoiding going to the nurse the night before, choosing to come to her room and quietly break down instead, and Kara held the warm, liquid ice pack in her hands, thinking about Lena again. She was confused, trying to piece things together, but she still felt clueless. Clueless about why Lena was being so hot and cold with her, and clueless about who was sending her the cards. 

 

            She didn’t move until the sounds of the last few girls rushing out of the dorm faded from her ears, and then she grabbed some of her out of school clothes and slipped towards the bathroom on her floor. Trying not to pity herself too much as she took in the bruises on her face, and the ones on her ribs, and the multitude of shallow cuts that had scabbed over during the night, Kara slipped beneath the stream of hot water. Brooding in the steam and warmth of the showers, she took her time, before climbing out and dressing in a comfortable sweatshirt and a pair of faded jeans. Her bag of toiletries and her damp towel slung over one shoulder, Kara made her way back to her dorm, pausing for a moment at the figure waiting outside her door.

 

            “Kara,” Megan, the school counselor smiled, “I was hoping we could talk.”

 

            A wary look on her face, Kara slowly approached, giving her a hesitant smile, “oh, uh, sure, Miss Mars.”

 

            Unlocking her door, she dumped her belongings inside and stepped back out into the hallway, brushing damp stray hairs out of her face as she pulled her door shut behind her. The kindly woman was patiently waiting for her with a friendly smile on her face, and Kara fell into step beside her as they started making their way down the hallway. It was almost eerie how quiet the dorms were when everyone was in class - Kara had never experienced it quiet before, having never been suspended - and their footsteps echoed on the wooden floorboards, passing door after door in silence. It was a few moments before Megan spoke, and Kara peered up at her with a shy look on her face. She knew the school counselor - everyone did - but she’d never actually had to spend individual time with her. There were always group activities and classes, designed to check up on the kids’ wellbeing in a less invasive manner than individual counselling, but it wasn’t uncommon for some kids to be sent for private meetings with the school counsellor. There had been a brief moment when Kara had first arrived at St. Rao’s where she had been encouraged to meet with the woman, but she hadn’t been fond of the idea of sharing things with this woman she’d just met at a school she’d just started attending.

 

            “That’s quite a shiner,” Megan conversationally started, “I bet your hand’s not looking too good either.”

 

            Looking down at her hand, Kara flexed her fingers, grimacing at the dull pain as her freshly scabbed cuts pulled at the edges. “It’s okay,” Kara shrugged, the words mumbled by the fat lip she was sporting.

 

            “Mm. The nurse told me you didn’t go and visit her yesterday.”

 

            “Didn’t feel like going,” Kara shrugged again.

 

            “How about we stop off there first, huh? Get you all checked out and some ice for that eye and hand.”

 

            Kara was silent as she let Megan lead her through the school, still somewhat quiet as everyone crowded in the dining hall, and they stopped near the administrative office, the older woman gently knocking on the door before opening it. In just a few minutes, Kara had been handed two fresh ice packs from a small freezer and sent on her way, with nothing more to do for her injuries, and she followed Megan a little ways down the hallway and into her office, taking in the colourful motivational posters and the sofa pushed up against one wall with an armchair angled towards it. There was a vase of sunflowers on the desk, illuminated by slats of light streaming in through the open blinds. 

 

            “Take a seat,” Megan quietly told her, gesturing towards the sofa, and Kara crossed over to it, slowly sinking down onto the middle of it and watching the woman sit down in the armchair. She sat on the edge of the sofa, her knees and shoes pressed together and her hands in her lap, a lump in her throat as she tried to hide her nerves. The sofa was to try and make it seem like it was more of a casual setting, but Kara still felt nervous as she tried to force herself not to clench her bruised hand into a fist to stop herself from shaking. 

 

            As if sensing her unease, Megan climbed to her feet again and rounded her desk, ducking down to fetch something, before she straightened up with two cans of coke and a packet of chocolate chip cookies. Smiling she handed one can off to Kara, who hesitantly took it, and set the cookies down on the little coffee table. “I know technically it’s a bit early for a lot of sugar, and against school rules to give you unhealthy snacks, but I know it’s not exactly  _ fun _ being in here, so you might as well get something out of this, right? Help yourself.”

 

            Choosing to skip breakfast left her feeling hungry, and Kara slowly reached out for a cookie, taking a small bite as she watched Megan rifle through the contents of a large file cabinet, before she triumphantly withdrew a thin file and carried it over to the table. She must’ve seen a flicker of alarm in Kara’s eyes because Megan quickly laughed, giving her a warm smile as she sat back down on the armchair. “Don’t worry, your file is quite thin. No records of detentions, perfect grades, a reasonable amount of extracurricular activities. Which brings us to what happened yesterday.”

 

            Taking another bite of the cookie, Kara chewed slowly, letting them fall into silence as Megan waited for her to try and justify what she’d done. Kara didn’t have anything to say. There was no point insisting that Veronica had pushed her first - Kara had swung first and taken her punishment without arguing, knowing that Veronica had taken hers without trouble as well - and Kara knew that she deserved her suspension and detention. It wasn’t like her to let things get physical, and she was a bit embarrassed at the fact that she’d let herself be blinded by her anger, but a small part of her couldn’t help but feel slightly proud of the fact that she’d finally stuck up for herself.

 

            At the ongoing silence, Megan sighed, giving her an exasperated look, “come on, Kara. You’re not a violent person, I know that. What happened?”

 

            “It was a misunderstanding,” Kara murmured, “it won’t happen again.”

 

            “You’re not going to get into more trouble by telling me the truth, you know,” Megan gently told her, “and if you’re scared that Miss Sinclair-”

 

            “I’m not scared of her,” Kara blurted out.

 

            “Okay … well, I know she’s a tough person. I know she’s, ah,  _ opinionated _ too. What did she say to you?”

 

            “Nothing.”

 

            “Kara, it’s  _ okay _ .”

 

            Shrugging, Kara opened the can of coke and took a sip, feeling her nerves getting the best of her. It was stupid to think that telling the school counselor about Veronica’s constant taunting would change anything, especially if the other girl had some unknown grudge against Kara, and she didn’t really  _ want _ to let other people get involved. The thing about schools were that they always talked about bullying, and there were reminders and seminars and pamphlets for what to do and who to tell, but it never really changed anything. It wasn’t  _ just _ Kara who had fallen victim to the girls, and the boys had their own bullies too, and no matter if someone told teachers or not, nothing ever changed for them. The school hierarchy stayed exactly the same. The teachers tried to care, giving stern talking to’s and warnings, and suspensions if it came to fights, but it was practically useless. Most of the kids at the school were given allowances bigger than the teachers at the school - what did it matter if they got a slap on the wrist off someone their parents could have fired if they complained?

 

            “I know this is a difficult time of year for you.”

 

            Blanching slightly, Kara met Megan’s dark, pitying eyes, feeling a thick lump form in her throat, which didn’t seem to go away no matter how many times she swallowed. “Not really,” Kara offhandedly replied, scratching the back of her neck as she tried to seem careless, even though her words sounded hollow and her movements too forced for it to be believable.

 

            “Losing parents is hard for anyone. Acting out isn’t uncommon with grief.”

 

            “I’m  _ not _ grieving. Not anymore.”

 

            “There’s not an expiry date on grief. Especially if it’s unmanaged. Sometimes it’s better to talk about it than bury it or bottle it up. It always rises back up eventually. Sometimes it makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do. Like pick fights with people.”

 

            Feeling her face turn red with embarrassment at Megan seeing right through her, Kara ducked her head down, running a finger around the rim of the aluminium can. “I miss them.”

 

            “Of  _ course _ you do, and that’s okay.”

 

            “I feel so alone all the time. I miss my old life.”

 

            With a soft sigh of relief, Megan reached for box of tissues on the coffee table, nudging them towards Kara, as if prompting her to cry. She’d exhausted herself last night though, and Kara just felt drained and tired as she sat on the sofa. “Okay, well, let’s start with that.”

 

\---

 

            Kara went back to her dorm after finishing with Megan, feeling somewhat relieved to have blurted out all of her bottled problems, much like she had last night with Alex, and to feel like she had been understood by the woman. Apparently part of her punishment was to be subjected to weekly meetings with Megan, until she was deemed okay enough to not lash out or have another outburst again. Kara hoped she wouldn’t have to go and see her too often, but she found that she didn’t mind talking to the older woman. In fact, it was surprisingly easy. 

 

            With a weight off her shoulders, she hid in her room and watched movies for the rest of the day, gratefully accepting a hastily dropped off sandwich by Alex when Kara didn’t show in the dining hall, before her sister vanished again, and she was in a considerably better mood by dinnertime. She decided to brave the other students’ stares when her stomach started grumbling as the sky darkened outside her window, and she followed the last stragglers towards the dining hall. Slipping into the long hall, she joined the line of students queuing up for food, feeling people casting glances her way. News of the fight had obviously spread, and Kara kept her head ducked down as she made straight for her usual spot with Winn, dropping down to the empty seat beside him and hunching over her tray of curry.

 

            “Girl, you look  _ terrible _ ,” Winn said, tilting Kara’s head up by the chin. She let out a laugh of surprise, and was even more surprised by the feeling of warmth towards him. It was a sudden reminder that she wasn’t truly alone - she had at least one friend now, which was surely an upgrade from last year. “Damn, you look awful. Rocky would be proud.”

 

            “Yeah, well, Rocky always wins,” Kara grumbled.

 

            “Just standing up to her makes you a winner to everyone else,” Winn said, and Kara scoffed, but couldn’t help but smile, even as she tried to bite it back.

 

            It was true that most people she’d momentarily locked eyes with were looking at her with admiration or at least looked impressed by her newfound courage, and she couldn’t help but feel like maybe it would make them see Veronica in a less threatening way. Seeking out the other girl in the crowded hall, Kara winced at the mottled bruises on her skin, her small flicker of pride turning to guilt as she took in the nasty shades of black and blue. The only consolation she could take in what she’d done was that they both looked equally as bad as each other. As she stared at Veronica, her eyes automatically slid over to Lena, and Kara started slightly as she locked onto a pair of green eyes staring right back at her, and fighting back a blush, she quickly averted her gaze. She ate the rest of her dinner without paying anyone else much attention, and conversing quietly with Winn.

 

\---

 

            The end of the term came quickly and with little fuss without the building excitement in class as everyone couldn’t focus on doing any work. Kara was left to sit alone in her room for another day and get a headstart on packing away all of her things she’d need back in National City for a couple of weeks, and then spent a few hours reading. She was allowed out of her room, but suspension restricted her to certain areas of the school, and Kara didn’t feel like going anywhere anyway, so she just just entertained herself in between meals.

 

            After another early night, she woke a little before dawn the next day and was dressed and ready to leave by the time breakfast rolled around. After a quick breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs, Kara fetched her bags from her room and waited inside the school gates in the cold for Alex to join her. It was bitterly cold, the air swirling with snowflakes that bit at her exposed cheeks, mercifully numbing the painful cuts and bruises, and Kara breathed out blumes of white fog as she stamped her feet, watching students get turned over to the cars that had come to pick them up. It was another ten minutes before her sister appeared, breaking Kara out of her stare as she watched Lena climb into a sleek black car.

 

            Soon enough they were sitting on the cool leather seats in their own car, a driver taking them to the nearest airport where they would be catching a flight back to National City, and both girls listened to their music as the wintery countryside passed by and the school was left behind. The airport was crammed with other students, all jetting off to various cities across the country and world, and Kara and Alex found a quiet corner to sit by themselves, buying hot chocolate and blueberry muffins from the first coffee shop they found and waiting for their flight to board. At one point, Winn found them and Alex graciously didn’t object to him joining them in their wait, and Kara spotted Lena a few times, wandering back and forth through the airport alone. She couldn’t help but notice her all the time - it was like Kara was drawn to her, like an alarm went off whenever they were in the same space. It was almost a relief when their flight was called, until Kara realised that Lena was flying back to National City with them too, and sitting in first class, Kara couldn’t help but stare at the top of the dark head two rows ahead of her as Lena stared out the window the whole time.

 

            She didn’t fully relax until the driver that Eliza had sent to pick them up directed them towards the car parked outside, holding the door open for them and taking their luggage. In the mild National City weather, Kara sank into the leather seats and was filled with relief at the feeling of almost being home. There was nothing quite like it, she had found, and boarding school had given her a new appreciation of her own room, away from the shouts and laughter and prying eyes of the other girls in her dorm, even if it wasn’t the home she secretly longed for on the dark days. Still, the sight of the brownstone in the middle of one of the wealthier neighbourhoods was a sight for sore eyes, and Kara couldn’t help but smile as she thanked the driver, took her bags and eagerly followed Alex up the couple of stone steps leading up to the front door. The sound of footsteps came towards them as soon as they stepped inside, the familiar smell of home greeting them, as well as the sight of the blonde woman smiling widely.

 

            “My girls! I’ve missed you both,” Eliza exclaimed, wrapping Alex into a hug and kissing her on the cheek, before she pulled back and gave her daughter a once over, a look of love shining on her face. And then she turned to Kara, who had hung back slightly, moving towards her and taking her by the shoulders as she frowned at Kara’s bruised face, tilting her chin up slightly and tutting. “I expected this from your sister, but I expected better from you. And ignoring my calls! I’ve been worried sick about you, Kara.”

 

            Shifting uncomfortably, Kara gave her a sheepish smile, looking guilty as she tried to come up with a good reason as to why she’d avoided answering any of the calls and messages Eliza had left as soon as the school had told her about the fighting. “Sorry. I’m okay though. It looks worse than it is.”

 

            “I doubt it,” Eliza sighed, wrapping her in a tight hug, which made Kara wince as her bruised ribs ached. Smiling slightly at the kiss her adoptive mother placed on her kiss, Kara drew back, feeling a deep ache in her chest for her mother, but feeling comforted by the maternal instincts of Eliza. It made her feel cared for and loved.

 

            “Leave her alone, mom,” Alex rolled her eyes, “she’s fine. I mean, she got her ass handed to her, but it was kind of badass.”

 

            Spluttering, Kara made a disgruntled sound, and Eliza gave them both a slightly surprised look as they didn’t argue and somewhat complimented each other. It was a new sight for her, and Kara gave her a warm smile, silently confirming Eliza’s suspicions that the two girls were perhaps starting to get along with each other. A look of unbridled joy and relief ran across the older woman’s face, and she clapped her hands together, giving them both a warm smile.

 

            “Okay, bags upstairs and then I’ve got pie in the kitchen and I’ll get started on the hot chocolate. And you and I, miss, are going to have a long conversation about solving things with violence,” Eliza said, giving Kara a stern look while the young girl winced slightly. Eliza was rarely strict or authoritative - they were never there, and when they were, she wasn’t either - but when she was, it was enough to remind them not to make her cross again. “There’s also dresses waiting for you for my work party tomorrow - and yes, Alex, you  _ do _ have to come. I’m working Christmas Day, so I want to spend as much time with you before then.”

 

            Grumbling as she kicked her shoes off, Alex darted upstairs, and Kara followed at a much slower pace, breathing in the smell of home and silence. She always liked it there, even when she hated it, because the house had a sort of old comfort to it that reminded her of her old home. Something about old furniture and objects always smelled like dust and expensive wood, and it was one of the things that made being at St. Rao’s also bearable. With one hand trailing up the varnished bannister of the staircase, Kara let her eyes slide from one photo of the family to the next, feeling a lightness in her chest whenever she saw herself appear. Eliza and Jeremiah had really made an effort to make her a part of the family when they’d taken her in, and Kara had known them both for a long time as her parents’ friends, and sometimes she felt like she was being unappreciative of everything Eliza had done for her. 

 

            It was difficult on everyone sometimes, but she was so tired and touch starved, her grief and loneliness weighing heavily on her shoulders, that when she came back downstairs after dumping her bag, she let Eliza fuss over the cuts on her face while the pie heated in the oven, a rush of love towards the woman washing over her. As if she could sense it, through mother’s intuition or some other sense, Eliza wrapped her in a long hug after she was satisfied that her youngest daughter was okay, and Kara was grateful for it, clinging to the woman as she let out a shuddering breath, her eyes burning with the threat of tears. There was nothing like a mother’s hug, and for all intents and purposes, Eliza  _ was _ her mother, and Kara had never felt more grateful to have her than she did in that moment. It made everything seem better.

 

\---

 

            Things seemed better the next morning too, as if being away from school and the tormenting of her fellow students had breathed fresh life into Kara and made her shed some of her gloominess. Not all of it, but some. The three of them spent the day shopping, eating cake and drinking coffee at one of their favourite places, before they caught a movie around lunchtime, and then that evening they were whisked away to Eliza’s hospital work party at some high end restaurant that had been booked out for the occasion. Kara was wearing a deep blue dress, her knees knocking in the coolness of the night as she stepped out of the car, even with her coat hugged to herself, and she followed Eliza into the building, an unwilling Alex tagging along with a moody look on her face. 

 

            A few moments were spent letting their coats be taken, before they followed Eliza into the room and were left to their own devices while their adoptive mother mingled. Alex quickly stalked off to get a drink and find something to eat, and Kara was left hovering just inside the doorway, wondering what she was supposed to do. She’d been dragged to the one the year before as well, and it had been a lonely affair with her awkwardly following Eliza around for the whole evening as she was introduced to an endless stream of hospital staff, listening in on medical terms and gossip that she couldn’t follow. This year, she had Alex to follow around without annoying her too much, and that thought inspired a tiny bit of hope in Kara as she glanced around the room.

 

            She froze for a moment at the sight of a dark haired girl standing in the corner, a scowl on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest, and Kara turned around, walking over to the bar and asking for two lemonades. Taking a deep breath, she held both glasses in her hands, careful not to spill any as she watched the wedge of lemon bob amongst the bubbles and ice cubes, and crossed the room, making for the corner where she’d spotted Lena. Worming her way through the crowd of doctors, nurses and other guests, Kara was only a few metres away from Lena when the other girl noticed her, a flicker of surprise running across her face as the deep scowl smoothed out into a mild look of confusion.

 

            “Um, hi,” Kara hesitantly greeted her, shifting awkwardly on the spot as she clutched both glasses tightly.

 

            “Oh great,” Lena snarkily replied, “come to yell at me again? Or are you going to hit  _ me _ this time.”

 

            Her cheeks flaming with embarrassment, Kara thrust a glass out towards Lena, looking down at Lena’s tiny heels so she didn’t have to make eye contact. The sharp laugh that followed made her flinch slightly, but Lena took the glass off her anyway, and Kara felt some of the tension knotting her insides recede slightly. “I’m sorry for being rude,” Kara apologised, looking up for a moment and taking in the look of interest in Lena’s eyes. Her head was tilted to the side and she was sipping lemonade through the straw, her green eyes narrowed slightly. “And thank you for the glasses.”

 

            “Huh … I didn’t think you had it in you to apologise.”

 

            “I’m not the egotistical person you think I am!” Kara exclaimed, frustration welling up inside at the insinuation behind Lena’s words. “And I’m  _ not _ apologising for anything beyond you giving me an ice pack and glasses. Let’s make that clear. And by the way, maybe you shouldn’t be so surprised that I didn’t believe that you were being nice when you’ve done nothing but be so … indifferent and unbothered for  _ years _ . Maybe if you were a little nicer, then I would’ve been more grateful. Or maybe you shouldn’t do things  _ just _ to get a thank you.”

 

            Bristling slightly, Lena made a disapproving sound, the muscles in her jaw working. “I haven’t  _ always _ been unkind to you.”

 

            Laughing, Kara raised her eyebrows slightly as a look of amusement crossed her face, “what, those two weeks when I first started where you actually  _ talked _ to me? And then completely blanked me ever since. You’ve barely said five words to me since then that weren’t some snide comment or a joke.”

 

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lena dismissively said, turning her attention back to the party around them, acting as if Kara wasn’t even there. 

 

            She didn’t leave though, she just turned around, standing beside Lena and watching people too. Nobody so much as glanced at them as they stayed out of the way, neither of them speaking as they sipped their lemonade, their frustration with each other and themselves growing with each moment that passed. Finally, Kara couldn’t take it any longer and she let out a huff of annoyance as she turned to face Lena, watching as the corners of Lena’s mouth twitched slightly. She thought it was funny. “You know, I  _ know _ you can be nice. You were kind to me when I first got here, and I was stupid enough to think that maybe we’d be friends. I guess it was just wishful thinking.”

 

            Without waiting for a reply, she took a step back towards the crowd of people, intending on getting lost amongst them and finding her own lonely corner, but a cool hand wrapped around her upper arm, and she looked back, blue eyes wide with surprise, and took in the conflicted expression on Lena’s face. “Don’t go. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened. I thought- I thought we could’ve been friends too. It was just … better this way.”

 

            Turning back around to face her properly, Kara frowned in confusion, unsure how any of the way things had turned out was better than them being friends. Kara had sat next to her in chemistry class and for a few short weeks they had gotten along well, and Lena had been warm and friendly, even if her friends hadn’t, and then one day she’d just given Kara the cold shoulder, with no explanation as to why. That was why Kara refused to believe that Lena was as cold and unfriendly as she pretended to be with her passivity and indifference, because she knew better than that. Even in their frustrating moments alone, with no bullies to back her up, there was the tiny bits of that girl who cared so deeply that slipped through, even if it wasn’t always in an obvious way. Kara knew she could be kind, but Lena just wouldn’t let herself show it. 

 

            “Yeah, well, it’s better for  _ you _ maybe. Me … I could’ve used a friend.”

 

            “Kara-”

 

            “I don’t want your pity,” Kara sharply told her, “I just- I want to know what I did. Veronica … she said that I did something to Gayle. I haven’t done anything to her.”

 

            Giving her a hard stare, Lena was silent as she studied Kara’s face for a few moments, and Kara gave her an expectant look, waiting for Lena to tell her what she knew. She would know - of course she would - and Kara gave her an anxious look.

 

            “You saw Gayle right? Back in eighth grade?” Lena hesitantly asked.

 

            “Saw _ what?” _ Kara exasperatedly replied, confused and impatient as she frowned.

 

            “Your dorm is right next to hers,” Lena said, giving her a strained smile, “you must’ve known about the weed, right? But you knew about the … other stuff too, didn’t you? She said she accidentally dropped a bag right in front of you once.”

 

            Shrugging indifferently, Kara nodded, a grim look on her face. It was no secret to her that the girl in the dorm beside her was always smoking something. Cigarettes mostly, with the lingering smell of smoke wafting out of her room when Kara passed by it, but also the occasional smell of weed. “Yeah I know about the weed, but not … anything else. Why does it matter? I never told anyone she smoked anyway.”

 

            Lena let out a surprised laugh, a quick smile flashing across her face. “You didn’t see her drop a bag of white powder one time?”

 

            A thoughtful look crossed Kara’s face as she thought back to the time she’d bumped in Gayle, just outside their rooms, and the other blonde had dropped something. Kara had thought it was sherbet. Gayle had looked terrified when Kara stooped down and picked it up, handing it back to her with a hesitant smile. She’d only been at St. Rao’s for two months then and she’d been hoping that she’d start fitting in soon. That was when it had really started getting bad. A wary look on her face, Kara nodded.

 

            “And you ratted her out?”

 

            “About the sherbet?” Kara spluttered, “what?”

 

            An incredulous look on her face, Lena gave Kara a look of disbelief, as if she couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.  _ “Sherbet? _ Please tell me you’re joking. That was five grams of cocaine. Do you even know who her family is?”

 

_             “Cocaine?  _ We were only fourteen, at the most!”

 

            “She’ll probably hate me for telling you but her real name is Galina Psyupalov. Her dad’s one of the most prominent figures in the Russian mob,” Lena told her, “that’s how she affords to go to our school. They deal in drugs and guns, and Gayle … she hasn’t had an easy life. Growing up surrounded by all of that … it wasn’t really surprising that she fell in with her dad’s work. A lot of them get into it young. Her mom sent her here to get her out, but it didn’t really do much. Ronnie and I were trying to  _ help _ her.”

 

            Wracking her brain for memories of that time after she’d arrived, she couldn’t really recall much about the other girl. She wasn’t around much, and there were rumours that she’d been sent back home to Illinois, and Kara hadn’t really spared her much thought. “She- she went back to Illinois to go to a different school.”

 

            “No, she got expelled. She got expelled because the day after she dropped her ...  _ sherbet _ in front of you, they did a dorm inspection, and guess what they found? Her mom took her to a rehab facility in Maine because Miss Grant said she’d revoke the expulsion if Gayle completed a stint at rehab. They let her come back after the Christmas holidays. _That’s_ why they hate you.”

 

            “But I didn’t … I didn’t tell anyone,” Kara mumbled, a concerned look on her face. “I didn’t-”

 

            “You didn’t?” Lena asked, and Kara quickly shook her head, an adamant look on her face as if she desperately needed Lena to believe her. She was still trying to piece together how things had all spiralled from that. Of course Veronica would hate her if she thought that she’d been solely responsible for her best friend’s expulsion from school, and subsequent absence, and it explained some of Lena’s coolness towards her too. Not all of it, but some.

 

            “No!” Kara hotly replied, “and maybe you should’ve asked me first, before you made my life miserable for  _ years _ . And that’s not a good enough excuse for why you treated me like shit for two months before that. So what else was it? Did I say that Jess was money laundering or something?”

 

            Lena scoffed, rolling her eyes and ignoring her as she took another sip of her drink. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

            Clenching her jaw, Kara angrily sipped at her own drink, trying to calm herself down. It had been a rough few days for her and she wasn’t normally so irritable, but Lena’s dismissive tone wasn’t helping her stay calm, and the scabs on her split knuckles pulled as she clenched her glass in her hand. “It might not matter to you, but it does to me.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “Because I like you,” Kara blurted out, “and I still think that you’re a good person. I’ve  _ seen _ it. I know you’re kind and warm, and I just … I don’t know why you hide that part of you. I feel  _ sorry _ for you that you think that giving people the cold shoulder for no reason is better, because it’s not. And I think that maybe you’re lonely, and you don’t actually like those girls. You’ve blanked me since I arrived here, until this year. Why? Why now?”

 

            Stiffening slightly at the accusation, Lena gave her a hard look, “because you’re right.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara did a slight double-take, warily eyeing Lena and her easy concession. “I-I am?”

 

            With a slightly bitter smile, a glimmer of pain in the depths of her green eyes, Lena tilted her head to the side, giving Kara a searching look. “You’re kind. You’ve always been kind, even to people who barely pay you any attention. I  _ used _ to be that kind. But my family, they’re not kind. It’s not … natural. And I grew up thinking that kindness was weak, and somewhere along the way, I started to hide it. I remember being kind to you, because it was hard not to be, but I’ve never been that person. This year … I decided I didn’t want to be like my family. I know I’ve- I haven’t been good. I know that, okay? And I don’t want to be that way anymore. I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I thought that-”

 

            “Lena.”

 

            They both turned to look at the tall woman emerging from the crowd, her dark hair neatly pulled back into a bun and a glass of wine in hand as she towered over the two girls. Kara wanted to shrink back from the woman’s intimidating stare as she looked at her, her eyes intense and slightly cold, even if she smiled at Kara.

 

            “I don’t know you. Are you one of Lena’s friends?”

 

            Kara wanted to laugh at the idea, even if she wished that they  _ were _ friends, and she opened her mouth to correct her when Lena quickly answered for her. “Yes. Mom, this is Kara Danvers.”

 

            “Oh, you must be Eliza’s youngest. I thought I recognised you from last years’ party. Lena’s told me all about you. You’re on the debate team aren’t you?” Lillian said, appraising her with in a new light, and Kara softly cleared her throat.

 

            “Yes ma’am.”

 

            “I knew your parents. They were the hospital’s lawyers. It’s such a shame, what happened to them,” Lillian said, her voice full of sympathy - whether it was real or fake, Kara couldn’t tell - and she let out a soft sigh, “and so generous of Eliza to take you in.”

 

            Nodding, Kara shifted uncomfortably, giving her a tentative smile. She didn’t like the reminder of her parents so close to Christmas, and so soon after Veronica’s stinging words, and Kara cast Lena a quick look, taking in the rigid posture and the grim set of her mouth. A part of her wondered whether she should stay, but it wasn’t her place to impose in family matters, and Kara didn’t want to talk about her own family either. “I’m lucky to have her. Do you know where I might find her, Mrs Luthor?”

 

            “Oh, she’s around,” Lillian vaguely gestured towards the crowd, her eyes trained on her daughter as she spoke.

 

            With another nod, Kara gave her a small smile, “it was nice to meet you. I’ll see you at school, Lena.”

 

            She didn’t wait around for a reply, or for Lena to finish what she’d been saying before her mother interrupted her, and Kara slipped off through the sea of suits and fitted dresses, feeling relieved at the sight of Alex talking to one of Eliza’s friends at the hospital. Kara somewhat knew them and she wormed her way into their conversation, with nothing but a confused look off Alex. She clung to her sister like a shadow for the rest of the night, giving Eliza a warm smile whenever her adoptive mother caught her eye in a gap in the crowd, or came to check on her girls. The rest of the evening passed quickly, with Kara eating canapes off passing trays and catching Lena’s eye on occasion. As far as she saw, Lena didn’t move for the rest of the evening. 

 

\---

 

            The rest of the holidays passed by quickly, with a quiet Christmas morning with just her, Eliza and Alex, opening their presents and eating breakfast together before their mom had to go to work. Kara spent the rest of her day working on her homework, until Alex disturbed her when it was getting late, telling Kara that she’d ordered pizza from the nearest pizza place that was open. The two of them watched  _ Elf  _ while they ate, mostly silent as they chewed their pizza and watched the movie together, even though neither of them had consciously decided to eat together. Usually when they were home from boarding school and Eliza was working they’d eat in separate rooms and avoid each other as much as possible. Things were different this time. Kara wouldn’t say they were close now, but it was a step in the right direction and even just a little bit of company on Christmas Day, watching movies and eating pizza, made Kara feel like maybe she really  _ could _ have a sister. It was probably the best Christmas she'd had since she'd been adopted by the Danvers, and when Eliza got home later that night, she smiled at the sight of the two girls fast asleep at opposite ends of the sofa, a blanket spread over them both and the remains of pizza and popcorn on the coffee table, while the TV quietly played  _The Polar Express._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lol I'm back, sorry I was gone for a while, I got suspended on here and then I went to nz to meet katie adsgfksj also there was some confusion last chapter with what the fuck sherbet is bc apparently it's sorbet in america??? anyone so for those who don't know sherbet is the powdery white sugary shit that looks like cocaine and i'm a clueless brit so :/

            The holidays flew by, spent mostly inside in the warmth, relishing in the feeling of sleeping in her own bed and the fact that a whole city was spread out from the doorstep of the brownstone. Kara met up with Winn a few times, hitting up the old arcade with its retro games and narrow bowling alleys squeezed into the back, or the comic store around the corner from the best waffle house in National City, and Alex even let her tag along to watch a movie with Lucy at the forgotten cinema near Chinatown, walking home through the towering blocks with bags of white takeaway containers of rice and noodles for dinner. It was the first time since being adopted that Kara had ever felt a sense of joy at being home from boarding school, rather than just the overwhelming feeling of relief at being away from her bullies. With her fading bruises and healing cuts, Kara’s mood was lifted greatly, and even the thought of going back to school wasn’t too much of a troubling thought.

 

            Still, the day they left she was a bit downcast at the thought of going back to the sprawling mass of buildings in the middle of the freezing countryside. The thought of her unfinished conversation with Lena had been weighing heavily on her mind too, and Kara wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through the careless rejection of even the mention of friendship again. Would Lena just ignore her again? Or did she have something that she  _ had _ to say to Kara, and would seek her out to finish talking about it? Just the mere thought of seeing her again had Kara’s stomach tying itself into knots. She hated that a silly crush could affect her in such a way - there was no logical reason  _ why _ she should feel like she did, and she was convinced that she was making Lena into some big mystery that intrigued her, because there was no other reason for her fascination with Lena. Was it a crush or just an intense need to find out what was going on with the other girl? There was so much about Lena that was hidden away, especially the kindness, and Kara knew there was more brimming beneath the surface, but Lena locked so much of herself away that it was impossible to know what her true motives were.

 

            She was sad to say goodbye to Eliza, and was silent for most of the ride to the airport, left to her own devices while Alex listened to her music. They didn’t speak much on the flight either, both of them sitting in their wide seats in first class while they watched movies, flying northwards and back to their tedious lives of school and boredom behind the wrought iron fence enclosing them on the campus. It was less daunting returning this time though, with all the facts on the table and a small feeling of courage to bolster her when she thought about how she’d left before the holidays. She wouldn’t be so quick to take the jibes thrown her way anymore - not that she would be quick to start brawling either, especially after the unsightly bruises and swelling from last time - and it was a comforting thought to know that things were different now. She was returning to St. Rao’s with at least one friend - Querl was possibly another - less enemies, and a sister who somewhat liked her now. Things would be okay. 

 

            They were soon dropped off at the end of the long gravel driveway, passing through the gates and making the long walk towards the school, their bags in hand as they followed the other students straggling as they slowly resigned themselves to another term of classes. She carried her bags up to her dorm, fishing her keys out of her pocket and letting herself into the room, the faint smell of dust lingering in the stale air from the closed windows, and she dropped her bags down before crossing over to raise the window. A flood of bitterly cold wind rushed inside, bringing with it the smell of damp and the woody countryside, currently a mass of white from the heavy snow in the far north, and she turned away, bumping into the desk chair on her way to unpack a bag. Stumbling, she grumbled and rubbed the spot where she’d caught herself on the chair, reaching out to catch herself on the desk with her other hand, and then Kara let out a loud groan at the envelope sitting neatly in the middle of her desk. 

 

            First of all, she hadn’t even finished Veronica’s card - unless beating her up had been some sort of kindness that she wasn’t aware of. But then she thought about the card she’d received with the first club.  **_Survive the Clubs._ ** It had never said anything about kindly helping; it had seemed more of a warning to herself than to others. But she had survived a fight with Veronica, and perhaps that had been enough. Maybe she would think twice about bullying someone else, not that she knew that even the meekest of her victims weren’t too cowardly to fight her. Perhaps this had been a lesson for Veronica, rather than a way to help.

 

            With a sigh, Kara reached for the envelope and tore it open, pulling out another card and turning it over. This one was the Ten of Clubs.

 

**_4pm_ **

 

            Frowning, Kara turned it over again, finding the back plainly patterned with no other words written on it. Pulling the envelope open, she peered inside and then shoved her hand in, searching for something else, some other clue to help her. She came up empty handed and let out a sound of frustration, tossing the envelope uselessly onto her desk. Running a hand through her hair, Kara exhaled forcefully, closing her eyes for a brief moment, before she looked down at the watch strapped to her left wrist. It was a little after noon. She still had plenty of time to puzzle over the vague orders of the next one and go mad with curiosity.

 

            All through lunch she found herself unable to concentrate on what Winn was saying as he excitedly talked about the holidays and the new computer games he got. Her casserole had barely been touched by the time she dumped it in the trash. She’d spent the whole time looking around the cavernous hall, wondering who her next mark was, and occasionally glancing over at Lena, who looked somewhat more relaxed than the last time Kara had seen her. She looked as if she was happy to be back at school. Then Kara’s thoughts became troubled with the added weight of what was so wrong in Lena’s home that she would rather be sent away to the middle of nowhere, in the cold and the rain, than be home for a few weeks in the remarkably milder weather. She was starting to realise that there was more to everything. Not everything was how it appeared to be.

 

            With her troubled thoughts, she returned to her room after dinner, promising to catch up with Winn later on in the evening for hot chocolate and the chance for him to introduce her to a new game, and spent the next couple of hours unpacking. The slight dusty odour had been chased out by the damp air and she shivered slightly in the cold as she hung sweaters up in the wardrobe and neatly arranged her new books on a shelf. A new addition was a framed photo of her, Alex and Eliza, and she smiled slightly as she looked at it. Things weren’t too bad. But then four o’clock rolled around, and Kara was sitting at her desk waiting for something to happen when a loud voice started shouting.

 

            Startling slightly at the sudden interruption, she climbed to her feet and opened her door, poking her head out into the hallway. A few of the female faculty members were walking down the hallway of their floor of the dormitory, knocking on closed doors and ushering students towards their rooms and Kara blinked in surprise as she listened to the loud orders. Mandatory room inspections. Of course. They were a monthly occurrence and happened the day everyone returned to campus after the holidays, with the teachers poking around in their things to find contraband. Slipping out into the hallway, Kara stood to the side of the door with her back pressed up against the wall, completely at ease with the knowledge that they wouldn’t find anything in her room.

 

            And then her neighbour stepped out, standing beside her with her back pressed up against the wall, and Kara looked at the blonde girl. Gayle looked pale, and Kara could see her throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly. She was sure that if she could hear her pulse, her heart would be racing too.  _ Shit, _ Kara thought, staring at the other girl with wide blue eyes. She had something on her. She had something and if they found it they’d expel her again. Lena had made it very clear that she was walking on thin ice - it was a miracle they’d let her back after one expulsion, and there’d be no second chances.  _ I have to help her _ .

 

            She wanted to kick herself at the unbidden thought that crossed her mind. What was she supposed to do, get caught with drugs? Because it was undoubtedly drugs. But she couldn’t stand there and watch Gayle get into trouble because of the life she’d been born into. Glancing down the hallway, watching teachers sweep in and out of rooms, occasionally bringing out a packet of cigarettes or a small bottle of alcohol, handing out detentions and confiscating the items, Kara made up her mind. Her record was clean - well, except for the fight - and no one would be looking at _ her _ . They’d probably make Gayle turn out her pockets and go over every inch of her things without even suspecting that the meek girl next door was holding onto it for her.

 

            “Give it to me,” Kara muttered, standing with her back flat against the wall, Gayle standing just a few inches away, beside her own open door.

 

            “What?” Gayle asked, turning slightly to look at her, her eyes wide with shock and panic.

 

            “Whatever it is you brought back with you, give it to me,” Kara hissed.

 

            Her palms were sweaty as she shuffled closer to the other girl, their hands brushing as something small was pushed into her palm, and Kara could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she clenched the little bag so tight her knuckles turned white. Subtly moving away again, Kara casually slipped the bag up the sleeve of her sweater, trying to hide the movement with a careless run of her fingers through her unbound hair, but she knew she didn’t look quite as flippant as she hoped. The female teachers were slowly making their way down the hallway of open doors, searching through the belongings and questioning a few girls, occasionally confiscating something, and Kara knew that while this was a regular occurrence, they would be keeping a watchful eye on Gayle. One toe out of line and the other girl would be gone from the school, her second chance ruined and her chance to try and get away from her old life in Russia torn away from her. It might not have been Kara’s fault last time, but with all the facts, she couldn’t knowingly let Gayle get herself in trouble.

 

            It felt like an eternity before they made it to her dorm, Miss Wilson giving it a quick sweep through while two of the other teachers searched Gayle’s. Kara was covered in a cold sweat, finding it hard to swallow as her heart pounded in her ears. And then Miss Wilson came out and declared her room clear, with a reassuring smile, before passing on to the next room across the hall. It was a while longer before Gayle’s room was finished being searched - they had probable cause to suspect her - but eventually they came out and declared her room clear too, and Kara could see the relief on Gayle’s face.

 

\---

 

            A knock on the door made her jump slightly, and Kara climbed to her feet, her socks slipping on the wooden floorboards as she made for the door, pulling open the handle to reveal her neighbour. Gayle pushed her way inside without asking and shut the door behind her, the handle tearing itself out of Kara’s grip.

 

            “Come on in,” Kara dryly told her, turning around to face the other girl.

 

            Anxiously pacing back and forth like a caged lion, Gayle ran a hand through her blond curls, before making her way over to the bed and sitting down. Knee jiggling up and down, Gayle balled her hands into fists in her lap, her head snapping up to give Kara a hard stare. Hovering awkwardly near the door, Kara fiddled with the cuff of her sweater, giving the other girl a wary look as if waiting for her to pounce. She wasn’t sure she could handle another beating.

 

            “Why’d you do it?” Gayle bluntly asked.

 

            Exhaling softly, Kara shrugged, grimacing slightly as she slowly walked over to the bed and sank down beside her, leaving a sizeable gap between the two of them. She hadn’t expected a confrontation like this in her bedroom, and she felt a bit uneasy at the idea of her room being invaded by someone who hadn’t exactly been anywhere close to civil to her over the past few years. 

 

            “I don’t know,” Kara murmured, being honest as she tried to untangle her thoughts. She  _ didn’t _ know why she’d done it. 

 

            She could’ve gotten herself into trouble if she’d been found with the drugs, but it had barely even crossed her mind at the time. The only thing she could think of was that card slipped under her door with the time neatly written in black ink, Lena’s voice telling her about the fourteen year old sent to a rehab centre, and the look of fear in Gayle’s wide blue eyes. She hadn’t thought it through at all, she’d just been consumed with pity and the need to help. 

 

            Holding out her hand, Gayle gave her an expectant look, “can I have it back now. Please.”

 

            The last part was added as an afterthought and Kara scoffed, giving her a incredulous look, “seriously? No! I couldn’t give it to you even if I wanted to. I flushed it all down the toilet.”

 

            “You- wha- you’re an asshole,” Gayle snapped, giving her a venomous look.

 

            “Yeah, well, I just  _ saved _ your ass, so a bit of gratitude would be nice,” Kara curtly replied.

 

            Spluttering, Gayle gave her a look of disbelief, before she managed to get her emotions in check. It looked like it took a great effort for her to keep her anger under wraps, and it was a few moments of clenching her teeth and biting back whatever sharp retort was brimming on the tip of her tongue, before she let out a soft sigh and peered up at Kara with a puzzled look on her face. “Thank you.”

 

            Nodding, Kara didn’t say anything, running her fingers over the knitted blanket at the end of her bed as she waited for Gayle to leave. She could feel the other girls’ eyes trained on her, and the urge to say something was growing stronger, and just as the mattress shifted beneath Gayle’s weight as she went to stand, Kara spoke. 

 

            “I never did it, you know,” she quietly said, “I never told on you. I know you were gone - I know  _ where  _ you were gone - but it wasn’t me who got you expelled. I didn’t even know it was- well, I just- I wanted you to know it wasn’t me.”

 

            “It  _ wasn’t _ ?” Gayle asked, a look of surprise on her face as her eyes widened slightly.

 

            “No. I know that’s why you and Veronica haven’t been … very  _ kind _ , and I can understand why you would think I deserved it if I  _ had _ done it, but … I didn’t. So, yeah, it turns out that you’re both assholes for no reason, and for what it’s worth, I’ve got one over on you now, so …”

 

            Gayle let out a quick laugh, her lips curling slightly as she raised her eyebrows, “what, are you threatening me now, Danvers? You’ve got some nerve. I guess if you didn’t do it -  _ if  _ \- then … I owe you one. Let’s call it a favour.”

 

            “Sure,” Kara shrugged, knowing that her threats weren’t very convincing. If she’d wanted Gayle to get caught, she wouldn’t have taken the drugs and gotten rid of the evidence. A favour was a much better offer, as well as the unspoken hope of a bit of kindness and easing up on the teasing. It was better to be even with someone than to blackmail, and Kara was happy to agree to a favour if it meant that she’d have a bit of peace and quiet. It might make the semester more enjoyable to not have to listen to taunts and whispered comments behind her back whenever she passed a certain dark haired girl and her accomplices. She wouldn’t get too wrapped up in the thought of kindness though - that was a long shot.

 

            A knock on the door mercifully interrupted their conversation, and Kara climbed to her feet with relief, knowing that she didn’t know what else to say now that they’d sorted through things. Opening the door, Kara’s eyebrows rose in surprise at the sight of her sister standing there, a bag slung over one shoulder and a businesslike look on her face as she pushed her was inside. “Okay, I brought my- what the fuck are you doing here?”

 

            “I was just leaving,” Gayle carelessly shrugged, already on her feet and moving towards the door.

 

            Kara winced as Alex caught her by the collar of her leather jacket and slammed Gayle up against the wall beside the door, pinning her in place as she stared her down. “You leave her alone or I-“

 

            “Alex,” Kara murmured, reaching out to pry Alex’s fingers off the other girl, watching as Gayle smoothed out her collar, a scowl on her face. With a small nod to her, Kara pushed her sister away and watched Gayle slip out of the room, closing the door behind her. “You didn’t have to do that,” Kara sighed, turning on Alex and giving her a disapproving look.

 

            “Uh, sorry but is that not the girl who’s bullied you non-stop for nearly three years?”

 

            “It’s not like that,” Kara defensively replied, “you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just- I’m helping her with something.”

 

            Scoffing, Alex rolled her eyes, “because that’s going to end well.”

 

            “Well it’s not like you did anything to help until a couple of weeks ago so …” Kara hotly replied.

 

            Alex tossed the bag at Kara, hard, and Kara stumbled slightly as she caught it, the impact winding her slightly as she let out a sharp exhale. Opening the bag she saw black boxing gloves and pads and frowned, looking back up at her sister with a confused look on her face.

 

            “I was going to offer to teach you how to throw a proper punch for next time, but seeing as you’re such good friends now, I won’t bother,” Alex snarkily replied.

 

            She took a few steps forward and took the bag back before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her with a little more force than was necessary. Staring at the plain wood with a brooding look on her face, Kara felt conflicting emotions stirring inside her. Helping Gayle wasn’t something she should regret, and she didn’t - not yet - but she didn’t like it coming between her and Alex. Things were only just starting to resolve themselves between the two of them, and she didn’t want the cards ruining things before they even had a chance to become proper sisters. Sometimes she couldn’t help but think that the cards were more trouble than they were worth.


	13. Chapter 13

            “Well your face is looking prettier than the last time I saw you.”

 

            Kara quietly groaned at the sound of Lena’s voice behind her, closing her eyes for a moment as she prepared herself for whatever game Lena was playing now and tried not to blush at the backhanded compliment. She’d come to the library for some peace and quiet - one of the few openly public places in the school where one could count on it - but of course it was too good to be true. Even sitting at one of the heavy wooden desks, an old fashioned green lamp spreading a halo of yellow light over her work as she got started on the new essay they’d been saddled with in English, she wasn’t free from being sought out by people. Kara almost preferred it when she’d been ignored.

 

            “What do you want?” she asked as she turned, a slight jolt running through her when she realised that Lena was leaning forward, peering over her shoulder as she squinted at Kara’s laptop screen. That was a much closer proximity than Kara had been counting on and she nervously cleared her throat, shifting to the right side of her seat so that she wasn’t so close.

 

            “You spelled conscientious wrong,” Lena said, sounding amused as she pointed a finger at the screen, “right there.”

 

            Scowling, Kara’s cheeks turned pink and she slammed her laptop closed, crossing her arms over her chest.  _ “Thanks,”  _ she curtly replied, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my essay.”

 

            Rounding the desk chair Kara was occupying, Lena perched on the edge of the desk, picking up one of the books Kara had open. “What’re you doing it on? A Time To Kill, huh? Bold choice. You might’ve been better off going with To Kill A Mockingbird.”

 

            “Like everyone else? Can I have that back now? I’m too busy to talk, and we’re in the  _ library _ \- we’re not  _ supposed _ to be talking.”

 

            With a quick laugh, Lena hopped off the desk, picking up the other few books Kara was reading from and started walking off, leaving Kara spluttering in her chair. Jumping to her feet, Kara began stuffing all of her belonging into her satchel, muttering curses under her breath as she scrambled after Lena, who was slipping into the narrow aisle between two towering rows of shelves. Grumbling, Kara disappeared into the aisle too, giving Lena a withering look when the other girl turned around and gave Kara a smug smile over her shoulder.

 

            She ignored Kara’s irritated whispers, holding the books prisoner as Kara hurried after her, turning right, and then left, and then carrying on straight. The school library was an impressive thing, two stories high with a vaulted ceiling and the full length of a football field. It was filled with endless rows of heavy oak shelves, holding every kind of book imaginable, and the hushed quiet of the cavernous room was a welcoming comfort when the loud obnoxiousness of students got a bit too much sometimes. When Kara was sick of studying in her dorm or in a common room, she’d go to the library and take up residence at a desk, feeling relaxed amongst the books and the strong smell of dust, paper and varnish.

 

            As she hurried after Lena, making her way through the fantasy section, through a row of biographies for every important person imaginable, and into the fiction section, Kara was feeling far from relaxed. Her patience was wearing thin as she followed after Lena, not wanting to run, but unwilling to let herself lose sight of the dark hair swishing around corners as she walked through the gloomy narrow spaces between shelves. The shelves were so tall that it plunged you into shadows in the outer reaches of the books, and it looked like Lena was heading for one of the dusty, long-forgotten corners at the back of the room. 

 

            And then Kara reached her, pulling her around and giving her an unimpressed look when Lena smiled at her, a flicker of amusement dancing in her eyes as she stood in the gloomy shade of the non-fiction section, amongst a row of political books. With her hand still wrapped around Lena’s arm, Kara pressed her up against the shelves, a serious look on her face as she stared at Lena, her other hand held out expectantly. 

 

            “Give them back.”

 

            Hiding them behind her back, Lena tilted her head to the side, arching an eyebrow as she smirked. “What do you say?”

 

            “I’m tired of your games. Can’t you just stop being an asshole for once?”

 

            “Wrong,” Lena said, although her expression faltered, her smile wavering as she lowered her eyebrow.

 

            “Please?”

 

            Pulling the books back out from behind her back, Lena handed them back, pressing them against Kara’s chest with perhaps a little more force than necessary. Reaching up, Kara grabbed them, giving her a look of confusion. She never really knew what was going on with Lena. There were moments when it seemed like Lena was being nice -  _ genuinely _ nice - but Kara never knew if she was or if it was just another part of her games she liked to play. She wasn’t naive enough to blindly trust that they were friends now, and her frustration was getting the better of her more and more lately with her frequently increasing run-ins with Lena, and somehow they always left Kara feeling guilty. Especially when Lena would go from a teasing, almost friendly look, to her aloof coldness whenever Kara said the wrong thing. It was like they were following a script, and Kara always got her lines wrong, disappointing Lena in some way.

 

            Taking a step forward, propelling Kara backwards into the other shelf, the wood cutting into her back as she tried to put as much space between them in the narrow space, Lena reached past her and pulled a book down. “Here,” she murmured, “it’s better than the other ones you’re reading. It’ll go well with A Time To Kill.”

 

            Looking down, Kara stared at the cover of a book, blinking in surprise as she read the upside down title.  _ The New Jim Crow.  _ Hesitantly reaching out, she took the book off her and hugged it to her chest as well, her heart beating quickly as she looked down at Lena, who was standing a bit too close. “Thank you,” Kara murmured, feeling genuine gratitude well up inside her at Lena’s helpfulness.

 

            “Whatever,” Lena dismissively replied, turning and walking back down the aisle. 

 

            Kara stopped her after she’d only taken a few steps though, lunging out in a moment of panic to clamp a hand down on her shoulder, making Lena pause. “Hey, wait a second!” Kara exclaimed, her voice too loud in the quietness of the place. She quickly pressed her lips together, hoping the school librarian wasn’t lurking around and in the mood to scold her. Turning around, Lena gave her an expectant look of mild interest, her arms folded across the chest of her school sweater. “What did you want to talk about?”

 

            “Who said I wanted to talk?” Lena shot back.

 

            “So you came and found me to pick out a book for my essay you didn’t know I was writing?”

 

            Hesitating, Lena sighed, rolling her eyes and running a hand through her long hair. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Gayle. She told me last night. That was … brave. You could’ve got yourself into some serious trouble, for someone who’s been a complete bitch to you for years. So … thank you. Thank you for helping my friend. And thank you for getting rid of it all.”

 

            Shifting uncomfortably, Kara shrugged self-consciously, unused to the sincerity colouring Lena’s voice. “Yeah, well, I didn’t want her to get expelled for something she can’t help.”

 

            Grimacing, Lena nodded, “you still didn’t have to do what you did. I, uh, I guess this means we’re all even now?” She tentatively held out a hand towards Kara, a brief look of hope crossing her face, followed by the barest hint of a smile playing on her lips when Kara juggled her armful of books and reached out with a free hand to take her hand. “I’ll, uh, leave you to it. And I’ll try and stay out of your way.”

 

            She turned around again and Kara couldn’t bite the words back before they fell from her lips. “I like you, you know. It was never you I had a problem with - well, not directly.”

 

            “I didn’t make it easy for you,” Lena said. “I’m sorry.”

 

            “You didn’t make it any harder either,” Kara shrugged, a small smile on her lips.

          

            “You were right when you said that I should’ve told them to stop. And I was wrong to say that you chose to put yourself in that situation. I think that part’s on me.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “Partly because I was jealous. You’ve always been unbothered by everything that was thrown at you. Sometimes it felt like a game. They’d say something mean and you’d stammer and blush and you’d just  _ take it.  _ Sometimes you’d just roll your eyes and give us a grim smile, like you knew it was a petty joke. You weren’t one of the kids crying in the toilets. You were strong. I feel things … a lot more than I let on. I was jealous that you could brush it off and mind your own business, when I knew that if it was me … well, I’d be the kid crying in the toilets.”

 

            A feeling of pity welled up inside Kara, and she tried hard not to let it show on her face, knowing that they were in no place for Lena to not have her pride wounded at the thought of Kara pitying her. “What if I  _ had _ been the one crying in the toilets?”

 

            Deliberating her question for a few moments, a thoughtful look on her face, Lena cocked her head to the side. “You know, I never really thought about it.” She gave Kara a wry smile, before turning around and walking away from her. “I guess we’ll never know.”

 

            Rooted to the spot, Kara held her armful of books as she watched the shadowy figure disappear as Lena took a right at the end of the row of shelves. It was a few minutes of puzzling over the meaning of their interaction before Kara managed to get her feet moving again. It was  _ almost _ like they were friends. And if they weren’t friends, they were being somewhat friendly instead of the barely civil conversations they’d previously been having, and Kara found herself smiling as she made her way back to the desk she’d been occupying. A second-year had taken up residence, the young girl’s colourful notebooks spread out across the desktop, but Kara didn’t care at all - in fact, she didn’t think she had the mind for studying anymore. Instead, she took the books to the front desk, checking out the one Lena had given her and slipping it into her satchel along with the rest of them. Besides, it was dark outside, as soon through the narrow arched windows along the western wall, which meant that it was nearly time for dinner anyway.

 

            Slipping out into the hallway, Kara walked down the hallway, deciding to just take her bag with her to the dining hall. The tables were crowded with students wearing a mixture of navy blazers, grey sweaters or their own clothes, and Kara joined the queue, trying to stop her bag strap from slipping off her shoulder as she balanced her tray. She picked spaghetti bolognaise this time and a chocolate brownie for dessert. Winn wasn’t sitting at their usual spot and Kara looked around for him, coming up blank, but she did see Alex. Letting out a heavy sigh, thinking about how pissed her sister had been last night, Kara squared her shoulders and set off towards her. She was getting good at confrontations now, and at least Lucy and Vasquez weren’t there to make it uncomfortable.

 

            “Hi,” Kara said, hovering behind Alex as she tried to gauge her sister’s mood. “Can I sit?”

 

            “What, you don’t want to sit with your new friends?”

 

            Sighing, Kara dropped down onto the bench beside her, picking up her fork and twirling it in the pasta. “We’re putting the past behind us. It’s not a bad thing to be forgiving, Alex.”

 

            Scoffing, Alex shook her head, a condescending smile on her face as she turned to Kara. “They’re  _ not _ your friends, Kara. They’ve been nothing but mean to you for  _ years.” _

 

            “And so have you! You’re supposed to be my sister, but you never even gave me a chance. You just- you left me alone to deal with them. You saw how mean they were and you didn’t do anything, and you didn’t show me a bit of kindness either. And you know what, that hurt more than all of the mean things they said to me, because you’re supposed to be my family, but you didn’t care. But I don’t hold that against you.”

 

            Opening and closing her mouth a few times as she floundered for an answer, finding herself speechless at Kara’s brutally honest thoughts, Alex took a sip of her juice. She wasn’t used to Kara being so outspoken. Digging into her own food, Kara silently ate her pasta, enjoying one of the less blander options that they served for dinner. She was moving onto dessert, always the highlight in her opinion, when Alex finally spoke.

 

            “I’m sorry,” she said, speaking to her plate rather than to her sister, “it was just hard for me. Losing my dad and having you around - a virtual stranger … it was hard.”

 

            “I know. It’s been hard for me too.”

 

            “I just don’t want you to be hurt more than you already have.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara scooped up some of her brownie and shoved it into her mouth. She chewed quickly, giving Alex a bright smile as she shrugged, “well if those boxing lessons are still an option …”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Alex returned her smile, bumping Kara with her shoulder in something, that Kara realised with surprise, was sisterly affection. It made her smile even more. “I’ll ask Mr. Henshaw if I can steal the gloves again. Just promise me that if they give you anymore shit, you’ll beat the shit out of them.”

 

            “Deal.”


	14. Chapter 14

            The next day Kara had her first gym class of the semester, and true to her word, Miss Wilson paired her and Lena together for fencing. While everyone else sought out partners, Kara sullenly changed into her white padded suit, finding the sleeves a little bit too short - she’d had it custom fitted at the start of the last semester, as per the requirements specified in the school supplies letter, but she must’ve grown an inch since then - and she nervously tugged at them while her eyes darted over to Lena, who was chatting to her friends, all of them paired up and slipping on their own gear over the unflattering gym uniform. 

 

            At the shrill whistle off the coach, they all gathered around, listening to instructions and watching a demonstration on how their stance should be while thrusting, feinting and lunging, before they all had to split off into their pairs and practice. 

 

            “Danvers,” Lena curtly greeted her, a lopsided smile curling her lips.

 

            “Lena.”

 

            “Well, let’s see if you’re less shitty at fencing than you are at dancing.”

 

            There was a teasing note in her voice, and she looked to be in considerably higher spirits than she usually was, but Kara was silent as she didn’t rise to the bait, knowing that it would end badly if she did. She wasn’t sure what would go wrong, but something always did. Still, she’d had a few weeks of peace, and Lena had been annoyingly helpful in the library the night before, so perhaps they would be able to put aside their differences and just let things settle for a while. Kara could do with some peace and quiet for a while. That went for the cards as well, another of which was yet to be delivered after her solving Gayle’s immediate problem. A part of her was worried that she hadn’t done enough on that front, but what else was she supposed to do to help her? She could’ve been caught with drugs on her - was there anything riskier that she could pull to help a girl she wasn’t even friends with? Still, she wasn’t complaining about the radio silence for the moment. A break from the cards would be welcome. She’d had a nice break over the holidays, fixing things with Alex a little, spending time with Winn and Eliza, and the cards had shifted to the back of her mind. Maybe she was done with them now.

 

            “Well you’re in a  _ great  _ mood this morning,” Lena huffed, a faint look of disappointment on her face as she settled into the stance they’d just been shown.

 

            Sighing, Kara gave her a withering look, mirroring her stance and holding her foil out before her. She lunged forward and thrusted, the tip of her foil stabbing Lena right over where her heart would be. “I thought you were staying out of my way.”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Lena rolled her eyes and lunged forward with her own thrust, catching Kara on the shoulder. “Ouch, and I thought you were starting to like me.”

 

            “We’re not friends,” Kara said in a small voice, “no matter what you told your mom.”

 

            It was Kara’s turn to practice a lunge and feint or thrust, but Lena still had her foil pressed up against the padded jacket, and she pushed it more firmly into the fabric, bending the flimsy metal slightly under the weight of her pressure. “Well that’s not very polite now, is it?”

 

            Batting the foil aside with her own, Kara stepped inside Lena’s guard, her own foil hanging down by her side, the tip grazing the varnished surface of the gym floor. “I’m tired of being polite to people who don’t deserve it.”

 

            “That’s fair,” Lena shrugged, knowing that Kara didn’t owe her anything.

 

            Nodding, Kara drew back a step, leaving enough space between them so that she could bring up her foil and stab it into Lena’s stomach, making the other girl jump back slightly at the attack. They were mostly silent for the rest of the lesson, and Lena was quick to abandon their practice the second that they were told to wrap it up, making for her group of bullies. 

 

            Kara didn’t see her for the rest of the morning, and she was somewhat grateful for it, knowing that it was better to keep her distance from Lena, because whenever they were around each other, one of them got pissed off or upset. She was in study hall after lunch, working on her essay again, when a shadow fell across her work, and she bit back a groan, assuming that it was Lena again. When she looked up, she realised that it was  _ much _ worse. Veronica was frowning slightly as she looked down at her, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like she’d done something wrong, or was about to have her ass handed to her, and somehow she didn’t think that her one boxing lesson with Alex was going to be of much use.

 

            “Danvers,” Veronica brusquely greeted her, sounding slightly anxious, “Megan wants you for counselling. Told me to come and get you for her.”

 

            “Oh, um, yeah, sure,” Kara mumbled. 

 

            She’d almost forgotten about that part of her punishment for fighting with Veronica, and she was a little bit wary about the next session. It hadn’t been too bad last time, but the thought of having to go through even more sensitive topics this time, and open up to a woman she’d barely had any contact with since arriving at the school, wasn’t exactly a welcoming idea. Still, Kara had taken her punishment silently, and she wouldn’t complain now - although she was already dreading to think about the rest of her detention she had to go through - and she wearily started to pack away her work. Slipping her books and laptop into her bag, she looked up to give Veronica an expectant look, finding the other girl still standing there.

 

            Shifting uncomfortably, Veronica let out an impatient sigh. “Look, I just- I wanted to say thank you. About Gayle.”

 

            “Oh, right. Yeah, no problem.”

 

            “So we’re cool now?”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara gave her an incredulous look, opening and closing her mouth as she tried to come up with a response. “You know you bullied me for over two years for something I didn’t do, right?”

 

            “Yeah, well, I thought you did.”

 

            “And you didn’t think to ask?”

 

            A look of anger flickering across her face, Veronica gave her a look of disdain, “look, we can let it go, or we can sort it out another way. And your face might not be able to handle another beating.”

 

            Bristling slightly at the insinuation that she would lose, which, to be fair, she probably would, Kara flushed - equal parts anger and embarrassment - and buckled her satchel closed. “Fine. We’re cool.”

 

            “Good. Just stay out of my way.”

 

            Spluttering as Veronica stalked off, Kara gave her retreating figure an exasperated look, wondering in what world Veronica lived to think that Kara had been going out of her way to seek her out for a good tongue-lashing and a few harsh insults. She was still standing there when a figure appeared behind her shoulder, startling her with amused words, and Kara’s pulse started racing as she whirled around, stumbling slightly in her haste.

 

            Lena let out a laugh, not in an unkind manner but it was enough to make two spots of colour appear high on Kara’s cheeks, and she arched an eyebrow. “That was actually almost nice for her standards.”

 

_             “Nice?!”  _ Kara exclaimed, “she tried to blame  _ me.” _

 

            “Yeah, she likes to do that. Everytime I beat her at poker I’m cheating. She hates to lose. Don’t take it personally,” Lena said, giving her a quick pat on her arm.

 

            Looking down at the spot where Lena had made contact with her blazer, Kara blinked in surprise, before looking back up with a slightly dazed look in her eyes. “So should I not take her insults personally either?”

 

            “Probably not.”

 

            “What about the ones about my parents being dead? Those seemed very personal.”

 

            Wincing slightly, Lena gave her a sheepish smile, her green eyes full of apology and a small hint of pity. “Yeah she’s quite good at finding what hurts and using it against you.”

 

            “You sound like you know how it feels.”

 

            “Maybe I do,” Lena murmured, a dark look crossing her face for a brief moment. “Friends close and enemies closer and all of that. I never said we got along well. At least I can keep her off my back this way.”

 

            “Yeah, screw everyone else, right?” Kara snorted. “I have to go.”

 

            “Wait,” Lena said, reaching out to stop her.

 

            Glancing at her over her shoulder, Kara raised her eyebrows slightly, taking in the way Lena worried at her bottom lip with her teeth. It was an endearing look, as was her hesitation and the appraising look she gave Kara. Then she gave her a helpless smile, the sharp angles of her face softening slightly, and Kara felt a nervous fluttering in her stomach. She loved the moments when Lena’s kindness shone through and the iciness melted away for a few moments. They were few and far between, but Kara felt a sense of victory well up inside her whenever Lena gave her a glimpse of that. She wasn’t sure why, but it made her feel triumphant, like she had been right not to label Lena as a bad person straight off the bat.

 

            “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot,” Lena sighed, “and I know I said we’re not friends, but … maybe one day we can be. Things might be different soon. We could … I don’t know, well, if we ever got to know each other better, I think you and I … we could get along.”

 

            Giving her a slight grimace, Kara shrugged, “I never thought we couldn’t. Thank you, but … I don’t think that things will change anytime soon. Like you said, we all have our roles. I don’t agree that we pick them, but we have them, and I think it’s a bit too late for me to get myself on top.”

 

            A tight smile and the slight shine in her eyes was all that Lena’s face said on the matter, and Kara had the feeling like she’d failed a test somehow. Still, Lena gently nudged her, her smiled growing slightly, still not quite reaching her eyes, and she let out a hollow laugh. “Well who knows, maybe one day I’ll be unseated and have to come down to your level. I can’t stay queen forever.”

 

            Wrinkling her nose as she smiled, Kara nodded, ducking her head and fiddling with her glasses. “In that case, I’ll save you a seat with us commoners.”

 

            She left after that, feeling sad but not quite sure why. A part of her attributed it to the fact that Lena had openly admitted that perhaps if things had been different, they could’ve been friends, and maybe if things changed - which they wouldn’t - then they could still become friends, and then there was the part of her who considered the possibility that she was sad because friendship was the  _ most _ she could hope for. It wasn’t like she had a chance anyway - Lena was with Jack - which left Kara pathetically pining after her from a distance. This hot and cold game only made it more difficult for her to stop her wishful thinking.

 

            Lena didn’t call after her, and Kara didn’t say goodbye, and soon enough she was leaving study hall, with its wooden desks scarred with names and symbols carved into it, the sound of pens scratching and fingers typing on keyboards, the hushed whispers and the smell of too many offending body sprays and dust mingling in the stuffy room. It was a relief to be out in the empty hallways, the cool air washing over her as she hurried through the block of classrooms, not wanting to keep the school counsellor waiting for her. Veronica and Lena had already delayed her long enough. 

 

            By the time she reached the front office, she was feeling even worse about the counselling session, but it didn’t stop her from hesitantly knocking on Megan’s door when she reached it. The other woman pulled it open a few minutes later, a bright smile on her face to match the sunny colourfulness inside her office, and she stood aside to let Kara in.

 

            “Hi Kara, take a seat,” Megan said, a few cookies on a plate and an apple juice waiting for her on the coffee table this time. Her folder was beside it too and she grimaced at the sight, but silently took her seat as she listened to the woman close the door behind her. When Megan was comfortably seated in the orange leather chair, Kara’s file in her lap now and a notepad and pen poised, she smiled at Kara again. “So, how about we start with the holidays?”

 

\---

 

            She was finishing up her detention, white dust covering her hands and forearms from cleaning chalkboards on the upper levels of classrooms, and the smell of chalk clinging to her clothes as she packed away the cleaning supplies she’d taken from the janitor’s closet down the hall. The surfaces of the desks were all gleaming from the industrial strength cleaning products she’d been using to wipe them over with, and the shelves had all been dusted, leaving the floors to be swept and mopped by the janitor, who was finishing one of the other classrooms her and the other students in detention had been cleaning. The evening before she’d been sent to the library to reshelve books, and she’d much preferred that to the cleaning, but she hadn’t uttered a word of complaint and she’d finished her hour of work and was looking forward to dinner now.

 

            Stowing the cleaning supplies back in the closet, Kara happily made her way downstairs, her feet echoing on the wooden stairs as she descended three levels, and she slipped into the nearest bathroom, taking in her dishevelled appearance in the tarnished mirror. Her hair was a mess and she quickly turned on the hot water, soaping up her hands and washing off the worst of it while she listened to voices in the hallway as dinner started. Drying herself off, she unrolled her sleeves and buttoned up the cuffs with difficulty, a look of contempt on her face as she looked down at the wrinkled fabric, but with a sigh, she stepped outside and joined the flow of students towards the dining hall.

 

            It was pizza day and she grabbed a few slices of pepperoni, relishing the chance for something greasy and unhealthy, and carried her fully loaded plate over to her usual spot next to Winn. He gave her a slightly wide-eyed look at her unruly appearance, a smile playing on his lips as she dropped down next to him and let out a tired groan.

 

            “Next time I decide to stick up for myself, please talk me out of it,” Kara grumbled.

 

            “No promises, but sure.”

 

            “Making kids to manual labour must be against  _ some _ child working laws.”

 

            Shrugging, Winn grimaced, giving her a pitiful look. “Probably. But hey, at least you’ve only got twelve more days to go.” He hesitated briefly, a panic stricken look on his face for a moment. “You’re still going to come to D and D on Saturday, right?”

 

            Smiling around a large bite of pizza, Kara vigorously nodded. “Mhm.”

 

            “Good, because I don’t think Querl can make it this weekend.”

 

            “Why?” Kara asked, her question coming out muffled as she tried to chew quickly.

 

            “They’re wrapping up soccer in his class and he needs to practice so he can pass. You know how he is about gym class.”

 

            Kara gave him a knowing look, thinking about their dancing practicing, where she’d tried her best to help him improve. “I mean, he ended up doing okay with dancing though, right?”

 

            Nodding, Winn shrugged, “I think coach offered to boost his grades if he went to soccer practice or something. You know he’s friends with all those soccer assholes. They probably vouched for him. Not that I think it’ll help; they’ll all slaughter him.”

 

            Wincing, Kara had to agree. Querl wasn’t exactly the most athletic person she’d come across, but at least she had helped tide him over to a passing grade for the time being. She wished there was something more she could do to help him, but she wasn’t exactly good at soccer herself, and she couldn’t intervene on the pitch and help him score a goal.

 

            They moved onto other topics after that and Kara happily ate her pizza and the leftover slice that Winn didn’t finish, before deciding to go back to her dorm and relax. Her arms were aching from holding her fencing foil all day, as well as her rowing practice before detention, and then an hour of scrubbing for detention. A quick, much needed shower and a pair of clean pyjamas were all she had in stock for the rest of her night, and she said goodbye to Winn not too long after finishing her food, leaving him to a night of gaming and homework.

 

            Her relief didn’t last too long though, because she made a stop by the mail room on her way up to her room and found an envelope waiting for her with no name on the front. Letting out a groan, Kara pulled the card out and immediately flipped it to the side with the card number on it. It was a Jack of Clubs.

 

**_23_ **

 

            Feeling irritated at the lack of information, she shoved it back into the envelope and walked out of the mail room with a stern look on her face, taking the familiar path back to her dorm without much thought as she pondered what the number could mean. Was it a date? The twenty-third of the month? Was it a dorm room? Possibly even a ranking system for the kids in her class? She might have to find out who was flunking history, or math. There were endless possibilities. All Kara could think was that she would know it when she saw it though. Whoever was sending her the cards couldn’t make it too difficult for her or she wouldn’t be able to help - or teach them a lesson, so it seemed.

 

            She was still pondering the question when she reached her room, and then in the bathroom, locked in her shower stall as she washed the missed chalk dust and the smell of cleaning products off her skin, and even when she was wrapped up beneath her knitted blanket, listening to music while she did some light reading. At this rate, Kara was surprised she didn’t have dreams filled with playing cards, and she fell asleep with the heavy burden of the card weighing down on her shoulders. Sometimes she wished she could just ignore it. She wished the cards had never come to her.


	15. Chapter 15

            It was a few days later when Kara found the answer to the card - or at least she assumed it was the answer, because there it was, a large 23 staring straight at her as she let herself be swept down the hallway with the tide of students heading towards their next class. There, emblazoned in white on the back of a blue soccer shirt was the number that had shown up on the card, and Kara blinked in surprise, slowing as she took in the short hair and broad shoulders, listening to the obnoxious laugh as she froze in the middle of the hallway. Other students roughly bumped into her, swearing at her for stopping, and Kara shook herself out of her trance as she carried on walking towards history. Could it be that simple? Was this the 23 she was looking for? The cards had always made themselves clear on who the subject was when the time arose and the opportunity to help presented itself, but Kara was unsure if this was the right one. She didn’t  _ want _ it to be the right one. She’d already had a run-in with this one on an earlier card, and she didn’t think he  _ deserved _ her help.

 

            Staring at Mike as she passed by, watching him lean up against the lockers, Kara frowned slightly. How was she supposed to help the guy she’d photographed cheating at the start of the school year when she didn’t  _ want _ to help him? Pressing her lips together in a thin line, she watched him get one of the other soccer guys in a headlock, the rowdy team jeering and jostling each other, until a girl walking past got his attention and he started calling after her, a cocky smile on his face. Scoffing, Kara kept walking, and it wasn’t until she got to the end of the hallway, making a sharp right, that it occurred to her that the cards had never explicitly said help. She hadn’t helped Veronica either, but she’d fulfilled the card. Perhaps the same was to be done for Mike. The only problem was, she wasn’t about to punch him in the middle of the dining hall to embarrass him, because that would have even less of an effect than it had with Veronica. It was one thing to stand up to a girl that had been bullying her, instilling a small amount of courage into the hearts of her other victims, but Mike was another matter entirely. Aside from suggestive, lewd comments a few times, he’d barely spoken to Kara before, and she had no reason to even consider picking a fight with him. If she was going to knock him down a few pegs, she’d have to be smarter. 

 

\---

 

            It was Friday when she finally came up with a plan, the idea coming to her in the middle of chemistry class and catching her completely by surprise. She’d been thinking about her weekly Dungeons and Dragons session with Winn and Querl and how it would just be the two of them tomorrow night, because Querl was going to be spending most of his morning at soccer training to earn himself some extra credit in gym class, and Kara was pitying him, knowing that despite his friendship with Mike, he really didn’t have a chance at making a good impression. Kara knew that his friend had vouched for him with the coach to try and help Querl get a passing grade, but the short white haired boy was so uncoordinated that it would make little difference unless a miracle happened and he suddenly had amazing soccer skills … or something happened to the rest of the team. Eyes wide with surprise at the thought that crossed her mind, Kara quickly glanced around the room, a nervous look on her face as if the idea that had struck her was etched on her face. Her mind started turning after that and by the time the bell rang for lunch, she had a fully formed plan ready to put into action. It just required the help of someone she would rather have stayed away from. 

 

            Hoping to catch the person in question before they made it into the dining hall, Kara packed up her belongings in a rush, halfway out of the door while people were still closing their textbooks. She didn’t know which class they were in, but she knew there was only one entrance to the dining hall, and only one hallway leading there, so she hovered near the far end of the hallway, hoping to snag them and lead them aside so their conversation would go unnoticed. 

 

            It wasn’t too long before she saw the familiar blonde curls, and Kara quickly pushed past a bunch of third years and fell into step beside Gayle, who turned to look at her with a wariness in her eyes.

 

            “I need a favour,” Kara blurted out, cutting straight to the chase as she shifted uncomfortably beside of Gayle. Stopping, Gayle made her way back the way they’d just come and slipped down a quieter side hallway, giving Kara a sceptical look as she crossed her arms over her chest.

 

            “A favour?”

 

            “Yeah, you said you owe me one. I want to cash it in, and I need it quickly.”

 

            Raising her eyebrows at Kara’s demanding tone, Gayle smiled, taking a slow step towards her. They were roughly the same height and Kara wanted to back down from the sharp stare as they stood eye to eye. “You know I said I owe you one, not that I was taking orders.”

 

            Huffing, Kara gave her an exasperated look, “yeah, well, I’m feeling impatient. Will you help me or not?”

 

            “You need  _ my _ help?”

 

            Awkwardly clearing her throat, her discomfort evident in her hunched shoulders and foot that was scuffing along the ground, Kara scratched the back of her neck, feeling herself flush slightly. “I, ah, need your  _ expertise.” _

 

            “My exper-  _ oh _ . Shit, Danvers, I didn’t think you were into this shit,” Gayle laughed, looking almost impressed. “What do you need? Weed. Cigarettes? Something harder?”

 

            “Laxatives,” Kara mumbled.

 

            “Did you say  _ laxatives?” _ Gayle snorted, “sorry, I don’t deal in bathroom problems. Maybe you should visit the nurse.”

 

            Giving her a stony look, Kara fought back an even fiercer blush. “It’s not for- you know what, nevermind. I should’ve known you wouldn’t be much help. I’ll come back if I ever want a hit.”

 

            She turned around and started stalking off, her frustration getting the better of her as she tried to figure out a way to put her plan into motion without Gayle’s help. Surely there would be other ways, but none quite so effective or quick, and her plan had a dual purpose to it too. Before she’d made it very far though, Gayle called out after her, and Kara looked back over her shoulder, watching as the blonde girl hurried after her, a grim look on her face.

 

            “Fine. I’ll get them for you. Just … tell me they’re not for you. I don’t want the blame being put on me if you’re using them-”

 

            “It’s not for that,” Kara muttered, shifting awkwardly, “it’s … I guess you could say revenge.”

 

            Lips quirking up into a smile, Gayle nodded, “I’ll have them by tonight. I’ll swing by your room.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara gratefully gushed, a feeling of relief washing over her.

 

            Shaking her head, Gayle turned and walked off, and Kara smiled slightly to herself. It wasn’t a  _ good _ plan, and she was already feeling the guilt, but it was quick and effective, and she needed it to be quick and effective. If she could help Querl and knock some of the arrogance and cockiness out of Mike and the rest of the soccer team during the process, then it would help lessen her guilt, or so she hoped. Kara didn’t like bullying or embarrassing other people, but just this once, she was willing to let her morals slide. Just this once, she’d go against what she knew was right, for what she knew would be better for everyone else. It wasn’t so much that Mike was a bully - although he’d done his fair share of it - it was that he was just a typical jock too. Aside from the fact that he was friends with Querl, Mike was downright rude and arrogant, and Kara was still disgusted by his cheating, and she considered her plan revenge on Imra’s behalf, even if it wasn’t necessarily her place to do so. To have someone put him in his place and reduce his inflated ego and pigheadedness would be a blessing to everyone who had to be around him and his teammates. Soccer wasn’t the only team he was on, and she knew that some of the other teams were just as childish and vain, but the soccer team would have to do for the sake of Querl’s benefit as well. Just as long as Gayle upheld her part of the plan.

 

            She couldn’t help but be nervously distracted through the rest of her afternoon classes, and all through rowing practice and detention, and all through dinner she kept glancing from Mike to Gayle and then to Lena, even though the latter wasn’t included in her plan - Kara just couldn’t help herself there. By the time she was holed up in her dorm room, a mug of hot chocolate cooling on her desk while she tried to string together a few thoughts for a paper she was working on, Kara was starting to have doubts, and she was too distracted to even focus on the assignment as she second-guessed herself. Was it right? Or was it just a cruel prank to humiliate an egotistical guy who thought that everything was his by right or through money, which was the same as most of the kids at the school, but they just happened to be less snobby and full of themselves, unliked Mike.

 

            She started when a knock sounded on her door, and Kara leapt to her feet immediately, opening the door to reveal her neighbour looking a little anxious as she looked up and down the hallway. Slipping into Kara’s room, Gayle held out her hand and uncurled her fingers to reveal a small ziplock bag with a cluster of white pills inside, and Kara hesitantly reached out and took it off her.

 

            “Listen, whatever your revenge is, it better not come back to me, or I’ll get Veronica to beat the shit out of you again. Understood?”

 

            “Yeah,” Kara meekly replied, knowing that it wasn’t an idle threat.

 

            “And we’re even now, for the … other thing.”

 

            Quickly nodding, Kara gave her a serious look, “of course. Thank you.”

 

            Gayle jerked her head in a quick nod and made for the door again, opening it slightly before pausing and glancing back over her shoulder, a peculiar look on her face as she gave Kara a wary look. “What’re you going to do with them?”

 

            “I’m sure you’ll hear all about it,” Kara said, giving her an impish smile. 

 

            “Whatever they did must’ve really pissed you off,” Gayle said with a bemused smile on her face, “normally people go for spiking with pot brownies. This is a  _ lot _ more brutal.”

 

            She slipped out of Kara’s room without another word, and Kara sheepishly stared down at the white pills, before setting her shoulders and making up her mind.

 

\---

 

            The next morning, Kara woke early and went for a jog in the freezing cold, running lap after lap as she warmed up, until her lungs were burning and she had convinced herself that she should still go through with her plan. Round and round the track she went as she went back and forth on whether she had the courage to do it. Afterwards, she took a hot shower to wash away the sweat, deciding that she wasn’t going to do it - the risk was too great and it was mean. By the time she made it to the dining hall, she had the pills tucked into the pocket of her jeans, and as she cut up bacon, she talked herself back into it. Seeing Querl enter the hall a few minutes later, dressed in his gym gear and looking thoroughly terrified at the prospect of a few hours of practice in a sport he was no doubt useless at, Kara firmly set her mind on following through with the plan.

 

            She made her excuses to Winn as soon as she finished eating, telling him she’d catch up with him later, and made her way out of the dining hall. Crossing the vast campus, she made for the large field where the football team was already geared up with their shoulder pads and helmets on, while the track team was running laps like she’d been doing this morning. Lacrosse players had decided to mess around despite the fact that they didn’t have practice, and Kara suspected that they were there to ogle the cheerleaders and the girl’s field hockey team, both of which were practicing on their own patch of grass. She’d be lying if she said that she didn’t pick Lena out of the crowd of girls in the pleated skirts and matching fitted tops, giving orders to the rest of the crew as their head cheerleader.

 

            Pushing aside all thoughts of Lena for now, Kara quickly crossed over to where she knew the soccer team would be practicing, the nets already set up in the goals and a bag of soccer balls waiting nearby. There was also a large orange drink container, no doubt filled with Gatorade or whatever other energy drink the team preferred. Trying to appear casual, Kara pulled the sachet pills out of her pocket, staring down at the fine powder she’d crushed them into the night before, and with a quick glance around, she took the top off the drink container and tipped the powder into the blue liquid inside, watching as it was quickly soaked up by it. Replacing the lid, Kara shoved the sachet back into her pocket and made a beeline for the bleachers. She’d brought a book under the guise of relaxing outside in the weak, wintery sunlight, but really she just wanted to make sure it worked.

 

            She didn’t have to wait long for the soccer team to come out. She didn’t have to wait long for them to fill up their drink bottles from the container, or to start sipping it. In a few minutes, they were all kicking balls around and dribbling between cones, and Kara couldn’t help but pity Querl as she watched him awkwardly fumble with the ball. As they warmed up, dribbling the ball and taking shots at the goalkeeper, Kara held her book open in her lap, even though she was watching the boys practice with unabashed interest. The goalie stopped Querl’s ball twice. And then the laxatives kicked in. She could pinpoint the moment that the first player realised that they weren’t feeling too good, slowly walking around as if to shake off the discomfort. Then another, and another. One by one, they all started feeling strange - all except Querl, who had been warned off the drink by Kara, who had suggested that he stick to water because he wasn’t an athlete - and as she watched, Querl dribbled the ball towards the goalie once more, with his small, controlled kicks, the goalie doubled over slightly, and completely missed the ball as it struck the back of the net with a gentle hiss. 

 

            Deciding that she couldn’t stay around to watch the rest of what was about to happen, Kara climbed to her feet and quickly left the bleachers, retreating back towards the safety of the school as she tried in vain to bite back a smile. No doubt they were  _ really _ starting to kick in by now.

 

\---

 

            “I know what you did,” a singsong voice said from behind her, and Kara whirled around to face Lena, her heart seeming to leap into her throat as a wave of panic washed over her. She must’ve looked wide-eyed and pale with fear because Lena let out a loud laugh, her green eyes lighting up with amusement as her lips curled up into a smile. “You’re a bit twitchy. Are you scared that someone will figure out that you-”

 

            Lena cut off as Kara grabbed her by the arm and dragged her over to the nearest door, which turned out to be a supply closet that had been left unlocked, pulling her inside and shutting the door. They were both plunged into darkness, the smell of the cleaning products clustered on the shelf was strong in the enclosed space and what Kara took to be a broom or mop handle was digging into her shoulder blade as she tried no to trip over the cardboard boxes that had been briefly illuminated before she’d locked them in.

 

            “Well this is cozy,” Lena dryly said after a few moments of tense silence, and Kara’s heart started hammering in her chest when she realised just how close they were in the confined space. She knew that she would barely have to reach out to touch her, and Kara was almost convinced that she could feel the heat radiating off Lena. Her palms started to clam up and she had to clear her throat a few times, her mouth feeling dry, before she could reply.

 

            “Shut up,” Kara huffed, “are you trying to get me in trouble?”

 

            With a snort of laughter and a small clicking sound, harsh yellow light flooded the small closet as the naked bulb hummed overhead, and Kara winced at the sudden brightness, her eyes streaming as she tried to blink back the tears. When she finally looked up, a scowl on her face, she felt her cheeks turn a burning red at the sight of Lena leaning against the wall, one eyebrow arched and her head cocked to one side as she smiled.

 

            “Why would I want to get you in trouble?”

 

            Shrugging, Kara folded her arms over her chest, feeling shy in the close confines. “I don’t know. It’s what you and your friends  _ do _ . You stir up trouble and have a good laugh about it.”

 

            “Bold of you to assume I’m like them.”

 

            “Bold of you to assume you’re not,” Kara shot back, her voice sharper than she intended.

 

            Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath, calming herself down before she let her frustration get the better of her, and then opened her eyes to find Lena still staring at her. Almost as if she hadn’t realised she’d been staring, Lena quickly blinked a few times and shifted on the spot, looking down at one of the boxes haphazardly piled beside her and started picking at a piece of tape keeping it closed.

 

            “Sorry,” Kara murmured, “I know you’ve never been … well, mean to me. I just- I’m tired, Lena. I’m confused. You’re always there! Everywhere I go. You never used to be, but this year you’re everywhere, and I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want to be friends? Do you just like teasing me? It’s so frustrating. I tired of it so can you just tell me why you keep following me?”

 

            “I like you,” Lena shrugged, her answer so simple that it caught Kara off guard for a moment. “I know that we can’t really be friends because of how things are, but you’re one of the only people who actually cares in this place so …”

 

            “So what?”

 

            “I don’t know, I just … I like having someone to talk to.”

 

            For the first time, it struck Kara that Lena was _lonely._ She had her friends and her boyfriend, yet she seemed so out of place with them that it wasn’t really surprising that she would be lonely,  and Kara couldn’t help but pity her. Lena was undoubtedly the smartest person in the whole school, the richest too, definitely one of the most popular, and Kara might’ve been biased, but she also thought she was the most beautiful too. She had everything, but it made sense that she was lonely. Kara just couldn’t figure out why, out of everyone, Lena would try and strike up conversation with her, time and time again. Since the start of the school year, it had seemed like Lena had had a change of heart, seeking out Kara whenever the chance presented itself, and it wasn’t _always_ to tease her, sometimes it was just to talk. Surely she wasn’t _that_ lonely? There must’ve been at least one of the girls in her friend group that she would’ve preferred to talk to, or at least her boyfriend. It seemed like a flimsy excuse, and Kara wasn’t quite sure whether she trusted Lena’s motives.

 

            “There’s a dozen other people you could choose.”

 

            “There’s no one else like you,” Lena said, giving her a small smile. 

 

            It was almost bitter, and her wide eyes were pools of sadness, and Kara felt an ache in her chest at the sight of it. She’d had it all wrong. For all her observations, how had she not picked up on the signs that Lena was all alone. Her friends would dethrone her for the slightest chance to take her place on top, and everyone lived for the rumours about her - Kara remembered half a dozen that had circulated since she’d started at St. Rao’s - and she didn’t know the half of what else went on in Lena’s life.

 

            “If- if you don’t like your friends then  _ why _ are you friends with them?” Kara tentatively asked.

 

            “Because it’s safer.”

 

            “For your reputation? Do you really care that much about people seeing us talking?”

 

            With a quick laugh, Lena gave her a wry smile, “I don’t know - you’re the one who dragged us into a supply closet.”

 

            “Because you were about to announce to half of the hallway that I put laxatives in the soccer team’s drinks!”

 

            “Aha! So my source was correct.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara rolled her eyes, “source? I literally went straight to Gayle and asked her for them. I’m not surprised she told you.” 

 

            “Pretty gutsy move,” Lena said, sounding impressed as she gave Kara an appraising look, “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

 

            “Yeah, well, I was just- I was helping a friend out.”

 

            “Uh huh.”

 

            “I  _ was!” _

 

            Laughing, Lena raised her eyebrows, giving her an amused look of disbelief. “By making the whole soccer team shit themselves?”

 

            “Well I- yeah.”

 

            “They're going to be talking about this one for a while. You should've seen them - you're lucky you _didn't_ , it wasn't pretty. I think you might've wounded a few egos there. Great job. I didn't think you had it in you to do something that  _horrible._ " Lena laughed, getting nothing but embarrassed silence off Kara, who stared down at her feet. "Right, well … I might go now,” Lena said, gesturing towards the door, “lovely chat as always. Maybe next time we’ll pick a nicer venue, and you might stop sounding so sceptical. I’m not a complete stone-cold bitch, you know.”

 

            Giving her a withering look as she sighed, Kara shook her head and yanked on the string attached to the light bulb, plunging them both into darkness again. Fumbling in the pitch black, Kara muttered a curse as she tripped over a box of packets of 2B pencils, the broom handle that had been poking into her back shifting and crashing into a shelf of windex, and Lena tried to muffle her laugh with a cough as her warm hands landed on Kara, steadying her. Freezing at the contact, Kara felt her heart leap, the sound of her blood rushing almost deafening in her ears, and the spots where Lena was touching her - her left bicep and right shoulder - sent heat coursing through her body.

 

            “Careful,” Lena softly murmured, her voice coloured with amusement.

 

            Swallowing thickly, Kara caught herself on the metal shelf stocked with notebooks, erasers, trash bags and all manner of other supplies, and she slowly withdrew from Lena’s burning touch, grateful that the other girl wouldn’t be able to see how red her face was in the dark.

 

            “Thank you,” Kara quietly replied, her voice as tense as her body. 

 

            Feeling overwhelmed by the smell of chemicals and the sweet cloud of Lena’s perfume as the other girl moved closer, Kara had the desperate need for some fresh air and quickly yanked open the door, letting light stream in from the hallway. Without another word she rushed out into the empty hallway, realising that it was well into dinner time, and sucked in a grateful lungful of cool air. Lena stepped out after her but Kara couldn’t even bring herself to meet her gaze and quickly set off towards the dining hall. Slow footsteps followed after her and she could almost feel Lena’s questioning eyes burning into her back the whole length of the walk towards the dining hall. 

 

            By the time she reached the airy room, Kara was feeling frazzled and jittery and grabbed the quickest things she could before retreating to the opposite side of the hall where Winn was waiting for her. He raised his eyebrows at her flustered look but didn’t comment on it, and Kara gratefully dug into the casserole she’d heaped onto her plate, noticing with grim satisfaction that the soccer team was missing, probably too embarrassed to show their faces. With the weight of another card lifted off her shoulders - Kara didn’t think it would be too optimistic of her to think she’d completed the card - she felt a little more relaxed and was swept up into conversation with Winn.

 

            As she shoveled food into her mouth, she had started to feel less unsettled by how close Lena had gotten to her, and the honest moment they’d shared as Lena let down some of her defences, when she accidentally glanced up at the girl in question, her mind still hung up on her, when she found Lena staring straight back at her. Blushing, Kara quickly ducked her head back down, but not before she saw the small smile curling Lena’s lips. Somehow, she couldn’t shake the feeling that her and Lena were connected somehow. No matter how many times she told herself to stay away, or how many times Lena made a snarky comment and stormed off, they were both drawn to each other. There was a sense of understanding, and Kara was left feeling even more confused at how she could feel like she knew someone so well, while having absolutely no idea what Lena was keeping locked away inside herself. But it was there, that feeling of awareness of each other. She had thought it had only been her who had been watchful of Lena, with her intense crush and wishful thinking, but for the first time, she suspected that Lena had been paying attention to her just as closely.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Try Again._ **

 

            Kara groaned as she looked down at the black Joker card that had been slipped under her door that morning, feeling somewhat ashamed as she realised that her plan to enact her revenge on Mike had gone amiss. It had done nothing to  _ help _ him, and she had thought that maybe knocking him down a few pegs would be good enough, because he surely deserved it, but apparently her assumptions had been wrong. Instead, she’d embarrassed him and the entire soccer team for no reason. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel guilty about it, and so sheepish that she would never tell anyone what she had done, and the fact that she hadn’t accomplished anything just made her feel worse.

 

            It was Sunday, giving her the whole day to herself, and she slipped the card into the pocket of her jeans, donning a thick cardigan and letting herself out of her dorm room. The hallways were quiet, with most of the other girls sleeping through until noon, and Kara quietly made her way downstairs. The dining hall was only filled with a smattering of students at that time and she quickly helped herself to pancakes, finding a quiet spot to eat in peace, when a few moments later, a tray slammed down opposite her. Jumping in her seat, Kara’s knees hit the underside of the table and she softly cursed under her breath, rubbing at the bruised spots while she scowled up at the person sitting across from her. It wasn’t even surprising that it was Lena, only that she apparently had plans to stay, with her tray of food and the way she was climbing over the bench and sitting down. Blinking slowly, still feeling half asleep and a little groggy, Kara chewed her mouthful of pancakes.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            Lena gave her an exasperated look, silently cutting her food into neat pieces and eating quickly. It was very clear she had no intentions of making conversation, so Kara dug back into her own food with little fuss, casting a surreptitious glance around the vast room, making eye contact with a few people close by who were looking at them with wide eyes, before they averted their gaze and left Kara to sit in awkward silence with Lena. Sneaking glances up at her every so often, Kara took in the high ponytail and the sharply pressed collar of the white shirt peeking out from the neck of the dark grey cashmere sweater. One of the things she’d picked up about Lena from her observations was that her wealth was understated in her appearance, with simple, expensive things that weren’t gaudy or ostentatious, yet, she carried her entitlement in her bearings. If Lena wanted something, she got it, and it somewhat irked Kara at times. Still, the second that Lena’s fork clattered to her plate and she pushed herself to her feet, climbing over the bench, Kara watched her with an eager look on her face.

 

            “Come on then,” Lena huffed, her impatience turning her lips down at the corner and making her look irritated as she stalked off towards the trash bin, not even bothering to check if Kara was following.

 

            A part of Kara was tempted to stay there and finish her food, but she knew that her curiosity would get the better of her, and with a mournful look at regret at her half finish stack of pancakes, Kara climbed to her feet and followed after Lena. They dumped their trays on top of the bin and silently left the dining hall, with Kara leaving just enough gap between them so it didn’t look like they were together. Not that it made much difference, because everyone in the hall had seen them together, and no doubt rumours would start circling. That just made Kara even more confused about why Lena would want to sit with her.

 

            Without asking where they were going, Kara followed her all the way to the library, weaving through the dark shelves, the leathery smell of old books and the lingering dust from high shelves that hadn’t been touched in years greeting them as they stepped inside. Much to Kara’s surprise, Lena greeted the librarian warmly, snaking her way through study tables, until they were nearing the back of the cavernous room, the silence almost stifling with its arched ceiling towering high above them, while shelves reached up impossibly high. Jogging up a narrow winding staircase at the back of the room, Lena led her up to the balcony encircling the entire hall, where the shelves continued creepy up the walls and little alcoves held stuffed leather sofas and armchairs. It was cozy in a cold kind of way, too empty and hollow for the library to be welcoming, but cozy all the same with its secret corners to tuck oneself away and never be found - especially early on a Sunday morning.

 

            Stopping at an alcove with two sofas with a coffee table wedged in between, Lena flopped down onto the sofa, her feet hanging over the end of it while she buried her face in the seat cushions, letting out a sound of frustration. The little niche in the back corner was gloomy, with a halo of yellow light spilling from the old brass wall lamp, highlighting Lena’s dark hair fanning out around her and the glint of a gold watch face strapped to one wrist. Shifting awkwardly, Kara waited for something to happen, hugging her cardigan to herself as she chewed her bottom lip, her blue eyes anxious behind the lenses of her glasses. 

 

            “Are you going to sit down?” Lena’s muffled voice eventually came and Kara gave her a wary look from where she sat.

 

            “Oh … um, we’re staying here?”

 

            Sighing, Lena rolled over, pushing herself into a sitting position and giving Kara an appraising look, one eyebrow arched slightly. “Well I didn’t bring you here as a guide. Sit down.”

 

            Shuffling down the narrow gap between the coffee table and the sofa opposite Lena’s, Kara lowered herself down onto the stuffed seats, perching uncomfortably on the edge as she waited for the other shoe to drop. Swinging her legs around, Lena let them thump down onto the sturdy wooden table, hunching over slightly as she ran her fingers over one of the words carved into the varnished surface. 

 

            “Why  _ did _ you bring me here?” Kara ventured, a feeling of confusion roiling within her.

 

            Smiling, Lena settled back against the seat and Kara managed to decipher the three upside letters her fingers had been worrying over -  _ Lex -  _ and realised that Lena’s brother must’ve claimed this spot for himself when he was here. She was somewhat dimly aware of the fact that her cousin, Clark, was friends with Lena’s brother, although it made little difference to Kara, as she had very little contact with him, and nothing to say on the matter. She hardly expected Lena to be nice to her purely on that fact alone. 

 

            “Happy birthday,” Lena said, taking Kara by surprise.

 

            “How did you know it was my birthday?” Kara hedged, an apprehensive look on her face. She’d never had any friends to celebrate with, and aside from a quick, mumbled well wishing from Alex as she dropped off Eliza’s wrapped gifts, Kara usually spent her birthdays alone. She hadn’t expected Lena to know. Never in a million years.

 

            With an airy laugh, Lena waved her words aside, “that doesn’t matter. Here. I got you something.”

 

            Hesitating, Kara drew back from Lena as she fished something out of her pocket and set it down on the coffee table. A red Queen of Hearts. Her heart stopped for a moment, and Kara gave her a panicked look, which quickly changed to anger as she took in the slightly smug smile on Lena’s face. Written across it in black ink and familiar handwriting was  **_IOU_ ** and Kara felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. Lena laughed at the look on her face, and Kara felt like she must’ve turned three shades paler in surprise. 

 

_             “You!?” _

 

            Reaching forward, an uneven smirk curling her lips, Lena slid the card across the table to Kara when it became clear that she wasn’t going to pick it up. Grinding her teeth together as she stamped down her anger, Kara abruptly stood up and squeezed back through the gap, before she stormed off through the library, listening to Lena’s surprised spluttering and chasing footsteps.

 

            “Danvers. Hey, Danvers!  _ Wait, Kara!” _

 

            At the sound of Lena calling her name - a rare occurrence - Kara stopped in her tracks, grabbing Lena by the arm and dragging her into a niche in between two bookshelves, revealing a small, gloomy space for studying, a desk, lamp and chair squeezed into the small space. She let go of Lena, who brushed her hand over her creased sleeve, giving Kara a surprised look.

 

            “Are you trying to get us banned?” Kara hissed, aware of how loud Lena’s voice would’ve rung out in the large, high ceilinged room. 

 

            Snorting with laughter, Lena climbed onto the desk, her feet resting on the chair as she propped her chin up in her hand. “You know my mom practically owns the library at this point, right? I could burn it down and they  _ still _ wouldn’t punish me.”

 

            “You know that just makes you an asshole, right?” Kara sharply replied, her heart racing and her palms clamming up as she thought about Lena sending her the cards. She’d had a feeling that the handwriting had been familiar, like she’d seen it before, but unsure as to where. They’d been partnered together in class before, and it struck Kara that  _ that _ was where she knew it from. At Lena’s wide smile, absentmindedly flipping the playing card over and over in her hands, Kara’s anger gutted and died out, replaced with panic that made her mouth feel dry. “What do you want from me?” 

 

            With a sigh, Lena gave her a small grimace, “I’m doing you a favour, Kara. It’s a gift.”

 

            “Sending me these cards is  _ not _ a gift,” she snapped.

 

            “It’s not  _ me!”  _ Lena exclaimed, a look of irritation on her face, before she hesitated slightly, “I mean, yes, I’m  _ writing _ them, but it’s not off _ me.” _

 

            “Well then, who is it?”

 

            Biting her lip, Lena let out a heavy sigh, giving her a peeved look, “I don’t know.”

 

            “Lena-”

 

_             “I don’t know! _ I swear. I just- they left me a letter at the start of the school year and they send me pieces of paper with a name on it and a playing card, and then I leave it in my mailbox for them to take back. I don’t know who it is.”

 

            “Let me see it,” Kara said, holding her hand out for the card. 

 

            Lena handed it over with little fuss, her fingers grazing Kara’s slightly, before she withdrew her hand, leaving Kara holding the Queen of Hearts. Turning it over, she saw that the back of the card was a grey and white harlequin pattern of alternating diamonds, and Kara frowned slightly. It wasn’t a card from the pack she’d been receiving the other ones from, and she was confused.

 

            “This one’s different.”

 

            “It’s mine,” Lena said, sounding almost shy. “I told you, it’s a gift. If you ever need a favour-”

 

            Kara handed it back to her, taking a step back from Lena as she gave her a distrustful look, “I don’t  _ need _ anything from you.”

 

            Without another word, she slipped back out of the alcove and made her way through the library. This time, Lena didn’t follow.

 

            The rest of her day was spent milling around by the lake, watching as wisps of fog swirled above the surface of the still water, while her breath faintly misted before her. Alex found her at some point, giving her a tentative smile as she wished her a happy birthday with more warmth than the past two years - Kara actually believed that it was sincere - and produced a cake with a candle and a contraband lighter, laughing when Alex awkwardly sang for her, before they split the cupcake, sharing it in Kara’s dorm room while she opened her presents. It was uneventful, as far as birthday’s at boarding school went, but it was the best one Kara had had since her parents had died, and despite the looming feeling of unease at Lena knowing about the cards, Kara felt warm inside. She would’ve felt a lot better if she wasn’t so anxious about Lena having the upperhand on her, and if she didn’t have a Joker burning a hole in the pocket of her sweatpants. She still had to fix her mess with Mike.

 

\---

 

            The next two weeks, Kara avoided Lena at every possible turn. She made the excuse that she had a stomach ache for one of their personal debating practices with Mr Henshaw, despite the fact that the first round of local competitions was happening soon, she skipped gym class, twice - a first for Kara - and ignored her the other four times she had to fence with Lena, and Kara locked herself in her room when she wasn’t at rowing practice or other extracurricular activities. She did her homework and played  _ Dungeons and Dragons _ with Winn and Querl, helped tutor Alex and spent hours practicing her rowing, even when she didn’t have to. Something about the steady rhythm of pushing and pulling the oars made her feel less frustrated, and she spent more time jogging and swimming for the same reasons. 

 

            For whatever reason, Lena didn’t approach her either. There were no passing comments, surprise ambushes or sarcastic words murmured in her ear from behind as they queued up in the dining hall, fenced in gym class or wandered the halls. Kara was starting to miss her. That surprised her more than anything, because she’d been so weary of the games, and so sure that her crush stemmed from the way that Lena looked, that she hadn’t even realised just how much she enjoyed Lena’s sharp wit or funny comments that Kara could barely stop herself from laughing at. Even the flickers of irritation at Lena’s dismissive attitude were sorely missed, and she had the feeling that Lena could see the flicker of regret in her eyes whenever they made eye contact. 

 

            There was also the heavy feeling of failure as she walked around with the card in her satchel, catching herself looking at Mike whenever he was in the vicinity. People were still making jokes at the expense of the soccer team - not him specifically, but all of them - and he was a little more subdued, which was  _ something _ at least. But Kara wasn’t sure how to help him. She wasn’t sure he needed help. In her frustration with Lena, she was finding it harder to find a reason to help him, coming up empty every time she thought she had an idea. 

 

            In the end, she settled for swallowing her cowardice and confronting him. Surely that was the easiest way to do it. The idea didn’t come to her until the second Saturday of February, with the heavy sheets of rain and the bitter cold accompanying her on her walk into the village with Winn. They bought caramel lattes, and sweet cherry pies from a bakery, tucking themselves away in a forgotten corner as they warmed themselves up, dripping went with chattering teeth. With the freedom of being let out of her cage, she found herself feeling lighter than she had in weeks, laughing easily with Winn and excitedly talking about what comics they were hoping to find in the little store in town. The each came away with a dozen new ones, safely sealed within plastic bags, and were ready to waste the rest of the afternoon in the old record store, perusing messy stacks of old vinyls and CD’s when Kara spotted Mike with a few of his other jock friends from various teams. It occurred to her in that moment that she could be honest with him. Not about everything, but she could confront him and talk to him and maybe that would be enough to give her some sort of relief. 

 

            “Hey, Winn?” she slowly said, putting a battered copy of  _ A Kind of Magic _ back where she’d found it, “I forgot, I, uh, I actually said I was going to meet up with Alex. I should probably find her before it gets too late. She never said where so it might take me a while.”

 

            “Oh, yeah, all good,” Winn said, staring down at the blue cover of a David Bowie vinyl, “I’ll see you at dinner, right?”

 

            She nodded enthusiastically, feeling a little bit guilty, “yeah, of course. I’ll see you later. Let me know if you find anything good.”

 

            He nodded, still flicking his way through the stacks, and Kara quietly slipped back out into the grey day, sheltering herself from the rain as best as she could. The sound of rowdy laughter was easy to follow, and she kept far enough away so that they, or anyone else, wouldn’t think she was following them, although she undoubtedly was. They stopped outside a well lit diner, the smell of coffee and waffles drifting out of the door, which kept opening and closing as students came and went, and she watched as they started to file in, one by one. Seizing her chance, she splashed through a puddle as she darted across the road, her heart leaping in her chest as she watched the boy with the mousy hair hold the door open, one foot inside.

 

            “Mike?” she called out, her voice hesitant and small.

 

            He paused and looked back over his shoulder, a slow smile spreading across his face. She wanted to roll her eyes at the expression that let her know he thought he was God’s gift to the world, and assumed she was another girl who was trying to get with him. He couldn’t have been more wrong at all. Yet, she let him believe it for a moment as he stepped out into the rain, pulling his baseball cap down a bit lower as he hunched his shoulders.

 

            “Hey, it’s Kara, right?” he said, giving her an easy smile. 

 

            Nodding, Kara shifted uncomfortably, not knowing how to proceed. She didn’t want to  _ flirt _ with him - she could see why other girls found him appealing, and he was moderately attractive, but she didn’t feel anything for him - and she found herself tongue tied for a moment, trying to come up with an excuse for them to talk. With a defeated sigh, she gave her a nervous smile. “Yeah, um, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?”

 

            His smile grew wider and her nodded, glancing over his shoulder to look through the window at the guys who were all making a variety of gestures at him. He flipped them off, letting out a chuckle, before he smiled down at her. “Yeah, sure. I know a place.”

 

            They walked in silence, hurrying through the rain, with Kara following Mike’s lead. He ended up taking them to one of the nicer cafes in the town - one that Kara tended to stay away from due to the groups she knew who frequented it - and she was tempted to tell him she’d changed her mind, thinking about what other people would think about them sharing a booth together, but then they were there, and Mike was holding the door open for her in a fit of gallantry. Stepping inside, Kara was met with a rush of warmth, and she felt him brush past her, sauntering over to what she took to be his usual booth, no doubt thinking he’d found his latest conquest. He was in for a rough surprise.

 

            Quickly crossing over to the booth, Kara sat down on the expensive leather upholstery, shedding her coat and shivering slightly as Mike waved over a waitress. He placed orders for coffee for both of them and they arrived a few moments later. Stirring in copious amounts of sugar and milk, Kara took a sip and eyed him warily as she watched him lounge comfortably. He looked as if he owned the place. Gently clearing her throat, she put the white mug down and gave him a sheepish look.

 

            “I was me,” she blurted out, “the other week at soccer practice. It was me who … you know. In your Gatorade.”

 

            His face reddened and she saw the tendons in his neck stand out as the muscles in his jaw worked. It looked like it was taking every bit of him not to lash out at her, his eyes blazing with anger, and no small amount of embarrassment, and she gave him a pleading look, stopping him from walking away with a quick hand briefly covering his.

 

            “Look, I’m sorry, I just- I want to help,” she whispered, casting a furtive glance around.

 

            “Help?” he furiously whispered, his face etched with disbelief. “What part of that  _ helped?  _ Half of the school thinks I- you made us all into jokes.”

 

            Giving him a hard look, she crossed her arms over her chest, trying her best to look haughty, as she imagined Lena would look if she was trying to be flippant and dismissive. It was harder than it looked and Kara couldn’t help but wonder how Lena played her part so well. She should’ve gotten into drama, because Kara definitely knew that the other girl had a natural flare for the theatrics. 

 

            “I didn’t say I was trying to help  _ you _ ,” she said, unable to stop herself from feeling guilty, “I was- look, I like Querl, okay? We hang out of Saturday’s, and I know that you keep him around for some reason, and he needs to pass gym class, okay? So I’m sorry for … what I did, but I did it to help  _ our _ friend.”

 

            “You were helping  _ Querl?” _ Mike hissed, a peeved look on his face.

 

            “Yes!”

 

            “I was already helping him!” he said, a dark look on his face, “that’s why he was at practice in the first place, you idiot!”

 

            Bristling slightly at the insult, Kara made a sound of disapproval, “I was helping other people too. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re a bit of a gigantic, egotistical ass. So maybe it’s a good thing that you’ve had your enormous head deflated slightly.”

 

            He spluttered in outrage at her sharp retort, “you- I could go to Principal Grant with this. I could get you expelled.”

 

            She wanted to laugh at the weak threat, as if the thought hadn’t already occurred to her before she went through with it, weighing it up until she’d come to the conclusion that she wouldn’t be expelled, but probably suspended for a lot longer than a couple of days. Still, he wouldn’t go to the Headmistress either, because Kara had a sudden thought.

 

            “No you won’t,” she murmured, feeling self--assured, “I know someone who has photographic evidence of you sneaking in and out of the girl’s dormitory. You’d get in more trouble than I would, with your track record. Mine’s practically clean.”

 

            He gave her a suspicious look, but knew that she was telling the truth. It was hard to imagine Kara getting into trouble, and her first detention had only just finished from her fighting with Veronica, so it wasn’t far from the truth to imagine her record as squeaky clean. Still, the look he gave her was begrudging and laced with bitterness.

 

            “What do you want?”

 

            “To help,” she honestly replied.

 

            He let out a snort of laughter, crossing his arms over his chest as he leant across the table, “what do you  _ really _ want?”

 

            “That  _ is _ what I really want,” she exasperatedly replied, “really. I can’t explain it but … I want to help you. I just- I don’t know  _ how _ . Now I’m starting to think that I’m supposed to help you be a decent person, because you could probably use it, no offence. Most people think you’re a dick. And you cheated on your ex so … anyway, I think- I think maybe you just need someone to teach you how to grow up.”

 

            “I don’t  _ need _ anyone to teach me how to grow up,” he snapped, the flicker of anger back in his eyes. “I’m not a child.”

 

            “Then stop acting like it!” Kara hissed back at him, her temper flaring up. She didn’t  _ want _ to help him, but she  _ had _ to. It would’ve been easier for her to let the card game end there, and it would make it easier for Lena too, she supposed, but after her cruel prank that had embarrassed Mike, this was the least she could do for him. “You walk around here thinking you’re the second coming of Christ, like you can do whatever you want, screw whoever you want, and your mom’s money will just fix all of your problems. Grow up, Mike. What’re you going to do after school, huh? Drink and take drugs and wear those shitty loafers you’re always wearing until you end up in prison for crashing your car and killing someone?”

 

            He turned even redder with embarrassment, casting a look around the room to see if anyone was paying them any attention, self-consciously scratching at the back of his neck as he picked up his black coffee and took a scalding sip. “What makes you think I need  _ your _ help? You don’t know anything about me.”

 

            “Because you treat people like shit, and I don’t,” Kara said, feeling somewhat high and mighty in her self-assurance. “If you want people to like you then-”

 

            “Well look what we have here,” a slow voice drawled, and Kara bit back a groan, her eyes closing as she tried to will Veronica away. “Are you in  _ love _ , Danvers. I’m surprised you’d stoop so low, Mike. Usually your targets have _ some _ popularity, but then again, I guess when you shit yourself, only the losers would be interested in your popularity scraps.”

 

            Kara slowly opened her eyes, feeling her cheeks redden as she looked up at the elegant girl, all sharp and shrewd as she eyed the two of them, and Kara spotted Lena standing to her left, leading the group of girls to their favourite booth and completely caught off guard by the appearance of Kara with Mike. She looked pissed at something, and her green eyes burned into Kara, making her flush even redder.

 

            “Fuck off, Sinclair,” Mike snapped, “mind your own business.”

 

            “Anyone want to take bets on how long it’ll last?” Veronica called out, her eyes bright with amusement as she looked around at the people tuning in. “I’ll put five dollars on a week when he realises miss priss over here isn’t easy.”

 

            Hunching her shoulders, Kara ducked her head down, cupping her coffee in her cold hands as she tried to ignore the girls laughing and whispering. It would be all over the school soon enough, as if her and Mike were  _ actually _ dating. Kara was embarrassed to even think of it. 

 

            When they eventually left, taking their taunting with her, Mike gave her a keen look, like he’d just had an idea, and he gave her a small smile as he gave her an appraising look. “You want to help me?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “How good are you at keeping secrets?”

 

            With a noncommittal shrug, Kara took a sip of coffee, an apprehensive look on her face as she wondered where this was about to go. “Pretty good.”

 

            “I need you to be my girlfriend.”

 

_             “What?!” _ Kara exclaimed, spluttering as her eyes widened in disbelief. “I’m  _ not _ going to be your girlfriend. I don’t even  _ like _ you.”

 

            “Yeah, you’re not exactly my type either, sweetheart,” he snorted, rolling his eyes.

 

            Pausing slightly, Kara gave him an uncertain look, waiting for him to say something, until it dawned on her that he  _ had _ . Understanding made her mouth fall open in surprise, and she floundered for a second, trying to process things. “Oh.  _ Oh. _ Oh my God, you’re-”

 

            “Keep it down,” he snapped, flushing bright red as he scowled at her.

 

            “So you and Querl …”

 

            “No!” Mike scoffed, a brooding look on his face.

 

            Shrugging indifferently, Kara gave him a scrutinising look. “So, you really went for the closeted asshole stereotype, huh?”

 

            He let out a loud laugh, flashing her an amused smile, “no, I’m just an asshole in general. You might’ve made some points before. But if I have  _ you _ , then I don’t have to pretend to keep up a real relationship with someone else.”

 

            His eyebrows rose suggestively, a smug smile on his lips as if he’d just come up with the most brilliant plan in the world. Kara could already feel her resolve weakening with her cursed need to help him, and she let out a groan, “what, and you can’t just be single?”

 

            “They’ll all think that I’m gay anyway if I'm single. Come on, Danvers, I’m the star of like five different sports teams. You think I wouldn’t have girls lining up wanting to date me? That’s why I’ve gone through so many - although I do feel bad about Imra, she was actually nice.”

 

            “Didn’t you think to just tell her?” Kara bluntly asked.

 

            “And risk it getting out?”

 

            “Who’s to say I won’t tell everyone?”

 

            He laughed, a shrewd look in his eyes, “you’re not mean, and I have dirt on you. You have dirt on me too, so the way I see it, we’re both going to play along, or one of us is in for it. Besides, you said you wanted to help. So help me.”

 

            She let out a groan, slumping in her seat in defeat, giving him a dark look. “Fine.  _ But _ , there will be no … coupley things. You’re not going to kiss me or call me gross nicknames, okay?”

 

            “We have to make it look serious,” he said, his brow wrinkling in confusion.

 

            “Well just … we can hug in the hallway, I guess,” Kara said with grim resignation. “Maybe you can hold my hand sometimes. But we’re not hanging out, okay? I’ve got a lot of classes and homework, so we can do homework together in the library if that helps, but I’m not watching you play soccer and sitting with your friends.”

 

            “Because you have so many of them yourself,” he snorted.

 

            “Do we have a deal or not?” Kara tightly asked.

 

            He held a hand out to her, giving her a wary look, and she likewise sized him up as she reached out and took his hand. With a quick shake, they sealed their fate, and Kara dreaded to think about what it meant for her, but couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug. She’d seen Lena’s face, and maybe it wasn’t too much of a stretch to think she’d been  _ jealous. _ Of course Lena wouldn't know what all of the cards meant, with their cryptic messages, and she probably didn't know that's why Kara was sitting with Mike, unless she had figured out what the number meant. Now, Kara was about to put her to the test. Rumours would circulate of the new budding romance at St. Rao’s, and if Lena was jealous, it wouldn’t be too long before Kara figured it out. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but perhaps not. Either way, at least she’d finally be able to get rid of that Joker card that had been hanging over her head for weeks.


	17. Chapter 17

            “Just because I said I’d help you, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to baby you,” Kara wearily muttered, pulling her history textbook out of her locker and dropping it into her satchel. “If you want to be a good person, then  _ be _ a good person.”

 

_             “How?!” _ Mike spluttered, leaning against the locker beside hers, a grim look on his face. “What’s wrong with the way I behave?” Kara gave him a blank look, and he rolled his eyes.    
Fine. Well come on then, tell me how to fix it.”

 

            Sighing, Kara took his arm and dragged him down the hallway, trying to find somewhere a little more private than the loud corridor teeming with students. The trouble was finding somewhere that wasn’t  _ alone _ , because that would start rumours Kara wasn’t all too eager to have circulating. Especially when no one knew the whole story - no one except her and Mike. It had only been a few days, and there was already more whispered speculation than she would’ve liked, thanks to all of Lena’s friends. Lena had maintained her radio silence though, with nothing but a fierce attack in fencing and debating to show for her annoyance at Kara. It would be a lie for Kara to say she didn’t feel at least a little bit guilty, because she’d panicked at the thought of Lena messing with her life, and she regretted her rashness.

 

            Hauling him down a side corridor, and then down another one with less students about, Kara pulled him near the doorway of a classroom. “Look, I’m not your mother-”

 

            “Yeah, well she’s dead anyway.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara faltered slightly, and a feeling of pity welled up inside her. She knew all too well the pain of losing a mother, and she was surprised at the brief look of sadness in his eyes. “Sorry,” she blurted out, “I, uh, I didn’t know.”

 

            Shrugging, he looked everywhere but at her, and she could see the heavy weight of grief on his shoulders, knowing just how that felt. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

            “How long ago …”

 

            “About eight months. Her and my dad.”

 

            She winced, a grimace turning down the corners of her lips, and it struck her that maybe this was the whole purpose of her receiving Mike’s card. Perhaps there was more than one thing he needed help with, and this was something she  _ could  _ help him with. Although, she also could’ve helped him with his other problem too, but that would mean that she would have to reveal her crush on Lena, and he would be the  _ last _ person she’d tell - aside from Lena. They would have to bond over being orphans instead.

 

            “I’m sorry. I, uh, I lost my parents too. Almost three years ago now.”

 

            “Brilliant. At least we’ve got one thing in common,” he snorted.

 

_             Two,  _ Kara wryly thought as she gave him a slight smile. “Yeah, at least. Now, first things first, if you want to be an actual decent person, you need to get new friends.”

 

            “New  _ friends?” _

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “I already have friends.”

 

            Kara gave him a pointed look, “that’s why I said  _ new _ friends. They’re all assholes, and so are you. Maybe if you got better friends, you wouldn’t have to try and impress them by picking on other people.”

 

            Scowling, he crossed his arms over his chest, looking like a sullen child, “I don’t  _ try _ and impress them. It’s not my fault they all look up to me.”

 

            “Well  _ do better _ . It’s not up to me to fix you, Mike. I’ll help you out for a little while with … this, but unless you try and actually change, then why should I bother? I’m not a trophy to be paraded around to help your reputation. Not that I think dating the school loser is going to help your case much anyway, but whatever.”

 

            “Alright. Fine,” he huffed, giving her a look of annoyance, “I’m not ditching my friends because you say so though. I’ll just … I don’t know; what do you think?”

 

            “Maybe start with some manners? Stop shoving people in the hallways for fun and making fun of people. You just look like an idiot and it's not going to make you feel better about yourself.”

 

            He had the decency to blush, turning red with embarrassment, and he gave her a curt nod, mumbling something about having a chemistry class to get to. Without another word, he walked off, and Kara rolled her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh in exasperation. She couldn’t do anything right lately. With her own class to get to, she hitched her satchel up higher on her shoulder and set off through the hallways, ignoring envious looks from some of the younger girls with budding crushes on Mike, and made her way to history. Lena was in her class, and Kara snuck furtive glances at her for the entire duration, taking very little notes in an uncharacteristic fashion. She just kept wishing that Lena would look up at her.

 

            After class, Kara ate lunch alone, with Winn at some I.T. club meeting, and she poked at her salad with a forlorn look on her face.  _ Look over if you like me, _ she silently chanted to herself, unable to keep herself from looking over at Lena every few moments. She never looked back. It got to the point where she was so frustrated that she could literally feel herself tense with it, and she ended up abandoning her lunch in favour of seeking out her sister. Alex was sitting outside, around the corner of a building as she sought shelter from the wind, and Kara spent the rest of her lunch hour helping her study for a calculus test she had that afternoon. Grateful for the help, Alex kept her snide comments about Mike to a minimum, for Kara’s sake, and Kara was almost tempted to tell her the truth. How did she go about explaining one aspect of such a large, complicated story without telling the whole thing though?

 

            Instead, she kept quiet, giving Alex a warm smile when her sister gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze, her voice full of gratitude as she packed up her work and rushed off to her next class. Kara was a lot slower heading towards her study period, her mind distracted and her feet dragging as she walked towards the room where she usually spent her free periods working on her assignments. As she walked in, she spotted Lena sitting on a desk, legs swinging over the side and an easy smile of her face as she laughed at something Jess had said. Faltering slightly on her way to a spare desk, Kara altered her course, feeling her heart leap in her chest as a sudden urge to talk to her overcame her. 

 

            Lena looked up as she approached, her green eyes widening slightly as her face hardened. The rest of her group all turned their attention to her, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, reminding herself that they wouldn’t hurt her. She was on relatively okay terms with all of them now, having settled some scores and cashed in a few favours, and her only concern was mending broken fences with Lena. It didn’t sit right, not having Lena sneaking up of her unannounced, with her witty remarks and snide comments.

 

            “Well if it isn’t the lovebird,” Veronica laughed.

 

            “Um, Mr Henshaw wants us to practice for debating,” Kara blurted out, looking at Lena, who had turned her attention elsewhere, avoiding making eye contact with her.

 

            Silently nodding, Lena lounged around on the desk for a few moments longer, finishing up her conversation with her friends while Kara awkwardly hovered nearby. Eventually, she said goodbye and slipped off the desk with a heavy sigh, brushing past Kara and making for the door, leaving Kara to hurry after her. Out in the hallway, Kara followed after Lena, both of them heading straight towards the classroom they usually practiced in, and Kara remained tight-lipped about her lie, letting Lena think that they were going to be going through a few rounds of debating.

 

            It wasn’t until they were in the classroom, the door securely shut and both of them alone, with no Hank in sight, that she hesitantly cleared her throat. Lena dumped her backpack onto a table and turned around, arching an eyebrow in question. Opening and closing her mouth, Kara gave her a sheepish look.

 

            “So … we don’t actually have practice.”

 

_             “What?” _ Lena spluttered, a look of indignation on her face.

 

            With an apologetic shrug, Kara shifted nervously from foot to foot, “I-I wanted to talk.”

 

            She was standing just inside the door, looking a little wary of Lena as the other girl strode towards her with blazing eyes. Backing up into the door, Kara held her satchel in her arms, feeling her knees shake slightly as Lena stopped inches from her, reaching out to press one hand against the varnished wood of the door, right above Kara’s shoulder.

 

            “You want to  _ talk?” _ Lena stiffly asked, “I was under the impression that you wanted me to stay away from you.”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara opened and closed her mouth, trying to find something to say. She wished she’d waited longer when she finally managed to speak. “I have red vines.”

 

            The anger in Lena’s eyes softened into confusion as she backed off, the cloud of perfume assaulting Kara retreating as she took a few steps backwards, dropping her arm, Lena’s fingertips  _ just _ grazing her shoulder. “What?”

 

            Blushing slightly, Kara fiddled with her glasses, fishing out a packet of red licorice from inside her satchel, and she tentatively held it out towards Lena. Scoffing, Lena rolled her eyes and reached out, taking the bag and pulling out a twisted piece, taking a small bite and walking away. She dragged a chair across the floor, the legs screeching against the floorboards, and she sat down on a desk, propping her feet up on the chair.

 

            “Why’d you lie?”

 

            “I figured your friends wouldn’t bother interrupting a debating practice,” Kara shrugged, wandering over to Lena and dragging a desk and chair close to Lena, the screeching sound putting her teeth on edge. They were sitting a few feet apart on their respective desks, and Kara leant across the gap to take a red vine out of the packet, taking a small bite and chewing thoughtfully. “I’m sorry.”

 

            “Yeah? Why’s that?”

 

            Letting out a gentle sigh, Kara looked down, fiddling with her glasses again as she spent more time gathering her thoughts so she didn’t say something stupid this time. “I … I was a bit too quick to get mad at you the other week, but I just- I know it’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t have blamed you. I’m sorry. I, uh, I missed you.”

  
            Whatever Lena had been expecting, it hadn’t been an admission that Kara missed her, and she blinked in surprise, a red vine halfway to her mouth. It was a few moments before she composed herself and took another bite, but Kara saw the flicker of happiness and the slight look of satisfaction at being wanted flash across Lena’s face. It made her think about how often she’d felt like she  _ wasn’t _ wanted, or wasn’t missed. For all she knew about Lena, there was so much more she kept hidden, and the more she uncovered, the more she pitied her. She’d never have thought the girl who practically ran the school was so lonely and desperate for attention from someone who cared.

 

            “You missed me?” Lena slowly asked after a tense minute of silence. “Why?”

 

            “Because I-” Kara started, finding herself frustratingly useless with words today. “I don’t know. I know you say we’re not, or that you don't want to be, but … we’re kind of friends, aren’t we?”

 

            Cocking her head to the side, Lena’s lips slowly curled up into a smile - a real one that made her hard eyes soften - and she flashed Kara her teeth. “Kind of.”

 

            At the agreement, Kara’s heart leapt in her chest, and she had to bite back a smile, “right, so, um, I’m sorry. I just- I panicked about the … the cards thing. I didn’t realise until afterwards that you wouldn’t really know what they were, and I- hey, how did you know it was me anyway?”

 

            “It wasn’t until Gayle told me about the laxatives and I realised that Mike’s shirt numbers for all his sports were the same one that I wrote on the card,” Lena shrugged, “it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. I had a feeling when you helped Gayle too. The timing of the dorm check on the card and you taking her shit to help her? Too much of a coincidence.”

 

            “You’re smarter than I gave you credit for,” Kara muttered, looking down at the half finished length of licorice, twirling it between her fingers.

 

            “What’re you doing with them?”

 

            Looking up, Kara gave her a wary look. She’d never specifically been told  _ not  _ to tell someone, but it was a secret she’d been carrying around inside her for months now, and she wasn’t sure how to explain it. She gave Lena a wan smile and shrugged, “just trying to help.”

 

            With a snort of laughter, Lena rolled her eyes, “yeah, that sounds about right.”

 

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kara asked around a mouthful of licorice, bristling slightly at Lena’s tone.

 

            Leaning across the gap, Lena offered up the packet of red vines and gave her a placating smile. “It means that you’re one of the best people in this school. Most people don’t give a shit, but you do. So of  _ course _ you’re just trying to help people. But  _ how _ are you doing it?”

 

            She took another red vine and tried to fight back the glowing rush of warmth at Lena’s words, and leant back on the desk, trying to come up with a good enough excuse without going into the details. “I don’t know. The cards are … well, some of them were obvious. And it didn’t take much to figure out what I needed to do, but the harder ones, well they were hard. I still don’t know how many I have left either. It’s driving me insane.”

 

            “Why don’t you just stop?” Lena asked, giving her a careless shrug as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

            Of course that idea had run through Kara’s head a thousand times since she’d started receiving the cards, especially when she was so frustrated that she couldn’t think of anything else, with no clue what to do, but she could never quite bring herself to do it. Explaining why to someone wasn’t easy, because of course it sounded simple, but it was harder than that. She struggled for a few moments, before letting out a frustrated sigh.

 

            “I’ve thought about it - believe me, I have - but … haven’t you ever needed to do something so badly that you can’t think about doing anything else?” Kara asked, an almost pleading look on her face for Lena to understand that.

 

            There was an intense look in her eyes when she replied, a flicker of some unknown emotion stirring inside. “Yes.”

 

            “Well that’s like- it’s how I feel about this. I can’t  _ not _ help. If I know that someone is suffering, or- or it’s other people that are because of them, then shouldn’t I help? If I  _ can _ .”

 

            With a slight smile, Lena narrowed her eyes slightly, “so is this why you’re suddenly all excited about Mike.”

 

            Blushing furiously red, Kara ducked her head back down, “that’s … private.”

 

            “Oh come  _ on _ , Kara,” Lena said, her voice growing louder and her tone harder as if she was angry, “he’s not right for you. You know that. You don’t need me to tell you-”

 

            “You’re right,” Kara softly interrupted her, “I don’t need you to tell me who I should date.”

 

            With a cold look and a sharp exhale, Lena slid off the desk, grabbing her bag and moving towards the door. Kara almost fell in her haste to follow after her, knocking over her chair as she climbed down and lunged for Lena, catching her by the sleeve of her school sweater, her heart racing in her chest. Freezing, Lena turned slightly, not quite looking at her, but waiting for Kara to say something, as if she was still debating whether or not she should go.

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara murmured, her hand relaxing its grip on the knitted wool and resting gently on Lena’s arm instead. “Please. Don’t go.”

 

            Turning to face her, Lena gave her a searching look, her large eyes swimming with so many emotions that Kara wasn’t sure what to make of them. Was it jealousy? Sadness? There was definitely a spark of anger. Why did Lena care so much? She made such a show of being indifferent and aloof all the time, but she always seemed to be struggling with too many emotions when she was around Kara. No number of smirks or sneers could ever hide that. 

 

            “Why him?”

 

            “Why Jack?”

 

            Lena hesitated, her cheeks turning slightly pink, before she swallowed the lump in her throat. “He’s good to me.”

 

            “He needs my help.”

 

            “You deserve better than that,” Lena stiffly replied, “you’re not a babysitter.”

 

            “And you don’t need saving.”

 

            Tearing her arm out of Kara’s grip, Lena gave her a long look, seemingly fighting with herself as she struggled with whether or not to say what she wanted to. Kara could see the conflict written on her face. It was a few moments before Lena let out a defeated sigh, yet Kara didn’t think she ended up saying what she had wanted to.

 

            Reaching out, Lena hesitantly touched Kara’s shoulder, her thumb touching where her collarbone was beneath the pressed white school shirt, and Kara turned to stone beneath her touch. “I don’t need to be saved, I just don’t want to be alone.”

 

            “You’re not,” Kara murmured, a feeling of sadness welling up inside. “You have me.”

 

            “And no one can ever know we’re friends,” Lena said, giving her a lopsided smile.

 

            “But we  _ are _ friends,” Kara firmly said, a look of hope on her face.

 

            With a quick laugh and the gentle squeeze of Kara’s shoulder, Lena gave her a slight nod. The riot of emotions was replaced with the shining glimmer of amusement and subdued happiness, her eyes creasing at the corners in a way that made Kara’s stomach flip. She’d be lying is she said she hadn’t been thinking about kissing Lena when she’d asked if she’d never wanted to do something so badly that it was all she could think about. Standing so close, with Lena’s warm hand lingering on her shoulder, she could’ve easily leant down and pressed her lips against Lena’s in a featherlight kiss. That wouldn’t be right though. Instead, she gave Lena a small smile, reaching up for her hand and removing it, but keeping hold of it as she pulled her back over to their desks and chairs and reclaimed her seat.

 

            “So … we’ve still got the rest of study hall,” Kara casually said, realising that she hadn’t had much of a plan and had assumed Lena would be angrier and more standoffish than she had been.

 

            “Are you any good at cards?” Lena asked, fishing a deck out of her bag and holding them up. “I can teach you how to play poker if you’d like.”

 

            Eagerly nodding, Kara slipped off the desk and together they rearranged the tables until they were sitting opposite each other with a row of cards separating the desk in half. In her hands, Kara looked down at her hand and smiled at the Queen of Hearts with the black writing on it. She lost every hand, but it was worth it to spend more time with Lena than she’d thought. And the funny thing was, it was the first time she didn’t feel frustrated being around her. It was like all of Kara’s irritation at the cards had dissipated with the knowledge that there was someone she knew who had the faintest inkling what was going on, and it made her feel less alone. It was like she understood what Lena meant about loneliness. It wasn’t about having people around her - although she was grateful for her newfound closeness with Alex and Winn - it was about having people who understood you.

 

            At the final bell, they wrapped up their game and Kara had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling, feeling shy at the sudden easiness of things. Her frustration used to fuel their conversations, paired with Lena’s snarky comments to riff off of, but they were both quiet and somewhat bashful as they walked towards the door together. It was like neither of them wanted to leave the classroom, with the knowledge that whatever truce they’d just come to would end the moment that they left behind the clusters of desks and the dusty chalkboards. Outside, with their different friends and different reputations, they weren’t friends. Lena pulled the door open though, and she gave Kara a warm smile over her shoulder before she disappeared out into the hallway.

 

            Almost in a daze, Kara followed after her and they parted ways. Slowly making her way back to her dorm room, Kara ran over everything that had happened, and she couldn’t stop the butterflies in her stomach. It had been  _ fun _ . They’d played poker and finished off the packet of red vines, and Lena had been funny and not at all snarky, and Kara had found herself laughing, feeling the light contentedness at their easy conversation. Even the cards waiting for her in her room couldn’t ruin her good mood. Especially not the relief that came with knowing that she was helping Mike well enough to move on.

 

_             Dig deep through the spades _

 

_             Guardian _


	18. Chapter 18

            Half-term arrived with a flurry of activity as everyone packed their things and headed home again. Kara felt like she’d only just gotten back into the routine of school when she was making her way back home to National City, sitting in the comfortable seat on the plane, chatting to Alex to pass the time. Tensions had eased between them considerably in less than two months, and Kara found that she actually had quite a few things in common with her sister - not personality wise, but in other areas - and they’d already made plans to visit the arcade by the time they landed, so Alex could beat her at laser tag and so Kara could break her record on the old  _ Space Invaders  _ machine they had. She’d also promised Mike that they could meet up one day and go over some things to help him sort himself out, and Kara was already dreading it, knowing that he was easily as stubborn as she was, but with a bigger ego and a quicker temper. Still, she felt sorry for him, and knew all too well how hard it was to lose both parents and have to struggle through being alone. At least she had been taken in by a good family; she had no idea where he was.

 

            Then there was Lena. After their poker session and somewhat truce of friendship, they hadn’t really had much time to see each other. She was still everywhere of course, and they’d managed to get through a whole lesson of fencing without arguing - although Lena stoically ignored her, and Kara didn’t mind at all, knowing it was for the pretense of Lena’s reputation - and they even managed to get through a private debating lesson with Mr Henshaw without dissolving into bickering. They’d be put to the real test when they went back, with the actual competitions starting to begin, and Kara was feeling better about their chances of winning now that they could get along, in some respect. There had been passing comments in the dining hall or in the hallways, none of them snide, although they were usually gentle jokes at Kara’s expense, but the flicker of humour in Lena’s eyes always let her know that it wasn’t a mean jibe, and she found herself cherishing them after being ignored by her for so long. It was like their own little secret.

 

            She caught a glimpse of her in the airport, a dark head striding towards the exit for the car that was no doubt waiting for her, while a man carried her bag, and Kara felt a flutter in her stomach as she walked beside Alex. Their own driver was holding a sign near the exit, and they walked over to him, following him out into the windy city and over to a black car. Alex slid into the dark interior of the back seats and Kara was about to follow when she caught a glimpse of Lena a few spaces down, standing beside her own car. They briefly met each other’s stare and Kara gave her a small smile, watching as Lena’s lips twitched up into a brief flicker of a smile, an eyebrow rising slightly, before she disappeared into the back of the car.

 

            “Miss?” the driver asked, giving her a curious look, and Kara looked up at the man, giving him a warm smile, before she climbed in after Alex and let him shut the door behind her.

 

\---

 

            The holidays were short, and Kara was busy cramming her break with things to do. She went bowling with Alex, Lucy and James, met up with Winn a few times to go to the cinema, the arcade or for donuts and hot chocolate, and ended up seeing Mike twice. She took him shopping, helping him buy him clothes that didn’t make him look like a thirty-year-old golfer, or just a rich asshole, before they went to a coffee shop and she tried to point out his flaws in the nicest way possible. He didn’t take too kindly to some of them, but Kara wasn’t being mean, she was just trying to point out why he wasn’t exactly the nicest person.

 

            The second time she saw him was even more surprising for her when Querl opened the door to the penthouse apartment, blinking in surprise at the sight of her. It turned out that Mike was living with him, although she’d never heard the faintest whisper of that rumour floating around school. Querl graciously let her inside though, and she was surprised at the friendliness off Mike when he came out of his bedroom, making a few jokes with Querl before he whisked her into the bedroom. It was sparse and boyish, with a few sports items around and a stack of comics that she suspected Querl had let him borrow. He was midway through a video game and he let her play with him while they chatted. Kara found that he wasn’t so much of an asshole as just defensive, like someone else she knew, and it was easier for her to help him when they were doing something that made him less defensive. They ended up talking about their parents for a long while, and she surprisingly felt better herself afterwards and could see some of the tension bleed out of Mike as he talked about his own. That seemed like more progress than he’d made with any of her suggestions, and she felt more than even that she was supposed to help him grief. A small part of her mind thought that perhaps they were supposed to help each other.  She ended up staying for dinner with Mike, Querl and his family.

 

            She made no headway with her new card until the last night of their break. Lucy had come to stay with them a few days before, with her father away with his military job and her sister away for college, and Alex had begged Eliza to let her come and stay and fly back to school with them. That night, the four of them ate Chinese takeaway around the kitchen table, the girls’ school bags all packed up in their rooms, and Kara was listening to Lucy answer questions about her family.

 

            “So you said your sister is studying journalism?” Eliza asked.

 

            “Mhm, she’s in her final year of college now. She’s been interning at this newspaper in Metropolis - The Guardian - for the past few summers now, so she’s already got a job lined up for after graduation,” Lucy explained.

 

            Kara felt her stomach lurch at the sound of the newspaper’s name and she choked on her glass of lemonade, coughing as she set the glass back down. “The Guardian?”

 

            “Yeah,” Lucy said, giving her a smile, “it’s not really a big newspaper, but she’s hoping to work her way up to The Daily Planet. I told James that he should look into an internship there after school.”

 

            Her forehead furrowing slightly in confusion, Kara gave her a puzzled look. “James?”

 

            “Yeah, he wants to get into photojournalism, if he doesn’t join the army.”

 

            “Remember I borrowed one of his cameras?” Alex added, and Kara nodded slowly at the memory of Alex with a camera, snapping photos of Mike and Eve. It felt like a lifetime ago since that had happened, but everything started clicking together in her mind. For a second, she’d thought that she’d have to help Lucy, but it was James. He was  _ The Guardian  _ the card had referenced, she just wasn’t sure how to help him.

 

            After dinner, she went up to her room, leaving Alex to entertain her friend, and spent the rest of the night brooding over what she could do to help James. All she knew so far was that he liked photography and was Lucy’s boyfriend. That wasn’t really much to go off of, but with the name  _ The Guardian _ specifically referencing a newspaper, Kara figured that his photojournalism was where she needed to start, and it was as good a starting point as any. Figuring out where to go from there would be the difficult part. Her mind was still turning it over as she stared up at the dark ceiling, when she was finally pulled into sleep.

 

\---

 

            They arrived back at St. Rao’s relatively early the next day, settling back into their rooms and unpacking the things they’d taken home, and Kara had plans to get a headstart on the next chapter of her algebra textbook so she’d be prepared for class tomorrow. That was until she received a text, her phone buzzing on the desk as the screen lit up.

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ meet me behind the auditorium in 5 _

 

**_[Kara]:_ ** _ why?? _

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ come and you’ll find out _

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ make sure no one sees you _

 

            With a sigh, Kara spared her math work a quick glance, before she was on her feet, already slipping on her shoes and reaching for a jacket. Scooping up her keys, she left her room and quickly walked down the hallway, a feeling of excitement welling up inside at the thought of seeing Lena again, and she had to fight to keep the smile off her face as she nearly jogged down the staircases, down to the bottom floor and out into the cool weather. 

 

            She cast a wary look around as she crossed the neatly trimmed lawn, a blustery wind battering her as she made for the covered walkway leading down towards the English block, walking along the stone path as the wind whistled through the open arches overlooking the flowerbeds and trees starting to grow back their canopy of leaves. She walked along the back of the Math block, just tall enough to peek over the windowsill and look into the dark classrooms as she hurried along. Sneaking across campus, skirting buildings and keeping an eye out for students that had already returned, Kara rounded the corner of the auditorium and crept along the back of the bricked building, looking around for Lena.

 

            A bouncy ball struck the wall a foot in front of her face and Kara jerked back, her eyes wide with surprise as the ball rebounded, flying off across the stretch of grass behind the massive building. Following its trajectory, Kara watched it roll and come to a stop a dozen feet from the treeline of the sparse forest within the confines of the fence enclosing the school. A quiet whistle reached her ears and Kara jerked her head up from the ball, looking around until she spotted the shadow of someone moving at the fringes of the trees, and a pale hand reached out, beckoning her forward.

 

            Casting a furtive glance around, Kara hurried forward, pausing to bend down and scoop up the rainbow bouncy ball, before jogging into the cover of the dark copse of trees. Lena was leaning against the pale trunk of a tree, an easy smile on her face as she looked at Kara. Holding the ball out, Kara gave her a small smile. “Hi.”

 

            “Hi,” Lena murmured, reaching out to accept the ball, her fingertips grazing Kara’s ever so slightly. 

 

            “What’s with all the mystery?”

 

            “Don’t want to be caught, Danvers,” Lena said, giving her a quick wink, before turning and setting off through the trees. She trampled dried leaves decaying on the ground, her footsteps slightly muffled by a carpet of dead pine needles that perfumed the air, and ducked beneath reaching branches. “Come on. We don’t have all day.”

 

            Hurrying after her, Kara silently watched her walk, taking in the curve of her neck, the high ponytail tightly secured, the way she gently tossed the bouncy ball up and then deftly caught it with quick fingers. She didn’t speak, and Kara was hesitant to break the stillness of the forest as they walked until they reached the tall fence trapping them inside. Pausing, Kara waited to see what happened next, staring at the thick bars of metal, and watched as Lena walked a few feet to the left and moved a small brambly bush aside, revealing a hole dug beneath the fence, making a short escape tunnel to the other side.

 

            “We’re not supposed to leave the school grounds unless it’s a village weekend,” Kara instinctively replied as the thought of getting into trouble washed over her mind.

 

            Lena gave her an exasperated look, rolling her eyes and slipping her feet through the hole. She wriggled her was beneath the fence and climbed to her feet, dusting dirt and wet leaves off of herself before she walked towards the fence, gripping the cold, tarnished metal with her slender fingers as she pressed her face up against the bars.

 

            “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little rule breaking,” Lena pouted, “you were starting to get interesting. Fights, detention, spying on people.”

 

            “Well sorry to bore you but that’s not the real me,” Kara muttered, looking down at the ground.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Lena flashed a quick smile at her as she glanced up. “Trust me, I know. But do you want to go through life always doing the right thing?”

 

            Giving her a puzzled look, Kara arched an eyebrow, “well … yeah.”

 

            “Well come on then. Sneaking out of school is  _ definitely _ the right thing to do. It’ll be good for you.”

 

            Sighing, Kara walked over to the hole and Lena let out a small crow of triumph, making Kara laugh as she squatted, sitting down on the edge of the ditch and poking her feet through. Worming her way through the gap, she let Lena help her to her feet and dusted herself off, feeling Lena’s gentle fingers brush a stray leaf off her shoulder. Looking up, Kara saw the smattering of freckles on her face that hadn’t been hidden by makeup and swallowed the lump in her throat at the realisation of how close Lena was to her. Green eyes flickered up to her face for a second and she watched as a small smile curled Lena’s lips.

 

            “You okay? Not going to have a panic attack about being out of bounds?”

 

            “I’m fine,” Kara huffed, “where are we going now?”

 

            She watched Lena reach through the bar and drag the sparsely leafed bush back over the opening, before wiping her hands on the thighs of her dark jeans and striding off confidently through the trees. It left the impression that she came here often enough to be able to find her way through the thickening forest of trees, the mournful calling of birds mingling with their muffled footsteps and the rustling sound of leaves thinly adorning the tree branches. The air was heavy with the smell of impending rain and the rich, earthy smell of the woods, and Kara was surprised that Lena willingly came out here. Surely there was a more comfortable hidden spot somewhere in the school where she wouldn’t get in trouble for visiting? Still, Kara dutifully followed after her, watching the backpack Lena wore bump along with each step.

 

            The ground grew bumpy and uneven the further they went from the school, and the sound of running water came and went without any sign of a trickling stream, until they reached a small outcropping of rocks jutting up from the side of a gentle tree-covered hill. At the base of the rock, a flat one jutted out at a slight angle, making it perfect to sit beneath and seek some shelter from the weather, or to sit on top off and bask in the weak sunlight that no doubt filtered down through the thin canopy during summer. Given the fact that the sky was grey and in danger of pouring down any second, they sat beneath it, on top of an old blanket that Lena pulled out of the bag. Kara felt shy sitting so close beside her, and she didn’t know what to say as she fumbled for a topic of conversation.

 

            “Jolly Rancher?” Lena blurted out, pulling a packet from inside the backpack and holding it out to Kara.

 

            With a soft sigh of relief, Kara murmured her thanks and fished out a green apple one, slowly unwrapping it as she looked out at the greenery surrounding them. It was actually peaceful, she found, and it suddenly made sense as to why this was preferable to the dusty old school, where no places were ever really secret. The clean air and the practically non-existent chance of being found was a rare treat. 

 

            “Do you come here often?”

 

            “Mm, as often as I can slip away,” Lena told her with a small smile, “no one else knows about it. Well, except for Jack.”

 

            A prickle of jealousy ran through Kara at the thought of Lena coming here with him, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she chewed with a brooding look on her face. She could feel Lena watching her closely, and felt a slight blush start to creep up her neck, making her feel hot beneath the collar of her jumper and jacket.

 

            “What?”

 

            Looking up at her with surprise, Kara blinked innocently. “What?”

 

            “You look annoyed.”

 

            “I’m not annoyed,” Kara defensively replied, although she was very much so annoyed - mostly at herself for her crush on Lena which just wouldn’t go away. A part of her had thought that growing closer to her might help extinguish it, but after only a few weeks, it hadn’t so much as wavered in the slightest.

 

            Making a small sound of disbelief, Lena unwrapped her own Jolly Rancher and popped it in her mouth. “You know you get this frown right  _ here _ ,” Lena said, reaching out to gently prod the gap between Kara’s eyebrows and the bridge of her nose, “when you’re irritated.”

 

            “I do  _ not _ ,” Kara spluttered.

 

            “Uh, yes, you do,” Lena insisted, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

            “Well it only happens when you’re around then,” Kara loftily replied, “which means _you’re_ annoying.”

 

            Letting out a loud laugh of surprise, Lena settled back on her elbows, her legs stretched out in front of her with her legs crossed at the ankles as she looked out at the peaceful scenery. “And to think I missed you,” she murmured, almost so quietly that Kara thought she’d misheard at first.

 

            Her moodiness vanished in a moment, and her heart skipped a beat as she raised her eyebrows, giving Lena an almost hopeful look. “You- you missed me?”

 

            Freezing for a moment, Lena looked up at her, an unreadable expression in her green eyes. “I- well, yes. You have a habit of making things interesting.”

 

            “Oh … so you didn’t enjoy your break?”

 

            “Nope. Did you?”

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara shrugged. “It was definitely the most eventful one I’ve had. I got to hang out with my sister and Winn, and I saw Mike a few times.”

 

            At the sound of Mike’s name, Lena scoffed, looking away as the muscles in her jaw twitched slightly. “What?” Kara asked, frowning at her.

 

            Sighing, Lena turned to give her an exasperated look, her lips curved in a slight smile, although her eyes were anything but amused. “You’re  _ still _ keeping that up? Hasn’t he moved onto the next girl yet?”

 

            Flinching slightly, Kara felt her pride take a slight beating at the suggestion that she wasn't enough to keep his attentions for that long. “Thanks,” she flatly replied.

 

            “Oh come on, you  _ know _ that’s not what I meant,” Lena huffed, “I just- you’re too good for someone like him and you know it. You’re not an idiot - although maybe you are if you don’t see it - and he’s not right for you. You don’t even have anything in common with him.”

 

            “Yes I do,” Kara quickly replied, “you just don’t know him. Or me.”

 

            Raising her eyebrows slightly, Lena gave her an expectant look, waiting for an explanation. “And you know someone you’ve been dating for about two weeks  _ so _ well, right?”

 

            “About as well as I know someone I’ve been friends with for even less time,” Kara shot back. “You sound jealous.”

 

            Scoffing, a dark expression flitted across Lena’s face and she shifted into an upright sitting position, drawing her knees up to her chest as she glared at Kara. “About what? I have my own boyfriend.”

 

            “You have your own security blanket. That’s not the same thing.”

 

            “And I’m supposed to believe you’re in love with Mike?”

 

            “Of course I’m not!” Kara exclaimed, “I’m not an idiot. It’s been like two weeks! But that doesn’t mean I  _ don’t _ like him.”

 

            Lena shook her head slightly, her lips pressed together in a thin line, and she was silent for a few moments, picking at a loose thread on the bottom of her coat. Sitting in silence, Kara waited for her to reply, the silence between them hanging heavily as it stretched on, with only the birds and the trees stopping it from being suffocatingly uncomfortable. Eventually, Lena let out a long, drawn out sigh, a tired look in her eyes as she looked up at Kara.

 

            “I’m sorry, I just don’t believe you.”

 

            “I’m not asking you to.”

 

            Snorting, Lena gave her a pointed look, “I didn’t think you’d be okay with lying to yourself.”

 

            Kara thought about her fake relationship with Mike and her feelings towards Lena, knowing which was real and which was fake, and realised that Lena was wrong. She wasn’t lying to herself. If she was lying to herself, she wouldn’t be able to admit that she liked girls - one girl in particular - or that her relationship with Mike was fake, but she  _ could _ admit it. It was a secret kept to herself, but she knew the truth, and that was all that mattered. It wasn’t like she’d said she loved Mike - that  _ would _ be a lie, and Lena was right that she wouldn’t be okay with lying to herself - and everyone else was free to make their own assumptions. It wasn’t Kara’s job to control what they said about her. It wasn’t Lena’s place to judge her for something she didn’t know anything about either.

 

            “Maybe you should think about the lies you’re telling yourself, before you try and tell me _I’m_ lying,” Kara told her, her voice not unkind, but her words a bit too confronting for Lena, who stiffened where she sat.

 

            “What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?”

 

            “It means … I know what feelings I have are real, and which ones aren’t,” Kara slowly said, “but you’re pretending that you’re okay with Jack because you’re too scared to admit that you don’t want to be alone, and you’re not sure if anyone else will want you if he leaves.”

 

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lena haughtily replied, her voice dismissive and her shoulders taut beneath her coat, as if she was coiled ready to spring.

 

            Giving her a pitying look, Kara smiled slightly, “I do. Better than you think.”

 

            “Just because you’ve been helping sad people with their sad lives, it doesn’t mean you’re the expert on mending broken things,” Lena snapped, “I’m trying to help you - you don’t need to turn it back on me because you’re afraid that you’ll always be the school loser if you don’t have someone to make you popular, okay? I’m doing just fine with my popular boyfriend, who  _ isn’t _ an asshole, and just because I have a shitty mom, it doesn’t mean I need the girl with no parents to pity me as if she knows anything about what goes on in my life. Just because I opened up to you for five minutes, it doesn’t make you the professional fixer who can come in and tell me what's wrong with my life.”

 

            She was angry, and Kara felt her own anger raise its head at her harsh words. Clambering to her feet, mindful of her height and the low ceiling of the overhand, Kara blinked back angry tears as she set off away from Lena. “Sorry for bothering you then.”

 

            “Kara! You’re going to get yourself lost,” Lena wearily sighed.

 

            Trampling through the underbrush, Kara angrily made her way through the towering, gnarled trunks as she stalked through the woods. She listened to Lena shout from behind her, her hurried footsteps snapping twigs and rustling leaves. 

 

            “You’re going the wrong way!”

 

            A hand came down on her arm and Kara whirled around as she came to an abrupt stop, causing Lena to almost crash into her, only narrowly catching herself on Kara’s shoulders and bracing herself. She was impossibly close and Kara felt panic seize control of her as her heart spasmed. Pushing Lena away a little rougher than necessarily, Kara paled as anger welled up inside her.

 

            “Why are you always up in my face?” she snapped.

 

            “I’m trying to help you,” Lena hoarsely replied.

 

            “I don’t  _ need _ your help.”

 

            Sighing heavily, Lena reached out again, and Kara felt the fight drain out of her as Lena gently grabbed her arm and gave it a tight squeeze. “You don’t  _ want  _ it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t  _ need _ it,” Lena quietly told her. “Please, let me help you.”

 

            Giving her a wary look, Kara felt herself shaking slightly. “With what?”

 

            “I don’t know,” Lena murmured, “tell me how. I know you’ve been hurting for a long time, and I know that some of it is my fault, but just ... tell me what you want from me?”

 

            “Is this why you want to be friends? Because you _pity_ me?”

 

            “No! Of course it’s not. I don’t pity you, I … I like you.”

 

            “Have you thought that maybe I’m trying to help you for the same reasons?” Kara quietly replied.

 

            Closing her eyes, Lena nodded, her throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly. “Yes, but … no one’s ever been nice to me just for  _ me _ .”

 

            Giving her a sad smile, Kara reached up to cover Lena’s hand on her arm with her own hand, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath her touch, before she pried Lena’s fingers off of her, holding her hand for a brief moment before dropping it. It fell limply to Lena’s side, and she was looking up at Kara with such wide, pitiful eyes, that it made her heart ache.

 

            “You’re too many things,” Kara murmured, “it makes it hard to know which version of you to help, but I know that I’ve never wanted to be nice to you for any reason except for the fact that I like you.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Lena said, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

 

            “I know you are, and it’s okay,” Kara sighed, giving her a sad look, “I should get back though. Alex will be looking for me - we’ve got a study session.”

 

            Nodding, Lena reached out, extending a hand towards Kara, her thin fingers reaching out in a gesture of a truce. Kara reached out and took the hand in her own, her heart leaping in her chest as she held onto it, the thought of how well it fit in her own slightly bigger hand crossing her mind. Pulling her into motion, Lena jerked her head to the right, a small smile curling her lips as she dropped her hand. “It’s this way.”


	19. Chapter 19

            Two weeks passed by in a flurry of activity. The weather warmed slightly, which meant that rowing practices were increased, with early mornings spent on the surface of the frigid lake, and Kara and Lena had their first challenge as a debating duo, squeezing onto the school bus and driving a few towns over with Mr Henshaw and the rest of the debating club, who were going to observe and support. They won, with Lena’s ruthless logic and Kara’s reasonable defences securing them first place in their regional competition. The fact that they were getting along made it all the more enjoyable, and for a brief moment after they’d won, Kara had almost hugged her in her excitement, watching the bright smile flash across Lena’s face. It was a genuine one, filled with pride, but no traces of her smug attitude. Lena messaged her the next day - a Sunday - and they snuck out through the gap beneath the fence, cans of coke and a bag of jellybeans produced from Lena’s backpack in celebration of their victory. They played poker beneath the shelter of the jutting rock, steering clear of the topic of boys and other cards - although whenever the Queen of Hearts made an appearance, there was the uncomfortable feeling of something left unspoken hanging between them.

 

            Still, those two weeks were relatively enjoyable for Kara. It was harder to fake her relationship with Mike because at school she had to make something of an effort, but that also made it easier to spend more time talking to him. He seemed more subdued now though, as if he realised that keeping up a stream of arrogance and rudeness wouldn’t help him at all. As far as she was aware of too, he seemed to had laid off much of his bullying, and even Winn had been surprised when Mike went four days without bumping into him in the hallways. Kara suspected that Mike was making a special effort not to pick on Kara’s one friend. 

 

            The rest of her time in between school, clubs, friends and fake relationships, Kara spent time planning ways to help James. In the end, she settled for the same excuse Alex had used when she’d borrowed a camera off him to help Kara, and then on Monday afternoon, as soon as the final bell rang, she stopped by the photography room. James was already there, a couple of cameras spread out on a desk and a laptop open as he edited a photo. She knocked on the doorframe, feeling shy as she took in the profile of him. She knew him, of course, but they’d never spoken and she wasn’t sure what he’d think of his girlfriend’s friend’s younger sister coming to him for advice on cameras.

 

            “Oh, Danvers,” James said with surprise, his eyebrows raising and an easy smile spreading across his face as he looked over his shoulder. “Are you in the right place?”

 

            “Hi James,” Kara quietly smiled, taking a tentative step into the room, “I, uh, I was looking for some advice for a photography project.”

 

            He turned in his seat with a look of interest on his face, “you’re taking photography this term?”

 

            Hesitating, Kara grimaced and gave him a small shrug, “not exactly. It’s a personal project. I was hoping that the teacher … um, who teaches this class?”

 

            “Miss Lang.”

 

            “Right. I was hoping she’d be here to help me out,” Kara lied, feeling a little flustered at the fabrication. “I guess I missed her.”

 

            She turned to leave, giving him a small wave, hoping that he’d stop her. She hadn’t even turned all the way around when he spoke up, and she had to bite back a smile as she turned around, giving him a look of delight. “I’m pretty good with cameras. Maybe I could help you out.”

 

            Eyebrows rising in mild surprise, she gave him a warm smile. “Really? That’d be great.”

 

            Walking over to the desk, she pulled up a chair, pausing as she tried to scramble for some excuse to get the conversation flowing. With some of her past attempts, she’d found that the easiest thing to do was to talk to them. It helped uncover what the real problem was, and if James’ was with photography, if Lucy’s namedrop of  _ The Guardian _ was anything to go by, it was an opportune place to start. Even as she thought that, she saw part of a rolled up newspaper sticking out of his messenger bag, and from what she could read, it was an issue from that exact newspaper. He must’ve brought it back with him. He must’ve had a few copies of it for it to have been an easy clue for her to pick up on - she’d just been oblivious to it. Perhaps he liked to read them over breakfast and she hadn’t even noticed in the crowded dining hall.

 

            “I was thinking about taking photography next year,” Kara fabricated, “I, uh, well I just want to make sure I’m not going to be wasting my time. I want to learn some stuff about it and see if I’m any good before I fill up my class schedule, you know? I’m just not sure if my college application has enough of the arts on there, so I thought it might be good.”

 

            “College, huh? How long until you graduate?”

 

            “Another two years,” Kara grimaced.

 

            He nodded, a smile flashing across his face as he adjusted a few things on the photo. It was a photo from the lacrosse game on the weekend, and Kara was impressed by the obvious talent that he held. “What’re you thinking of majoring in?” James asked.

 

            “Law,” Kara said with a small smile.

 

            “Law?” he laughed, and she frowned slightly in confusion.

 

            “I happen to own a law firm,” she said with a bemused smile. 

 

            He sobered up, obviously aware of her situation. Alex must’ve complained to Lucy in front of him enough times for him to be aware of everything that had gone on within their family. It wasn’t exactly a secret around the school either; Alex hadn’t just suddenly shown up at the start of the school year with a new sister with no explanation, and it wasn’t something they had to lie about, although Kara thought that Alex probably would’ve preferred a different excuse. Probably not anymore though, now that they’d uncovered the feeling of having a sister. James must’ve heard more than enough of their sisterly dramas though, to see her as Alex’s younger sister and forget about how she’d joined the family. She was rich in her own right, with a fortune just waiting for her to turn eighteen.

 

            “Oh, right, I guess you do. So, uh, photography then …”

 

            “It can’t hurt to try it, right?” she asked, a hopeful look on her face.

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh of amusement, he shrugged and reached for a camera. The way he handled it let her know that it was precious to him, and he turned it over with his gentle fingers, a brief look of sadness in his eyes. “Do you want to try film or digital?”

 

            Pausing, she considered the question for a brief moment. “I think maybe digital?” she hesitantly replied.

 

            “Good choice. It’ll probably be too much effort for you to learn how to develop film if you’re just starting out. Do you have a camera yet?” he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly. At the shake of her head, he reached out for a different one and handed it to her. “You can borrow this one. It’s the school’s property anyway. Just don’t tell Miss Lang that I let you use it without checking it out. And try not to break it, please.”

 

            She laughed, accepting the black camera, a bulky lens attached to it and a strap for it to hang around her neck. For the better part of the next hour, James showed her how to use it, showing her the settings and how the lens worked, using photography terms when explaining angles and the focus and placement of photos. Kara listened intently, finding it genuinely interesting, and he even let her take a few practice photos of him, smiling in good humour. She found it easy to like him, and she understood what Lucy saw in him. He was kind and his presence was calming, and she would’ve been happy to talk about photography with him for the rest of the night, seeing how passionate he was about the topic, but she had more important things to focus on.

 

            “So, do you want to be a photographer?” Kara asked him, her eyebrows raised with an expectant look on her face.

 

            He gave her a grim smile, his eyes darkening a little at the question, and he glanced over at the camera he’d been fiddling with earlier. “I don’t know. Maybe. Sometimes I think that I should do what I love, but other times … maybe I shouldn’t focus too much on a hobby. I mean, like you said, it’s good to have interests on a college application, but that doesn’t mean it makes a good career.”

 

            “Your photos are really good,” Kara encouragingly told him, wrinkling her nose as she smiled.

 

            He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he self-consciously glanced over at the screen, where he was still halfway through editing one. “Yeah, but sometimes I think I should focus on some more realistic goals.”

 

            “Like what?”

 

            “My dad … he was in the army. He gave me my first camera too,” he said, his attention turning to the camera once more. “He died over there, and sometimes I think that maybe I should follow in his footsteps. I always said I was going to. But then other times, I think that maybe he gave me the camera for a reason, so I’d have other options.”

 

            She gave him a small smile, her blue eyes softening slightly as she reached out to briefly touch his arm. Was this another one about dead parents? Was she going to have to help every kid in the school who’d lost someone, while still trying to process her own grief? 

 

            “Maybe he did give it to you for a reason, so you could make your own decision.”

 

            “Maybe.”

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara searched for something to say, her eyes landing on the newspaper once more. “You know, my cousin, Clark, he’s in journalism. He just finished his degree and he’s working for The Daily Planet in Metropolis … he was telling me about this internship he did at this newspaper there called The Guardian. Maybe you should give an internship a go too.”

 

            “Wait, Clark  _ Kent?” _

 

            “You know him?” Kara asked, knowing fully well that Lucy’s sister was Clark’s girlfriend.

 

            James smiled brightly as he nodded, “yeah, Lucy was trying to get me to do the same internship because her sister did it too. They do them for photojournalism as well. But well, Lucy’s trying for the Military Academy - it’s sort of a family tradition for her - and if we could go together then …”

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Kara gave him a thoughtful look. “And do you want to go with her  _ just _ to be together, or because  _ you _ want to?”

 

            Shrugging indifferently, he gave her a small smile, “I don’t know. I mean, I can always be an army photographer if I want to be. I don’t have to choose between them.”

 

            “But which one do you love more?”

 

            “Photography,” he immediately replied.

 

            She believed him too. He was never far from a camera, always carrying at least one with him, ever present on the sidelines of sporting events, or school dances, at graduation and other events. He was in charge of photos for the yearbook for the past few years, and was always stuck up in the photography room and the adjoining darkroom, working on his photos. It was something he lived and breathed. Kara wasn’t sure you could really love the military in that way without being somewhat of a fanatic for war - usually it was just a job - and she thought hard about why he would consider doing something he didn’t love in favour of something he was clearly passionate about. Did it really all come down to his dead father and his girlfriend? Or was it just the thought of failure?

 

            She pushed her chair back, cradling the camera in her hands. “I think you have your answer,” she told him with a gentle smile, picking up her satchel and putting it over one shoulder, “thank you for the camera. I’ll bring it back soon.”

 

            “Yeah, no problem,” James murmured, “you’ll have to show me your photos when you do. I’ll help you edit and develop any that you like.”

 

            “Thanks James.”

 

            He nodded and she turned around, walking back towards the door. Pulling the door open, she was about to walk out when James quietly called her name from his place at the desk. “Hey Kara. Thanks,” he said, giving her a serious look, “you probably don’t even realise how much I needed to talk about that.”

 

            She gave him another smile and a small nod, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Feeling emboldened by her latest victory in the cards department, she slipped the camera into her bad, just in case a certain photography teacher happened to see her with it, and set off through the school, a bright smile on her face and lightness within. It was the beginning of dinnertime, and the first rounds of students coming down for dinner would be gathering in the dining hall, so Kara wound through the empty corridors and made in that direction.

 

            Piling up her tray with beef tacos and salad, she put a vanilla pudding on her plate and stole a couple more, slipping them into her satchel, before making her way over to Winn. He had a deck of cards for his fantasy card game, and Kara listened earnestly as he described them to her, before they fell into debating the finer points of their  _ Dungeons and Dragons  _ characters, ending up laughing at the ridiculous traits and stories they came up with to justify their reasonings. She ate quickly and spent the rest of the time sitting beside him with her empty tray, discussing their new English paper while she glanced over at Lena every so often, waiting to see if she’d finished eating. As soon as she saw her get up to leave, her usual entourage in tow, Kara made an excuse to Winn and left in a hurry, dumping her tray and setting off down the centre of the hall at a brisk pace to catch up to her.

 

            “Lena!” she called out when she neared the group of girls about to leave the main school block, having to fight back a smile as she watched Lena turn around, a mask of indifference on her face.

 

            “Danvers,” Lena curtly replied, her tone impatient in an effort to throw off her friends.

 

            “Mr Henshaw wants us to fit in an extra practice tonight,” Kara grimaced, acting as if it was the grimmest thing she could think of to be doing on a Monday night.

 

            Letting out a withering sigh, Lena gave her a surly look, murmuring goodbye to her friends and making a show of rolling her eyes, before she brushed past Kara, bumping her shoulder and making her stumble backwards in surprise. Cheeks turning rosy as she heard the girls snicker, she scowled at Lena’s back and followed after the dark haired girl dragging her feet in order to delay their practice. As soon as they rounded the first corner, finding themselves alone with almost everyone else having abandoned this end of the school as soon as the final bell had rung, Lena reached out and gently touched her on the shoulder, giving her an apologetic look.

 

            “Sorry.”

 

            “No problem,” Kara waved her apologies aside, an anxious look crossing her face, “you didn’t have any plans, did you?”

 

            Letting out a loud laugh that echoed in the empty hallway, Lena gave her an amused look, “not unless you count fleecing Ronnie for her pocket money for the third time in as many weeks plans. What’re  _ we _ getting up to?”

 

            Smiling brightly at her, Kara raised her eyebrows in a teasing manner, patting her bag and continuing her brisk pace. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

            Snorting, Lena gave her a reproachful look, sighing impatiently when Kara made no move to tell her. Lena matched her quick pace until they reached the library, slipping into the vast room smelling of wood, leather and paper, and waved to the librarian typing away at the computer. Once they delved into the shadows of the nearest row of towering shelves, she pulled at the sleeve of Kara’s navy blazer, arching an eyebrow.

 

            “Patience is a virtue,” Kara sang in a quiet voice, a slightly smug smile curling her lips as she rounded a corner and moved deeper into the stacks. 

 

            “You know I could just take your bag off you and see what you’ve got in there, right?”

 

            “You know I’m taller than you, right?” Kara countered.

 

            In a flash, Lena darted forward and grabbed the bag strap, pulling it off Kara before she could stop her. She’d taken her by surprise, and darted out of reach with a taunting smile on her face, her shadowed eyes sparkling with amusement as she dangled the bag up, baiting Kara to take it from her. Taking a slow step forward, an exasperated look on her face, even as she was fighting back a smile - and failing miserably at it - Kara held a hand out for the bag. Smiling, Lena held it out and then jerked it out of reach when Kara moved to take it. Sighing, Kara rolled her eyes and made a quick movement and Lena moved just as quickly, both of them circling each other as they tried not to laugh at their childish game. 

 

            Lena had her back to the row of shelves that ran the whole length of the left side of the library, and Kara stepped towards her, backing her up until she was almost about to hit the shelves. There was a challenge in Lena’s eyes, and a stubborn tilt to her chin as she looked up at Kara, almost daring her to take it - although Kara wasn’t sure if she was daring her to take the bag or take a kiss - and as she stepped closer, the sound of footsteps made them spring apart as a student stepped out of one of the rows of shelves, set in neat lines up the length of the room. The young girl looked to be in her first or second year, and she looked surprise to see them both - as surprised as they were - but not as surprised as Kara when she found herself being jerked around and pushed up against the shelves, the hard wood biting into her back as she stared down at Lena’s stony face. The playfulness had gone and she held the bag aloft.

 

            “If I say it’s mine, then it’s mine,” Lena said, making her voice loud enough for the other girl to hear. Turning to give her a scathing look, Lena kept her hand balled up in Kara’s sweater, pressing her up against the shelves. “What’re  _ you _ looking at?”

 

            The little girl scampered away, looking pale with fear as she made herself scarce, and Kara couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, even if it was all an act. When she turned back to face her, almost nose to nose with Kara, Lena’s blank mask was gone, but the humour wasn’t back. She stared at Kara with such intensity that she would’ve thought that she had something on her face that Lena was looking at if she didn’t know any better. Her skin was pale in the shadows, her dark hair in stark contrast, and Kara could feel her hot breath on her jaw, making her insides clench and her mouth go dry. If she’d been brave enough, she would’ve leant forward, just an inch, making her feelings clear in that one miniscule movement. Instead, she found herself rooted to the spot, silently urging Lena to do it instead. But Lena had a boyfriend, and for all intents and purposes, so did Kara. Besides, Lena didn’t like girls, and as far as anyone else - especially Lena - was concerned, neither did Kara. But neither of them moved, as if they were in a silent standoff, waiting for the other to make the first move. The tension and their silence was heavy, and Kara spotted a dark eyelash resting on Lena’s cheek. As slow as she could go, Kara dared to move, reaching up and gently plucking the eyelash off her cheek, hearing Lena’s quiet inhale as her fingertips brushed her cheek, perhaps trailing across her cheekbone in an unnecessary manner to pluck up the eyelash.

 

            “Make a wish,” Kara whispered, her voice trembling slightly, despite her efforts to stay calm, as she held her finger aloft, an eyelash perched on the tip of it. Lena’s breath was as gentle as a sigh as she blew the eyelash off, and Kara gave her a soft smile, tilting her head to the side. “What did you wish for?”

 

            “To be free.”

 

            As soon as she spoke, the spell seemed to break for Lena, and she stepped away from Kara, her hand still balled up in her sweater, but then she slowly unclenched her fist and smoothed out the creased wool with gentle fingers. Clearing her throat, Lena looked down at the floor as she tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear jerking her head further down the aisle.

 

            “Come on, I’m still waiting for this surprise you’ve got hidden in your bag.”

 

            Letting out a hesitant laugh, Kara smiled and reached out to take the bag back, trying to ease the tension that hung between them. “Well now you’re just going to be disappointed when you find out I just wanted someone to read through my paper for me.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Lena bumped her with her shoulder as they wandered down the aisle, side by side, and Kara laughed, bumping her back, much to Lena’s surprise. Her eyebrows rose and her eyes widened, and she had to cover her mouth with her hand to muffle the laugh of surprise that bubbled up. It made Kara’s stomach lurch. She’d never wanted to kiss her more. Brushing the thought aside, she led them to the back and up a set of stairs, following the balcony ringing the room around until she reached Lena’s special alcove. Sitting down on one of the sofas, Kara made herself comfortable, and Lena flopped down onto the one across from her, a gentle smile on her face as she folded her arms behind her head. Reaching into the satchel, Kara pulled out the pudding cups and set them down on the coffee table, sliding one towards Lena, who bolted upright.

 

            Her face lit up as she scooped up the cup and accepted a plastic spoon off Kara. “Vanilla pudding!”

 

            “Your favourite, if I remember correctly,” Kara dryly replied, a wry smile on her lips as she referenced the memory of Lena stealing all of the pudding that Kara had already stolen to spite her.

 

            “Aw, you remembered, how sweet,” Lena teased her, and Kara failed to fight back a blush, feeling it creep up her neck, making her feel a little hot beneath the collar of her shirt. 

 

            Nervously loosening her tie, Kara tentatively cleared her throat and tore the foil lid off the pudding, scooping up a small amount and spooning it into her mouth to avoid acknowledging her flushed cheeks. Fumbling for the camera, she brought that out too to change the topic, setting it down beside her and giving Lena a small smile.

 

            “I also finished another card and got a new toy out of it,” Kara explained.

 

            “Oh yeah? I didn’t know you liked photography. Let me see,” Lena said, beckoning for the camera.

 

            Handing it over, Kara gave her a pointed look, “you don’t know a lot about me.”

 

            “Sure.”

 

            “Lena, we’ve been friends for like a month.”

 

            “Yeah, but I  _ know _ you,” she dismissively replied, fiddling with the camera. She held it up a moment later and gave her a wide smile, “say cheese.”

 

            Spoonful of pudding halfway to her mouth, Kara’s eyebrows rose in question, her mouth open as she glanced at Lena. “Wha-”

 

            The camera made a click and a flash blinded her and Kara’s face quickly rearranged its features into a scowl, a cross look on her face as she pressed her lips into a thin line. “Hey! No photos.”

 

            “Oh  _ that’s _ a good one,” Lena said, letting out a loud hoot of laughter, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

            Blushing a furious red, Kara gave her an unimpressed look. “You’re the  _ worst _ . Give it back.”

 

            Enjoying herself far too much, Lena snapped another one, and Kara set her pudding down and crawled across the coffee table, ignoring Lena’s gasp of mock horror. “Kara, you’re going to get us kicked out!”

 

            Flopping down next to her, Kara stole the camera off her and snapped a photo of the easy smile on Lena’s amused face, which quickly changed to panic, a protest already on her lips. Laughing, Kara held the camera straight up in the air, and Lena pushed herself up to reach for it, while Kara tried to stretch further away. They were both laughing, and Lena overbalanced, falling on top of Kara, winding her as she caught herself on Kara’s stomach and the back of the sofa. Groaning in between her laughter, Kara pouted as Lena snatched the camera back with a small shout of triumph.

 

            “You’re so mean,” Kara complained.

 

            Sticking her tongue out, Lena smiled as she turned her attention back to the camera. “Don’t be so dramatic, Danvers,” she airily replied, “you’ve had worse. Besides, I can’t have you walking around with ugly pictures of me. Even if I have to break into your locker to make sure they’re deleted.”

 

            “You never did tell me how you got my number, you know.”

 

            “I stole it from the front office.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara sat upright, reaching for her pudding and nursing her tender stomach and wounded pride. “All that because I accidentally snapped a photo of you?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “I told you, I can’t have you walking around with ugly pictures of me. I have a reputation as a very vain person, you know. It goes with this face, you see,” Lena said, her face sincere even though her lips twitched with the ghost of a smile. She primly placed the camera in Kara’s lap with a smile, having deleted the photo, and then stole the pudding out of her hands for good measure.

 

            Spluttering, Kara gave her a forlorn look, “that’s my pudding.”

 

            Shrugging, Lena scooped up some and then handed it back to Kara with a quick wink. Rolling her eyes, Kara picked the camera up, a soft smile on her face as she pointed it at Lena, who turned to look at her, head cocked to the side and an amused look on her face. With a click and a flash, she took a photo and gave Lena a tender look, feeling her heart pounding at the look in her green eyes. “And for the record, I don’t think it’s possible to take an ugly picture of you.”


	20. Chapter 20

            “Please  _ never _ play poker for anything more that Starbursts and kisses,” Lena laughed as she plucked a few Hershey’s kisses up off the blanket and added them to her growing pile. “You have a  _ very _ obvious tell.”

 

            “I do  _ not!”  _ Kara protested, scoffing loudly as she scowled.

 

            Arching an eyebrow, Lena smiled around the stick of a lollipop, her lips stained cherry red as she flashed a row of perfect white teeth. “Uh, yes, you  _ do. _ Right  _ here _ ,” she said, leaning across the space between them to prod Kara at the space between her eyebrows, right above the bridge of her nose. “It crinkles.”

 

            Spluttering, Kara flushed with embarrassment, hunching her shoulders as she ducked her head, self-conscious about the crinkle she knew would be between her eyebrows. Lena let out a delighted laugh.

 

            “And then there’s the blushing.”

 

            “Wha- you- no, I don’t-”

 

            “And the stammering,” Lena said, sounding gleeful with every word. “Of course, they’re not all poker tells, but the crinkle … every  _ single _ hand.”

 

            Kara was silent for a few moments, trying to rid her cheeks of their redness and stop her stammering, before she replied. “And how do  _ you _ know that?”

 

            “I pay attention,” Lena smugly replied.

 

            “Oh, do you now?” Kara said, looking up and giving her an amused look.

 

            Her smile grew as Lena paused for a moment, eyes widening slightly as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t have, two spots of colour appearing on her cheeks. Averting her gaze, Lena cleared her throat, shuffling the cards and dealing them both new hands, she avoided looking up at Kara, seeming shy at the gentle teasing. Kara had meant nothing by it, but Lena seemed to think that it was embarrassing to be teased about it. If anything, it made Kara’s stomach flutter to know that Lena  _ had _ been paying attention to her.

 

            “How about a bet?” Lena finally said, giving her a hesitant smile as she tried to break the tension. “If you beat me, I’ll owe you a favour.”

 

            “What kind of favour?” Kara suspiciously asked, her curiosity kindled as she narrowed her eyes slightly.

 

            Giving her a coy smile, Lena lazily shrugged, pulling the lollipop out of her mouth and vaguely gesturing around with it. “Oh, you know, I might have a solution to our whole …  _ situation.  _ You’ll probably find out about it soon too.”

 

            Pausing for a moment, her cards gathered up in her hands, Kara tilted her head to the side, a frown gracing her face. “Wait, is this about the cards?”

 

            “Perhaps,” Lena said, giving her a secret smile, “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

 

            Giving her a slight pout, Kara sighed and looked down at her cards. They’d been sitting beneath their outcropping of rocks for over an hour, sharing the snacks they’d smuggled in from their school break and riffing off each other as they wound each other up. It was Wednesday, and their Easter vacation started the next day, so they were making the most of their stolen time together in the chilly late afternoon, bundled up in thick jumpers and coats as they played cards. So far Lena had bested her every round. Kara accused her of cheating multiple times, or making up the rules as she went along, and Lena thought it was hilarious, stealing all of Kara’s snacks as the blonde’s expression became more and more mournful. 

 

            They played until it started to get dark, aware of the fact that dinner was already underway, and for the final hand, Kara won. As Lena deposited a hearty amount of candy into her lap with a warm smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, Kara gave her a pointed look. “You let me win, didn’t you?”

 

            Scoffing, Lena rolled her eyes, gathering up her own winnings and shoving them into her backpack. “Of course I didn’t. Do you really think I’d  _ let _ someone beat me at anything?”

 

            Kara gave her a suspicious look, taking in the warmth in those green eyes and the curl of the red lips, thinking that yes, she would think that in that moment. The Lena in private with her was a very different Lena to the one who ignored her, bumped into her or teased her for the benefit of her friends. It was hard to reconcile the two, but Kara knew that this was the real one. It still bothered her that Lena hid behind her indifference and aloofness, for no apparent reason, but Kara was just grateful for the chance to know her better. Surely having little pieces of her was better than none. And for what it was worth, she pushed for Lena to ignore her or make a gentle joke when her friends walked by, because Kara had people who wouldn’t understand either. Lena’s friends wouldn’t understand why Lena would want to be friends with someone at the bottom of the social pyramid, clinging to the outskirts with a newly acquired friend and half a dozen nerdy clubs, but Kara knew that Winn and Alex wouldn’t understand why she wanted to be friends with someone who, for all they knew, didn’t like her. She’d already argued with Alex about it once before, and that was before her and Lena had  _ actually  _ made it to the point where they had even tried to be proper friends. 

 

            “I don’t think you’d let anyone do anything you didn’t want them to,” Kara said with a small smile, but she definitely thought that Lena had wanted her to win.

 

            They packed up not long after that, the encroaching dusk leaching the colour out of the forest as they stepped over the dark lumps of logs and brushed past ferns. They had to hold hands on more than one occasion, half blind in the fading light beneath the canopy of the trees, and Kara’s heart pounded each time their skin made contact. Neither of them spoke the entire walk back to the fence, and as Kara was about to wriggle through the hole, Lena stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. Turning to look at her, eyebrows raised expectantly, Kara took in the nervous look on Lena’s face, the way she worried at her bottom lip with her teeth and hunched her shoulders slightly, looking down at Kara’s feet.

 

            “I was- I was wondering … maybe we could, you know, hang out back home?” Lena hesitantly asked her, finally looking up at Kara with wide, hopeful eyes.

 

            Kara’s expression softened slightly, and she was glad that it was getting dark because she could feel her cheeks warming, feeling shy as she kicked up some dead leaves. Nervously tucking her hair behind her ear, she gave Lena a warm smile. “Yeah, that’d be … really great. You, uh, you have my number, so just … let me know.”

 

            “Okay. Cool,” Lena said, almost sagging with relief, “yeah, I’ll, uh, I’ll message you.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara quietly replied, her smile growing as her eyes creased at the corners. 

 

            She wormed her way through the hole then, feeling warm inside as her stomach flipped, and Lena crawled through after her, both of them dusting off dirt and leaves, before making their way back towards the treeline. They parted ways with soft smiles, leaving behind their friendship as they snuck back through the school. Kara went straight to the dining hall, trying in vain to hide the mud stains on her knees, and collected a bowl of soup from the dinner lady, giving her a bright smile and handing over one of her hard won Hershey’s kisses, before taking her tray over to Alex, when she couldn’t spot Winn.

 

            Alex was in a good mood, with the holiday’s starting in the morning and having aced the last math test Kara had helped her study for, and she invited Kara to stop by her dorm room later on that night to watch  _ Mamma Mia _ with Lucy and Vasquez. Feeling touched by the invitation, Kara readily agreed, following Alex up to her room as soon as they finished dinner. She was under strict orders  _ not _ to sing, and she emptied out the rest of the wrapped candies in her pockets, much to Alex’s mild concern as to why she was carrying them around in the first place, and with the arrival of the other two girls, they crowded on Alex’s bed and watched the movie off the small screen. When she went back to her own room later on in the night, she was sleepily content with how things were, feeling warm and happy inside as she burrowed underneath her blankets.

 

\---

 

            The first few days of the holidays flew by. She went to the mall with Winn, went to a baseball game with Alex, and even went to Querl’s place to play video games with him and Mike. Winn was invited too, and it made for a strange foursome with the addition of Mike, yet Kara was a good middleman, and Mike was actually polite towards Winn, and Kara couldn’t help but feel a little bit satisfied at the small changes he’d made to better himself. It still frustrated her to have to constantly chastise him like she was his mother, but at school, they would talk for hours about their parents and their lives, and it was almost like they were helping each other handle their grief, just by sharing fond memories. That, coupled with her constant nagging at him to change certain qualities, actually changed her mind about Mike a little. 

 

            The whole time she was enjoying hanging out with people, having something resembling a proper social life, she couldn’t help but think about Lena though. So far, she’d maintained radio silence. It was nearly the end of the first week when Kara received a message off her, the time on her screen reading just after ten, and Kara bit her lip as she opened the text.

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ meet me outside _

 

            Kara frowned at the screen, scrambling off her bed and padding over to the window overlooking the neat, tree-lined street, old gas lamps lighting the street with a yellow light. A car was parked outside, the engine idling and the break lights red beacons in the darkness. Kara softly swore under her breath, running a hand through her hair as she paced back and forth for a few moments. It was after curfew, and she knew Eliza was already in bed, but she was still nervous about sneaking out. She really wanted to see Lena though, and Eliza didn’t have to know she’d left. Alex was locked in her room too, so if she was quiet, they wouldn’t even hear her slip out. 

 

            Swapping her sweatpants for jeans, Kara pulled on a coat, slipped on a pair of sneakers and shoved some cash in her pockets, along with her phone and key. Carefully tiptoeing downstairs, wincing when one of the steps creaked - she’d never had to be careful being quiet because she’d never snuck out before - she crept down the hallway and slowly opened the front door. Stepping out into the night, she quietly closed the door behind her and fled down the couple of steps and into the passenger seat, already smiling as she looked at Lena.

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara looked at her with mild surprise, taking in the pair of glasses and the casual unkempt appearance of Lena. She looked young and small, swallowed up in the sweatshirt and oversized denim jacket she was wearing, her hair messily pulled up and faint circles under her eyes.

 

            “Hi,” Kara quietly said, her smile faltering slightly.

 

            “Happy Easter,” Lena said, reaching for a bag near Kara’s feet and depositing it in her lap as she pulled out onto the empty road.

 

            “Wha- I didn’t get you anything,” Kara told her, opening the plastic bag to reveal a giant chocolate bunny with a ribbon tied around the neck, an almost creepy looking smile painted onto its face on the foil wrapper.

 

            Lena let out a quick laugh, “your company is enough. Unless you have cash for a coffee?”

 

            “Sure,” Kara laughed.

 

            She drove them through the takeaway of a twenty-four hour coffee shop not too far from Kara’s house, ordering them some strangely named coffees, which Kara handed over some cash for. It was sweet, with whipped cream and caramel in it, and Lena parked in a mostly empty parking lot of a nearby Walmart, keeping the engine running so the heater could blast out warm air while the gentle hum of music kept them company. Feeling shy in the enclosed space of the car, Kara drank her drink in silence, sneaking glances at Lena, who was staring out at the sharp brightness flooding out of the superstore at the far end of the parking lot. She didn’t look too happy.

 

            “How was your Easter?” Kara quietly asked.

 

            “Pretty shit,” Lena curtly replied.

 

            “Is everything … okay?”

 

            Lena turned to look at her, giving her a wobbly smile as her eyes seemed to shine in the dark, like she was about to burst into tears. She didn’t though - Lena wouldn’t, of course - she just sipped her coffee and turned her attention back to the darkness outside the windscreen.

 

            “It’s nothing I’m not used to,” she eventually murmured.

 

            Reaching out, Kara laid a gentle hand on her arm, but Lena slowly moved it away, not in a mean gesture to brush her off, but a clear message all the same; she didn’t want to be touched. Kara withdrew her hand, feeling awkward as the tension between them built. Lena hid too much of herself away, and there was so much that Kara didn’t know about her home life, and she couldn’t even begin to understand it. She couldn’t help her if she didn’t know  _ how _ to. Looking down at the chocolate bunny, Kara wedged the plastic takeaway cup between her knees and quietly unwrapped it at the top, peeling foil back until she’d exposed the ears. Breaking them off, she gently nudged Lena’s arm and gave her an uncertain smile as she held the ears out.

 

            “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk, but chocolate makes everything better.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, thanking her as she accepted the chocolate and took a small bite. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, eating chocolate and drinking their coffee, until Lena let out a heavy sigh, shoving her half empty cup into the cupholder beside her steering wheel. It was a nice car - expensive, with its leather interior and high-tech stereo and dials - and Kara was nervous sitting in it with the most popular girl in her school.

 

            “How did it feel when your parents died?” Lena finally blurted out.

 

            Kara paused for a moment, a look of surprise flickering across her face, and she swallowed her mouthful of chocolate, gently clearing her throat as she tried to think of something to say. “It was … hard. I’ve never felt anything so painful before. It’s  _ still _ hard.”

 

            Nodding, Lena cocked her head to the side, giving her a searching look. “You loved them, right?”

 

            “Of course I did,” Kara softly exclaimed, a pained look crossing her face as her grief flared up. “They were my parents.”

 

            “That doesn’t mean much,” Lena mumbled, averting her gaze. She reached out and gripped the steering wheel with both hands, her knuckles turning white. “My parents … aren’t very nice. Or my dad  _ wasn’t _ . He’s dead, you know.”

 

            She did know that, and it was unnerving to hear Lena talk about him so callously, as if she didn’t feel much at all. The tense set of her shoulders and her tightening grip on the steering wheel let her know that she  _ did _ care though. It was just more of her cool mask of indifference, but Kara saw right through it, as if cracks were appearing, giving her a glimpse at the girl beneath it.

 

            “I’m sorry.”

 

            “Don’t be. He drove into a tree. Drink driving. My brother was on track to go the same way, I think. He was in prison, for a while. Did you know that too?” Kara nodded, and Lena gave her a sharp smile. “He’s under house arrest now. Holidays are …  _ fantastic. _ Did you ever read Harry Potter? Kids don’t usually like school, especially not  _ boarding _ school, but he did, and I think I can understand why. It never feels like I’m coming home when I’m back here.”

 

            Kara gave her a strained smile, “I had a hard time thinking of Eliza’s - she’s my, uh, my new  _ mom _ \- place as home too. It was almost a relief to go to boarding school, at the start.”

 

            “Not now?”

 

            “No,” Kara murmured, giving her a small shrug, “it was good for a few weeks. I didn’t have to pretend to have a new family, but I- I didn’t have any friends. And well … you know how it all went. Up until this school year. I guess I have your friends to thank for making me appreciate how it felt to come home to someone who actually cared. I think the first time I went home for the holidays, I must’ve cried the whole night and begged Eliza not to send me back.”

 

            Wincing, Lena looked away. “I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t know how hard it was for you.”

 

            “What, being bullied by your friends right after my parents had died, I was abandoned by my living family, sent to a new one, and then shipped off to boarding school, only to be left friendless, all within the span of, say, a month?” Kara lightly replied, a deep ache in her chest. “Why would you have known? You ignored me pretty much a few weeks after I got there.”

 

            “If I’d been your friend then … do you think it would’ve been different for you?”

 

            Pausing, Kara didn’t know how to answer. Did she tell her that she’d never  _ just _ wanted to be friends? Or that her issues ran deeper than her unrequited feelings for Lena? Being ignored by her hadn’t been the root of all of Kara’s problems, but it had definitely been the cherry on top of the middle of the worst moment of her life. Her loneliness had eaten away at her for the longest time, wearing her down until she’d given up any hope, only for the cards to breathe fresh life back into her. They’d given her a purpose. She’d gotten friends, the satisfaction of helping people, and the chance to mingle with people she otherwise never would have. It had broken her out of her shell too, making her do things she never ordinarily would’ve. Never would she have found herself in a fake relationship to help the closeted gay guy, who she’d thought was an asshole, or spent her nights helping the quiet nerdy guy to ballroom dance after a long night of  _ Dungeons and Dragons. _ Or got into a fight and snuck out of her house, or school, for that matter. It had been the cards that had made things different.

 

            “Maybe,” Kara quietly admitted, “but I think … I’m glad they ended up the way that they did. Things are different now anyway, it just took me a while to get here.”

 

            Lena gave her a bittersweet smile, “I’m glad you got here. I’m sorry I didn’t help you.”

 

            With a small shrug, Kara returned the smile. “It’s okay, Lena. No one else helped either. No one ever really helps.”

 

            “Except you,” Lena murmured, “with the cards. You’re the only one who  _ cares _ enough to help. You care too much sometimes.”

 

            Frowning, Kara gave her a puzzled look, “what do you mean?”

 

            “I mean … I don’t know,” Lena said, letting out an exasperated sigh, “you just- you care. And it’s hard not to let you in. There’s so much I want to tell you, and it’s so hard to just … not tell you. But I don’t think I can. I don’t think you’d understand, and I don’t want your judgement or your pity, but you  _ care _ so you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself. You’re too kind for your own good.”

 

            “Lena, whatever it is … you can tell me,” Kara said, a lump rising in her throat.

 

            “No, I can’t,” she tightly replied, closing her eyes as she shook her head. “I  _ can’t _ . It’s so  _ hard _ . I want to- sometimes I feel like you might be able to help, or- or you’ll understand. You’ve been helping so many people, and I just wish- it doesn’t matter.”

 

            Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, sadness welling up inside as she watched Lena struggle with her words and her feelings. She’d never seen her so agitated and conflicted, or so  _ undone _ . Lena was always calm and collected, even in her cold anger, and it was almost alarming to watch her struggling with herself in the dark interior of the car. Kara attributed it to the feeling of being in the parking lot, the clock ticking towards midnight despite the timeless feeling of the night, as the darkness pressed in on them, making them feel all alone in the world. It was a strange atmosphere. It was almost enough to make anyone spill their darkest secrets. Lena was on the verge of it, but at the last minute, she locked herself away again, turning to give Kara a small smile, a pained look in her eyes.

 

            “Lena,” Kara softly whispered, reaching out to gently touch her on the arm.

 

            She didn’t know what did it. Perhaps it was the tenderness of her voice, or the simple act of being touched when she was already so emotional, but Lena burst into tears, startling Kara so much that she nearly upset her coffee. The sudden sobs filled the car, covering the soft sound of the music, and Kara was almost terrified as Lena ducked her head down, her hands still wrapped around the steering wheel, shoulders shaking as she cried. Setting aside her drink and the rest of the chocolate bunny, Kara unbuckled her seatbelt and slowly reached out for her. She went slowly, inch by inch, first touching Lena gently on one shoulder, and then touching her arm with her other hand, until she gently coaxed her into her arms. It was a surreal moment for Kara, awkwardly trying to hug Lena close over the centre console of the car, rubbing soothing circles on her back while she murmured reassuring nonsense.

 

            It wasn’t long before Lena quietened down, her breakdown over nearly as quickly as it had come, leaving her breathing hitching on occasion as she kept her head resting on Kara’s shoulder, nestled up against her neck. Kara ran her hand over her silky hair, feeling her heart pounding in her chest at the strange intimacy of the moment, and when Lena finally pulled back, Kara had the urge to reach out and wipe her damp cheeks. Ordinarily, the most she would’ve dared was the brief touch of her hand or arm, but in the moment, it seemed acceptable, and so she reached up and gently pushed Lena’s glasses up, wiping away the tears with her thumbs. Lena stared at her with wide eyes, almost surprised by the tenderness of the gesture, and she didn’t pull back completely, not even when Kara was finished. Instead, she leant forward and touched her forehead to Kara’s, her eyelids fluttering shut and her breath warm against Kara’s cheek. Her hand was warm as it came up and rested on Kara’s shoulder, her thumb just grazing Kara’s skin above the neck of her sweatshirt, feeling searingly hot at the skin on skin contact.

 

            For a brief moment, they stayed like that, and Kara hardly dared to breathe. Lena was so close that their noses were almost touching. If Kara turned an inch to the left, her lips would probably be a hair's breadth away from Lena’s, but kissing her wasn’t the first thing on her mind at that moment. And just like that, the moment passed, and Lena pulled back, sitting in her seat properly and fastening her seatbelt again. Kara stared at her for a few moments, until the car was put into reverse and she scrambled for her own seatbelt. Turning the music up to stop and easy conversation, Lena drove out of the parking lot and drove through the quiet city. They were silent the whole drive back to Eliza’s, until Lena pulled up outside, the engine idling as she put the car in park, staring at the tree illuminated by her headlights as she avoided looking at Kara.

 

            “I’m sorry,” she hoarsely whispered. 

 

            “Don’t apologise,” Kara murmured, reaching out to touch her arm for the briefest moment, before she gathered up her coffee cup and the bag with her chocolate, giving Lena a sad smile as she opened the car door. “You know, friends don’t judge, just by the way,” she softly added.

 

            Lena let out a choked laugh. “You’re not  _ just _ a friend. You’re … you,” she quietly said, sounding slightly amused. Drawing in a shuddering breath, she turned to look at Kara and gave her a grim smile. “I’ll see you at school.”

 

            Feeling slightly disheartened at the fact that they wouldn’t see each other again before then, Kara stepped out of the car, a slight smile on her lips as she ducked down to peer into the car. “Get some sleep, Lena.”

 

            She gently shut the car door behind her and jogged up the few steps to the front door, fishing her key out and letting herself in to the hallway, waving at Lena, who was waiting for her to step inside before driving away, before she shut the door. It was past midnight and Kara rubbed at her tired eyes as she slowly walked down the hallway, her plastic bag rustling no matter how much she tried to be quiet. She was just thinking about how she’d have to carefully dispose of the coffee cup in the morning when the kitchen light switched on. Freezing in her tracks, like a deer caught in headlights, Kara turned to face Eliza with a guilty look on her face. 

 

            The older woman didn’t look pleased, wrapped in a fluffy dressing gown with tired circles beneath her eyes, having apparently heard the front door shut when Kara had snuck out, and Kara was apologetic as she was grounded for the rest of the holidays and sent up to bed with a stern scolding. She felt drained as she slowly plodded upstairs, with Eliza following after her, and she kicked off her shoes and tumbled onto the bed without ceremony, clutching the bag with the bunny in her arms as she stared up at the ceiling. She fell asleep in her coat and jeans, waking up with a pair of lopsided glasses on her face and a half melted chocolate rabbit hugged to her chest.

 

\---

 

            The rest of the holidays dragged by, with Kara restlessly passing the time until she went back to St. Rao’s by finishing off a few papers for school and watching a dozen movies with Alex, who was mildly impressed by Kara’s spontaneous rebellion. Kara suffered silently, feeling like the punishment was worth it for the few hours she’d spent with Lena, although she desperately wished that she could see her again and make sure she was okay. She wasn’t sure how things would be between them the next time they were together. Would Lena have raised her walls higher and cut her off? Or was this another barrier down between them? Kara was antsy right up until the moment they were dropped off outside the gates of the sprawling campus and left to walk up towards the main doors.

 

            There was a card waiting for her when she got back to school, neatly slid underneath her door, just like a few of the other times. Letting the Seven of Spades slide out, Kara read Lena’s neat handwriting in the black pen, tracing her fingers over the words with a slight smile on her face. The fact that she wasn’t in this alone made her feel a little bit better, even though they usually avoided all talk about the cards. It was enough to know that Lena had figured out it was her they were being sent to. She was more curious about this card though, because Lena knew about it too.

 

_             Girl’s dorms. Second floor bathroom. 6AM. _


	21. Chapter 21

            The next morning, Kara was up before a little before six, the sky still dark outside her bedroom window and the sound of her alarm grating on her nerves as she swung her legs out of bed, yawning widely and stepping into her slippers. Shoving her key into her pocket, she crept out of her room and down the hallway, taking the stairs down to the second floor of bedrooms in the girl’s dormitory, and slipping into the communal bathroom for the floor. It was lit by humming fluorescent lights, blindingly harsh after Kara’s walk through the dim, shadowy hallways, and she walked past the rows of toilet cubicles and shower stalls. They were all empty, the sound of her slippers muffled by the tiles as she looked around. One of the mirrors was speckled with toothpaste and one of the toilet stalls was out of toilet paper, but they were completely empty.

 

            Frowning as she stood within the last toilet stall on the end of the row, she heard the squeak of the door opening a few moments later and hurried footsteps across the floor. The sudden noise was surprising after the eerie stillness of the bathroom, with the occasional _plink_ as a drop of water fell from a leaky faucet. A door to one of the stalls slammed shut, the desperate sound of someone locking it reaching Kara’s ears, promptly followed by the sound of someone vomiting into the toilet bowl. Eyes widening in surprise, Kara froze, listening to the sound of the girl throwing up, wondering if she should ask her if she was okay, or if she should fetch the school nurse. Instead, she stood still, her mind turning over reasons why the card would send her to this specific bathroom at this time in the morning to listen to a girl vomit.

 

            A few moments later, she heard the sound of the flush, before the door rattled open and footsteps squeaked against the tiles. The sound of running water reached her ears and Kara bravely poked her head out of her stall, taking in the dark hair and tall figure bending over the sink, rinsing her mouth out with cold water. She managed to duck back inside before the girl straightened up and saw her in the mirror, and Kara frowned as she tried to puzzle over the identity of the girl. She must’ve known her - there were hundreds of students in the school, but she would know her - but Kara couldn’t identify her from the brown hair, grey t-shirt and _Hello Kitty_ pyjama pants, and she frowned, wondering how she was supposed to figure out who it was.

 

            She lingered for a few minutes, left alone with her thoughts and the sound of water dripping from the tap, and then she walked back up to her room, running a hand through her hair as she plodded slowly up the stairs and down the corridor. Deciding to go for an early morning swim, she changed into her swimsuit, gathered up her towel and toiletries and walked back down through the school in her sweatpants and hoodie, making for the large indoor swimming pool. It was mercifully heated, and she stepped into the humid room, met with the cloying smell of chlorine, and quickly walked into the frigid girl’s locker room, depositing her bag and clothes into a locker and carrying her towel out to the pool.

 

            Diving into the water, feeling it part beneath her touch, she settled into the rhythm of the stroke, staring through the goggles at the bluish tint of the water, taking even breaths of air as she swam lap after lap. She stayed as long as she could spare, with only a few people coming early to swim - most of them being students on the swimming team - and when she climbed out, dripping water onto the tiled floor as she wrapped her towel around herself, Kara spotted a lone figure floating in the water, dark hair fanned out around her head as she kept her eyes shut. A feeling of confusion welled up inside her at the fact that Lena hadn’t even said hello to her, and it wasn’t like her friends were around to see, but she just told herself Lena was being cautious around the other students too.

 

            Pushing her thoughts aside, Kara hurried to the locker room and quickly showered and dressed for class, managing to make it to the dining hall with enough time to grab some toast before it closed. She grabbed a few extra slices, a muesli bar and an apple too, adding it to the collection, and when Lena ran in just as it was all being packed up, her damp hair curling around her face as she scowled, Kara loudly stood up, jostling her satchel and catching Lena’s attention. Walking away from the table, she left behind a plate of toast with the apple and muesli bar, sparing only a quick glance over her shoulder towards Lena, who gave her a secret smile and quick wink. Turning back around, Kara’s face reddened and she had to bite back a smile as she walked to class with a bounce in her step.

 

            She went through the rest of the school day in a blur, one class seeming much like the other as she anxiously watched the clock, her knee nervously jiggling as she waited for the final bell. The thought of seeing Lena was exciting, and a little bit nerve wracking because she had the sense that there had been a shift in things between them. Something was different now. Since that night in the car, Lena had maintained radio silence, even with texts, and although Kara hadn’t had the chance to find out _what_ was different, she knew that things wouldn’t be the same. They’d crossed a boundary, and she didn’t think Lena had ever crossed it with anyone else before. She was too stoic and cold for that. Still, Kara sought her out after class, finding her beneath her hideout under the bleachers, where one of the picnic tables had been dragged under by a few students. Lena was sitting on the table with all of her usual shadows milling about, and a few more hanging on the outskirts, looking desperate to fit in.

 

            “Hey, um, Mr Henshaw wants us to get a start on practice. We’ve got states coming up in a few weeks,” Kara said, the lie falling from her lips with ease as she tried to calm her galloping heart and keep a smile off her face.

 

            Lena was looking down at her nails with disinterest, leaning back on her elbows with her legs stretched out before her on the bench. She didn’t even look up when she replied. “Tell him I can’t today. As you can see, I’ve got cheer practice.”

 

            Although she’d been keeping a blank look of indifference on her face, Kara’s face fell, feeling like her stomach dropped as she opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. _“Oh_ … um, okay,  yeah, I’ll tell him.”

 

            She turned around without another word, walking off as she ducked her head down, feeling her cheeks turn red at the laughter and comments that followed after her. The sinking feeling inside felt unsettling, because although Lena always kept up the front that she didn’t care for Kara much, she always made a big show of grumbling and gathering her things for a fake debate practice, but this time she’d flat out refused. Making her way up to her room, Kara decided to focus on her homework instead, changing out of her uniform and pulling open her math textbook. She spent the couple of hours before dinner started breezing through calculations as she punched numbers into her calculator and scribbled diagrams of her working out in her notebook. When she went down to dinner, sitting beside Winn as they made plans for their visit into town on the weekend - Querl and Mike were coming with them so the four of them could visit the game store - Kara briefly met Lena’s stare, a perturbed look crossing her face as she took in the pleading, apologetic smile the briefly curled Lena’s lip.

 

\---

 

            It occurred to Kara that night, as she turned the playing card over between nimble fingers, that it had never specified which day to appear in the bathroom at six o’clock in the morning. With a sneaking suspicion, she set her alarm for a little before six the following morning, and rose early to sneak back down to the second floor bathroom, hiding quietly in a stall, until the hurried footsteps burst through the door, followed by the sound of someone vomiting. There was a brief flicker of surprise as it dawned on Kara that it was _morning sickness._ Whoever it was, they were _pregnant_.

 

            The next two mornings she found herself huddled in a toilet stall in that bathroom, waiting for the girl to appear, still having not figured out who it was, and she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from asking if she needed help. It would’ve been a stupid question to ask, and the girl obviously didn’t want an audience, which was why she was getting up at the crack of dawn to make sure her morning sickness came and mostly passed, before she had to suffer through a full day of class.

 

            On Saturday morning though, Kara was half asleep as she sat on the toilet in the stall right next to the first one of the left - the same one the girl immediately ran into - waiting for the inevitable sounds of retching. She’d slowly inched closer and closer to this stall, having realised that if the doors were closed, the girl didn’t check to make sure she was alone. She was otherwise preoccupied. Kara needed to know who it was though, and she drew in a silent, deep breath and slowly climbed onto the toilet seat, gritting her teeth as she warily hoisted herself up and grabbed onto the side of the stall. Her slippers didn’t make a sound against the seat, and she pushed herself up onto her tiptoes, peering over the top of the stall.

 

            The first thing she made out in the gloominess was the dark brown hair as the girl retched again, which didn’t help at all, but then she sat back on the tiled floor, brushed her hair back out of her face and tilted her head back. Her eyes were closed, but Kara panicked for a moment as she registered the fact that it was a senior, Samantha Arias, and jerked backwards. Stumbling on the toilet seat as she lost her footing, she careened back into the other side of the stall, sliding down it as her soft slippers lost their grip, making a loud racket as she awkwardly fell to the tiled floor, while trying to catch her balance. Bruising her elbow and twisting one ankle slightly, Kara ended up in a heap on the floor, staring at the grimy underside of the toilet bowl as she groaned.

 

            “Who’s there?” Sam’s frightened voice came from the next stall, and Kara was quiet and still, as if she could pretend that she wasn’t there spying on her, even though she’d made enough noise to wake up half of the floor.

 

            Gingerly pushing herself up, Kara froze as she saw a pair of dark eyes peering up at her from under the gap between the stalls, and a sheepish smile crossed her face as she waved slightly. “Hi.”

 

            Sam’s face vanished and a moment later the sound of the lock rattling followed, before she was silhouetted against the open door of Kara’s stall, her arms wrapped around herself - not folded over her chest in an angry look, but as if trying to protect herself - and Kara climbed to her feet, wincing as she rubbed her elbow.

 

            “You're Alex Danvers’ younger sister, right? The adopted one?” Sam asked, her voice soft, which caught Kara off guard as she expected the brunt of the girl’s anger to be directed at her.

 

            She nodded silently, her blue eyes wide with apprehension, waiting for the threats and the outbursts, but Sam just nodded, a wary look in her eyes as if she was waiting for the questions. Kara hesitantly cleared her throat, feeling the need to say something as she awkwardly shuffled her feet.

 

            “I-I won’t tell anyone,” she quietly said, her voice trembling slightly.

 

            “About what?” Sam tensely replied, standing stiffly in the doorway, even though her eyes widened slightly with panic. Just the tiniest bit that made them look wild with fear, before she managed to get a neutral look on her face.

 

            “About the- the pregnancy,” Kara said, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

            Much to her surprise, Sam let out a loud laugh, the sound echoing as it bounced off the tiles, and she gave Kara a bright smile - too bright, and too forced - trying to play it off as a joke. “What, the vomiting? It was the tacos from last night. I should probably go and see the nurse, but it’ll pass. I’m fine.”

 

            Looking down at the floor, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she shook her head. “No. I’ve heard you- I’ve heard you other times. The past few days. It’s okay though,” she said, peering up at Sam and giving her an earnest look, “I can- I can _help_ you.”

 

            “Wha- you’ve been _spying_ on me?” Sam said, her face paling as she stepped backwards, covering her mouth with her hand.

 

            She was about to say something else, but then she lunged towards Kara, shoving her out of the way and falling to her knees hard on the tiled floor. Hard enough to bruise. Kara caught herself against the wall of the stall, hands flat against the cold laminated wood as she listened to Sam vomit. Snapping out of it, Kara locked the stall door and crouched down behind Sam, hesitantly reaching out with cool fingers to pull her hair out of her face for her. Quietly murmuring reassuring things, Kara soothingly rubbed Sam’s back, trying to breathe through her mouth and wincing at the heaving sounds. It passed quickly and Sam fell back against the wall of the stall, pulling her knees up to her chest and dissolving into tears.

 

            Looking mildly panicked, Kara reached out, feeling her heart ache for the girl who was only a few years older than herself, and wrapped a comforting arm around her. She half expected Sam to pull away - that was her experience with teary teenage girls so far - but she placed her head on Kara’s shoulder, her face crumpling as she sobbed, and Kara awkwardly tried to comfort her. She didn’t even _know_ her, but she felt a strange obligation to protect her. Perhaps it was because she knew what it was like to be scared and alone, or because she knew that she was terrified of the mere thought of becoming a mother so young, but she just knew that she couldn’t let her suffer alone. Maybe it was a good thing she’d been caught sneaking around, because now Sam knew that Kara knew, and now she could help her.

 

            It was a good few minutes before Sam’s tears abated, and longer still until she stirred, rubbing at her red, puffy eyes and pulling away from Kara. They both climbed to their feet, cramped in the small stall, and spilled out into the cool, empty bathroom. Kara hung back as she watched Sam walk over to the sink and rinse her mouth out, splashing cold water on her clammy skin as the silence dragged on, hanging heavily over them. When she was finished, mopping her skin dry with a paper towel, Sam turned to look at her, her throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly.

 

            “Please don’t tell anyone,” she hoarsely said, and she would’ve sounded desperate if her voice and whole body wasn’t shaking.

 

            “I won’t, I promise,” Kara assured her, a ring of sincerity in her voice. She hesitated for a moment, a wary look on her face as she paused, “how far along are you?”

 

            Shrugging slightly, Sam rubbed at one of her eyes, dark circles beneath her eyes and a defeated slump in her shoulders. “About two months.”

 

            “Good. That’s good,” Kara mumbled, “you won’t show too much before school is out. I can- I can help you keep it a secret.”

 

            Looking taken aback by the offer, Sam gave her a puzzled look. “Why? Why do you want to help me?” she croaked.

 

            With a sad smile, Kara shrugged, running a hand through her messy hair. “Someone has to help, right?”

 

            “I don’t even _know_ you. I don’t even remember your name,” Sam said, choking on a laugh of disbelief.

 

            With a quiet laugh, Kara gave her a warm smile and held her hand out. “I’m Kara.”

 

            Staring at the hand for a moment, Sam slowly stepped forward, reached out and took it, giving it a slow shake. “Sam.”

 

            “Well, um, I’m not really sure how _this,”_ Kara said, dropping her hand and gesturing at Sam’s stomach, “works, but if you, uh, if you need a friend, or- or help with anything, I can do that.”

 

            “Yeah, well, I don’t really know how it works either,” Sam said with a tearful smile, “and I’m kind of lacking in the friend department.”

 

            “Aren’t you on the cheer squad?” Kara hesitantly asked, knowing that she was from her hours of pretending that she wasn’t watching Lena practice in her uniform.

 

            Rolling her eyes, Sam let out a heavy sigh. “Not for much longer, I guess. And in case you haven’t realised, they’re all bitches. Well, I guess you _have_. Didn’t you get into a fight with Veronica Sinclair?”

 

            Blushing with embarrassment, Kara shrugged vaguely, scratching at the back of her neck, “yeah. Kind of got my ass handed to me, but Alex, she’s been- anyway, it doesn’t matter. I, uh, I won’t tell anyone, and if you need someone to, I don’t know, make a doctor’s appointment, then I can. My adoptive mom - Eliza - she’s a doctor so I can ask-”

 

            “I can’t- no one else knows. If I go to the doctors, my mom will get billed,” Sam said, her eyes wide with fear, “she’ll throw me out. I’ll have nowhere to go.”

 

            “But you need scans and- and … vitamins. There’s things you should be taking, right?”

 

            “Yes,” Sam huffed, “but I _can’t-_ ”

 

            “But the baby-”

 

            “Kara, look, thank you for trying to help, but _I don’t know you_. This is really none of your business,” Sam said, her voice soft but firm as she held Kara’s stare.

 

            Grimacing slightly, Kara gave her a sad look, “but what about when your mom finds out? You can’t keep it a secret from her forever.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Sam exhaled slowly. “I’ll figure it out. I should go, I’ve got to get ready to head into town.”

 

            Nodding, Kara stood there as she watched her walk towards the door, and just before she walk out she called after her, giving her a warm smile. “Hey Sam, just so you know … Alex isn’t as tough as she seems. If you need some help - someone _else_ \- you can trust her.”

 

            “Thanks, Kara,” Sam softly replied, giving her a grim smile before she disappeared.

 

\---

 

            The rest of the morning was uneventful. She showered and dressed to go into the village, wearing a thin sweater and a denim jacket, looking out at the pale blue sky and the watery sunlight. It didn’t look like it was going to rain, but there was still a bitter edge to the wind, so she still dressed warmly. Heading down for breakfast, Kara enjoyed some cereal and fresh juice, before she met up with Winn, Querl and Mike outside the front doors of the school. They chatted as they walked down the long driveway, gravel crunching beneath their shoes and the awkwardness between them dissipating. Mike and Winn actually got along quite well, which was surprising, but Kara found that Mike was less of an asshole when he wasn’t around his other friends. Much like Lena, he had a front to keep up, but he was a little more willing to let it slip. It was actually nice to be surrounded by a few people, and they spent the morning browsing shelves of video games and comic books, CD’s and DVD’s. Querl bought a few comics and Winn bought a collectible item from some video game series, and then they made for one of the quieter diners for milkshakes and fries to share.

 

            After lunch, Kara left the three boys to their own devices and slipped off through the cobblestoned streets. Passing by Alex, who was queuing up outside the movie theatre with Lucy and another girl, Maggie, for a quick screening, Kara rejected the offer to watch it with them and carried on walking. It didn’t take her too long to find the pharmacy, and Kara slipped into the clean, antiseptic and lemony smelling air of the store. Quickly browsing the aisles, she slipped down the one she was looking for and started reading the labels of neat rows of bottles. She reached out to pick up one, a slight frown on her face as she read information off her phone, trying to see if the bottle was what she was looking for.

 

            “Might want to be a bit sneakier or people might get the wrong idea,” Lena’s quiet voice came from behind, and Kara nearly jumped out of her skin in fright, whirling around and dropping the bottle of multivitamins to the ground. Lena laughed as she gave her a flash of a smile. “Hi.”

 

            Heart thudding loudly in her chest, Kara gave her an exasperated look. “You scared the shit out of me.”

 

            “Sorry,” Lena said, sounding anything but as she gave her an easy smile, reaching down to pick up the bottle and place them back on the shelf. She reached out and plucked another bottle off the shelf, holding it out and picking up another one. “Here. She needs these ones. They’ve got folic acid, thiamine, iron and vitamin D. She also needs some omega three fatty acids.”

 

            Kara paused for a moment, staring down at the bottles of pills in her hands as a frown graced her features, feeling slightly unsettled as she looked down at them. Lena had known. She’d hinted at the card, of course, but not only that, she’d gone out of her way to find out what it had meant, and it left Kara feeling a little bit disappointed and sad as she looked up, her words coming out sharper than she’d meant them to. A part of her thought it might’ve been her irritation at being brushed off the other day too.

 

            “You knew?”

 

            “Of course,” Lena said, looking a little smug.

 

            Looking slightly pissed, Kara chewed her words carefully for a few moments, before she met Lena’s eyes. “Why didn’t you help her, Lena?” Kara asked, her voice a defeated sigh as she gave her a searching look. “The card was for me, but why didn’ t you _help_ _her?_ She’s all alone. She’d on _your team_ , and you just … did nothing?”

 

            Stiffening slightly, Lena gave her a hard look, the muscles in her jaw working as her heavy brows drew together in a frown. “I have my own shit to deal with, Kara. I’m not a charity organisation and I don’t have time to spend working on helping other people when I can barely even help myself.” She turned around and started to walk off without another word.

 

            “Hey,” Kara softly said, reaching out to stop her by gently grabbing her hand, giving it a gentle pull until Lena stopped, turning and pausing, before looking up. Her eyes were dark, a flicker of sadness and guilt in them as she met Kara’s gaze. “What’s up? Is it- is it because of the car-”

 

            “It’s because of a lot of things, Kara,” Lena mumbled, her voice thick with emotion as she looked down at the tiled floor, scuffing the toe of an expensive shoe along the grout.

 

            Kara gave her a pained look, squeezing her hand slightly as her lips quirked into a hesitant smile, “let me help you. I know- I know you’re not one of my cards, but … I can still help you. That’s what friends _do_.”

 

            Giving her a strained smile, Lena shrugged halfheartedly, “not with this. Besides, you’ve got your hands full.” She nodded at the bottles in Kara’s hands, holding onto her fingers for a moment longer before she let go of Kara’s hand, relinquishing the comforting warmth, and gave her a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you later. Tomorrow. We can meet in the library after cheer practice or something.”

 

            With a false brightness to her smile, Kara’s eyes crinkled slightly at the corners and she nodded eagerly. “Yeah, sure.”


	22. Chapter 22

            Early the next morning, Kara found herself back in the second floor bathroom, tapping on the locked stall door and quietly letting Sam know that it was her. It opened a moment later, and Kara stepped into the small cubicle, locking the door behind herself and crouching down beside the other girl. She produced a few bottles of vitamins she’d picked up at the pharmacy and placed them on the floor in front of Sam, giving her a friendly smile as she fished out a bottle of water and explained what each of them was. Looking surprised and more than a little wary, Sam thanked her, picking up one of them and reading the label as the pills rattled around inside. She swilled her mouth out with some of the water, before swallowing a few of the pills, her skin pallid and a slight sheen of sweat covering her forehead.

 

            Kara stayed with her until the morning sickness had passed for now, quietly keeping up a stream of conversation as she tried to take Sam’s mind off of it, holding her hair back for her and rubbing her back whenever the nausea swept over her again. By the time the both snuck out of the toilet stall, sunlight was filtering in through the tiny slitted windows, bathing the tiles in pale yellow light, and Sam quietly thanked her, giving her a weak smile, before slipping out of the bathroom. Pausing for a few moments in front of the row of porcelain sinks, Kara took in the shadows beneath her eyes, blinking back the burning feeling as she thought about the string of early mornings she’d been having in favour of helping Sam out. She couldn’t keep it up forever, especially not with her massive workload and extracurricular activities, but Sam didn’t have anyone else to help her. Kara felt sorry for her.

 

            Stifling a yawn, Kara decided to go for a swim before breakfast. She had rowing practice later on, and the thought of being out on the cold lake wasn’t exactly appealing, so a quick dip in the warm water of the heated pool would be a fair compromise. Making her way back up to her room she quickly changed and grabbed her things, before making her way to the large building. The smell of chlorine hit her the moment she walked into the room, and the first thing she noticed was the lone figure drifting in the middle of the pool, dark hair fanning out around her while she lazily trailed her arms through the water, leaving ripples in her wake. Kara was quiet as she went into the locker room and stowed her things away, taking her towel with her and kicking off her flip flops, before she catapulted herself into the water. When she resurfaced, brushing blonde hair darkened by the water out of her face,  she was a few metres away from a spluttering Lena, who was looking at her with wide eyes as she wiped water from her face.

 

            “Morning,” Kara sang, and Lena splashed water at her, a peeved look on her face, although there was a slight twitch at the corners of her lips.

 

            “You’re an asshole.”

 

            “That’s not very nice.”

 

            Lena flipped her off and Kara stuck her tongue out at her, before they both started laughing, paddling closer to each other and staying afloat as they stared at each other. Kara was struck by how pretty Lena looked, with her dark wet hair slicked back, her green eyes sharp and alert as ever and her pale skin almost luminous beneath the large fluorescent lights humming overhead. They were silent for a few moments, looking at each other with curiosity and amusement, and then Lena flashed her a quick smile.

 

            “Race you to the deep end.”

 

            She was off in a splash of water, making Kara splutter as she scrambled after her. While Lena’s technique was more fluid, Kara had speed and strength on her side, and she slapped her hand down on the tiled edge of the pool a second before Lena, who stubbornly jutted her chin forward as she frowned at her, not prone to losing.

 

            “I want a rematch.”

 

            “I won fair and square,” Kara grinned, poking Lena in the ribs and laughing as the other girl squirmed, drifting out of reach as she gave Kara an exasperated look.

 

            They both held onto the edge of the pool, and Lena folded her arms, resting her cheek on them as she watched Kara. It was quiet in the large room, with the water quiet lapping against the wall and the sound of fans whirring and the pool filtering system making the occasional rumble. With just the two of them, they were free to be friends.

 

            “Hey, so I’ve got cheer practice after lunch. Maybe we can hang out afterwards?” Lena asked, a hopeful look on her face.

 

            “Yeah, sure. What time?”

 

            “I’ll text you.”

 

            Nodding, she gave Lena a bright smile and reached out to brush a wet lock of hair out of her face. She must not have got all of it because Lena unfolded her arms and reached out, gently brushing the rest of the hair away for her with an intense look on her face. Kara turned to stone beneath her touch, hearing the thudding of her heart grow louder in her ears as her throat closed up. Before she could say anything else, Lena pulled back and slipped beneath the surface of the blue water. With a laugh, Kara sucked in a lungful of air and dived beneath the surface, her vision distorted and her eyes aching from the chlorine as she chased after Lena.

 

            She managed to catch hold of her ankle and Lena turned beneath the water, flashing her white teeth as she smiled, a few bubbles escaping her mouth as she let out a muffled laugh. Shaking with laughter, Kara was about to pull her closer when the distant sound of a door banging shut reached her ears. Dropping Lena’s ankle, she surfaced, watching as a guy from the swim team walked in, giving her a nod as he made for the locker room. Lena’s dark head broke the surface a dozen feet away from Kara, and she fell into an easy freestyle stroke, all traces of laughter and fun gone as she ignored Kara.

 

            Swallowing the sadness that rose inside, Kara slowly paddled over to the edge of the pool and hoisted herself out of the water. She didn’t want to stay and ignore Lena, letting the tension and silence hang heavily between them. Not when they’d been laughing and playing around a few moments before. Instead, she wrapped the towel around herself, turning in time to catch Lena giving her a pained look, and she gave her a miniscule wave, shoving her feet into her flip flops and leaving a trail of water in her wake as she walked off towards the locker room. She was still standing underneath the hot water, scrubbing the smell of the pool off her skin with a little more force than was necessary in her frustration, when the door squeaked open and Lena appeared. 

 

            A few other girls had come and gotten changed during that time, but Kara had been alone in the row of shower stalls, and at the sound of a stall door banging closed at the other end of the row, she glanced up, quickly looking away again when she realised it was Lena. The sound of water sputtered to life after a few moments, and she quickly washed the soap suds from her skin and rinsed her hair, the otherwise empty locker room sounding far too quiet. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she shut the water off and wrapped her towel around herself, shivering as the steam faded and the frigid air made her skin ripple with goosebumps. Trying off quickly, she changed into the clothes she’d brought down with her and stepped out of her stall. As she passed by Lena’s, careful to keep her eyes lowered, an arm came over the side of the stall, banging on the door and splattering her clothes with water.

 

            Kara jumped in surprise, her blue eyes wide as she peered through the fogged up lenses of her glasses from the steam coming from Lena’s shower. She could make out the dark hair and pale face of Lena peering over the top of the stall, almost reaching out for her. “I’m sorry, Kara,” she quietly said.

 

            “It’s okay,” Kara said, one half of her mouth curling up into an uneven smile.

 

            The sound of the door opening reached her ears and she turned her attention away from Lena, shifting her feet uncomfortably. “I’ll see you later,” Lena’s voice softly whispered, before her pale arm disappeared back over the stall door and she was enveloped by the cloud of steam.

 

            Kara didn’t reply, she just carried on walking, nodding to a girl on the rowing team with her as she swept out of the locker room and made her way towards the dining hall. She ate Cornflakes and a plate of bacon, chasing it down with some tea, before disappearing out into the cold morning air. Taking a walk to clear her mind, she returned to the school with rosy cheeks from the biting wind and just enough time to get changed for rowing practice.

 

\---

 

            After lunch, she holed herself up in her room, the window cracked open to let in some fresh air while she sat in her chair at the desk, tapping a pencil on the wooden surface as she read over her notes from biology. Her phone vibrating beside her notebook broke her concentration and Kara reached out for it, turning it over and glancing down at the text on the screen. 

  
**_[Lena]:_ ** _ my room in 5 _

 

            Kara stared at the text with a look of surprise on her face, her stomach fluttering nervously at the thought of going to Lena’s room. It didn’t take much convincing for her to lace on a pair of sneakers and grab her keys, stepping out into the hallway and heading towards the nearest staircase. She knew that Lena’s room was on the sixth floor of the sprawling mass of the girl’s wing, and Kara quickly headed upstairs, passing a few second year students on her way up, and sneaking down the hallway until she reached the plain door belonging to Lena. She’d never been inside, of course, but she’d passed by the door a few times when she’d had to meet other girls for group assignments or visit Alex for something. It didn’t have anything written on it or adorning it, and Kara glanced up and down the hallway, listening to the laughter coming from the common room at the far end, and quickly knocked.

 

            The door was opened almost immediately, like Lena had nervously been waiting to let her in so that no one would see Kara lingering outside, and a moment later she’d been jerked inside by the sleeve of her sweatshirt. The door was shut behind her and Kara gave Lena a warm smile as she glanced at her, before turning her attention back to the room when Lena brushed past her, her hand gently skimming Kara’s shoulder to make sure she didn’t bump into her. Kara watched her take a seat in the desk chair, crossing her legs at the knee and leaning her elbow on the desk.

 

            All of the rooms came equipped with the same standard desk, chair, bed and wardrobe, as well as a small window with a curtain, so it was essentially the same as Kara’s. Still, she looked around with interest, taking in the stack of books running along the back of the desk, most of them pertaining to medicine or science, although she was surprised to see a few on philosophy. She hadn’t taken Lena for a Plato kind of person. The bed was neatly made with white sheets, a grey cashmere blanket neatly folded at the end of it, and the edge of a suitcase peeking out from beneath the bed frame. Diagram of the human anatomy was tacked up on one wall, one with the skeleton, another with organs, and another with back and front view of all of the muscles. It was neat and tidy and far more academic than Kara had been expecting. There were no CD’s or makeup strewn around the place, no sporting equipment or magazine. When her eyes finally landed on Lena again, she blushed at the arched eyebrow and curled lips, realising that Lena had been watching her take everything in.

 

            “Hi,” Kara shyly said, awkwardly lingering in the middle of the room as she fiddled with the cuff of her sweatshirt.

 

            “You can sit down, you know,” Lena said, gesturing to the bed.

 

            As soon as Kara sank down onto the edge of the mattress, Lena climbed to her feet, her socks muffling her footsteps as she walked over to the bed, looming over Kara, before she dropped to her knees and pulled a small duffel bag out from underneath it. It was navy and white, bearing the logo of the cheer squad, and Lena dropped down onto the bed beside Kara, depositing the bag into her lap.

 

            “Here,” Lena said, sounding slightly smug, “this is my solution to our problem.”

 

            Unzipping the bag, Kara pulled out a pristine navy and white uniform still in its packaging, holding it up in front of her as she frowned at the logo on the chest in confusion. “It’s a cheerleading uniform.”

 

            “Well spotted,” Lena laughed, bumping her with her shoulder as she gave Kara a bright smile. “It’s for you, you dork.”

 

            “I’m not on the squad.”

 

            “Yes, but Samantha Arias is getting kicked off, so you can take her place.”

 

            “Wha- Lena! You can’t just kick her off! Besides, don’t I have to try out for that?”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Lena let out a heavy sigh, “she’s pregnant, Kara. How long do you think she’ll be able to do high kicks and cartwheels? She’ll even be useless at the bottom of the pyramid. Besides, what if she gets injured? It’s better for everyone this way, and it means that we can finally hang out.”

 

            Sitting in silence for a few moments, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, fighting down the feeling of disappointment that welled up inside as she thought about it realistically. She couldn’t be a cheerleader. It was a nice thought, being popular and best friends with Lena in front of the whole school, but it wasn’t who she was. Setting the uniform down on top of the bag, Kara turned and gave her a grim smile. “I can’t.”

 

            “Don’t be ridiculous,” Lena scoffed, “of course you can.”

 

            Shaking her head, Kara gave her a tender look. “No, I can’t. We both know this isn’t me. It won’t change anything - not really. I can’t go from the bottom of the social hierarchy to the top and act as if that’s just who I am. And I can’t pretend to be friends with girls who bullied me for years. I can be civil to them, and polite, but I don’t want to be friends with them. I know you want to make it easier, but I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a cheerleader.”

 

            The look of disappointment that crossed Lena’s face made Kara feel like she’d failed some sort of test, and Lena cleared her throat as she reached out, stuffing the uniform back in the bag and tossing it back under her bed without a word. A moment later she let out a heavy sigh, giving Kara a sad smile. “I just wanted to be friends with you without hiding it. I’m not embarrassed to be friends with you.”

 

            “Yes, you are,” Kara softly said, her voice lighthearted as she reached out to gently pat Lena’s knee. “You’re embarrassed to be my friend in front of people with me as I am, and I know that you were trying to change me so you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to be seen with me, but it’s okay. Really, it is. I’m grateful that you would go through all the effort, but I’m okay with us being friends in secret. I know you have your reputation to protect and all of that, but I don’t want to change who I am so that we don’t have to hide the fact that we’re friends. I’m okay with who I am.”

 

            Lena gave her a tight smile, her eyes hard as she stared at Kara. “You think I’m shallow, don’t you?”

 

            Letting out a soft sigh, Kara closed her eyes for a moment and tipped her head back. “No. No, I don’t think that. I just think you have something to prove, and you had the entire school wrapped around your finger the moment you started here, and if you lose that power then you’ll fail at whoever you’re trying to prove wrong. Is it your mom? Or your brother. He went here too, didn’t he? He’s friends with my cousin; did I ever tell you that? Anyway, that’s besides the point. You’re not shallow, you just care too much. It makes me wonder if that’s why you try so hard with me. I mean, why  _ do _ you care so much about what I think or do?”

 

            She opened her eyes and looked at Lena, a small crease between her eyebrows and a searching look in her eyes. Giving her a sharp smile, Lena shrugged, one eyebrow rising slightly in an almost cocky way. “Maybe you’re not the only one who’s helping people.”

 

            Kara could almost feel the blood drain from her face, her mouth feeling dry as she replied. “Are you saying that I’m- I’m one of your cards? I’m a charity case? That’s why you’re being nice to me?”

 

            Her words came out sharper than she intended and Lena gave her a wary look, hastily backtracking to correct herself, looking somewhat surprised at the intensity of Kara’s reaction. “No. No, I was joking, I just- it seems like you don’t trust that I want to be friends with you because I  _ want _ to. It’s like you’re waiting for me to embarrass you in front of the whole school because I’ve been pranking you this whole time, when really, I just want  _ one _ good person in my life. Just one.”

 

            “But why me?”

 

            “Because I- I haven’t always been a good person. Either I’ve been so arrogant that you’d think I owned the world, or I let my friends bully someone when I should’ve told them to stop, but you … you’ve never held it against me. For some reason, you’ve always acted like you know that’s not me, and that I can do better. It’s always made me feel like I was disappointing you somehow, like you expected better from me, and I just- no one I know has ever expected anything from me except what I already  _ am _ .”

 

            Kara hesitated for a moment, “you’ve never disappointed me, Lena. You’re kind, and smart, and  _ good _ . You don’t need someone else to tell you that.”

 

            “Actually, I do,” Lena weakly laughed, “my mom has a habit of making me feel like I’m the opposite. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I  _ am _ is wrong.”

 

            “And what  _ are _ you?” Kara quickly shot back, her voice gentle and curious.

 

            A flicker of panic glimmered in Lena’s eyes, before she quickly ducked her head down and fiddled with her fingers in her lap. It was as if she’d said too much. She looked nervous and her face was slowly turning pink with embarrassment. “Just … someone who wants to be loved in the right way for once.”

 

            “Doesn’t Jack?”

 

            Lena’s jaw tightened for a moment, and she swallowed thickly, her brow furrowing as she clenched her hands into fists. Hesitantly reaching out, Kara took one of Lena’s hands in her own and uncurled the clenched fingers, revealing crescent marks gouged into the palms of her hand. Running her thumb over the marks, Kara gave Lena a soft smile when she peered up at her, slowly pulling her hand back.

 

            “He loves me the way I need him to, and that’s okay,” Lena quietly replied.

 

            “But not the way you want to,” Kara tentatively pushed.

 

            Wrinkling her nose slightly, Lena shook her head. “No. I don’t think that he does. No one does the way that I want them to.”

 

            Giving her a wavering smile, Kara shrugged nonchalantly, so desperately wanting to tell her that  _ she _ loved her, and maybe Lena didn’t want  _ her _ to, but she did all the same. Instead, she just shrugged and smiled. “Does he know that?”

 

            With a sigh, Lena flopped down onto the mattress and covered her face with an arm, letting out a small groan. “No, and that makes me a horrible person, I know, but he thinks he loves me, and I don’t want to break his heart. And as horrible as it sounds, he’s the most popular guy in school, so we both get something out of it.”

 

            “Except true love,” Kara said, slowly laying back on the mattress and rolling onto her side, one arm beneath her head like a cushion as she stared at Lena, who rolled onto her side to face her, a look of amusement in her eyes as she smiled.

 

            “We’re kids. We’re not supposed to find true love yet.”

 

            “I know, but it doesn’t mean we  _ can’t _ .”

 


	23. Chapter 23

            The next couple of weeks passed by in a blur, and Kara could barely stay awake, between her early mornings to dutifully hold Sam’s hair back and her endless stream of homework and extracurricular activities. Still, she somehow managed to fit in stolen moments with Lena, sneaking out through the hole beneath the fence, occupying an abandoned classroom, or pretending to be practicing their debating tactics as they spread out homework on the low table in their nook in the library. It was always the best part of Kara’s day.

 

            At the start of May, they had their state debating competition, which they’d spent countless hours practicing for, the two of them being put up against the other debating students until they worked seamlessly as a team. They spent nearly a day crammed into the back of a minibus, sitting side by side and sharing a packet of  _ Milk Duds _ and reading over their tactics as they tried to act like they weren’t friends, for the benefit of the other students. They ended up winning, and Kara forgot herself for a moment and excitedly wrapped Lena in a hug, picking her up off her feet, before hastily putting her back down and sheepishly extending a hand for her to shake. Lena’s face was impassive, but her eyes were sparkling with amusement as she shook Kara’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. Mr Henshaw gave them both congratulatory pats on their shoulders, a proud look on his face as he handed them the golden trophy they’d won. It was wedged in between them on their drive back to St. Rao’s, and neither of them could stop giving each other smug smiles over the top of it as Lena snuck handfuls of Cheetos off Kara, the other few students oblivious to them as they sat wrapped up in their own bubble of triumph.

 

            The day after they arrived back at school, they were back to their normal class schedules as if nothing had happened, with Lena keeping distance, as per usual. After the last bell, Kara made her way to the mailroom, finding Lena collecting her own mail, as well as a few other students, and Kara went to her own pigeonhole, finding an envelope and parcel waiting for her. The envelope didn’t have an address on it, and she quickly pulled out the card, staring down at the Jack of Spades and the circle drawn on it in black marker with confusion. There wasn’t a hint, just the neat circle, and Kara glanced up at Lena, who was walking past, about to leave. In a casual gesture, she flashed her the card, before slipping it back into the envelope, and Lena gave her a miniscule shrug, before taking her leave.

 

            Walking back up to her room, she opened the parcel and read the card inside. It was a congratulatory one off Eliza, and a small velvet box held a pair of diamond earrings as a present for winning at states. They would be heading to nationals near the end of the school year, which was already making Kara nervous, although she was excited too. Quickly calling Eliza, who didn’t answer, Kara left her a voicemail to thank her, and a moment later her phones buzzed in her hand.

 

**_[Lena]:_ ** _ meet me at our place _

 

            Kara’s heart skipped a beat at the text and she hugged her phone to her chest as she bit her lip, a smile curling the corners of her mouth as she got all misty-eyed. They had a  _ place _ . Just the two of them. She knew Lena didn’t mean anything by the term, but it made Kara’s insides flutter at the thought of the two of them having a secret place to themselves. She didn’t have to change herself to be good enough for Lena during those moments where they existed outside of the confines of the school, and Kara cherished every moment.

 

            She was momentarily sidetracked by Alex as she tried to sneak out, guiltily telling her sister that she couldn’t help her with her math homework right at that moment, but she’d stop by her room after dinner and go over her algebra with her then. Making a speedy escape, she tried to stay out of sight of any teachers or other students wandering around, without drawing attention to her nervous sneaking about, and made a quick dash into the shadowy confines of the thin strip of trees. Following the familiar path through the old, gnarled trunks, she wriggled through the hole and quickly followed the markers that Lena had added for her a few weeks back to help her find her way easier. 

 

            When she stumbled upon the pile of rocks and cluster of trees, she smiled at the sight of Lena sitting on the rock that jutted out, her eyes closed as she soaked up the last few rays of warm sunlight filtering down through the sparse canopy above her. At the sound of rustling leaves by Kara’s clumsy footsteps, her eyes snapped open and she smiled, pulling an orange lollipop out of her mouth and arching an eyebrow.

 

            “Card Master,” Lena dryly greeted her, “want a lollipop?”

 

            A look of amusement flickering across her face, Kara held her hands out and deftly caught the purple lollipop Lena hurled her way, working the wrapper off as she walked up the gentle incline to where the rocks sprouted up from the ground. Using the trunk of a twisted oak tree, she braced herself against it and the rocks and clambered up onto them, holding onto the branch as she made her way towards the ledge where Lena was sitting. Flopping down beside her, letting her legs dangle freely over the edge, Kara let out a sigh and popped the lollipop in her mouth.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            “What’s up?”

 

            Giving her an exasperated look, Kara rolled her eyes, “the card?”

 

            Lena let out a quick laugh, giving her an apologetic shrug, “oh, yeah, no, I don’t know what it means. I just got told to draw a circle. Looks like it’s up to you, my friend.”

 

            Letting out a groan, Kara pouted, thinking about trying to decipher the latest card. Usually she had some clue, like a number or location, but this time all she had was a circle, and that could mean  _ anything _ . She grimaced as she looked at Lena, her eyebrows rising slightly. “So, why’d you text?”

 

            “To hang out,” Lena plainly said, a flicker of confusion passing her face, “I  _ do _ like your company for other reasons than having someone to beat at cards, you know. Speaking of which, do you have my deck?”

 

            “No,” Kara said, her forehead furrowing slightly, “why?”

 

            “Someone broke into my locker and stole it. I thought it was you.”

 

            “Oh. No, definitely not me. Maybe you should tell Miss Grant.”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter and gave Kara a look of amusement, “over a pack of cards?”

 

            “But how do you know they didn’t take anything else?”

 

            “I don’t keep anything important in my locker anyway,” Lena shrugged, “I guess we can just celebrate our victory without a game of poker then. Here, I’ve got something for you.”

 

            She produced two cans of Coke, cracking them both open and handing one to Kara, who held on tight to the can in her lap, squinting as she stared out at the weak sunlight filtering down through the trees, the sky a pale sliver of blue visible through the canopy overhead. It was peaceful out in the woods, without the sound of other students that always seemed to fill the dorms of hallways unless it was the early hours of the morning. Relishing the quiet, Kara closed her eyes and basked in the warmth of the weak sunlight, the taste of grape on her tongue from the lollipop and her feet idly swinging as the wind toyed with her hair.

 

            “Hey Kara?”

 

            Making a sound of acknowledgement, she turned her head slightly, her eyes still closed as she waited for Lena to continue.

 

            “You’re an honest person, right?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “Do you ever lie? Just to make it easier on yourself.”

 

            Opening her eyes, Kara gave her a mild look of surprise, pulling the lollipop out and taking a sip of Coke as she thought about the question. Giving Lena a grim smile, she shrugged half-heartedly. “Sometimes. Mostly so I don’t hurt other people’s feelings.”

 

            “Oh yeah? How?”

 

            “You know, like how I didn’t tell Winn that I became his friend because of the cards. I don’t want him to think I was pitying him. He’s nice. He’s a good friend.”

 

            “Fair point. Have you ever lied to me?”

 

            Letting out a laugh of surprise, the sound a little strained as Kara thought about how she wasn’t  _ really _ lying to Lena, but she was omitting the truth about her feelings, which in a certain light, could be seen as lying. “No. Of course not.”

 

            “Uh huh.”

 

            “What?”

 

            Lena gave her an easy smile, flashing her perfect teeth as she took a sip of her drink, pursing her lips for a moment before she gave Kara a hard to read look. With a sigh, she flopped down onto her back, and Kara looked down at her for a few moments, before she shifted and rolled onto her stomach, her chin propped up in her hand as she watched the pale light illuminate Lena’s skin.

 

            “Tell me a secret,” Lena softly sighed.

 

            “Sometimes at Christmas, I like to believe that Santa  _is_ real to make it more magical.”

 

            With a snort of laughter, Lena pushed herself up slightly and gave Kara an amused look, her lips twitching as she tried not to laugh again. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

 

            Blushing, Kara scowled at her, feeling her face heat up, and she rolled her eyes at Lena, who settled back down onto her back. Kara smiled slightly as she watched her. “It’s your turn,” she murmured after a few moments.

 

            “Hm?”

 

            “It’s your turn to tell a secret,” Kara said.

 

            With a heavy sigh, Lena pushed herself up onto her elbows again, her keen green eyes wandering around as she looked at the surrounding trees, a thoughtful look on her face as she bit her bottom lip. With a slight smile, she met Kara’s gaze.

 

            “I don’t know how to ride a bike.”

 

            Kara quietly laughed, her nose wrinkling slightly and she gave Lena a quick grin. “I once passed out going through a very long tunnel because my dad used to tell me that you had to hold your breath going through it or it was bad luck.”

 

            “I was relieved when my dad died,” Lena quietly admitted.

 

            Surprised by the sudden seriousness of the conversation, Kara blurted out the first honest thing that came to mind, and winced as soon as the words came out. “I’m not really dating Mike.”

 

            “I know,” Lena murmured, her eyes closed and a small smile playing on her lips. Her face hardened then for a moment, and she swallowed thickly as her cheeks turned slightly pink. “I wanted to be your friend when you first moved here. My friends thought I talked about you  _ too _ much, and I was embarrassed that they thought that I … with you, so I ignored you instead.”

 

            Kara’s stomach lurched and her heart staggered as she let out a nervous laugh. Palms turning clammy, she gave Lena a hesitant smile, even though the other girl still had her eyes closed. “What, so you let them bully me so they wouldn’t think something that _wasn’t_ true?”

 

            All she got in response was silence, and Kara felt herself starting to become angry. First it was just a flicker of annoyance, but the more she thought about it, the angrier she got. She knew how she felt about Lena, but Lena hadn’t indicated that she felt the same way at all, and Kara had been fine with that, because she liked spending time with Lena regardless of how she felt about her. It made her angry to think that Lena had ignored her and let her friends make their snide comments because she’d talked about Kara a few too many times, no doubt causing her to be the butt of a few jibes. If her own friends had been that cruel over the thought of Lena being friends with the new girl, then Lena had known all along how mean they would’ve been to Kara. At least their wrong assumption that she’d snitched on Gayle had made sense, but Kara was angry that Lena had shut her out at the first joke that she might have had a crush on Kara. It stung just a little. She knew that she never had a chance with the pretty popular girl anyway, but to know that Lena’s pride had nipped their friendship in the bud before it had even started, because of the mere thought of people thinking she liked Kara, made Kara’s heart sink.

 

            “I have to go,” Kara quickly murmured, pushing herself to her feet, her can of Coke clutched in her hand.

 

            “Kara-”

 

            “It’s fine. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter,” Kara cut her off, swallowing the lump in her throat as she gave her a tight smile, refusing to meet her gaze. At least she knew how Lena truly felt about her now. “I have to help my sister with her homework.”

 

            “Kara, wait,” Lena called after her, scrambling to her feet and reaching out for her.

 

            Moving quickly out of reach, Kara held onto the reaching branch and carefully lowered herself down to the spongy layer of leaves covering the muddy ground. Lena’s backpack thudded to the ground over the lip of the legde, and Kara barely paid it any attention, until Lena jumped off a moment later, letting out a small cry. Turning to look, Kara took in the twisted expression of pain on Lena’s face as she grit her teeth, hopping slightly as she clenched her hands into fists. Sighing, Kara walked over to her and reached out to steady her, a stiff look on her face as she bent down to scoop up Lena’s backpack, slinging it over one shoulder and taking half of Lena’s weight.

 

            “You’ve probably twisted it,” Kara disapprovingly said.

 

            “Kara-”

 

            “Save it,” Kara huffed, “I’ve always known you care too much about what other people think. It’s old news. If you cared about someone other than yourself for once though, you’d see that being friends with them only hurts more people. People who care about you.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Lena thickly replied, her voice wavering slightly.

 

            Kara didn’t reply, she just set off towards the path leading back to school, and Lena had no choice but to quickly hobble after her or be left behind to try and wander through the woods by herself with a bad foot. The angry side of Kara told her that maybe she  _ should _ leave her behind and let her figure out her own problems for once - she was sick of helping everyone else, while being treated like shit in return - but there was the part of her that couldn’t help but care, and would be physically incapable of not helping. So they walked in silence, with Lena’s arm around her shoulders and Kara’s arm around her waist, the tension hanging thick between them.

 

            They made it to the fence and back through the hole and all the way to the treeline before Kara spoke, looking down at the grass as she kicked at it, holding out Lena’s bag for her to take. “You’d better go back the rest of the way yourself. I wouldn’t want your friends getting the wrong idea if they saw us coming out of the woods.”

 

            Lena didn’t say anything, but when Kara sneaked a quick peek, she could see the muscles in her jaw working and a rigidness to her posture as she leant against a tree. Without another word, Kara slouched off out of the shadows, quickly cutting across the neatly trimmed lawn and making her way straight to the dinner hall to eat. She didn’t say much to Winn as she picked at her lasagne, and he didn’t pry, carrying on with his usual chatter, until dinner ended and Kara went to help Alex with her homework. Her sister was too busy puzzling over her equations to ask what had Kara so impatient in her tutoring, and they snapped at each other a few times before calling it a night. Alex did ask her if she was okay on her way out though and Kara brushed the question off with a convincing smile, before returning to her room to brood over the card.

 

            Frowning as she turned the card over and over in her hands, Kara tried to think about what it could mean.  _ Circle. Round. Jack. Spade. Circle spade. Spade circle. Jack circle. _ With a jolt of surprise, Kara nearly fell off her chair, painfully hitting her knee on the underside of the desk and letting out a hiss of pain as she realised  _ why _ the clue was so vague. It was Jack Spheer. If the clue had been too obvious for Kara, it would’ve been easy for Lena, and she probably wouldn’t have taken too kindly to Kara poking around in her boyfriend’s life. Kara’s stomach knotted with unease at the idea of meddling in something that might anger Lena, but she couldn’t  _ not _ help him if he had something he needed help with. If Kara had the power to help someone, which the messenger clearly thought she did, then didn’t she owe it to herself to try and help him? No matter who he was. And it wasn’t like Lena hadn’t done things that Kara didn’t agree with, and had meddled in Kara’s life too, with the way her friends treated her, so why should Kara worry about what Lena wanted? 

 

            With her mind set, she decided to try her hand at confronting him tomorrow and seeing what problems he needed help with. Running a hand over her weary face, she changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed, feeling drained after her early start to sit with Sam in the toilet and her fight with Lena. She set her alarm early to sit with Sam again, and restlessly tried to fall asleep. It didn’t come easily.


	24. Chapter 24

            Despite her promise that she would confront Jack, a few days slipped past, and she did nothing but quietly observe. She also avoided Lena, and the other girl didn’t have the courage to seek her out on her own, with the knowledge that other people might see. Kara bitterly thought to herself that Lena would never reach out to her in case her friends thought she cared about her. It made her anger boil up whenever she dwelled on the thought, her heart sinking and a deep ache in her chest filling her with sadness. She spent all of her free time with Winn, playing computer games on his laptop, or helping Alex with her homework while they put a movie on in the background. They didn’t push her when she wouldn’t tell them what was wrong. The only times she had to see Lena were in gym class for fencing, where Kara quietly fumed inside her suit, besting Lena round after round, until she’d knocked Lena on her ass and made her angry and embarrassed, and in debating, where she’d argued over petty details to purposely annoy her. 

 

            It was mid-morning on Friday, and Kara was on her way to English class, having just left Math, and joined the flow of students in the hallway. She was trying to make her way to class as quickly as possible, so she didn’t have to bump into Lena, who she knew had biology on the same floor as Kara’s English class, but she was intercepted by Mike, who pulled her over to the row of lockers, a friendly smile on his face as he leant against one.

 

            “Hey,” he quietly said, “is everything okay?”

 

            His forehead furrowed slightly with concern, and Kara gave him a hesitant smile, fiddling with her glasses, “yeah, of course it is. Why?”

 

            “You’ve been avoiding me,” he replied in a low voice. 

 

            Casting her gaze elsewhere as she tried to come up with a good enough excuse, one that didn’t involve her explaining that she couldn’t stomach the thought of pretending to be in a happy high school romance with Mike when the girl she  _ actually _ liked wouldn’t even be friends with her because of the mere insinuation that she might have a crush on Kara. Her eyes found Lena’s through a gap in the flow of students and Kara quickly looked back at Mike - the safer of the two options. Giving him a tight smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, she reached up and cupped the back of his neck, wrinkling her nose slightly as she smiled up at him.

 

            “Sorry, I’ve just got a lot going on,” Kara apologised, feeling Lena’s gaze burning into the side of her head, almost begging - or perhaps daring - her to look back over at her. Feeling emboldened by a sudden rush of courage, Kara gave Mike a wary look. “I can- I can make up for it.”

 

            “Oh yeah?” he said, a questioning look in his eyes as he tilted his head to the side.

 

            Standing up on her tiptoes, Kara whispered in his ear, “do you trust me?”

 

            “I mean … I guess.”

 

            “Kiss me.”

 

            “You said you didn’t-”

 

            “I know what I said,” she impatiently interrupted him, “just do it. It doesn’t mean anything so why does it matter? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

 

            He paused for a moment, giving her a confused look at her sudden desire to fully commit to their fake relationship, but then he leant down and kissed her - only a chaste peck, but definitely visibly a kiss - before he straightened up. Ducking her head, Kara cleared her throat, fighting back an embarrassed blush, before looking back up. She cast a surreptitious look around, catching the eye of a few other students, who were all trying to pretend that they weren’t looking, before her eyes landed on Lena. She was caught off guard by the stony look of anger on the brunette’s face, watching as Lena slammed her locker shut and stalked off, her back stiff with anger. Blinking in surprise, Kara’s eyes drifted away, making their way back to Mike, until they got caught on someone else who looked just as angry as Lena had. Jack. His heavy brows were drawn together in a broody look, his lips turned down at the corners, and Kara realised that he wasn’t looking at  _ her _ , but at Mike. She blinked in surprise as she watched him walk away, before finally looking back up at Mike, who was giving her a confused look.

 

            “Well, see you later,” she said, her voice falsely bright as she gave him a quick hug and walked off. 

 

            She wasn’t sure what she’d been hoping to accomplish with the kiss, only that Lena had been watching, and even though she’d admitted to her that she wasn’t actually dating Mike, Kara knew that their fake relationship had annoyed Lena enough to make them argue over it a few times. A look of irritation was what she’d been expecting, but Lena’s look had been pure venom, as if  _ she _ was the one dating Mike, and Kara had come along and kissed  _ her _ boyfriend. Was she kidding herself to think that perhaps there had been some jealousy there? And Jack … it definitely looked like he’d been angry and jealous. She shook her head to clear her thoughts as she walked down the hallway, slipping into the English classroom and taking her seat.

 

            The rest of the day seemed to drag by, and she couldn’t focus on anything else. After class, she was relieved for the day to finally be over, and shouldered her satchel as she walked to the classroom door, filing out with everyone else. As soon as she stepped out into the hallway, someone fell into step beside her, and she looked up in surprise, blinking as she found Jack staring down at her with kind brown eyes.

 

            “Hey Kara, mind if we talk?”

 

            It didn’t sound like a question, and she was too surprised at the fact that he knew her name, and silently nodded, following down the hallway as he cut a path through the other students. Trying to make it look like she wasn’t with him, she trailed after him by a few steps, keeping her head ducked down and focusing on the heels of expensive, polished shoes. He led them up to the next level and picked a classroom that was empty, holding the door open for her and pulling the blind on the small, square window once he’d shut it behind himself. 

 

            “So … what’s up?” Kara nervously asked, fiddling with the strap of her bag as she stood in the middle of the room.

 

            “Kara, you know I’m with Mike, right?” Jack blurted out.

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara jerked backwards slightly, “wait, what? You’re- you and Mike? Wha- since  _ when?  _ I was pretending to be his  _ girlfriend.” _

 

            Giving her a wary look of amusement, Jack nodded, his head ducked down slightly so he was closer to her. “Yeah, I know. That’s the whole point in a beard.”

 

            “But-” Kara spluttered, feeling slightly wounded at the fact that Lena hadn’t told her that  _ she _ had a pretend boyfriend too. “But you and Lena-”

 

            “She’s a good friend,” Jack dismissively replied, “we both got something out of it too. You know, we’ve got that whole future prom king and queen thing going for us. Model looks, old money, popular and smart. But yeah, we’ve never been a  _ real _ couple.”

 

            Kara made a choked sound of surprise as her mind reeled from the news. “Oh … well alright then. Um, why’re you telling me this? We don’t even know each other.”

 

            He gave her a small smile, shrugging slightly, “I don’t like to see other people kissing my boyfriend.”

 

            Cheeks turning red, Kara gave him a sheepish smile as she let out a nervous laugh, “oh, right, sorry about that. I was just- I was-”

 

            “Trying to make a point.”

 

            “What do you mean?”

 

            “Lena and I talk, Kara,” Jack said, rolling his eyes at the question, “I know that you were trying to sell it to her too. I wanted to thank you for helping Mike too though. He’s … different. The past few months, well, I mean, we only got together quite recently, and I like to think it’s because of you. I think your friendship means a lot to him, and I know it wasn’t really your place to make him into less of an asshole, but you did.”

 

            She let out a quick laugh, giving Jack a genuine smile as she arched an eyebrow slightly. “He’s not a bad person, really, beneath it all. I like to think he just needed someone to talk to, to understand.”

 

            Nodding, Jack gave her a small smile. “I think so too,” he quietly replied, “it’s made him a much nicer person to talk to too. And Lena … she cares about you, you know. I think she thinks I’m stupid, or that I won’t blab because she could out me-”

 

            “She wouldn’t-”

 

            “Oh I know,” Jack quickly agreed, “but she has the  _ power _ to, so I’m not sure why, but I don’t think she realises how obvious it is that she values your friendship. I don’t know much about you, but you’re obviously a good person, so thank you for looking out for two people I really care about.”

 

            Giving him a fleeting smile, Kara bit her bottom lip as they fell into silence. Finally, she let out a small sigh, and Jack raised his eyebrows expectantly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Jack? What’re you going to do? I mean, isn’t it wrong to pretend with Lena when you’re with Mike? If I’d known that you and Mike were a  _ thing _ then I … I don’t know. What if she falls for someone else? What about when you  _ leave _ school? You can’t just pretend forever.”

 

            “I know,” he said, a brooding look crossing his face, “I don’t want to hurt Lena’s feelings though. She doesn’t have many friends. Good ones at least.”

 

            “She has me.”

 

            “Yeah. Yeah, she does. Still, it’s not like I can break up with her and tell everyone I’m dating a guy.”

 

            “You’re the two most popular guys in school. If they made fun of you, then you could just beat the shit out of them,” Kara suggested with a shrugged.

 

            Jack let out an incredulous laugh, his brown eyes sparkling with warm amusement as he flashed her a quick smile. “You’re funny, Danvers.”

 

            She laughed along with him, before letting out a soft sigh. “Hey Jack? Can I tell you something?”

 

            He cocked his head to the side, a thoughtful look on his face, “sure.”

 

            “You’re not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you.”

 

            He let out a confused laugh, “who said that? Gandhi?”

 

            Rubbing the back of her neck, Kara wrinkled her nose as she smiled. “Taylor Swift.”

 

\---

 

            She went up to her room after dinner, still thinking about her talk with Jack, her mind reeling at the fact that he was dating Mike, and she abandoned all hope of completing any homework right then. It was still early, but her thoughts were all over the place, and she was even more confused about Lena. Kara was still thinking about her when there was a light knock on her door, and she climbed off her bed and pulled it open, finding the object of her thoughts standing outside. Blinking in surprise, never expecting to find Lena there, she stepped aside and let her in without thinking. At that moment, she’d forgotten that she was mad at her.

 

            Lena shut the door behind herself and gave Kara a hard look. “Jack broke up with me.”

 

            “Oh … I’m sorry,” Kara mumbled, a feeling of guilt welling up inside at the thought that perhaps it was her doing. Maybe he’d taken more away from their talk than she’d expected.

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Lena arched an eyebrow. “Sure.”

 

            “He told me you guys weren’t really dating,” Kara quietly admitted.

 

            Eyes flashing with anger, the muscles in Lena’s jaw worked as she nodded, letting her eyes travel around the room. Kara was self-consciously aware of the stuffed teddy on her bed and the stack of romance novels on her nightstand and itched to quickly hide them out of embarrassment, but she nervously hovered in the middle of the room.

 

            “I’m sorry,” she meekly apologised.

 

            “You’re _sorry_ ,” Lena quietly laughed, a smile curling her lips as she looked everywhere but at Kara. “Sorry for what?”

 

            “I think I might’ve put some ideas in his head. About the future. About how long he could keep pretending with you.”

 

            Lena scoffed, “please. Like I care about that. It’s not like I was going to marry him anyway. We were just helping each other out, and he was the closest thing I had to a friend before you showed up.”

 

            Letting out a sharp laugh, Kara gave her an incredulous look. “I’m sorry, Lena, but you can’t keep using that excuse, that you have no friends, and no one to trust, when you push away anyone who  _ does _ want to help. I was here the whole damn time! You were just too scared about some mean girls’ silly jokes!”

 

            “It wasn't just the jokes!” Lena snapped.

 

            “Then why-”

 

            “Because I  _ do _ like you!” Lena exploded, a frustrated look on her face as she gestured wildly with her hands. “I like you okay? You sat next to me on your first day and I thought you were the prettiest girl in the entire school, and I wanted to get to know you  _ so _ badly. And then my …  _ friends _ , they laughed and they made jokes and I realised that I wasn’t  _ allowed _ to like you like …  _ that _ . So I stopped being nice to you because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed of  _ myself _ for even thinking about me and you. I’ve never been embarrassed of you! God, how could I? You never gave a shit about what anyone else said about you, or how you looked, and it only made me want to be closer to you. I  _ hate _ that I care too much about what other people think, and that I’m a- a  _ coward _ , and I hate that I can’t be me because the people who are supposed to be my friends would turn on me in a heartbeat.” Her face was flushed and her green eyes were wild as she ranted, a spark of anger burning in them, and the shiny film of tears, and Kara was rooted to the spot, her mouth open in surprise as she silently listened. “And not even my own mom can accept it, and I know that because I told her over the Easter holidays, and do you know what she said? No.  _ No. _ That was it. No conversation, no other options, just no. And it feels like shit. And I’ve felt like this for  _ years _ . But the only time that I ever feel like it’s not wrong, and that it feels right is when I’m with you, because you’re- … you’re you. And yes, I know that you were bullied, and you were lonely, but so was  _ I _ and no one even knew they were doing it to me. They didn’t know that their funny jokes were personal. And I’m sorry, I’m  _ so sorry _ , and that’s not enough, I know, but I- I’m tired. I’m just … tired. And confused, and scared. And it all feels so  _ wrong. _ ”

 

            All of the fight seemed to drain out of her, and her shoulders slumped the moment that she finished talking, and then Lena seemed to remember herself. The look of horror that crossed her face made Kara slowly reach out for her, and Lena flinched backwards so quickly that she stumbled back into the closed door, her cheeks a flaming bright red and more tears springing to her eyes. Opening her mouth to say something, anything, Kara was left speechless, and Lena didn’t even wait around for a reaction. She couldn’t face rejection. Wrenching the door open, she slipped out into the hallway as quickly as possible, not even checking to make sure anyone was around to see, and slammed the door behind her. Unrooting herself from the spot, Kara lunged for the door, fumbling with the handle, and yanked it open, an urgent look on her face as she stepped out into the hallway.

 

            There was no sign of Lena, and she went back into her room and slipped her shoes on, before picking up her key and going back out into the hallway. First things first, she went to Lena’s dorm room and hammered on the wood until the banging was so loud that another door opened and Alex poked her head out, scowling until she realised it was her sister. Kara stepped away from the door as if she’d been caught doing something wrong, and hurriedly walked over to Alex. With the excuse that she needed to find Lena for a late debate practice, although Kara was sure she looked frazzled and jittery, Alex sent her on her way with the grouchy explanation about how she’d just passed Lena on the staircase on her way up to her room.

 

            Kara quickly thanked her and briskly walked down the corridor, taking the spiral steps two at a time as she rushed after Lena. But when she made it to the ground floor, bypassing the common room on the grounds that she knew Lena would be seeking solitude, she stepped out into the cool night and froze. She didn’t know where she’d gone. There were half a dozen places Kara expected her to run off to, but she wasn’t sure where to begin. It was getting late, and already dark outside, so Kara assumed that she’d go somewhere warm and comfortable. The library proved fruitless, as did the usual classrooms they haunted, and a few others she poked her head into. She hadn’t gone for a quick swim to clear her mind, and the small chapel was empty - Kara wasn’t even sure that Lena was religious to begin with - and then it occurred to her that maybe she  _ hadn’t _ stayed inside. There was only one place that completely guaranteed any privacy and it wasn’t on school grounds.

 

            Venturing back out into the cold, Kara hugged her sweatshirt to herself as she trampled spongy grass beneath her feet, skirting rough brick buildings and keeping out of sight of the automatic light sensors, so as not to alert any staff to her sneaking about. Making it to the treeline bordering the inside of the fence, Kara hesitated in the deep shadows, listening to the quiet rustling of leaves and breathing in the deep, earthy smell surrounding her. It was all well and good to go traipsing through the woods in the day, when she could see Lena’s markers and the snaking roots waiting to trip her up, but in the pitch black, without even a phone torch to light her path, Kara was wary about wandering through the furrowed tree trunks. Still, she wouldn’t get lost walking to the fence at least, and at least then she’d have a better chance of catching Lena coming back - if that’s where she was - because there was only one hole dug beneath the wrought iron fence. 

 

            It was spooky at night time, with the feeling of being watch making Kara’s spine prickle as she trampled dead leaves and pushed through the damp bracken, coming to a stop at the twisted aspen opposite the hole and sinking down to the knotted roots poking up through the ground. She made herself comfortable in a gap between them, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top as she waited. The cold seeped into her as she grew stiff, and stiffer still with the more time that past, until she was trembling with the occasional shiver and had to clench her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering. Her eyes sharpened against the dark, the dark trunks taking shape as they were made distinguishable in shades of grey, and Kara listened to the forest around her, waiting for the heavy, careless footfalls of someone who thought they were alone.

 

            When she heard the first rustle of leaves, followed by the quiet snap of a twig, Kara slowly uncurled herself from her stiff ball, her joints aching as she scrambled for the rough bark behind her and staggered to her feet. Her heart began thumping immediately, and she had to swallow the lump in her throat as she forced herself to set her shoulders. She would guess that she’d been searching for Lena for roughly two hours, and there was no one else it could be coming towards her on the other side of the fence, and she couldn’t back out now. Standing in the shadows of the tree, blending in with the darkness as she nervously fidgeted, she listened to the footsteps approach. When Lena neared the fence, Kara could  _ just _ distinguish her silhouette from the surrounding darkness, and she knew it was Lena, but couldn’t make out anything more than her outline. Listening to the sound of scraping earth and rustling leaves, she watched as the dark figure wormed her way through the hole and climbed to her feet, dusting herself off a few feet away.

 

            “Lena,” Kara quietly whispered.

 

            “Fuck,” Lena yelped, clapping her hands over her mouth and heart as she stumbled back into the metal fence in surprise.

 

            “Sorry.”

 

            They were silent for a few moments, the gentle breeze rustling leaves while Lena caught her breath, still pressed up against the bars. Kara thought she might even have been clinging onto them to keep herself upright. Pushing off the trunk of the aspen, she took a hesitant step forward, the lump solidly wedged in her throat again as she was overcome with a range of different emotions. 

 

            “Are you okay?” she quietly asked, her voice low and hoarse.

 

            Lena’s dark hair tumbled around her shoulders, and Kara could make out the movement of her hunching her shoulders and bowing her head, clearly embarrassed or upset - perhaps both - and she ached to touch her, just to hug her or show her some comfort so that she would know that she wasn’t alone in her feelings. She didn’t think Lena would take too kindly to it though, so she stayed a safe distance away, nervously wringing her hands.

 

            “Can you go? Please,” Lena said, her voice trembling as she spoke, and Kara could almost envision her eyes filled with tears, the slight raspiness of her voice letting her know that Lena had most likely spent those two hours crying alone in the woods.

 

            “Can I just-”

 

            “Go!”

 

            She flinched at the angriness in Lena’s voice, recoiling slightly like a wounded puppy, before she straightened up and stood her ground, chin stubbornly jutting forward as she curled her hands into fists. Planting herself firmly in place, Kara stared at the dark figure that wouldn’t even look in her direction.

 

            “No.”

 

            “Kara, I swear-”

 

            Before Lena could finish with her threat, Kara took a few rushed steps towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders, tilting her head to the side as she tried to catch Lena’s eye in the dark. “Lena, please. You didn’t even give me a chance to- I have things to say too.”

 

            Lena had turned rigid beneath her touch, and Kara quickly withdrew her hands, taking a small, measured step back to give her some space. She could barely hear anything above the beating of her heart, the blood rushing loudly in her ears, and she drew in a shuddering breath, running her hand through her messy hair, unkempt from her rushing around the school in search of Lena.

 

            “I’ve been … so scared, I- you think that I don’t care about what other people think, but that’s not true; I care about what  _ you _ think. Ever since I got here I just- I’ve wanted to get close to you, and I wanted you to like me. And you never did because I never thought you could  _ ever _ like me back. I mean … you’re  _ you _ , and you’d never look twice at someone like  _ me _ . You’re beautiful and popular and anything you want is yours for the taking. You’d never like me …  _ that way. _ And I tried to tell myself that I was wrong, and that I didn’t- but I  _ do _ . I think about you all the time, and you make me so nervous, and I always look like an idiot around you, but it’s because I like you  _ so _ much. And I never told anyone because I-I couldn’t bear it if you ever found out - if your  _ friends _ found out - because I never thought you’d ever feel the same, but I want you to know that I’ve been crazy about you for years, and I’m not ashamed of it. It’s  _ not _ wrong, no matter what anyone else says. I’m not embarrassed about the way that I feel, and I-”

 

            She was cut off by Lena surging forward, realising that she’d been staring back for a few moments now, and Kara stumbled slightly on the slippery carpet of leaves as Lena roughly grabbed her face in her hands and kissed her. It was just a quick kiss, so gentle despite the urgency behind Lena’s movements, and Kara’s eyelashes fluttered as her eyes closed, and she sank into the kiss, relishing the feeling. And then the soft warmth of Lena’s lips was gone, along with the feeling of her fingers cradling her face, and Kara’s eyes slowly opened to empty space before her.

 

            The sound of loud footsteps crashing through the underbrush reached her ears and she quickly spun around, blinking in surprise as her mind reeled from the whiplash of the moment. First Lena had been on the verge of shouting at her as she confessed that she felt the same, only to run off, then for Kara to confess her feelings, and then for Lena to kiss her and leave her stranded in the woods. It was all too confusing and Kara quickly dashed after her, tripping over branches and hidden plants, nearly falling down a few times in the process, but by the time she broke out of the thicket of trees, Lena had already run off to one of the buildings. She’d no doubt be heading back to her room now, and while Kara wanted some answers, or at least a proper conversation, instead of one of them confessing and the other one silently listening, she knew that she wouldn’t get a word out of Lena tonight. She probably needed time to process everything, much like Kara did.

 

            As she sneaked back through the school, keeping to the shadows and darting from building to building, she found herself feeling uneasy and worried, a perturbed look on her face as she turned over the night’s events in her mind. The more reasonable part of her brain told her that she should be screaming with happiness, feeling her heart burst with joy and her stomach flutter with butterflies at the fact that Lena  _ liked _ her, and Lena had  _ kissed  _ her - however briefly - but instead, her stomach knotted itself up and she was jittery with nerves. 

 

            She’d come to terms with the fact that she liked girls - specifically Lena - a few years ago, but Lena was still wrestling with that, and with the thought of other people knowing, and Kara knew that she couldn’t push her on it. It wasn’t her place to force Lena out, or to meddle in her private life and feelings, and it made her heart ache to think of all of the suffering she’d endured alone when they’d both felt the same. They could’ve helped each other. No doubt, Lena had listened to her friends make endless jokes about her crushing on Kara, while she silently struggled with those very same, very real feelings, and the thought of her having to listen to her supposed friends make playful digs, while she was too afraid to admit that they were right, made pity well up inside Kara. High school was bad enough as it was, without the confusing feelings they had for each other. 

 

            Making her way back into her room, Kara kicked off her sneakers and sank down onto her mattress in the dark, running a hand through her hair and letting out all the air in her lungs. She seemed to deflate, trembling slightly as the adrenaline from the evening coursed through her body, and she didn’t know what to think or feel. Upstairs, Lena was likewise anxiously trying to sort through things, albeit a lot more tearful and scared. Neither of them were really prepared for the other to return their feelings, and it made the whole situation a lot more terrifying to have to confront those feelings. Whatever happened, their friendship would be forever altered by the truth.


	25. Chapter 25

            Tossing and turning all night, Kara felt like her eyes had  _ just  _ closed when her alarm went off and she rolled out of bed. The weekend was a guaranteed sleep in, but she hadn’t been catching up on much lost sleep because of helping Sam. While the other girl insisted that she’d be fine, Kara didn’t want her to feel lonely in this, and so she made sure she was there every morning at six, holding her hair back and rubbing her back. Today, she even had a grocery bag stuffed with pickles slim jims and a bottle of mustard that she’d asked Leslie to get for her, finally calling in her favour to get some of the odd flavours Sam said she’d been craving. She hadn’t wanted to use the favour for anything, because she didn’t like the mentality that you owed someone who helped you, but for Sam, she took it, because she imagined it would be horrible to crave foods that they didn’t offer at the canteen, with no other way of getting it. A few students were good at smuggling in anything you asked though, and Kara was grateful she’d helped one of the right ones.

 

            With her bag in her arms, she stuffed her feet into shoes and made the trip down to Sam’s floor and pushed open the door to the bathroom to the sound of vomiting. Letting out a pitying sigh, Kara knocked on the door and Sam immediately unlocked it, knowing that it wouldn’t be anyone else. Squeezing into the cubicle, Kara sank down into a crouch and placed the bag a safe distance away from the toilet bowl.

 

            “Morning,” Kara quietly said, her voice cheerful despite how tired she felt and the conflicted feelings about Lena that she hadn’t touched on yet this morning. That could wait until later; she had enough to deal with right now, without struggling to figure out how to get through to Lena.

 

            “You look exhausted,” Sam hoarsely replied, a sheen of sweat covering her brow as she pushed damp brown hair out of her face.

 

            “You should see yourself.”

 

            Letting out a shaky laugh of surprise, Sam flashed her a smile and jerked her chin towards the bag. “What’s all this? More vitamins?”

 

            Smiling, Kara patted the folded top of it. “Some snacks for you. To help with your cravings. But let me know when you need more vitamins. Also, I know you don’t want to but … you really need a scan, Sam. You’re nearing your first trimester now, right? I’ve been doing some reading-”

 

            “Why’re you doing this?  _ All _ of this?” Sam interrupted her.

 

            With a soft sigh, Kara gave her a sad look. “I know how it feels to be alone, and I don’t want you to have to go through  _ this _ alone. It must be scary and confusing, and I know if it was me, I’d want someone to help. Just one person. So I’m going to help, if that’s alright with you, because it doesn’t look like you have anyone else.”

 

            Making a choking sound that could’ve been a laugh or a sob, Sam reached out and grabbed Kara’s hand, her skin clammy and cool, and gave it a quick squeeze as she hesitantly smiled. “Thank you, Kara. You’re too good for the people in this place.”

 

            “Not for everyone,” she murmured, giving Sam a tight smile as she squeezed back.

 

            They’d grown closer over the weeks, and Kara knew that Sam wanted to go to business school after she graduated, was an adopted only child to a single mother, hated needles and was excited whenever it was pancake day at the cafeteria in the morning. Kara was finding herself with friendships popping up all over the place, and it was a nice thought to think that she might be helping Sam not feel alone, but she was helping Kara too. 

 

            After she’d finished helping Sam, Kara walked back up to her room and took a quick nap before breakfast, and was disoriented when she woke up to the bright sunlight streaming in and her alarm going off. Grumbling as she rubbed at her tired eyes, she climbed out of bed and walked towards the wardrobe, nearly falling over when she stepped on an envelope and slipped. Letting out a yelp of surprise, she steadied herself and stared down at the envelope of the floor, frowning as she reached down to scoop it up, letting two cards fall out. She caught one, but the other one fluttered to the ground, and Kara’s forehead wrinkled with confusion as she read the Ace of Hearts in her hand.

 

**_Feel the Hearts_ **

 

            Bending down, she scooped up the card and flipped it open, feeling her stomach drop as she read the name printed on it in Lena’s neat handwriting. It was a Jack of Hearts, and on it was her sister’s name. It wasn’t a mistake, or some other Alex; it clearly said Alex Danvers. Kara let out a pent up breath, a feeling of worry welling up inside at the thought of dealing with this card. She’d been getting on remarkably well with Alex lately, slowly growing closer without even realising it, and she was wary about jeopardising that by trying to pry into her sister’s private life. But then there was the worry about the fact that Alex  _ did _ need help with something. Then, with a small laugh, Kara smiled, tossing the card onto her desk as she went to search for her clothes. She already knew what Alex need help with; math. Kara had been helping her study for months now, almost from the very first card, but even as she lightly tried to brush it off as something as meaningless as a grade, the Ace of Hearts nagged at the back of her mind. Math tutoring didn’t really scream having to feel anything.

 

            Showering and dressing, Kara walked towards the dining hall, a content smile on her face, as if she knew some secret that no one else did - that secret being that Lena Luthor liked her possibly as much as Kara liked her - and she happily let the dinner lady scoop scrambled eggs onto her toast, and helped herself to some hot chocolate. Winn wasn’t up yet, despite the fact that it was mid-morning already, so Kara made towards Alex, dropping down onto the bench opposite her and giving her sister a smile.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            “Hey,” Alex said, shoving half a piece of toast into her mouth and dusting the crumbs off her fingertips. “You look happy.”

 

            Fighting back a blush, Kara shrugged dismissively, picking up a fork and hesitating slightly. “Hey, can we talk about something?”

 

            “Can it wait?” Alex asked, raising her eyebrows slightly as she picked up her apple juice and drained the cup.

 

            “Uh, yeah, sure.”

 

            “I’m heading down to the lake with a few people, if you want to come.”

 

            Pausing, Kara bit her bottom lip as she debated taking her up on the offer. It was a mild day, but the sun was out and a bit of fresh air would’ve been nice, and so would the company. But there was someone else’s company she wanted more, and an even more important conversation she needed to have first. Giving Alex a smile, Kara wrinkled her nose slightly.

 

            “Maybe another time,” she said, “I’ve got something I need to do.”

 

            “Okay, sure,” Alex shrugged, climbing to her feet and stepping over the bench with her tray in hand, “I’ll see you later.”

 

            “Yeah, have fun.”

 

            She ate the rest of her breakfast alone, finishing quickly and then searching all her usual haunts with Lena to try and find her again. This time she forewent their secret spot off school grounds, knowing that Lena wouldn’t have braved sneaking off school property when it was the weekend and most people were milling around outside if they weren’t eating breakfast or sleeping. It occurred to Kara that Lena might be sleeping too, but she kept that as a last resort, knowing that Lena was usually up as early as her, swimming or doing something else. She wasn’t at the pool though, so Kara kept searching.

 

            She finally tracked her down in the library, after going to their usual hideout in the little alcove with Lex’s name carved into the table, finding it empty, and taking to roaming the towering stacks of books. Making her way down past the science-fiction section, she passed through rows of old poetry, then onto books about law, and into biology. Of course Lena was near the medical books, running her fingers over the spines of a few old volumes, and Kara’s heart leapt into her throat as she paused at the end of the row. Dark hair tumbled down Lena’s back, a thin green sweater the exact colour of those eyes that were turned away from Kara, and she was on her tiptoes, scanning the titles printed on the spines of the books, searching for something in particular.

 

            “Lena,” Kara quietly called out, her mouth feeling dry with fear as she took a wary step towards her.

 

            Instead of turning around to face her, Lena stiffened, her back ramrod straight as she withdrew her hand from a leatherbound book. Letting out a soft sigh, Kara took another few steps towards her and reached down, scooping up Lena’s hand in her own and tenderly running her thumb over the knuckles. “Please can we talk?”

 

            “I can’t-”

 

            “It’s  _ not _ wrong,” Kara gently told her, giving her hand a slight tug, drawing her around to face her. Lena looked down at the ground, but Kara could see her bottom lip trembling. “I know it’s scary, but it’s not wrong to feel the way that we do. I know that other people- they don’t have to know. No one has to know, we can just keep pretending like we are now.”

 

            Lena let out an unsteady breath, shaking her head slightly as she looked up at Kara with wide green eyes. Her lips curled with a sad smile as she gave Kara a pained look. “And then what? What about the real world, Kara? There’s hundreds of kids here, but there’s  _ millions _ out there. Are we supposed to hide forever?”

 

            Fighting back the urge to stamp her foot, Kara let out a huff of frustration, “damn it, Lena, I don’t care about anyone else! I don’t care what they think. I just want  _ you _ .”

 

            Snatching her hand back, Lena cast a quick glance around at the empty rows spreading out from their position, an agitated look on her face. “Keep your voice down,” she quietly hissed.

 

            “Why? I’m not ashamed of how I feel. I get that it’s not easy for you, and that you don’t- you’re scared, but I’ve  _ been _ scared for years. I’ve kept this secret locked inside for all those years, and I’ve never had the courage to tell  _ anyone _ \- I never even had anyone to tell - so I know how it feels- I know how it feels to guard your secrets closely. I was terrified of someone finding out. Scared that you wouldn’t like me back, that you’d laugh in my face and let your friends do the same, but I accepted how I felt a long time ago. Believe me, I wish that I could’ve stopped it, made it go away-“

 

            “You don’t want-“ Lena interrupted her, a wounded look crossing her face, “you wish that you didn’t like me?”

 

            Kara let out a strangled laugh, reaching out to caress the curve of Lena’s jaw, a yearning look in her eyes as she looked at her. “I wished that you’d notice me. That you’d like me back and tell me that I wasn’t stupid to like you.”

 

            An uncertain look flitted across Lena’s features, and she gently bit her bottom lip as she paused for a moment, Kara’s hand cupping her jaw while she looked down at the hardwood floor. Finally, she looked back up at Kara, faltering for a second, before she leant into the warmth of Kara’s hand. “No one has to know?”

 

            “Give your heart to me. I’ll keep it safe,” Kara quietly said, a sincere look in her eyes as she smiled softly.

 

            Lena gave her a pained smile, her eyes shining with tears. “You already have it,” she said, letting out a shuddering breath as she tried not to cry,  _ “why _ did it have to be you? Of all the people, why you?”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara blinked back tears as she shrugged, “is it really that bad?”

 

            “I don’t deserve you,” Lena said, her voice cracking as she shook her head. “You’re too good, and I’ll ruin you. I don’t want to hurt you- out of all the things I’ve done, I don’t think I could bear it if I- if I hurt you more than I already have.”

 

            “I was hurting for a long time,” Kara softly admitted, “but I’m healing now. I’ll be okay. Whatever happens, I’m just- I’m glad to get this off my chest. My heart feels lighter already, and that’s … that’s something.”

 

            She gently ran a thumb over Lena’s high cheekbone, taking in the long lashes fluttering slightly as her eyelids half-closed, hiding her green eyes, and Kara’s lips curled into a smile as she marvelled at the simple act of touching Lena’s face, her ivory skin smooth and warm to the touch. When Lena opened her eyes again, Kara’s smile grew wider and Lena shyly smiled up at her - it was shocking to see  _ her _ being shy - and Kara ducked her head down and carefully touched her lips to Lena’s in a featherlight kiss, almost as if she was testing the waters. Pulling back, she looked down at Lena with questioning eyes, making sure that it was okay, even as her heart pounded in her chest at the fact that she’d  _ kissed _ Lena. It was even more surprising that Lena’s kiss last night, because Kara had had the courage to kiss  _ her _ , which was something she never would’ve seen coming. She had barely even let herself imagine it, even though she’d thought it on more than one occasion, but Lena liked her back and she wanted to kiss her too.

 

            And then Lena  _ was _ kissing her, pushing back against Kara’s lips, and Kara smiled as she pushed back, pinning Lena up against the bookshelves, one hand still cupping her cheek while the other tangled in her dark hair. Too many times she’d wanted to reach out and brush a stray lock of hair back into place, imagining how silky her hair would feel, and now she was running her fingers through it, her lips crushed against Lena’s as they kissed. She could feel how flushed her face was, her chest heaving as she ran out of breath, and her mouth hot against Lena’s. 

 

            Her heartbeat was loud in her ears, but it wasn’t loud enough to overshadow the small sound of surprise from behind, and before she could even react, Lena had pushed her away with enough force to make Kara stumble backwards into the opposite shelf, the wood hitting her behind her knees, lower back and in her ribs. Wincing, Kara rubbed at the base of her neck, where she’d whacked her head, and stared at Lena for a moment, before turning to look at the surprised girl standing at the end of the row. She was frozen in surprise, her dark eyes wide as she looked from Kara to Lena, and there was an almost gleeful look there too that made Kara’s stomach twist. Before she could even move, Lena was shouting. And then Kara realised it wasn’t at the girl, it was at  _ her. _

 

            “What the  _ fuck  _ are you playing at?” Lena exclaimed, wiping angrily at her mouth as she scowled at Kara, a disgusted look on her face, even though her face had gone as white as bone. Underneath the farce of anger - although, some of it might’ve been real anger - Lena was terrified. She was rigid and stiff, her shoulders hunched and green eyes wide with fear. Kara was too stunned to even say anything, so she just stood there as Lena swore and scowled, colour flooding her pallid cheeks as she hunched her shoulders and stormed past the young girl, roughly bumping into her and momentarily making her lose her balance.

 

            The girl left without a word, and Kara knew with dead certainty that she wouldn’t keep quiet about it, because the head cheerleader being kissed by the school freak wasn’t something you saw everyday. Lena had known that too, and Kara realised she’d covered her own ass with her swearing and anger, because now the fault lied with Kara. And really, she  _ had _ kissed Lena, so it wasn’t even a lie, but Kara felt all the blood drain from her face at the realisation that everything had fallen to pieces so quickly. When Lena had said she didn’t want to hurt her, Kara hadn’t been expecting her to do it so soon, and the worst part was that she couldn’t even blame her. Lena had further to fall than Kara if it started to spread that she had a crush of the loser girl with barely any friends. What did Kara have to lose? She didn’t have much in the first place, and had learnt to live in that loneliness she’d been stuck in for years. 

 

            Shaking with fear, she blinked back tears as she all but ran out of the library, a lump in her throat and her cheeks burning with embarrassment. A part of her questioned whether it had all been part of an elaborate set up - why would Lena have wanted to be friends with her anyway? - but she knew deep down that that wasn’t true. The fact of the matter was that Lena liked her too, and she could admit that to herself, but she couldn’t stomach letting anyone else find out. And Kara understood, and she knew that it was all about self-preservation, because this was high school, and the only thing that spread through the student population faster than a cold was gossip. Lena had known what she was doing too though - what it would mean for Kara - because Kara had seen the brief pleading, apologetic look in Lena’s eyes, begging her to understand, before she’d thrown Kara to the wolves. 

 

            Feeling like she was going to be sick, Kara burst through the library doors and ran through the school, her mouth dry with fear and angry tears pricking at her eyes. She held them back just long enough to jam the key into the door of her room, before choking on a sob, hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she stepped inside and fell back against the door. It slammed shut and she slid down it to the base, hands shaking and stomach turning as the horror of what had just happened crashed down on her. Letting out a pitiful sob, she dissolved into tears, trying to muffle the sounds of her crying by clapping a hand over her mouth. Her breathing was ragged, her chest feeling like it was being constricted with each breath, and the brief feeling of lightness at getting her deepest secret off her chest was replaced with a dark feeling of dread, gripping her heart in its iron vice. Whatever she’d been expecting to happen with Lena, whatever secret they were going to keep between them, it had been snuffed out as easily as blowing out a candle. 

 

            Lunch passed by, and Kara’s stomach growled with hunger, but she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her room. Hiding inside, she managed to calm down enough to try and reason with herself. It wasn’t the end of the world if people knew, right? Alex would still be her sister, and she could be friends with Winn and Querl, and Mike was like her too. They’d accept her. Maybe Eliza would find out too, if the school called home, but she wouldn’t kick out her adoptive daughter, would she? She’d taken Kara in and shown her as much love as she’d shown Alex, and surely that counted for something. Despite what she told herself about how she knew how to survive in her loneliness, the thought of things going back to how they had been before - friendless and meek - terrified Kara more than she cared to admit. She didn’t want to go back to that, all because she had a crush on Lena, and she’d been stupid enough to corner her in the library. 

 

            After she’d grown tired of reasoning with herself, she started to beat herself up over it, feeling stupid. She’d been reckless, she’d been naive, she’d been too wrapped up in her feelings to think rationally. They  _ both  _ had. If they’d been careful, if they’d been on guard and wary, they would’ve made sure no one was around, or they would’ve moved the conversation elsewhere. They  _ should’ve _ moved the conversation elsewhere. Kara shouldn’t have been rash enough to find her and force her to have that conversation in a public place. It was her fault, she told herself. Her fault entirely. 

 

            Then came the frightened anger as she paced back and forth, hands running through her hair, until she’d worn grooves through it from her fingers, clutching at handfuls as she blinked back tears. It wasn’t  _ all _ her fault. Lena should’ve been more careful too, and even though she’d kissed Lena, Lena had kissed her  _ back _ . Her anger got the better of her, and she swiped at everything on her desk, books, pencils and other odd trinkets clattering to the ground, and then she punched the door and kicked the nightstand, bearing the pain through her anger, until it was all spent and she fell into the agonising misery that consumed her. Crawling into bed, she hid beneath the covers, crying into her pillow so the sound would be muffled. She cried until her eyes were sore and puffy. Until she couldn’t even conjure up anymore tears, and the only thing left inside her was a hollow fear.

 

            Dinner came and went, along with a few knocks on her door. Alex came twice - once just after lunch, loudly banging on the door and irritably trying to get her to answer, and then another time a few hours laters, her voice gentler as she tried to coax her out of bed with the dinner she’d brought up to her. Kara couldn’t bear the thought of facing anyone right then, and she firmly resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to go hungry for the evening. She had a few packets of chips and some chocolate bars in her room anyway. There were a few other knocks that she ignored too, unsure about who those were from because they never said, and then finally, after midnight, when she’d been laying there alone for hours in the dark, listening to the quiet stillness of the hallway outside. She knew who it was straight away, because there was only one person who would come that late, sneaking in the darkness to save herself the embarrassment, and Kara blinked back fresh tears at the gentle tapping on her door.

 

            Sitting up in bed, she listened to the quiet, muffled voice barely audible through the door. “It’s me.”

 

            Choking back a sob at the sound of Lena’s voice, she silently climbed out of bed and padded barefoot over to the door, standing a few inches away as she stared at the unmarked wood in the dark. She didn’t say anything.

 

            “Kara, please,” Lena quietly begged, her voice cracking as she got caught on the words. She sounded as upset as Kara felt, and it wouldn’t be easy for her either, but at least Kara hadn’t tried to shun the blame. “Please open the door. Let me explain. I- I’m sorry.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara let out a shuddering breath, placing a hand against the cool wood, as if she could almost feel Lena on the other side. Every part of her wanted to open the door and pull her inside, to cradle her face and gently kiss her and tell her that it didn’t matter, that nothing had changed because they could still be a secret, even if Kara’s feelings for her weren’t. But she knew it would all be a lie. She knew that Lena hadn’t meant to hurt her, but she was hurt anyway, and even though she had said that she didn’t care, because she was in a better place now and moving on from all of the hardships the last few years had brought her, Kara would be lying if she said that she’d been telling the truth, because she’d never been more frightened in her life. She could lose her friends and family all over again, over something that she couldn’t help, something that wasn’t wrong, and she couldn’t bear to look Lena in the eye and listen to her let her down easily. It had all been a dream. It had been Kara’s daydream for years, and that’s where it would stay. Anything else was too much.

 

            “Kara?”

 

            Drawing in a shaky breath, Kara rested her forehead against the door, her hand still pressed against the wood, which was warming beneath her touch, and she exhaled forcefully. “Please go away.”


	26. Chapter 26

            Sunday passed in much the same way, with Kara ignoring the knocks on her door, and the accompanied frustrated words off Alex whenever she tried to get her to open the door, and she wallowed in her misery and fear, eating chocolate bars and making her way through the cans of Coke stashed beneath her bed. She only left her room in the very early hours of the morning and after curfew, to sneak to the bathroom and shower and use the toilet, otherwise she confined herself to the safety of the four walls of her room. It was easier to pretend that nothing was wrong, as long as she stayed locked inside her room, and so she did, all through the weekend, and then through all of her classes on Monday. Instead, she did her homework and watched her favourite movies, cried a few times and ignored the couple of calls off Eliza. She didn’t go down for breakfast, or lunch, and she probably wouldn’t have gone down for dinner either, but she didn’t even have the chance to contemplate it before Alex was back.

 

            “Kara. Open the door,” Alex said, her voice muffled through the door as she pounded on the wood. “Come on, you can’t - what the fuck are you looking at? Get out of here - you can’t stay locked up in here forever. I want to help you. Please, just let me in.”

 

            She ignored her again, staring up at the ceiling as she flipped a playing card over and over between her fingers. 

 

            “Kara,” Alex’s unsteady voice floated through the door, “open the door. I have to talk to you, it’s important.”

 

            Her tone was completely different to the other times that she’d come and tried to coax her to open the door, and it caught Kara off guard for a moment, the playing card with her sister’s name on it fluttering from her fingers and down onto her chest in surprise. Pushing herself upright, Kara ran a hand through her messy hair, aware of the state of her room and the bruises on her knuckles. She hadn’t bothered tidying up after she’d broken down two days before, and her room uncharacteristically looked like a bomb had gone off. Letting out a heavy sigh, she listened to Alex’s rambling, interspersed with insistent knocking, and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Padding over to the door, she yanked it open, keeping her head down because she knew her eyes were puffy and ringed with dark circles, and she frowned slightly.

 

            “What do you  _ want? _ Can’t you just leave me alone?” she snapped, her voice breaking and ruining the affect.

 

            Pushing her way inside, despite Kara’s obvious desire for her to leave, Alex shut the door and paused for a moment. Reaching out, she lifted Kara’s head, and Kara tore her hand from her grip, a red blush of embarrassment blooming on her cheeks as she quickly hung her head again.

 

            “Kara,” Alex softly said, a pitying sound in her voice as she reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I’m sorry.”

 

            With a quick laugh, Kara shrugged, “it’s all over the school then, huh?”

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex quietly asked, and when Kara peeked up she saw a conflicted look on her sister’s face.

 

            “Why would I?”

 

            “Because I’m your sister!” 

 

            Rubbing at her forehead, Kara walked over to the bed and dropped back down onto her mattress, drawing her knees up to her chest and hugging them to herself. She rested her chin on top and stared at the spines of fallen books scattered on the floor, her heart beating quickly in her chest as she realised she was about to have this conversation, whether she wanted to or not. It had been easier with Lena, because Lena had already admitted she liked Kara, and there had been no fear of judgement or rejection there, but Alex didn’t  _ have _ to accept it, and even though she was there, having tried for days to get her sister to open up, that didn’t guarantee anything. Kara’s stomach twisted with nerves.

 

            Letting out a weary sigh, Kara closed her eyes for a moment. “You know, you were a pretty shit sister up until I got my ass handed to me in front of half of the school.”

 

            Making a sound of indignation, Alex walked over and sat down next to her, bumping her with her shoulder, “I know, and I’m sorry. I was angry and I took that out on you. It’s not your fault my dad died, or that my mom has always been too busy with work, but it was easier to pretend that all my problems started with  _ you _ . We’ve been better though, for months now, and I- you could’ve told me.”

 

            “What, so you could tell me that I was stupid for liking her? It’s not as if you’re  _ fond _ of her. You told me to stay away from her at  _ every _ opportunity.”

 

            “And I was right! Look where it got you! At least it makes sense why you were stupidly forgiving whenever she let her friends bully you.”

 

            Kara’s face twisted with anger, and she glowered at Alex, “we’ve been friends for months, did you know that? Of course you didn’t, because you don’t know her. Not like I do. If you  _ did _ , then you’d know that she’s nice, and she’s- she’s so smart, and funny, and she’s a good person. Things aren’t always what they seem, okay?  _ I  _ kissed her. You don’t know everything about me, so why would I tell you this?”

 

            “Because I- because I could’ve  _ helped.” _

 

            “No offence, Alex, but it’s not really something that you can just  _ fix.” _

 

            A flicker of annoyance ran across her sister’s face as she climbed to her feet, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “I don’t want to  _ fix _ you, Kara, I just- I don’t want you to feel alone.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara rolled her eyes, “you were fine to let me feel alone for years.”

 

            “Yes, but I know how  _ this _ feels!”

 

            “What, because Jeremiah died? You still had friends. You still had a mother. You don’t know anything about how I’m feeling.”

 

            “Damn it, Kara, I’m not talking about any of  _ that _ . I know how it feels to have feelings for someone you shouldn’t, okay? You should’ve told me because I-” her voice cracked slightly, and she ground her teeth together, shaking her head slightly,  _ “I  _ was alone. I’ve been so confused and I just- if I’d known that you were going through it too then I … I don’t know. Maybe I would’ve felt like it wasn’t wrong to like her.”

 

_             “Her?!” _

 

            Sighing, Alex dropped back onto the bed beside Kara, copying her position and resting her chin on top of her drawn up knees. A serious look on her face, Alex pouted slightly, staring down at the ground as she got lost in her thoughts. Kara was staring at her with unabashed shock, her blue eyes wide as she tried to come to terms with the fact that  _ her _ coming out to her sister had done a complete one-eighty. As far as her and Alex’s conversations about their personal lives had gone, it was practically non-existent, so she never would’ve guessed that she’d been going through the same thing as Kara. The thought crossed Kara’s mind that perhaps this was what Alex needed help with. Although, she seemingly already knew her feelings, and were sure of them, so Kara wasn’t sure how she could help beyond listening to Alex admit them to someone.

 

            “Maggie,” Alex said after a long moment, the name coming out as a wistful sigh. She turned to look at Kara, giving her a tight smile as she rested her cheek on her knee. “Did you know that her parents kicked her out when she was fourteen because she sent a girl a Valentine’s Day card? She spends the holidays with her aunt. It took three years for the gossip about her to die down.”

 

            Kara nodded, thinking about the dark haired short girl she’d seen Alex with on occasion, and realised that she’d either been stupidly oblivious, or Alex hadn’t acted on her feelings yet. “Does- have you told Eliza yet?”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Alex arched an eyebrow, “no, obviously not, or you would know too.”

 

            “Have you told Maggie?”

 

            Sighing, Alex shrugged half-heartedly, “Maggie’s been helping me come to terms with my feelings, but she- we’re just friends. She doesn’t like me in  _ that _ way.”

 

            “Oh. Sorry.”

 

            “Looks like we’re both in the same boat,” Alex said, playfully nudging Kara as she gave her a tiny smile. 

 

            Kara gave her a hesitant smile, her heart aching as she held Lena’s secretly safely inside, just like she’d promised she would. She’d known about Maggie, although she’d never paid the gossip any attention, so Alex had been telling her old news, but no one knew about Lena, and Kara wouldn’t spill her secrets, not even to her own sister. It wasn’t her place, and no matter how much it hurt to know that everyone would be looking at her, and whispering snide comments, whenever she decided to go back to class or go to the dining hall for a meal - whether it was tomorrow or next week - she wouldn’t tell anyone about Lena’s true feelings. She would grit her teeth and take the brunt of their laughter and jokes, while Lena laughed off Kara’s advances, perhaps making a few of her own jokes to protect her own back, and Kara would keep her secret before her. Lena knew that she would too, and she’d let Kara do it for her, because Lena was terrified of the alternative.

 

            “Is it bad?” she hoarsely asked, “what they’re saying about me?”

 

            She felt her stomach drop at the wince she got in response, her mouth dry with fear as she blinked back the stinging in her eyes. Nodding to herself, she let out a shaky breath. It wasn’t like she had any other option but to face the rest of the student population eventually - she knew Eliza wouldn’t withdraw her from the school, and she wasn’t ready to explain why she’d want to be withdrawn anyway - but the thought was terrifying and icy fear coiled in Kara’s stomach.

 

            Her attention was caught by Alex absentmindedly rubbing her knuckles, and Kara blinked in surprise, reaching out to take her hand. Each knuckle on her right hand was bruised, and a few were split, and Kara gave her a questioning look. With a sheepish smile, Alex shrugged and gave her a wry smile. “A month of detention and two day’s suspension.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “Well, you probably don’t want to know what they were saying.”

 

            Eyebrows rising in surprise, Kara tilted her head to the side, a glassy film of tears in her eyes as she stared at her sister. “You did this for me?”

 

            “Of course,” Alex softly exclaimed, “I won’t let anyone pick on you. Not for this, or anything else. You’re not alone Kara.”

 

            “Yeah, well, not everyone is going to be so open minded.”

 

            They fell into companionable silence for a few minutes, both of them lost on their own thoughts and feelings. Kara couldn’t imagine that things were going to get better anytime soon - there was far worse to come yet - but she didn’t feel quite so alone, knowing that her sister was somewhat in the same boat as her. With a heavy sigh, she flopped back onto the mattress, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes as she tried to reassure herself that it would all be okay.

 

            “Alex? What’re we going to do?”

 

            Flopping down beside her, Alex let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know.”

 

\---

 

            The next day, she skipped school again, which incurred a visit from Megan a little while after her first break. Kara hadn’t been to see in weeks, having completed her detention and the required hours in counselling, but skipping class with no excuses of illness, and with rumours spreading like wildfire, it was no surprise that she ended up in the office with its sunny bunch of sunflowers and a few cookies on the low coffee table separating her from the kind woman. She spent a few minutes awkwardly trying to insist that there was nothing wrong, while the older woman gently hinted that she’d heard the gossiping, and Kara rejected the offers of help. It wasn’t like she was unsure about anything, she was just scared, and no one could take that feeling away from her, so there was nothing else to do. She left Megan’s office with the gentle warning that she had to attend class tomorrow, or she risked suspension. Feeling cowardly, Kara thought suspension would be  _ just  _ fine, as long as she didn’t have to go to class, but it was the thought of living off chocolate and candy that was unbearable, which she’d never thought she’d say. The thought of facing the dining hall was a much more daunting prospect though.

 

            Thankfully, she had Alex though, and her sister knocked on her door midway through the designated dinner period, a plate piled high with burritos and another with salad and nachos. Kara was overwhelmed with relief as she took in the sight of the food, and she blinked in surprise at the sight of Winn, Querl and Mike standing behind Alex, the former holding an armful of puddings as he nervously looked around, afraid of being caught, while the latter held a few six-packs of soda and was sporting some colourful bruises.

 

            “I found Bert, Ernie and Casper the friendly ghost lurking about outside the dorms. They were waiting for you so I snuck them in. Thought you could use the company,” Alex explained as she walked into the room and set the plates down on the desk. “Here; you must be starving.”

 

            “Oh … thanks,” she mumbled, a wary look on her face as Winn and Mike bustled in.

 

            They both looked uncomfortable as they took in the unfamiliar room, all of them aware that boys weren’t allowed in the girl’s dorm, and Kara couldn’t quite bring herself to face them as she watched them set down the puddings and sodas alongside the food.

 

            “So, um, are you staying or …”

 

            Before either of them could reply, there was a knock on the door, and Kara frowned as Alex opened it to reveal Lucy, Vasquez, Maggie and an alert looking James. He was pushed inside first, followed by his girlfriend and the other two girls, all of them holding an assortment of foods and drinks - Kara was relieved to see a fruit salad in Maggie’s hands - and crowded together in the middle of the room, which was quickly feeling claustrophobic.

 

            “Oh, hey Danvers,” Maggie greeted her, shoving the fruit salad into her arms and shrugging out of her leather jacket. 

 

            She brushed past Winn and made herself at home on the bed, with Vasquez claiming the spot beside her. Winn shrugged and climbed on too, kicking off his shoes and taking off his cardigan, and Mike nodded to James and dropped down onto the desk chair. Kara felt her cheeks heat up, a blush creeping down her neck as she fidgeted, and she gave Alex a sharp look.

 

            “Um ... what’s everyone doing in my room?” she quietly hissed.

 

            “Well I was just inviting my friends because I didn’t want you to be alone, and, you know, Maggie gets it, so- well anyway, you’re more popular than you think. Did you know that?” Alex quietly replied.

 

            Music started playing from a speaker that Lucy set up in the corner, and she smiled as Kara met her eyes, accepting a can of soda off James and passing it along to Winn. It occurred to Kara that half of these people had never even interacted, yet they were all crammed into the limited space in her, admittedly, spacious dorm room, because they  _ cared. _ She felt Mike staring at her and turned to look at him, giving him a sheepish smile as she took in the yellow and purple bruises.

 

            “Hi,” she meekly said, “so, um, I guess that you and I-”

 

            “At least now I know why you agreed to be my beard,” he said with a wry smile, his voice low as her eyed everyone in the room, “I guess we both got something out of it.”

 

            “Sorry I ruined it.”

 

            He let out a snort of laughter, “please, in case you forgot, I earned myself a reputation as a womaniser and a cheater anyway. The point of  _ you _ was to help make me look like less of an asshole.”

 

            “Your face …”

 

            “You should see the other guys,” he said with an easy smile. “Let’s just say, I don’t think they’re in a hurry to bother you. It might be a while before they can even talk, so … yeah.”

 

            She blinked in surprise, realising that Alex wasn’t the only person who had resorted to a bit of violence on Kara’s behalf, and she was touched by the fact that even Mike was willing to jump to her defence. Apparently everyone assembled was, and she was feeling rather faint with relief as she sank down to the hardwood floor, accepting a burrito off James and taking a small bite, relishing the taste of real food as she let the sound of music and conversation wash over her.

 

            No one outright acknowledged the elephant in the room to the extent where Kara would have to explain herself, and she was content to eat her food in peace, a can of soda by her knee and an assortment of foods following the burrito down as she ate her first proper meal in days. Everyone chatted away as they helped themselves to the food they’d snuck in, some conversations a little awkward as they sized each other up, wondering why they were there in the first place, but the tension eased up quickly. Another knock at the door made everyone freeze though, falling silent as the music played on. Alex climbed to her feet and padded over to it, while everyone else - especially the guys - silently tried to pretend that they weren’t there. Opening the door a crack, Alex took in the sight of the person standing outside, and Kara craned her neck, trying to see past her.

 

            “Can I help you?” Alex asked, not unkindly.

 

            “I just came by to see if Kara was okay,” came Sam’s quiet reply.

           

            Stepping away from the door, Alex opened it wider, revealing the brunette girl to the rest of the room, and Sam’s dark eyes widened in surprise as she took in the sight of the eight students squashed in together, seated in various places throughout the room.

 

            “Room for one more, Kara?” Alex asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

            Smiling, Kara climbed to her feet and picked her way across Lucy and James’ outstretched legs to drag Sam inside. Shutting the door, she placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and introduced her to everyone, although most people knew each other at the school, especially the upperclassmen. Accepting a soda off Mike and making herself comfortable on the foot of the bed in the space Winn made for her, Sam gave Kara an encouraging smile.

 

            “I stopped by a few times, but you never answered,” she said, a concerned look in her eyes.

 

            Kara let out a shaky laugh, fiddling with her glasses as she ducked her head, “yeah, sorry, I just … I guess I was scared about what people would say.”

 

            “Well, for the record, I don't care. I just missed my friend,” Sam said with a soft smile.

 

            “Uh, sorry to interrupt, but since  _ when _ have you two been friends?” Alex asked, a frown on her face as she gestured between the two of them. “My loser sister has a friend on the cheerleading squad and  _ no one’s  _ been talking about it? No offence, Kara, but I mean … come on.”

 

            “Fair point,” Kara shrugged, “I guess they’re too preoccupied with my  _ other _ friend on the cheerleading team.”

 

            Winn let out a snort of laughter, “oo, she’s got jokes now.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara smiled despite herself, feeling herself relax for the first time in days as the tension bled out of her muscles. Some of the fear had dissipated at the realisation that she wasn’t alone, in fact, she was  _ less _ alone than she’d been at the start of the year, and as she looked around, she realised she’d made quite a few friends. Almost all of them were people she’d helped too, and a part of her realised that perhaps she’d been helping herself along the way. At least if she had to go through this, she’d built friendships with people who were willing to have her back, without her even having to say a word.

 

            “Kara’s been helping me with something,” Sam offhandedly replied.

 

            “Me too,” Querl shrugged, “ballroom dancing lessons so I could pass gym class.”

 

            “She stopped my Dungeons and Dragons group from being closed down,” Winn offered up, before turning to Vasquez, who shrugged.

 

            “Maggie and I were dragged here by Alex, but good for you, Kara.”

 

            “I mean, it’s not like you’re the only one,” Maggie said with a smirk, flashing her dimples.

 

            “I’ll say,” Mike snorted, before realising what he’d done.

 

            “Wait,  _ you’re _ gay?” Alex spluttered, watching as Mike’s cheeks turned red, although he stubbornly jutted his chin forward, as if daring her to say something.

 

            “Got a problem with that?”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Alex rolled her eyes, “not likely, asshat, we’re in the same boat.”

 

            “Wait, what?” Lucy asked, giving Alex a surprised look, before casting a look around the room. “So like, is everyone here gay or …”

 

            “Not gay, but I’m pregnant, so cheers to that,” Sam dryly said, holding her can of Coke aloft as she was me with dumbstruck looks as everyone sat in stunned silence. Kara made a small squeak of surprise, giving her a wide eyed look, and Sam gave her a reassuring look as she smiled, one hand pressed against her stomach as she shrugged. “It’ll come out eventually. May as well get it off my chest now, or we’ll all be doing this for me in a few months.”

 

            “Anyone else got anything they need to get off their chest?” Alex exasperatedly asked, quickly getting over her shock and giving everyone an expectant look. “No? Okay. Just so we’re clear, no one’s allowed to talk about anything that happens in here, or I’ll kick your ass.”

 

            Winn hesitantly put his hand up, and Alex gave him an amused look as she arched an eyebrow. “So is this like fight club? Are we going to be doing this often, like an official club or ...”

 

            Mike let out a small groan, “not the time, buddy.”

 

            Shushing him, Alex nodded, “great idea. Fight club. No one’s allowed to talk about fight club, and ... you’re allowed to beat the shit out of anyone who trash talks my sister.”

 

            “Um, have you ever seen the movie?” James piped up, “you  _ do _ know he was fighting himself, right?”

 

            Waving away his comments, Alex gave Kara a warm smile as she held her can up. “That’s irrelevant. To fight club.”

 

            “To fight club,” came the chorusing reply.


	27. Chapter 27

            With the support of her friends, and the threat of suspension, Kara decided to go to class the next day. Still, she put off breakfast until as late as possible, and Alex had Maggie meet them outside of Kara’s dorm, the three of them walked towards the dining hall, meeting Winn along the way. Whispers and stares followed them down the hallway, and Kara ducked her head down and hunched her shoulders as she tried to stop a fierce blush from colouring her cheeks. With every step, she considered turning around and running back to the comforting isolation of her dorm, but wedged in between Alex and Maggie, she knew she wouldn’t get very far before they shepherded her towards a proper meal. Instead, she let herself be marched to what seemed like her execution, the tension growing as they passed dozens of students already on their way to class.

 

            A cheer went up the moment that she stepped into the dining room, and Kara closed her eyes as she felt her cheeks flood with heat, knowing that her face was quickly turning scarlet, and she balled her hands into fists to stop them from shaking. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she took a deep breath to steady herself and took another step into the room, ignoring the group of girls that were sitting on the left side of the hall. The quick glimpse she got let her know that they were purposely waiting for her, and most likely had been every single day at every meal. She also spotted Lena amongst them, her head ducked down as she stared down at the table, her own cheeks red with embarrassment, even though she was all but forgotten for the time being.

 

            “There she is!” Veronica crowed, climbing to her feet as she gave Kara a nasty smile. “Gather around girls, you might be lucky enough to get a kiss off of Danvers. You’re up next, Jess; I hear she has a thing for brunettes.”

 

            There was a smattering of laughs at the quip, and Jess blushed as she shot Veronica a dirty look, but she tried her best to laugh it off. Lena was tense as she tightly clutched a cup of juice in her hands, no doubt waiting for the snide remarks about her to start. 

 

            “Maybe she can set up a kissing booth for the school’s fundraiser,” Veronica continued.

 

            “Yeah, except she’d have to pay  _ us,” _ Gayle snorted.

 

            “Oh come on,” Veronica tutted, a simpering smile on her lips, “surely someone would be willing to suck it up for a good cause. Lena? Ready for round two?”

 

            Giving her friend a tight smile, Lena climbed to her feet, “I’ll pass.”

 

            “Oo, that bad, huh?”

 

            “We should get to class,” Lena stiffly replied, slinging her bag over her shoulder and climbing over the bench.

 

            She didn’t even look at Kara, and the rest of her friends were too busy making jokes and jibes at Kara’s expense to notice the change in Lena’s face. Her skin was bone white and taut with anger, all sharp angles as she grit her teeth and brushed past them. A few girls climbed to their feet and followed after her, ever the faithful disciples, and as outspoken as Veronica and Gayle were, they were no Lena Luthor, and slowly gathered their own things together when she rose from her seat.

 

            Alex had stiffened as soon as they’d started speaking, and Maggie looked livid as she took a step towards their table on the far side of the room. Giving Kara a gentle push down the centre aisle, Alex gave her a sharp smile. “Go and eat your pancakes, before breakfast finishes.”

 

            “But-”

 

            “Pancakes. Quickly.”

 

            Winn tugged on the sleeve of her blazer, his eyes wide as he quickly tried to remove himself from the fight that was brewing. Despite their bravery with their loud comments, none of Lena’s friends were quick to pick a fight with a senior, let alone two, but with half the length of the dining room between them, and a few scattered students still milling about before class, they were still acting brave. 

 

            “Shut your mouths, or I’ll do it for you,” Maggie snapped, and even though she was half a foot shorter than most of the girls, Kara didn’t doubt her for a second.

 

            “Aw how sweet, Danvers has got herself a girlfriend,” Veronica drawled as the cluster of girls finally neared the end of the table, with Lena making a hasty exit for the doors.

 

            The girl’s words rolled off Kara’s back, not quite having the stinging effect that Veronica had been going for, but a part of Kara wanted Lena to say something. She could’ve defended her. Told them to shut up. She had half of the school under her thumb, with her prettiness, intelligence and wealth, and she could easily have made the other half do her bidding with a little bit of manipulation, but she was too afraid to stand up to her own friends, in case they turned on her. So she kept walking, her back stiff as she tried to stroll out of the room with as much indifference as she could. Kara didn’t even see her leave, she just kept up her steady pace to the breakfast bar, silently praying that her sister wouldn’t start a scuffle before she’d even managed to make it to her first class. Alex had just finished her few day’s suspension, her knuckles still scabbed over, and Eliza wouldn’t take too kindly to getting another phone call home.

 

            “Morning ladies, off to class?” Mr Henshaw said, appearing in the massive doorway to the dining hall, his deep voice drifting towards Kara, where she was quickly assembling a hearty breakfast for the first time in days. “Miss Sinclair, I hope you have that History paper ready for me. I’d hate to have to fail you again.”

 

            Glancing over to the group huddled near the door, an angry looking Maggie being held firmly in place by an equally angry looked Alex, Kara tried to pretend that she was minding her own business, while relief washed over her at the arrival of a teacher. Luckily, it happened to be the one teacher that had a soft spot for her  _ and _ Alex, running multiple extracurricular groups that they were in, and the brimming tension was obvious from a mile away. He was quick to send Lena’s friends on their way, his keen stare letting them know that he knew  _ exactly _ what they were doing. He momentarily caught Kara’s eye across the large hall, giving her a kind smile, before he turned to Alex.

 

            “Miss Danvers, unless you’re planning on being tardy for first period, you’d better get a move on too. You know my rule; as long as you’re in your seat before I get there, then you’re not late. First bell is in five.”

 

            “Yes sir,” Alex muttered, casting a quick look over to Kara, who carried her tray over to the end of the nearest table, with Winn in tow.

 

            Alex and Maggie joined them, grabbing whatever they could before the food was cleared away, and the four of them ate quickly, the other two girls muttering angry comments about Lena’s friends. Despite the fact that they hadn’t been any more vicious than they had been in the past, Kara lost her appetite, the food feeling dry and bland in her mouth as she wished that she could disappear. She’d been bullied for years - midly for the most part - but this was different. This was about something personal, not the fact that she wore glasses or wasn’t popular, and she had the urge to cry as she thought about how everyone was going to judge her for this one thing. A part of her couldn’t help but think that Lena had been right, that the world was a lot bigger than this one school, and the repercussions of being out would be big. She just hoped that for now, she could handle high school, let alone the rest of the world.

 

\---

 

            The following weeks were bad, and Kara knew that if it hadn’t have been for the surprising number of friends that it turned out she had, she wouldn’t have been able to bear it. Still, no number of threats off Alex, scuffles between Mike and his teammates at their lewd comments, or Sam’s gentle reassurances between bouts of morning sickness could make up for the sheer number of jokes and comments thrown Kara’s way. It wasn’t everyone, but there were enough students at the top of the social pyramid to make her life hell. Whispers followed her in the hallways, loud comments were made in the showers and locker rooms, and people gave her looks of contempt.

 

            Kara started skipping any class she didn’t share with one of her friends, earning herself more than one detention and a few trips to Headmistress Grant’s office, as well as to Megan’s office too. She had dozens of missed calls of Eliza, with the school phoning home a few times, but Kara couldn’t bear to speak to her and be chastised or have to answer questions she wasn’t ready to talk about with her adoptive mother. It got to the point where she only showered early in the morning, and avoided gym class all together so she wouldn’t have to face the locker room or Lena, having moved onto badminton, with Lena as her partner. As much as Kara wanted to talk to her, she knew it would just be more painful in the long run, and so she deleted all of Lena’s texts and avoided her at all cost. It made her heart ache, but she knew it was a necessary precaution. She could only bear so much pain, and Lena’s friends caused enough already.

 

            When the holidays came around, it filled Kara with an overwhelming sense of relief. Two weeks of being able to be herself, without having to worry about what other people thought - she finally understood what Lena had been talking about now - and the feeling of home hit her as soon as she stepped through the front door. She had a lot of explaining to do when Eliza got home from work the following morning, after a long shift at the hospital, but she deflected the real reason for her out of character behaviour at school, and Eliza was too busy to press the topic.

 

            The first week passed by quickly, spent mostly with Alex, although she did go to Querl’s apartment on Wednesday night to play  _ Dungeons and Dragons _ with him and Winn, and a begrudging Mike, who quickly got invested in it. Come Saturday, she had national’s for debating, which was conveniently taking place in National City that year, which meant that she found herself in her school uniform early that morning, making her way to the National City Exhibition and Convention Centre. Hundreds of people milled about, parents, teachers and students alike. She met Mr Henshaw in the lobby of the centre, giving Eliza and Alex nervous smiles as they wished her luck and went to take their seats inside, and Kara felt the growing unease as she waited for Lena. She’d avoided as many practices as she could, and had flaked on a few she’d agreed that she’d be at, until Mr Henshaw had presented the idea of individual practices. It was no secret about what was going on with her, so of course the teachers had heard whispers, and while Kara had refused to talk to any of them about it - not for a lack of trying on Megan’s behalf - they still knew. Individual practice was Mr Henshaw’s way of trying to help her.

 

            “Ah, Miss Luthor!” he said, beaming at the sullen looking brunette who pushed her way through the crowd.

 

            Lena murmured a greeting to him, not making eye contact with Kara, who silently avoided eye contact with her as well, and her mom appeared behind her a moment later. She had three different phones in her hands, distracted by one of them as she greeted Mr Henshaw. As the Chief of Surgery, Kara was surprised that Lena’s mom had even bothered to show up, considering the fact that Lena made it sound like her mom didn’t even care about her.

 

            “I had to reschedule a board meeting for this,” Lillian irritably said, shoving one phone into her handbag, as another started to ring. She answered it with a brusque tone, before covering the mic, sparing her daughter a quick look, “try and make it worth my time, okay?”

 

            She didn’t even wish her luck before turning and walking off to a quieter corner of the lobby to finish her call, and Kara peeked at Lena, taking in the rigid posture and clenched jaw. Clearing his throat, Mr Henshaw suggested that they go and find out which room their first debate would be in, and the three of them wandered into the main area. The awkwardness between her and Lena was palpable, and they didn’t speak to each other at all, although both of them were dying to say something, anything, to break the tension. Instead, they put all of their frustration into their debates.

 

            They won the first one with ease, with Lena’s ruthless attack and Kara’s logical defence, and went on to the next round. The next three were won just as easily too, but in between bouts, the tension only seemed to grow thicker between the two of them. Kara felt like she was going to snap at any moment, finding herself growing more frustrated with each passing minute, just wanting Lena to say something. Her pride was too great though, and she’d tried more than once to apologise to Kara, to try and make her understand, but Kara had shut her out. She didn’t  _ want _ to, but it hurt too much, so she had. It had been easier that way, or so she’d thought until she’d ended up in the massive convention centre with no way to avoid being with Lena, and it had hit her that it  _ wasn’t _ easier to just ignore her feelings for her. In fact, it was very hard.

 

            All of that pent up frustration came to a boiling point as they made it to the finals. They’d been sitting beside each other in tense silence all day, only speaking when they were up on stage and had to argue their points, while studiously ignoring each other through their small breaks. Alex came to see her between one debate, and Kara was grateful for the distraction as she ate the packed lunch Eliza had made for her, aware of the fact that Lena was alone with a packaged sandwich that she’d bought at one of the vendors inside the venue. Her mom was nowhere to be found, while Eliza chatted to Mr Henshaw. They wished Kara a good luck before disappearing before the next round, and Kara fell back into silence with Lena, feeling even more awkward as the discomfort grew. It was almost a relief to hear their names over the loudspeaker for their next match, taking to the stage with grim determination.

 

            “And from St. Rao’s we have Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers.”

 

            They took a seat behind their table, the small mics in front of them and makeshift name place cards with their names printed on. Their opponents were from a school in Metropolis, and they were given the topic of gun control, with Kara and Lena taking the stance against regulations. Beneath the yellow spotlight of the main stage for the final debate, Kara was feeling rather hot in her school blazer, with Lena sitting rigidly beside her. Lena managed to get through her argument effortlessly, taking a sip of water as she sat stiffly beside Kara, having played her part, and Kara felt her heart rate pick up and her stomach twist with unease.

 

            “And now we’ll hear the rebuttal from Miss Kara Danvers.”

 

            All of the attention in the room was trained on her, and she opened her mouth to go off on a spiel, but the words wouldn’t come. She was fed up with arguing, and all of the fight bled out of her as she struggled to find a single argument to counter the one the girl had just given. Feeling the seconds slip by, and Lena’s hard gaze on the side of her head, Kara let out a pent up breath, closing her eyes for a moment.

 

            “I don’t have an argument. I agree with the opposition,” she finally managed to get out, before pushing her chair back and walking offstage. 

 

            She made it down the steps off to the edge of the stage, behind the curtains, and made directly for the nearest exit. Cool air washed over her as she stood in one of the nearly empty hallways, and she drew in a deep breath, feeling relieved at the fact that it was over, even if it meant that they finished in second place instead of taking home the towering gold trophy. She didn’t have to ask to know that Lena would be furious, and she didn’t have to wait long to witness it first hand, herself.

 

            “Hey! What the  _ hell _ was that,” Lena snarled as she came flying out of the doorway Kara had just exited through, spotting her immediately.

 

            Kara turned around to face her for the first time in weeks, and was caught off guard by the intensity of Lena’s anger as the other girl nearly plowed into her, grabbing her by the lapels of her blazed and driving her backwards, so that Kara was forced to stumble back as quickly as she could to stop herself from falling over. Her back found the wall, and Lena pressed her up against it, eyes blazing with anger.

 

            “Sometimes it’s easier to just admit it when you know that you’re wrong, rather than trying to argue that you’re right. It’s better to be honest than lie.”

 

            “You-”

 

            “Woah, hey, come on now, break it up,” Mr Henshaw said, appearing behind Lena and placing a firm hand on her shoulder, “Miss Luthor, how about you take a walk and cool off?”

 

            Without another word, Lena stalked off, her shoulders taut and her hands balled into fists. Swallowing the lump in her throat, and the feeling of guilt that welled up inside, Kara looked up at her teacher and gave him a sheepish look. “I’m sorry, sir. I just- I couldn’t-”

 

            He gave her a kind smile, “it’s okay, Kara. I’m proud of you both for trying, and second place is still a  _ great _ job. You gave it a great effort. It’s not all about winning.”

 

            Blinking back the prickling feeling in her eyes, she stared down at her feet. “I know, but we could’ve- I  _ know _ we could’ve won, I just … I didn’t believe what I was saying. I don’t want to lie just to ... I don’t know, to come out on top, I guess.”

 

            “I know things have been a little rough for you lately,” he quietly said, “but you showed a lot of courage coming here today and getting up on that stage. It’s a scary thing to stand up in front of a lot of people, but you did it anyway, and you did a fantastic job. It doesn’t matter what place you came.”

 

            Feeling undeserving of his kind words, Kara quietly listened, waiting for Alex and Eliza to come and find her. Kara was congratulated by her family, although there were a dozen questions in their eyes, and they accompanied her and Hank to the closing ceremony, where they had to accept their second place trophy. When St. Rao’s was announced, with the silver trophy waiting for them, Kara looked around for Lena, but she was nowhere to be found, and she stood up on the stage alone as she accepted it. The victory of a trophy wasn’t as satisfying as she had thought it would be, and she was silent the whole drive home, even though Eliza tried to cheer her up as best as she could, complimenting her about how well she had done.

 

            They ordered Chinese takeout for dinner, and Kara was grateful for the effort that they were going through to try and make her feel better about how she’d botched the finals - quite intentionally at that - but it didn’t really help. She ate her food in silence, brooding over everything with Lena, and she shut herself up in her room after that. She only came down later on that night, when the hour was growing late, so that she could get a glass of juice. She was just heading back up to her room when there was a knock on the door.

 

            “Oh, I know you,” Eliza said, her voice coloured with surprise. Kara paused near the top of the stairs, her head cocked to one side as she strained to hear the other voice. “You’re Lillian Luthor’s daughter, aren’t you? On the debate team with Kara.”

 

            “Yes, ma’am,” Lena politely replied, “I’m Lena. I’m a, uh, a friend of Kara’s. Is she home?”

 

            Silently yelling at Eliza not to let her in, Kara quietly tried to continue up the last few steps, hoping the stairs wouldn’t creak, and she’d just made it to the landing when Eliza called up, the sound of the door shutting drifting upstairs.

 

            “Kara! You’ve got a visitor.”

 

            Pausing for a moment, she considered hurrying to her room and pretending to be asleep, so that when Eliza came upstairs to fetch her when she didn’t come down, she’d be forced to tell Lena that she was already in bed, and she’d tell her that she stopped by. The cowardly part of her mind won over, but as she took a step down the hallway, a figure came into sight at the bottom of the stairs, and Kara froze like a deer caught in headlights. Lena stared up at her with a questioning look, one eyebrow slightly arched.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            Her voice was quiet and she shifted warily at the bottom of the stairs, glancing at Eliza, who was still in the hallway below. Kara slowly descended a few steps, stepping into the yellow light from the hallway as she neared Lena.

 

            Eliza appeared at Lena’s side, briefly touching her on the shoulder, “why don’t you go up to Kara’s room? Would you like something to eat? Drink?”

 

            “No thank you, Mrs Danvers,” Lena murmured.

 

            After flashing Kara a quick smile, almost glowing with happiness at the fact that Kara had a friend over to visit - a first for her - Eliza retreated back to the living room, and Lena kicked her shoes off at the bottom of the staircase, before slowly mounting the steps. Turning around, Kara quickly walked back upstairs, her stomach roiling with nerves and a spark of anger growing inside as she walked to her bedroom, flinging open the door and turning the light on as she waited for Lena to follow. She warily trailed after her, hovering in the doorway of the spacious bedroom, her eyes nervously darting around as she took in the neatly made bed, the large desk and row of shelves, the cluster of posters and scattered trinkets. Kara even had a small collection of photos decorating her walls now, taken from her outings with Winn or Alex, and even a few with Querl and Mike. She hoped that Lena didn’t spot the ones of her from the fake photography project she’d lied to James about. 

 

            “What’re you doing here?” Kara asked as Lena stepped inside, quietly closing the door behind her. Her words came out sharper than she intended, but she had little patience for her. Not while she was in her own home, in her bedroom, which was one of the few places she could relax without her problems weighing as heavily on her shoulders.

 

            “I-” Lena started, before falling silent, giving Kara a pleading look, as if trying to convey all of her thoughts through that look so she didn’t have to try and fumble for the words. She let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through her hair and messing it up. “I’m sorry,” she hoarsely replied, “I wanted to say I’m sorry. About today. About everything.”

 

            With a tight smile, Kara shrugged half-heartedly, “don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Besides, it should be me apologising for today.”

 

            “Kara-”

 

            “No, really,” Kara cut her off, “I get it. Why should we both have to suffer for it when one of us can take it? And I kissed you so …”

 

            “I kissed you  _ back,” _ Lena firmly replied, her green eyes blazing, a sheen of tears in them as she took a step towards Kara. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you take the fall. I should’ve …”

 

            Kara dropped down into the seat at her desk, picking up pen and twirling it between her fingers as she avoided looking at Lena. “It doesn’t matter. It was a mistake anyway. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s not like you’ve ever been honest with anyone before anyway. It was my fault for thinking that things might be different if you knew how I- well, I guess not.”

 

            Taking a few more steps towards her, a wounded look on her face, Lena reached out as if to touch her, and if it wasn’t for the few feet separating, perhaps she would’ve. “Please, you have to understand- it’s different for me.”

 

            “Right. You have more to lose.”

 

            “Kara-”

 

            “What?” she sharply cut her off, “it’s true, isn’t it? And you were right, about how other people would react, and what they’d say, but I have friends now, Lena, and they’re not afraid to stand up for me. I don’t  _ need _ you. The price of our friendship is too high for you, and that’s okay. I’m sorry that this is hard for you, really, I am, but this is hard for me too. Maybe it’s hard in a different way, but none of …  _ this _ ,” she gestured around vaguely, “is  _ easy _ for me. And the past few weeks have been  _ awful _ .”

 

            Surging forward, closing the last few feet between them, Lena reached out and grabbed Kara’s face in her hands, her touch gentle, but urgent. Leaning in with the clear intention of kissing her, Lena was gently, but firmly, pushed backwards, and Kara had her lips set in a grim line as she circled Lena’s wrists with her slender fingers, keeping her at bay.

 

            _“No._ No, you don’t get to turn your back on me and then kiss me when it’s convenient for you. I get that you’re not ready to go through it all, but you can’t expect me to let you play games with me, and then stay and be that person that can help you when _you_ need it. I need to help  _ myself _ . I’ve been helping everyone since the start of the school year, but right now I need to put myself first and figure out how to help myself get through this. I’m sorry that you wasted your time coming here, but I can’t give you whatever it is you’re looking for. It’s just a crush; we’ll both get over it.”

 

            The silence when she finished speaking was deafeningly loud, and she realised just how loud her ranting had gotten. Lena looked taken aback and embarrassed, a look of humiliation on her face as she blinked back tears at Kara’ rejection. Kara’s stomach lurched as a feeling of guilt crept up on her, and she rose from her seat, giving Lena a pleading look.

 

            “Sorry, I know that it’s not your fault, I don’t mean to blame-”

 

            “No,” Lena sharply cut her off, unable to bring herself to meet Kara’s eyes, “no, I get it. I screwed you over first. It was a mistake to come here. I’ll see you around, I guess.”

 

            Before she could even say anything else, Lena had whirled around and pulled the door open, her footsteps quickly receding, followed by hurried footsteps echoing on the stairs. The front door slammed a minute later, and Kara walked over to the window, parting the blinds to look down at the small figure climbing into the car parked outside the brownstone. She grit her teeth in frustration, blinking away the prickling feeling in her eyes. A gentle tap on the open door made her look away, and she took in the sight of Eliza lingering on the threshold of the room, a questioning look of concern in her eyes.

 

            “Is everything okay?” she asked, “Lena left in a bit of a hurry. She looked upset.”

 

            “Eliza, I have to tell you something.”


	28. Chapter 28

            “Is this about school?” Eliza gently asked, a look of concern in her eyes as she looked at Kara, who was sitting beside her on the edge of her bed, nervously wringing her hands as she stared down at them, a lump in her throat making it hard for her to reply. They’d been sitting there for a few minutes, and Kara was struggling to find the words. She didn’t even know where to begin. “I’ve spoken to Miss Grant, you know. She’s very worried about you. I’m not sure what’s going on, and she wouldn’t say, but is it those girls again? I know they haven’t been very nice to you. If the school won’t do anything about it, I can talk to their parents.”

 

            “No,” Kara suddenly exclaimed, blanching slightly at the thought of Eliza calling up Veronica’s parents and making things even worse for her. It wasn’t entirely about that anyway, and she floundered, trying to find the words, as she opened and closed her mouth. “It’s not- it’s … it’s about something else. I did … something. And I don’t- I know it’s  _ not wrong _ , but it just- I’m confused, and I don’t know what to feel.”

 

            “Is this … is this about Lena?” Eliza hesitantly asked.

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara blinked back tears as she quickly nodded, her cheeks flooding with heat as Eliza quickly connected the dots of what she was trying to say. And then Kara burst into tears, her shoulders shaking as she was wracked with sobs, too many conflicting emotions warring within, while fear crept up on her. She understood why Lena was so scared, because she didn’t know what Eliza’s reaction would be, and she couldn’t even look at her and see the expression on her face, too afraid that she’d see disgust and be thrown out onto the streets. Clapping a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound of her crying, she heard a gentle sigh and felt warm arms wrap around her, pulling her closer.

 

            “Oh,  _ Kara,” _ Eliza softly murmured, clucking her tongue as she stroked Kara’s hair, one arm around her shoulders, reassuringly rubbing her arm.

 

            Letting out a shuddering breath, Kara seemed to deflate in her adoptive mother’s arms, the tenderness of her touch making her want to fall apart completely and let her help put her back together again. More than anything, it made her want  _ her _ mom. The pain of losing her parents was an ever present ache at the back of her mind, and she could ignore it well enough, but there were some moments where she just so desperately wanted her mom, so that she could be held like when she was a child and know that she was loved. Eliza played that part for her as Kara turned inwards, resting her forehead against Eliza’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar perfume and laundry detergent. She’d been a Danvers for three years now, with most of that time spent away at a boarding school across the country, so she’d rarely had moments like this with Eliza. Kara was endlessly appreciative towards the woman, but she wasn’t her mom, but in that moment, she was as close as she could get, and Kara just wanted someone to tell her that everything would be okay.

 

            A gentle hand stroked her hair, and Kara let out a shaky breath as she wiped at her wet cheeks. Eliza made a small noise at the back of her throat, something caught between surprise and pity, and she gave Kara a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, honey, you can talk to me.”

 

            “I’m sorry. I-I’m okay, I just- I’m so confused. I’ve been so scared about anyone finding out and I don’t- I’m not sure that I’m ready for people to look at me differently, but they  _ are _ . Those girls … they’re not nice people, and I just want to be happy. I want to be happy …  _ with her _ . I don’t know what to do. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but I’m so  _ tired.  _ I just want my mom. I want my mom to tell me it’s going to be okay, and she’s not- she’s gone.” She drew in a shuddering breath, before exhaling and deflating a little. “I’m sorry, Eliza, I don’t mean-”

 

            “Shh, it’s okay sweetie. It’s going to be okay.”

 

            Kara let out a choked sound of relief, realising that she didn’t have  _ her _ mom, but she had a mom, and here was Eliza, telling her that it was going to be okay. It was hard to believe it, with everything a complete and utter mess, but Kara allowed herself to believe for just a moment as Eliza murmured quiet reassurances to her.

 

            “You’re allowed to  _ not _ be okay though, Kara. I know the past couple of years have been hard for you, but you don’t have to close yourself off. You have  _ such _ a big heart, and that’s a lovely thing, and you are so strong, honey, but you don’t  _ always _ have to be strong for other people. You deserve to be who you are - who you’ve always been - and you deserve to be happy, Kara. You don’t have to hide who you are, or who you love. You have a family who loves you unconditionally, and we’re not going anywhere. You’re not alone.”

 

            Wrapping her arms around Eliza, Kara squeezed her eyes shut and hugged her, letting out a pent up breath as the tightness in her chest eased up. She’d been so nonchalant with Lena about how little she cared about what other people thought, but the truth was that she had been terrified. Deep down, there was a part of her that was scared of rejection, of judgement of being punished for who she really was, and that was why she could never blame Lena. If it was up to Kara, she wouldn’t have come out at all - at home or school - for fear of how that would change things, when so much of her life had changed in just a few years anyway, but the relief that swept over her was liberating. It was a secret she’d carried around for so long, pining after Lena with doe-eyed looks, and it was almost freeing to tell someone of her own accord. Not out of any necessity, but of her own free will, and Kara slumped in Eliza’s arms as she was given the comfort and acceptance that she needed.

 

            When she finally pulled back, Eliza brushed her hair out of her face, before cupping her cheeks in her hands and giving her an encouraging smile, her thumbs pushing up Kara’s plastic frames and wiping her cheeks. Leaning forward, she kissed her on the forehead, and Kara’s eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of safety that washed over her. She  _ had _ a family, and a mother, and Eliza had always shown her as much love as she had Alex, and Kara felt truly grateful in that moment. It had been hard for her to lose her parents, and be shunned away by the rest of her living family, and it had rarely occurred to her how hard it must’ve been for Eliza to raise someone else’s daughter. Hard to raise her, but with her adoptive mother’s heart, not hard to love her.

 

            “Thank you, Eliza,” Kara hoarsely choked out.

 

            “I’ve been  _ so  _ worried about you,” she sighed, her forehead furrowing slightly as she looked at Kara with kind blue eyes, filled with concern. “I worry about you more than Alex, you know. I never know what you’re thinking, and with all of those phone calls off the school … I’m just glad you’re okay. You  _ are _ okay, aren’t you? Those girls-”

 

            Wincing slightly, Kara gave her a wavering smile, “I think Alex took care of them.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Eliza shook her head. “Your sister has always been hotheaded and quick to act, and I’ve had some stern words for her, but I suppose that maybe just this once, she had a good reason. But things with this Lena … I’ll be having words with her mother if she’s been-”

 

            “It wasn’t her,” Kara sighed, a troubled look on her face. “She’s … scared. Her friends aren’t very nice, Eliza, and she doesn’t- she’s not … she doesn’t have a family like I do. I feel  _ sorry _ for her, and I want to help her.”

 

            “Of course you do, sweetie. You’re a good person, but she has to  _ want _ to be helped. And you can’t use the excuse that you want to help someone else to put them before you, okay? You need to take care of yourself first. It worries me to send you both so far away, and I know it’s a good school, but it worries me anyway.”

 

            “We’re okay. We have each other’s backs,” Alex said from the doorway, a small smile on her lips as she leant against the doorframe, not wanting to intrude, but a concerned look in her dark eyes as she looked at Kara.

 

            Kara straightened up, Eliza’s hand still gently resting on her shoulder, and she gave her a reassuring smile. It seemed to convince Alex that she was okay, and her sister seemed to relax slightly, taking it as a good sign that Eliza had taken the news well, and she sidled into the bedroom. Eliza held one arm open and Alex made a show of rolling her eyes, but walked over to her nonetheless, sitting down on the other side of her and letting her mom wrap and arm around her. Eliza hugged them both close, rubbing their arms as she let out a soft sigh. “My girls.

 

            A knock at the door broke them apart, and Eliza kissed them both on the top of their heads before making her way downstairs to answer it. Alex asked her a few prying questions, a wary look on her face as if she was trying to gauge how her mom would react when she finally came out in her own time, and she was quietly congratulating her as the sound of muffled voices drifted upstairs. Eliza’s voice followed shortly after, calling them both downstairs, and they both climbed to their feet and made their way downstairs, Alex slightly ahead of her. Reaching the bottom, Kara rounded the end of the stairs and paused, her eyebrows rising at the sight of the tired looking brunette laden with bags.

 

_             “Sam?” _

 

            She gave her a strained smile and Alex stepped forward to help relieve her of some of the bags, while Kara slowly wandered closer. “I’m sorry,” Sam said, her shoulders slumping in defeat and her voice thick with emotion, “I didn’t know where else to go. My mom, she- she kicked me out.”

 

            “Eliza,” Kara said, turning to look at the blonde woman, who was trying to mask her surprise at the appearance of yet another emotional teenager - the third of the night - and she turned to look at Kara, arranging her features into a polite look. “Sam’s … well, she’s, uh-”

 

            “Pregnant,” Alex bluntly interjected.

 

            Despite her efforts, Eliza’s blue eyes widened and her eyebrows rose as she turned to look at the other girl. “Oh. Well … let’s get you set up in the spare room then.”

 

            Sam burst into tears at the easy acceptance, and another round of gentle reassurances and kind words ensued, while Kara made a couple of trips up to the spare room next door to Alex’s room with all of Sam’s bags, leaving her sister downstairs making hot chocolate while she tried to cheer Sam up. It had been an eventful day, and as Kara plodded back downstairs, she felt exhausted, filled with so many different emotions that she wasn’t sure how to feel.

 

\---

 

            The rest of the holidays seemed to fly by, with a weight lifted off Kara’s chest. It was different to how it was at school, with no need to hide up in her room out of fear of cruel jokes at her expense, and it was a relief to not have to hide, and to be given the freedom to openly be herself around her family. If anything, it made her feel even closer to Eliza and Alex, in a way she’d never had the chance to be close to her own parents, and it made her heart soar with happiness to have found acceptance with people she cared about, who cared about her in return. 

 

            Then there was Sam, who had intended to only stay the one night, having told her mom that she was pregnant and being turned out onto the streets, but ended up staying the next few days at Eliza’s insistence. Kara didn’t say, but she was secretly relieved that Sam stayed, letting Eliza give her a basic checkup and a never-ending list of advice, plying her with vitamins and all manner of things to help with the baby. Alex seemed pleased to have someone else in the house, and Kara was even more surprised to find that they’d become good friends in the few weeks since Sam had turned up at her dorm and accidentally inserted herself into Kara’s new group of friends she’d been unaware about.

 

            It was a busy few days, and Kara had almost forgotten that she had to go back to school and back to the miserable torture of Lena’s friends, and the even more miserable suffering of missing Lena when she was  _ right _ there - although that was her own decision, and she knew that it had been the right one for herself. At least now she wouldn’t have to worry about debate practice anymore, having finished for the year,  _ and _ lost, which meant she wouldn’t have to see Lena quite as much. With all of the drama in her life as well, Kara had forgotten about the cards, and the fact that she was supposed to be helping her sister, and it wasn’t until she was settled down beside her in first class, with a sleeping Sam on Alex’s other side, her head lolling on her shoulder, that Kara remembered, and struck up a casual conversation with her sister.

 

            “So, did you have the chance to talk to Eliza before we left?”

 

            Hesitating for a moment, Alex gave her a wry smile, shaking her head. “No, not yet. I, uh, well, I thought it might be  _ too _ much, you know? Like all of this at once might be a bit overwhelming for her. I don’t- I mean, well,  _ one _ daughter is … you know, but  _ two? _ I don’t know, Kara, I just-, I don’t want to disappoint her.”

 

            “Alex,” Kara sighed, giving her sister a reproachful look, “you could never disappoint her. She  _ loves _ you. I  _ am _ sorry if I’ve made this harder for you though. I really want to help you - when you’re ready though. Trust me, I know it’s hard.” She let out a weak laugh, giving her sister a searching look as she tried to figure out what Alex was thinking or feeling. 

 

            “You kind of have already,” Alex shrugged, eyeing her as a smile played on her lips. “You made me realise that perhaps I shouldn’t chase after girls who don’t want  _ me _ . I like Maggie, and she’s been good to me, but maybe … maybe she’s not the right one. I’m still trying to figure all of this out and I think I need a friend more than anything else, and who knows, maybe one day it’ll work out, or maybe there’s someone else out there for me.”

 

            Nodding slowly, Kara gave her a confused look, taking in the relaxed demeanour of her sister as she frowned slightly, trying to figure out where she came into this. “Okay … I mean, I’m happy for you. I’m glad you figured this out, but, um, how did  _ I _ help with this?”

 

            “Oh,” Alex said with mild surprise, “well, you and Lena. You decided that you needed to put yourself first, and it made me realise that maybe I should do the same. I mean, we’re still in high school; who cares about some girls who don’t like us back, right? We’re all going to go to college and meet new people and fall in love, and high school crushes won’t matter. I’d rather have good friends.”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara gave Alex a tight smile, thinking about how she’d ruined any chance of having so much as a friendship with Lena, because for her, it wasn’t about Lena not liking her back, and that just complicated matters even more. It would’ve been easier to know that Lena  _ didn’t _ have feelings for her, because then she could’ve slowly moved on, and kept her their friendship, but it was Lena who had risked it all to tell Kara her true feelings, only to back out at the last moment. She fell silent after that, enjoying the rest of the ride in peace as she watched one of the movies on the screen before her, eating packaged peanuts and the never ending stream of Coke that the air hostesses brought her.

 

            By the time they touched down at the airport, crowded with students from incoming flights across the country and world, Kara started to remember why she’d been so relieved to go home. As she walked through arrivals, students stared as they whispered and laughed, and it was like a punch in the stomach, knocking all the breath out of her. Being in National City had been like a breath of fresh air, and Kara had finally felt comfortable in her own skin, unburdened by her secrets, and she’d almost forgotten that coming out to Eliza  _ wasn’t _ the end of it. This was something she’d have to deal with over and over again. She’d almost forgotten that she was the source of so much entertainment for the other students, who had nothing better to do than gossip about her, and she stubbornly raised her chin as she walked between Alex and Sam towards the exit.

 

            Sliding into the back of the car, wedged in the middle, Kara sagged in her seat, a brooding look on her face as she frowned. “They’re still laughing at me.”

 

            “That’s because they’re sad people with no personality and nothing better to do,” Sam said, giving her knee and affectionate pat.

 

            “Fuck them,” Alex added with a shrug. “If they’re not your friends then why do you care what they think?”

 

            Kara swallowed the words that rose up on the tip of her tongue, and couldn’t help the wry feeling of amusement that welled up as a past argument with Lena came rushing back to her. It was because she wanted people to like her, and for all of her talk about not caring, she _ did _ care. She was kind to people, and helpful, and it had slowly amassed her a few friends who  _ did _ like her. Perhaps she wasn’t as vain as Lena was when it came to other people’s opinions of her, but she did have some pride, and it wounded her to think that people would instantly dismiss her based on the fact that she’d been caught kissing a girl. That wasn’t all of it, of course, because otherwise Lena would’ve had the same target painted on her, and Maggie would’ve been in the same situation as her for years. Plainly put, Kara was an easy target because she’d never had anyone to defend her, until now, and she didn’t belong to a particular group of students, she wasn’t popular, or the richest or smartest. If she  _ had _ been - if she’d been  _ Lena _ \- then perhaps things would’ve been differently.

 

            Thoughts of Lena followed her the entire drive to the school, the green countryside flying past as new spring flowers bloomed and warm sunlight filtered down through the canopy of the tree-lined roads. As much as she’d always hated it at St. Rao’s, there was something soothing about this time of year, far away from dirty cities and sprawling suburbs, and Kara smiled slightly as she took in the rolling hills and thickets of trees. Eventually they reached the gates of the school grounds, and they thanked their driver as they climbed out, fetching their bags from the trunk and making the long walk up to the looming school buildings. For Alex and Sam, this was their last term, and it made Kara’s heart ache to think that she’d have to weather this alone at the start of the next school year, so soon after making these friends. She’d still have some friends though, and the thought of seeing them again lifted her heart as she carried her bags up to the school.

 

            Dumping her bags in her room, she met Alex and Sam down in the communal common room, and after spying Lucy, Maggie and Vasquez, they all made their way outside. It was only a little after lunchtime, and they made their way down to the massive lake, sitting on the small wooden dock where the rowing team came to launch their boats from. The lake was empty and the glassy surface was still, save for the few ripples caused by the wind, and Kara basked in the warmth of the sun as she dangled her legs over the side of the dock. It wasn’t long before Winn, Mike and James found them, and they all swapped stories about their break as they enjoyed the sunny afternoon.

 

            Even walking into dinner wasn’t that bad, with Veronica’s sharp smiles that spoke of more teasing to come, and Kara enjoyed her pasta and chocolate cake as she chatted to her friends, who were spread out on either side of her and across the table. She quickly became forgotten as the other students packed into the room all ate the own food and talked to their friends, a steady flow of kids coming and going, and Kara found herself able to relax. Until she spotted Lena from across the room, and felt the dull ache in her chest flare up. It had only been a week since she’d seen her, but Kara  _ missed _ her. She missed how easy it had been to laugh with her, and share their own little secrets, she missed Lena’s kindness and her witty sense of humour, and although she’d told herself it was for the best, it still stung a little.

 

\---

 

            Telling herself she had to focus on school, instead of pining after her crush, Kara got on with it. There were only a few more weeks of school left for the year, and she threw herself into her classes and homework as much as she could. Things were fine for the first week, and she even showed up to the classes where she didn’t have a friend present, focusing on her work instead of worrying about whether the other students were staring at her or whispering behind her back. But Lena never showed up to any of their shared classes, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault.

 

            After the final bell on Friday, Kara went straight outside and made for the cluster of trees on the outskirts of the campus, trampling the carpet of leaves and snapping twigs as she noisily made her way towards the hole in the fence, confident in her belief that Lena was at her secret place at the pile of rocks. After missing so many classes, at least one faculty member would’ve tried to track her down, and there was only one place she was guaranteed to not be disturbed, by everyone except Kara, and Lena didn’t expect Kara to come looking for her. Not after she’d been gently rejected a couple of weeks ago. 

 

            Feeling nervous as she slipped through the gap beneath the fence, trying not to get her uniform muddy, Kara carefully followed the path through the gnarled tree trunks, a canopy of fresh green leaves shading her from the sun as she carefully picked her way through the forest. Birds chirped and the wind rustled the leaves, but apart from that, it was peacefully quiet, giving Kara the chance to think without any interferences. Mostly she thought about Lena, and if she was okay, having noticed the dark circles, sullen silence and sallow cheeks whenever she’d caught a fleeting glimpse of the brunette. She was quiet as she neared the spot, and relief washed over her as she spotted the reclining figure sitting in the shade of the overhanging rock, a pair of sunglasses covering her eyes and a paperback book open as Lena read.

 

            “Lena?” Kara hesitantly called out.

 

            Head jerking up in surprise, Lena scowled at her, scrambling to her feet and crossing her arms over her chest, a haughtiness in her bearing as she gave Kara a hard look from behind the dark lenses of her sunglasses. “What’re you doing here? This is  _ my _ place.”

 

            “I know,” Kara said, an apprehensive look on her face as she took a wary step closer to her, “I just- you haven’t been to class in a few days. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena gave her a sharp smile, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head and closing the book over one finger to keep her place. “I thought you were done helping me.”

 

            Softly sighing, Kara quickly closed the distance between them, until only a few feet separated them, and she had to shove her hands in her pockets to stop herself from reaching out and taking Lena’s hand in her own. “That’s not what I- I just- it’s hard for me too, Lena! You’re scared that you won’t be accepted by everyone else, but so was I! I wasn’t ready to come out yet. I would’ve been happy for it to be  _ our _ secret, but it didn’t work out that way, and it hasn’t been easy, or fun, and I … I get it. I understand why you’ve been so afraid. I don’t want you to have to go through all of this if you’re not ready, okay? I don’t want your mom to kick you out, or for you to be mocked and bullied, and it should be  _ your _ decision to do it when you’re ready. Not when someone else does it for you. And I can’t help you decide when you’re ready either, and I’ve got a lot going on myself. I, uh, well I came out to my- Eliza over the break, and I’m still trying to get used to all of  _ this _ . I know you’re struggling, but it hasn’t been easy for me either. I  _ do _ want to help you, Lena, but I can’t help you if you don’t  _ want _ my help.”

 

            “Then why are you here?” Lena bitingly asked, a slight blush colouring her sallow cheeks. She looked tired and drawn, as if it was chipping away at her to keep doing this. To pretend that she was happy, and content with her friends, and how things were school and home, and Kara gave her a look of concern, pity welling up inside as she took in the burning look of anger in Lena’s sad eyes. “You can’t tell me to stop playing games with your feelings, and to stay away, and then come chasing after me. It goes both ways, Kara.”

 

            “I miss you,” Kara said, a look of longing on her face as she stared at her. “I want my friend back, and it hurts that there’s too much  _ wrong _ between us. And I don’t blame you for that, because I understand, but I just- I’m done with secrets, Lena. It’s okay that you’re not, and I know that things are different for you, with your mom, and it’s okay that you’re not ready to come out. But it’s not even  _ about _ that, not really. It’s that you- your friends … you’ve heard what they’ve been saying, for years now, and you just- you’re  _ okay _ with that. Let’s be honest, Lena, we were a secret long before we ever knew how we felt about each other, and that was because you didn’t want people to know you were friends with the school loser. I can’t be friends with that person anymore, because it just ends up hurting whenever you sit by and ignore me, and maybe this was the last straw, or the one that made me realise that you were right, I don’t know, but maybe you  _ were _ right, and we can’t be friends.”

 

            Lena blinked back tears as she gave Kara a rueful smile, “what, rejecting me once wasn’t enough, was it?” She let out a weak laugh, wiping at her eyes, and Kara stepped forward, one hand outstretched as a deep ache twinged in her chest. Lena backed away from her, the flimsy smile twisting into a look of anger as she pointed a finger at Kara in warning. “No. No, you don’t get to say that we can’t be friends and then try and help me. Make up your mind and live with the consequences, Kara. You can’t fix everyone. Not everything can be fixed with a card with someone’s name on it. I don’t  _ want _ you to fix me. I don’t want you-”

 

            “Exactly! That’s it,” Kara exclaimed, letting out a huff of frustration. “You don’t  _ want _ me. You  _ need _ me, but you don’t _want_ me. Well I  _ don’t _ need you, but I … I  _ want _ you. I just- I want you to want me too. I  _ miss _ you and I just want my friend back.”

 

            “Yeah, well, it hurts too much, so,” Lena replied, shrugging half heartedly as she sniffed, trying to hide the fact that her eyes were brimming with tears.

 

            Blinking back her own tears, Kara gave her a tight smile, nodding as she looked at Lena. “Well I, uh, I hope that you figure it all out and can be comfortable with who you are. There’s nothing  _ wrong _ with you, and you’re a good person. I’m sorry that you’re not in a good place, but I, um, well, I hope you get there eventually. I hope you can be happy.”

 

            The look Lena was giving her was heartbreaking, because Kara could see that she didn’t  _ want _ to push Kara away, but Kara didn’t want to be toyed around with for Lena’s amusement while she struggled with her own problems. She loved herself enough to know that it was better for them both this way - they both had less to worry about, more so Lena than Kara - but it didn’t make her heart ache any less. Closing the distance between them, Kara hesitantly reached out and wrapped her in a hug, closing her eyes as she sighed, holding Lena tightly as she breathed in her perfume and cherished the way that she fit perfectly in her arms. Lena hugged her back just as tightly, letting out a breathless sob as she buried her face in Kara’s shoulder.

 

            “I’m sorry,” she apologised, her voice muffled against Kara’s school blazer.

 

            “Hey, you’ll be fine,” Kara murmured, pulling back and giving her what she hoped was a convincing smile. “You’re Lena Luthor.”

 

            Wiping away Lena’s tears for her, Kara let her hand linger against her cheek for a moment before she stepped away, clearing her throat as she tried to ignore the brimming tension between them. Lena let out a heavy sigh, “I really am sorry, you know.”

 

            “I know, and it’s okay. I forgive you anyway.”

 

            “You shouldn’t,” Lena said, choking on a laugh. “I don’t deserve it.”

 

            “You don’t deserve  _ any _ of this,” Kara quietly said, a look of pity in her eyes as she gave Lena a grim smile. 

 

            Shrugging slightly, Lena gave her a sad smile in return. “Yes I do. I was never the person you thought I was. You just wanted me to be her badly enough for me to try for you.”

 

            “All I ever wanted was  _ you.” _


	29. Chapter 29

            The last few weeks of school slipped by without incident beyond the arrival of another card. It was like a stinging blow to Kara’s decision to stay away from Lena when the following day she found an envelope in her room, and let a  _ blue _ playing card slip out. It wasn’t until she flipped it over and saw the  _ IOU _ written in familiar handwriting on a Queen of Hearts, that she realised it was from Lena’s missing deck. It had been like a slap in the face to know that she was supposed to help Lena, but was unable to do so because of her own feelings. A part of her thought that maybe that was the purpose of the card, to force her to set aside her own pride in order to be selfless and help someone who was suffering, but she knew that it was something that Lena had to do by herself. In the end, it would be better for Lena to figure things out in her own time, rather than have the pressure of someone else forcing her to come out, just so that they could be together. So Kara tucked it in between the pages of the book she was reading, as a bookmark, pushing it to the back of her mind for the time being.

 

            Sports finals were held for all of the different teams, and the rowing team took first place against their rival school, although Kara could barely muster the energy to be excited about it. Finals loomed closer and closer, until the library was packed with students sitting in tense silence, studying until their dreams were filled with numbers, historical events and quotes from their reading material. Their exams came and went, with Kara confident that she had nailed hers, and even Alex was sure that she’d done well in math too, with Kara’s help. As the last week of the school year arrived, filling the seniors with relief at being set free, and the rest of the students relieved at a reprieve for the summer, there was an air of carelessness. 

 

            The weather had turned balmy over the last few weeks, with warm sunshine filtering in through the classroom windows, revealing glimpses of the lush greenness of the countryside as they were stuffed inside. Most of her free time was spent with her friends, dipping their feet in the cool water of the lake, chatting while they shared snacks and earned a healthy glow from the sun. Kara’s hair turned blonder and her arms were golden from the hours she spent rowing on the lake and outside, and the smell of the water and the flowers and trees was a comforting promise that it would all be over soon.

 

            Before the end of the year, there was the annual school dance though, held two days before everyone was to fly home, and it was a cause for excited disruption in classes over the preceding few days, with girls talking about their dresses and making plans to help do each other’s hair and makeup, and guys whispering about how they could spike the punch and how many cans of beer they could sneak in from the local gas station in town. Kara had never been interested in it, although she’d always gone, and was used to spending her night sipping punch that hadn’t been tainted by alcohol and snacking on the spread of foods plated up for them as she lingered on the fringes of the party. This year, she had decided no to go, given the sharp turn of her social decline from the gossip, despite Alex and the rest of her friends’ reasoning that she wouldn’t be alone, and she’d already bought the dress.

 

            Still, she was resolute in her decision to stay up in her room and get started on her packing, after she’d gone up to Alex’s dorm and helped the rest of the girls get ready, while they tried to persuade her to change her mind at the last moment. They finally gave up once they were ready, and Kara told them to have fun when they parted ways, the gaggle of girls making their way downstairs while she went back to her dorm. The building was mostly empty by then, with most students already at the dance, and Kara was almost relieved by the stillness of the place as she walked down her hallway.

 

            As she approached her door, she paused for a moment, taking in the box placed before it, and scooped down to pick it up, before letting herself in and flicking on the light. Opening the box, she found herself staring down at a small pile of strawberry jam tarts, her brow wrinkling in confusion, before she spotted the pristine playing card taped to the inside of the box. Carefully pulling it free, with a wary look on her face, Kara turned it over to see a Queen of Hearts with something written on it.

 

_             I’m sorry _

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, she stepped forward to put the box down on the desk, her foot slipping on an envelope that she hadn’t noticed before. Catching herself on the back of the chair, Kara steadied herself and set down the box, before stooping down to pick up the envelope. It was the last card - she knew it in her bones - and a feeling of relief swept over her at thought of being done with it, until the card fell out of the envelope and into her waiting hands. She turned the red card over and looked down at the King of Hearts, her heart leaping in her chest as she saw the name written on it in the unfamiliar handwriting of whoever was sending them.

 

_             Kara Danvers _

 

            She blanched slightly at the sight of her own name written on it, a feeling on uneasiness sweeping through her at the thought of helping herself. She wouldn’t even know where to begin.

 

            And then she looked back over at the desk, at the box of perfect tarts with dollops of jam nestled in the middle, and the card sitting beside it, and she picked it up, holding the king and queen side by side. One was an apology, and the other was a cry for help. And then she knew that the only way to help herself would be through forgiveness, because deep down, she knew that she loved Lena, and it was painful to live without her, and the bitter angriness that she carried in her heart wasn’t aimed at Lena, it was aimed at their circumstances. It didn’t agree with Kara though. She wasn’t built to hold grudges and idly watch people suffer, and it hurt her just as much to do so.

 

            Feeling relief fill her as she came to her decision, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders at the realisation that she didn’t  _ have _ to feel the way she’d been feeling, with the gloomy cloud hanging over her and her aching heart. She was  _ allowed _ to help herself. She was allowed to forgive someone and give in to her heart, and the only thing that had been stopping her was the thought that Lena wasn’t ready, and distance would be to her benefit. It wasn’t up to her to decide if Lena  _ was _ ready, but she didn’t have to alienate her completely and let her suffer alone while she tried to figure things out. It seemed like such a simple solution, and Kara was restless as she nervously paced back and forth, wondering if it could be  _ that _ easy. 

 

            Abruptly coming to a stop, Kara flung the playing cards onto the bed and hurriedly threw open the doors of her wardrobe, yanking the dress off its hanger and changing into it as quickly as she could. Running a brush through her hair, she neatly pinned it into a chignon and added a few touches of makeup, before shoving her feet into her shoes and rushing out of her room. Lena would be there, and Kara would find a way to steal her away for a few moments and give her the forgiveness that Lena clearly needed. And afterwards, she could enjoy herself with a light heart, knowing that she had reconciled with the part of herself that was  _ who _ she really was. That warm, kind person.

 

            The music reached her first, echoing slightly down the abandoned hallways, and she drew herself up to her full height, threw her shoulders back and entered the dining room. Instead of meekly following the wall around to find an empty space to linger in, she strode straight ahead, worming her way through the crowd, until she came to a stop. The theme for the dance this year had been Monte Carlo, and as she looked around, she saw large cutouts of playing cards, as well as other casino paraphernalia. Lena was on the student committee, and would’ve had a strong say in the theme of the party, and Kara had thought nothing of it, but as she spotted a large Queen of Hearts, bathed red and blue by the flashing strobe lights, she saw the  _ IOU _ written on it in large, bold letters. Tears pricked her eyes at the realisation that Lena had done this for her, had  _ wanted _ her to come, to make amends for what she’d done, and Kara frantically looked around for her.

 

            She pushed her way through the crowd, a flicker of hope in her heart, until she spotted her, leaning against the wall with a cup of punch in hand. She was wearing a tuxedo, which was surprising, yet suited her well, her dark hair tumbling around her shoulders, and a tiny red heart pinned to the lapel of her suit jacket, and her eyes were scanning the crowd with a hopeful, distracted look in them. When she finally spotted Kara, her eyebrows rose imperceptibly, and a small, relieved smile curled her lips as she gave Kara a longing look, pushing off the wall and walking towards her.

 

            “Hey, you came!” Alex suddenly said, appearing at Kara’s right and shouting in her ear to make herself heard over the loud music the DJ was playing.

 

            “Oh, um, yeah,” Kara said, giving her a distracted smile, “I just- I’m going to get a drink.”

 

            “You’re here!” Winn exclaimed, appearing on her other side, “save me a dance?”

 

            Turning to look at him, Kara gave him a warm smile, noticing that more of her friends were around, and she slowly tried to excuse herself, taking small steps in the direction she’d seen Lena. When she finally turned her gaze to her again, she saw that Lena was likewise being bombarded by her own friends, and was trying her best to shake them off. Plucking up her courage, Kara pushed through the crowd, wondering how far Lena was willing to show her forgiveness - she wasn’t going to go directly up to her, just in case she snubbed her - and she was getting reading to bypass the group of bullies when Veronica noticed her. A wicked smile crossed her face, her eyes lighting up as if her entertainment for the night had just arrived, and she said something too quiet for Kara to hear over the loud music, but she heard Lena’s words a moment later, when the brunette jerked away, her face flushed with anger.

 

            “Ronnie, will you  _ shut up,”  _ Lena snapped. 

 

            All of Lena’s friends fell silent, their laughter dying on their lips as they looked at her in surprise, none more so than Veronica, who blinked at the tense anger on Lena’s face, before a cruel sneer twisted her face and she arched an eyebrow, giving her a cold look. “Excuse me?”

 

            “Just shut the fuck up, for _once_ in your life,” Lena hotly replied, growing louder as she spoke, “nobody gives a shit about what you have to say! You’re a spiteful, nasty bitch who needs to tear people down to hide her own insecurities, and the fact that daddy doesn’t have time for you when you’re home for the holidays. Well guess what, it doesn’t make you look cool, it just makes you an asshole!”

 

            “What’s gotten into you, Lee?” Veronica laughed, rolling her eyes as she gave their circle of friends a sardonic smile, although a warning flashed in her eyes. “Feeling sorry for the losers now, huh?”

 

            Eyes blazing with anger, Lena took a step towards her, her jaw tense and shoulders taut beneath the slim-fitted blazer she was wearing. Her voice was growing shriller with every heated word, the planes of her face sharp with anger and looking eerily skeletal in the strobe lights. “She is worth a  _ million _ of you. She is good, and kind and smart, and  _ so _ much better than you will ever be. And you … you will never be anything outside of this place. You’re a scared little girl who’s never going to be anything but ordinary and unimportant, and you can’t handle the fact that she is  _ great _ . She is going to be everything that you are  _ not. _ ”

 

            Veronica let out a harsh laugh, a hesitant smile on her lips as she gave Lena a shocked look, while still trying to retain her cool air of arrogance. “What, are you in love with her or something?”

 

            Stubbornly raising her chin, Lena gave her a hard look, taking a slow step forward. She didn’t look at Kara, and Kara watched her with wide eyes, a knot of fear in her stomach and her cheeks flushed red with humiliation from Veronica’s teasing. 

 

            “Yes.”

 

            She blinked in surprise at Lena’s bold agreement, her lips parting slightly as her pale eyebrows rose, and everyone else seemed to pause for a moment, before Veronica let out a confused laugh, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

 

_             “What?” _

 

            “You heard me,” Lena said, her voice trembling slightly as her face reddened, although her pride wouldn’t allow her embarrassment to get the better of her, “and for the record,  _ I  _ kissed her  _ first _ , you pathetic, insignificant bitch.”

 

            Spluttering, Veronica was taken aback by Lena’s words, and angered as well, by the looks of things, and the rest of the girls gathering around started muttering, watching on with mild looks of alarm and shock. A dozen emotions ran across Veronica’s face, before it settled on a haughty look of contempt, her lips curled slightly in revulsion. “Oh  _ God, _ well isn’t that  _ sweet _ . The two freaks are in love, how perfect is that.”

 

            Rooted to the spot, with Alex behind her, just as stunned as she was by the words that had come out of Lena’s mouth, but for a different reason, Kara couldn’t even make her voice work to try and defend herself  _ or _ Lena. It was Lena who moved first, closing the distance between her and Veronica and grabbing hold of the tall, willowy girl and roughly shoving her backwards. Stumbling, Veronica gave Lena a shocked look, before she threw herself at Lena, grabbing a handful of dark hair and dragging her down. Blindly swinging, Lena caught her across the face, making Veronica let go, and then punched her squarely on her nose for good measure, a spurt of blood making Kara wince. She wanted to stop Lena, and she took a small step forward, building up her courage, but Alex rested a gentle hand on her shoulder and held her in place.

 

            As she watched on, a stinging slap caught Lena across the cheek and mouth, one of the rings Veronica was wearing splitting her lip, and Lena’s pale face was stiff with anger, her lips pulled back into a slight snarl as she slapped Veronica’s hand away and grabbed her by the arm, her nails digging in. It was a few more minutes of exchanged punches, slaps and shoving, before one of the girls interceded. Kara recognised her, of course, her dark hair curled slightly and a look of way irritation on her face as Jess put a hand out and stopped Veronica from lunging forward. As far as Kara could tell, Jess was fairly low in Lena’s friend group, and she was surprised to see her breaking up the fight. Pushing her back, Veronica glared at her.

 

            “Ronnie,” Gayle sharply said, her brow wrinkling slightly in confusion as she was caught between Lena, the ringleader of their little group, and Veronica, the other half to her merciless teasing. “Leave it. It’s not worth it.”

 

            “What?” Veronica spluttered, giving her friend a look of wounded betrayal.

 

            Rolling her eyes, Gayle stepped into the middle, just in front of Jess, while Lena was even further away, brimming with tension as she curled her hands into fists and waited for the next punch. Kara was watching her with wide blue eyes, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she gave Lena a worried look, and her expression softened slightly as she made eye contact with Lena, her stomach twisting with nervous butterflies.

 

            Veronica was still bickering with Gayle, who was trying to talk her down, while their other friends watched on, but they broke off as Lena strode over to Kara, her face a mess of blood, cuts and already blooming bruises, and grabbed her face in her shaking hands, crushing their lips together in a desperate kiss. Kara’s eyes widened even more, before the fluttered closed, her hands coming up to gently cradle Lena’s broken face in her own. It wasn’t their best kiss, tasting of blood and with Lena’s bottom lip quivering as she tried not to cry, but she had  _ picked _ her, and Kara’s eyes prickled beneath closed lids as she felt the urge to cry, her heart swelling in her chest. It wasn’t how she’d wanted Lena to find the courage to be herself, or to stand up to people she didn’t like - she hadn’t wanted her to get hurt - but she had done it anyway, for herself and for Kara.

 

            Breaking apart, Lena rested her forehead against Kara’s, her bottom lip trembling as their noses gently bumped, and her eyelids fluttered closed as she let out a sigh of resignation, and some parts relief. “I’m sorry,” she said, just for Kara to hear, her voice cracking slightly.

 

            And then she was gone, her warm hands dropping from Kara’s cheeks and her dark hair vanishing through the crowd of students gathered around them, while Kara found herself rooted to the spot, a stunned look on her face as she jerkily turned her head to find her friends staring at her with identical open-mouthed looks of surprise on their faces. Snapping out of it first, Alex grabbed Kara by the shoulders and gave her a gentle push in Lena’s direction.

 

            “Well go after her then,” she sighed.

 

            Stumbling slightly, Kara blinked a few times, still reeling from the fact that Lena had outed herself and defended her all at once, and then she pushed through the crowd, her urgency growing as she moved away from the group circling them, paying their shocked faces no attention. Further away from their spot on the dancefloor, everyone else was still enjoying themselves, dozens of students clustered around, making it hard for the teachers to keep track of what was going on everywhere. If the fight had gone on any longer, they surely would’ve realised and broken it up, but Kara was relieved that it had been Lena’s friends to do it. Her worry grew as she wormed her way around dancing couples, her heart pounding in her chest as she thought about Lena. She knew firsthand what it was like to be out in high school, and she knew that it wasn’t easy, and a shiver of fear ran down her spine at how things for Lena would change. Especially at home. 

 

            Once she reached the door to the dining hall, she burst out into the empty hallway with relief, the cool air washing over her as she left behind the cramped hall, pausing for a moment on the threshold of the corridor, casting her eyes around for Lena. She was nowhere to be found, and Kara took a few hesitant steps away from the room, leaving the thumping music and loud shouts and laughter behind her as she ran over all of the possible places Lena could’ve gone to. The most logical would’ve been a bathroom, and Kara quickly made her way towards the second nearest one, betting that Lena wouldn’t have gone to the nearest in case some other students were in there, and she hesitantly pushed the door open, rounding the corner of the wall and pausing at the sight of Lena standing in front of the sink.

 

            She had a wad of paper towels pressed against her nose, one hand gripping the edge of the porcelain sink until her split knuckles were a greenish-white around the vivid red cuts. At the sound of Kara’s intrusion, she whirled around, her shoulders tense with anticipation of another fight or someone laughing at her perhaps, and they slumped when she realised it was Kara. Silently crossing the checkered tile floor, Kara reached out and relieved her of the bloody tissues, her hand gentle as she tilted Lena’s chin up and started dabbing at the blood covering the lower half of her face. Neither of them spoke, and she could see and feel the tremors coursing through Lena’s body, her teeth quietly chattering as she tried not to cry, although the redness of her good eye made it clear she’d promptly burst into tears the moment she’d escaped the dance.

 

            The rest of her face wasn’t much better off. The straight line of her nose didn’t look broken, but it was swelling and painfully red, a steady stream of blood pouring from it as Kara carefully dabbed. Her left eye was shiny from a decent right hook off Veronica, already puffed up and closing as greenish-blue bruises started to form around it, and her bottom lip was swollen around the cut, and one cheek was rosy from a stinging slap. Kara didn’t know what to say as she helped clean up her face, listening to Lena’s quiet, shuddering breaths as she tried to calm herself down.

 

            “You know, it wasn’t too long ago that I was the one having my ass handed to me by Veronica, and you were the one coming after me,” Kara murmured, a slight smile curling her lips as she reached past Lena and pulled another paper towel from the dispenser and wet it under the leaky tap.

 

            She cupped Lena’s chin in her hand again as the other girl let out a shaky laugh, the sound garbled as she choked on a sob, and Kara carefully wiped away the streaks of blood that was starting to dry, taking most of Lena’s makeup with it. Letting out a slow, forceful sigh, Lena sniffed.

 

            “I sh-should’ve stopped her then,” Lena hoarsely mumbled around her fat lips and bloody nose, “I should’ve stepped in myself, not gone to get your s-sister t-to do it for me. I should’ve- all those times.”

 

            “Shh, it’s okay,” Kara soothingly whispered, “it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry that I acted like it was your responsibility to make other people better.”

 

            Shaking her head slightly, Lena gave her a teary smile, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. “You didn’t act like that, y-you just- you just wanted  _ me _ to be better. And I’m s-sorry that I couldn’t be the person you deserve, but I meant everything that I-”

 

            Kara was wiping away the tears sliding down her cheeks, gently shushing her as she tried to calm her down, when the door squeaked open behind them. Turning slightly, blocking Lena as much as she could, Kara relaxed at the sight of Megan rounding the corner, knowing the the counsellor would only be there to help Lena, but it also made Kara’s stomach twist at the thought of Lena having to go through the discomfort of having the school get involved in her personal feelings. But the older woman was giving her a kind, reassuring smile as she lingered just inside the bathroom, and Kara knew that if Lena needed help, she’d find it with her.

 

            “Miss Luthor,” Megan calmly said, “how about we get you to the nurse’s office and get you cleaned up, and then we can have a little chat?”

 

            Inhaling sharply, Lena let out a sigh of resignation, stepping around Kara, who followed after her, until Lena passed Megan, and Kara found her way blocked by the school counsellor. 

 

            “Kara, how about you return to the dance while I take care of Lena?,” Megan suggested, although it was clear that it wasn’t up to Kara.

 

            Nodding, she gave Lena a lingering look, managing to give her as convincing of a smile as she could, and watched her leave. Tossing the paper towels in the trash, Kara washed her hands and slipped back out into the dim, deserted hallway, shivering slightly as she lingered. She didn’t want to go back to the dance, but she didn’t want to go up to her room and be caught alone with her thoughts. Torn between the two options, she let out a heavy sigh and made her way back towards the dance. She didn’t even make it back into the dining hall, because clustered around outside were her friends. Her shoulders slumped with relief and some small amount of defeat, and she gave them a small smile as she dragged her feet, making her way towards them.

 

            “Well, that was definitely enough excitement for one night,” Alex finally said, reaching out to give Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You okay?”

 

            Shrugging, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, grimacing slightly as she tried to sort out the riot of emotions within her. “I … don’t know.”

 

            Jack sighed from beside Mike, a look of wry amusement on his face as he tilted his head to the side, “well now I know why she was so willing to help me out as my fake girlfriend instead of dating one of the millions of guys knocking down her door.”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara wiped at her eyes, “she’s been struggling with it a lot. I think she’ll be okay though. She’s strong.”

 

            “She has us,” Alex softly reassured her. “We’ll look after her.”

 

            Surprised at her sister’s willingness to help someone that she wasn’t particularly fond of, Kara arched an eyebrow at her, and Alex rolled her eyes, throwing an arm around her shoulder. Sam fell in on the other side of her, gently bumping her with her shoulder, and they started off down the hallway. Winn, James and Querl hurried back into the dining hall to sneak a few plates of snacks for them, while the rest of their gang made their way outside.

 

            It was already dark outside, the pitch black made even darker by the thin sliver of the moon, making the stars look even brighter. The breeze was just warm enough for them to not need jackets, although Mike gave his up to Kara as they all made their way down to the docks, taking seats on the wooden planks worn smooth with age. The sound of ducks quietly drifted towards them, the breeze rustling the reeds and spreading ripples fanning out across the water, and they all carried on their own little party. Eating a chocolate cupcake handed to her by James, and sneaking a sip of the cheap whiskey that Maggie had in a little silver flask, Kara stretched out on her back, hugging the baggy suit jacket to herself as she stared up at the star-studded sky. The sound of laughter and conversation washed over her as she was left to her own thoughts, all of them revolving around Lena, and even though she wanted to go to her right then, she knew that the headmistress was going to be giving her a stern talking to, and Kara would just have to wait until the next morning. 

 

            With her dizzying thoughts, she revelled in the feeling left by Lena’s admittance of her true feelings for Kara, and she couldn’t help but smile as she traced a finger along her bottom lip, thinking about the kiss. Despite the confusing mess of things, and the aftermath of what Lena had done, everything was going to be okay from that point on. Kara had faith that it would all work out.


	30. Chapter 30

            Lena was sitting at the large desk in her bedroom, spinning in her chair as she thumbed through an old paperback when the sound of her brother’s voice drifted upstairs. With a sigh, she abandoned the book and climbed to her feet, slowly making her way down the hallway under the assumption that dinner was ready. As she neared the top of the curved double staircase, she paused for a moment as she took in the sight of the blonde girl standing in the middle of the foyer, distracted by the wealth of the Luthor mansion as she tried not to sneak furtive glances at the clunky ankle monitor around Lex’s leg. The older Luthor sibling, for his part, looked comfortably at ease as he waited for Lena to appear, his hands in his pockets and a pleasant smile on his face.

 

            “Ah! Lena. You have a visitor.”

 

            Kara met her gaze as Lena froze on the top step, a confused look on her face as neither of them moved.

 

            “Hi,” Kara awkwardly said, giving her a nervous smile as she shifted from foot to foot, looking a little sheepish.

 

            Slowly descending the rest of the steps, Lena gave her a perplexed look, confused as to why she was there, but elated nonetheless. “Hi.”

 

            “You girls want some juice?” Lex asked from just off to the right, and Lena shot him an exasperated look. With a quick wink, he made himself scarce, and Lena fiddled with the cuff of her sweatshirt, wishing she was wearing something other than that and shorts.

 

            Pausing on the bottom step, she jerked her head back up the stairs and turned around, her hand gliding along the polished wood of the bannister. “My room’s upstairs.”

 

            Kara silently followed after her, and Lena couldn’t help but wonder if she was as nervous as she was, her heart pounding in her chest as she breathed slowly to calm herself down. Feeling a little self-conscious as she moved through the ostentatious mansion, Lena led her through the dimly lit hallway, the yellow light from a lamp illuminating the dark wood of the wainscotting and deep emerald green wallpaper, the feeling of old money just oozing from the plush carpet and exotic vases as she led Kara to her room.

 

            Stepping inside, Lena shut the door behind them, feeling a little shy under Kara’s curious gaze as she took in the monstrous poster bed, the large desk and the row of heavy bookshelves laden with fat medical volumes and a few odd trinkets Lena had accumulated over the years. There was only one framed photo in the room, on the desk, and Lena blushed slightly, hoping that Kara wouldn’t notice the selfie they’d taken months ago in the forest when they’d been messing around with James’ camera.

 

            “Um, so … what’re you doing here?” Lena finally asked, crossing the room to sit down on the edge of the bed. 

 

            Grabbing a pillow, she clutched it to her chest, watching as Kara hesitantly followed after her, easing herself down onto the mattress beside her. “I tried looking for you the, uh, the next day, but you weren’t in class.”

 

            “Suspended,” Lena gloomily replied, carelessly shrugging as she ran her fingers over the silk pillow. “Ronnie got expelled.”

 

            She turned to watch the flicker of surprise run across Kara’s face, her innocent blue eyes widening as her lips parted in shock. Smiling slightly, Lena tilted her head to the side, watching as Kara processed what she’d said.  _ “Expelled.” _

 

            Shrugging again, Lena let her gaze wander away from Kara, staring at the glimpse of the descending dusk through the curtains. “I guess it was one too many times, and, you know, with  _ me _ . My mom … well, she wouldn’t have let it stand, based on pride alone, but then … given what we - you and me - what we are, I guess it just- I mean, to let a bully get away with it again and again would just give the school a bad name.”

 

            “Regular bullying is fine though,” Kara snorted, letting out a hard laugh as she shook her head.

 

            “I guess it’s easier to accept donations as bribery when it’s just a petty scrap, but even Cat Grant can’t ignore targeted homophobia, I guess,” Lena shrugged, “but either way, at least next year will be … different. I mean, I  _ hope.” _

 

            “I came to tell you that I’m proud of you,” Kara quietly said, briefly resting her warm hand on top of one of Lena’s. “You were very brave.”

 

            “I was scared,” Lena murmured, feeling her pale face flush with embarrassment as she admitted it.

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh and gave her an eye-crinkling smile, making Lena’s heart flutter in her chest as she stared at her in wonder. “Just because you were scared, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t brave,” Kara said, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind Lena’s ear, making it easier to see her face. “In fact, it makes you braver.”

 

            They were silent for a few moments, the clock on Lena’s nightstand ticking away the seconds as they were wrapped in the stillness of the evening. She wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what, or how, feeling shy as a series of memories flashed across her mind, all of them from that night of the school dance, only a week ago. If she was being honest, she was glad that Kara hadn’t been able to find her on the last day of term, although she’d spent the whole day in the forest, and Kara most likely knew that. She hadn’t been banking on Kara showing up at her  _ house _ though, her lips twitching with a faint smile at the thought of her biking it through the city, all the way out to the rich suburbs, following the address she’d no doubt dug up online. It was surprising, and oddly touching. Still, even though she knew that Kara liked her too, it was embarrassing for Lena to have revealed so much of herself, and she found it hard to find some other topic to talk about when it was hanging over their heads. 

 

            “I’m sorry it came to this,” Kara finally blurted out, a strained smile on her lips as she gave her a grim look. “I know that you weren’t ready-”

 

            “No,” Lena softly interrupted her, “I think … I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think I was ready for what came after it. I mean, I could’ve done it- there were  _ so _ many times over the past few years. I wasn’t ready then.”

 

            “But you did it for  _ me _ .”

 

            With a quiet laugh, Lena turned her body more towards Kara, giving her an amused look. “Don’t worry yourself about it, Kara. I did it for me too.”

 

            “And your mom?”

 

            Lena paused for a moment, her smile freezing on her face as she shrugged half-heartedly. It was an uncomfortable topic with her mom, one that they both pretended didn’t exist for the sake of normalcy in the household, but it hadn’t been as bad as she’d expected. “The school phoned home, of course. Lex said he’d break his house arrest and come with me if she tried to kick me out, so that’s not happening at least. She’s … trying. In her own way. I mean, she acts as if I’m not …”

 

            “You can say it, Lena,” Kara gently told her, an encouraging look on her face.

 

            Her eyes prickled with tears and she tipped her head back, letting out a shaky breath. “I know. I just- I’ve spent so long  _ not _ saying it that it almost feels like I shouldn’t. Like it’s a bad word. But it’s not though, right? I mean, I know it’s not wrong, and I know who I am. It just feels … weird.”

 

            “I get it,” Kara said, her lips curling into a smile when Lena lowered her head and met her warm gaze. “It’s like you’ve always known this thing about yourself, and it’s always been your little secret, but then … other people know, and it’s not a secret anymore, but you’re just … it’s been that way for a long time, and nothing’s changed about yourself because you’re still  _ you _ . It’s  _ other _ people’s perceptions of you that have changed.”

 

            “Yes,” Lena sighed in relief, “it’s like that. I think my mom’s just struggling with seeing me differently, even though nothing’s  _ actually  _ changed with me.  _ I  _ knew I liked girls, that I was a- a lesbian, but  _ she _ didn’t know that. The hard part about this is going to be  _ other _ people, because I know who I am.”

 

            “I had a talk with Jack about this a while back,” Kara said, a look of amusement in her eyes as she gave Lena a quick smile, “about how we’re not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know us.”

 

            “That’s actually very wise, Kara.”

 

            “Thanks. It’s Taylor Swift.”

 

            Groaning, Lena flopped down onto her back, putting the pillow over her face as she shook with laughter. She could hear Kara’s high, clear laughter from beside her, and the mattress jostled as she gently lay down beside her. Removing the pillow, Lena rolled onto her side, tucking one arm beneath her head as she took in the beaming smile on Kara’s face as she mirrored her position.

 

            “You’re ridiculous,” Lena fondly sighed, reaching out to rest her hand on Kara’s arm, rubbing a soothing circle on the taut muscles of the bicep beneath the jacket. She gave her a tender smile, a deep ache in her chest at how close they were, yet how much distance seemed to separate them. They’d both come so far over the year, yet there was that one final hurdle. That one step, and Lena was hesitant to make it, and her eyes prickled with tears at the yearning in her chest grew.

 

            Pushing herself up slightly in surprise, Kara reached out to carefully cup her cheek in a gentle hand, her blue eyes wide with panic. “What’s wrong?”

 

            “I meant what I said, Kara,” Lena said, her voice cracking as she wiped at her eyes, “at the dance. I meant it, but I - God, why do I always cry around you? I swear I’m not usually this teary.”

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara eased herself back down into a comfortable position, her feet tangling with Lena’s as she lovingly stroked her cheek. Eyelids fluttering closed, Lena breathed in slowly, before shakily exhaling, letting out a laugh as her bottom lip trembled. When she finally opened her eyes a moment later, she let out a small sigh, her body sagging with relief as she stared into Kara’s eyes, feeling her warm fingers gently cradling her face. Reaching up, Lena covered her hand with her own.

 

            “I love you, but I don’t know _how_ to love you.”

 

            “It’s okay,” Kara murmured, “I didn’t come here to make you-”

 

            Lena blanched slightly, jerking away from Kara as her cheeks flamed with embarrassment.  _ “Oh.” _

 

            “Wha-  _ no! _ That’s not what I-” Kara scrambled to correct herself, “I only meant that if you’re not- I care about _ you  _ before anything else. If you’re not ready for me and you- if you just need a friend, well, I- you have one. If it’s going to take some time for you to-”

 

            “I know how I feel, Kara,” Lena softly said, a look of painful longing in her eyes, “I just- I wouldn’t know what to do. How to be enough for you. You deserve someone good.”

 

            Quietly tutting, Kara reached out to cradle her face in her hands again, a flicker of sadness crossing her face as her brow furrowed and her lips turned down at the corners. “Oh,  _ Lena.  _ You’ve always been so hard on yourself. I wish that you could see the best in yourself, because there is  _ so _ much of it. You don’t need to make yourself be enough for anyone - you already  _ are _ . You’re good enough for me, you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. I just- I want this to be what’s right for  _ you _ .”

 

            Pushing herself up slightly, with Kara’s hands still cupping her face, Lena hovered over her, her hair tickling Kara’s cheeks and narrowing their field of vision to just each other. She hesitated for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty on her face, as if she was wondering whether or not this was right, although she already knew it was. Her life had been full of things that didn’t matter, and people that mattered less, but this was the one thing she’d wanted for herself. Part of the reason why she had wanted to keep Kara a secret was so that she could selfishly pretend that she had her to herself, but that had backfired, and Lena didn’t want to lose her again. So she slowly leant down and touched her lips to Kara’s in a gentle kiss, feeling Kara’s hand travel along her jaw and around to the back of her neck, fingers knotting in her hair as she pushed back against Lena’s lips.

 

_             “Lena!” _

 

            They jumped apart at the distant sound of Lex’s voice drifted down the hallway, eyes bright and cheeks flushed, a glow of happiness surrounding them both, although they tried to be flippant about it. Looking down at her lap, Lena shyly bit her lip, before mumbling something vague about going to see what her brother wanted, slipping off the bed and walking over to the door. She slipped out into the hallway and closed the door, before falling back against it and pressing a hand to her chest, feeling the quick patter of her heart beating against her palm as a slow smile spread across her face. 

 

            She almost fell backwards when the door was pulled open behind her, and warm hands steadied her accompanied by a small sound of surprise as Kara looked down at her. Turning around in her grasp, Lena gave her a sheepish smile, shrugging apologetically as she reached up to brush her fingers against Kara’s cheek, staring at her lips as she bit her own.

 

            “Lena?”

 

            “Yeah, I’m coming!” Lena yelled back, giving Kara an exasperated look as she extracted herself from her grip. 

 

            Setting off down the hallway, she looked down in surprise as Kara fell into step beside her and picked her hand up in her own in one movement, smiling as she raised it to her lips and placed a soft kiss to the back of it. At the end of the hallway, just before they came into sight at the top of the double staircase, Kara dropped her hand, and Lena walked down a few steps, giving her brother an expectant look.

 

            “Yeah?”

 

            “Pam left spaghetti for dinner. Mom should’ve been home fifteen minutes ago if she was going to make dinner, and I’m starving,” he said, glancing down at the Rolex on his wrist, “are you staying for dinner as well, Kara?”

 

            Lena turned to glance back over her shoulder, taking in the apprehensive look on Kara’s face. “Oh, no, I don’t want to intrude. I should really be going home.”

 

            “Nonsense,” Lex waved her concerns aside, “our chef likes to cook enough for a small army. And the table’s already set for three.”

 

            Kara met Lena’s eyes, a mild look of panic as she warily shifted on the step. Turning back around, Lena carried on walking downstairs, an unbothered air about her as she shrugged slightly. “She’d love to.”

 

            Silently following after her, Kara fell into step beside Lena again as they followed Lex to the kitchen, while he kept up a stream of friendly chatter. The cavernous kitchen smelled deliciously of garlic and tomato, and Lena caught a glimpse of garlic bread in the oven. Offering to help, Kara followed Lena to the dining room with a glass jug of water taken from the fridge, while Lena carried the fresh loaf of garlic bread, leaving her brother to dish up the pasta. As they each set their piece down on the table, they snuck glimpses at each other, smiling whenever they met each other’s gaze.

 

            Lex appeared a moment later with his hands full of wide brimmed bowls, steaming slightly as he set them down at the three set places. Kara was just about to take a seat next to Lena when the sound of the door opening reached their ears and they both froze. Lex was either oblivious or unbothered by the tension surrounding them as he glanced at the door, taking a few steps towards it. Lena silently rose from her seat and stepped around Kara, putting herself slightly in front of her as her mother’s footsteps grew louder, her heels clicking on the marble floor of the foyer.

 

            “Mom,” Lex called out as he neared the wide open doorway, “I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it home in time for dinner.”

 

            “The board meeting ran a little longer than expected.” 

 

            Lillian’s brusque voice drifted towards them, and Lena clenched her hands into fists as her pulse spiked. She watched as her mom came into sight, her attention locked onto Lex as she leant up to kiss him on the cheek, her brother bending slightly to make it easier for her. And then Lillian’s attention turned to Lena, and then past her, to Kara, as she paused for a moment, her eyes momentarily slipping back to Lena with a brief widening of them in surprise. If she’d known her mom was going to make it home in time, Lena definitely wouldn’t have let Kara stay for dinner, for everyone’s sake, and she was quietly plotting a way to whisk her away without causing a scene, before her mom could make her own.

 

            “You’re Eliza Danvers’ daughter, aren’t you?” Lillian asked, her tone a little demanding, expecting Kara to answer her questions without further prompting, but her voice wasn’t sharp or frosty, which was something at least. “I remember you from the Christmas party.”

 

            “Yes, ma’am,” Kara nervously replied.

 

            “And the debating competition. Quite a performance.”

 

            Lena had to bite back a groan as Kara let out a nervous laugh, no doubt blushing behind her.

 

            “She’s one of Lena’s friends,” Lex interjected as he walked towards the kitchen again.

 

            Lillian paused for a moment, casting her daughter an unreadable look. “Right, of course.”

 

            “I invited her for dinner,” Lex’s muffled voice came through the kitchen, a series of bangs and thuds drifting along with it, before he emerged again a moment later with a bowl of spaghetti and cutlery for another setting at the table. He threw Kara a quick smile. “Lena’s never brought a friend home before.”

 

            Fighting back a blush, Lena stood stiffly, waiting for her mom to make a snide remark, or some sort of comment, but Lillian just drifted towards the table, a mild look on her face as she eyed Kara. “Of course. You’re very welcome …”

 

            “Kara.”

 

            “Kara, yes. Please, sit. Dinner is getting cold.”

 

            They all took their seats and Lena kept her eyes on her pasta as she listened to Lex start up a steady stream of conversation, pouring himself and Lillian a glass of red wine and filling everyone’s glasses with water. Twirling her fork around in the spaghetti, Lena forced herself to eat, feeling on edge as she listened to the conversation.

 

            “So, Kara, you were adopted, weren’t you?” Lillian asked.

 

_             “Mom,” _ Lena tightly snapped, raising her eyes from her food to give Lillian a hard look, her eyebrows pulled down low into a frown.

 

            Tutting, Lillian rolled her eyes, reaching for her glass of wine as she gave her daughter a reproving look. “I’m just trying to get to know your  _ friend _ , Lena. There’s no need to snap. I wasn’t being rude, was I, Kara, dear?”

 

            “Oh, um, no, no, of course not,” Kara cautiously said, her eyes sliding to Lena for a brief moment, her right hand slipping beneath the table to give Lena’s leg a quick squeeze, making her startle slightly. “Yes, I, uh, I  _ was _ adopted. Three years ago. Eliza’s a very incredible person and I’m very grateful for her.”

 

            “Mhm. She’s one of the best surgeons at my hospital. If she’s half as good at being a mother as she is as her job, then you’re very lucky.”

 

            Lena reached for her water, taking a sip before setting it down with unnecessary force, the water inside coming perilously close to sloshing over the rim as it made a dull thud. “Hm, well I’d hardly say motherhood and career skills are comparable,” Lena tightly replied.

 

            “Are you feeling well, Lena?” Lillian mildly asked, a hard undercurrent beneath her words as she arched an eyebrow at her daughter. “You’ve barely touched your food. Would you like to leave the table?”

 

            “No, thank you,” she stiffly muttered, her shoulders taut as she stabbed at her food. “It’s just hard to eat around a fat lip.”

 

            Lex let out a quick laugh, and Lena looked up to take in the easy smile he flashed her. Lillian made a sound of disapproval at the back of her throat, shooting her son a warning look, while he rolled his eyes goodnaturedly. “You shouldn’t encourage her, Alexander. Fighting isn’t an attractive quality. We were supposed to go to the opera tomorrow night, and her face is still black and blue. Maybe you’ll think twice about losing your temper next time.”

 

            “I think it was actually my fault,” Kara squeaked from beside Lena, her cheeks reddening as all eyes turned to her, “I mean, partially. Lena was defending me.”

 

            Turning to fix her daughter with another unreadable look, making Lena squirm slightly beneath her gaze as she avoided looking back at her, Lillian paused for a moment. “Oh, well, I suppose it’s nice that you two are such close, ah,  _ friends.” _

 

            “Will you  _ stop _ saying friends like that,” Lena snapped, letting her fork clatter to her plate, as she pushed her chair back and shot to her feet, “no one’s going to drop dead at the fact that I like girls, mom! You’re allowed to say it. I’m a lesbian! And guess what? Kara’s not my friend, and there’s nothing  _ wrong _ with that.”

 

            “Sit down, Lena,” Lillian coolly replied, “if you’re quite finished with the dramatics. Now, I never said there was anything  _ wrong-” _

 

            “Just as long as it’s not  _ your _ child, right?” Lena snorted.

 

            Gently clearing her throat, Kara gingerly set her knife and fork down, “maybe I should go.”

 

            “No, no, it’s perfectly alright, dear,” Lillian brushed her words aside, casting her a fleeting look, before fixing Lena with her hard stare. “Lena’s never quite been able to grasp when it’s the appropriate time or place.”

 

            “Well when is it?” Lena hissed, slamming her hands down on the table and bracing herself against it as she hooked one foot around the chair leg and dragged it closer, before sitting down. “Just admit it. You don’t  _ want _ a gay daughter. You said as much when you said  _ no _ , as if that was an entire conversation.”

 

            Sighing, Lillian’s lips turned down at the corners as she gave Lena a frosty look, “I want what’s best for you, and yes, Kara might be a lovely girl, but I don’t want you to struggle through high school because of a silly crush. You have the rest of your life to figure out who you are, and love who you want, but now is  _ not _ the time to get distracted by everything that  _ this-”  _ she waved a hand at Lena, which she took to mean her sexuality, “will bring for you. I'm not saying that you _can't_ have feelings for a girl, I just- I think you should wait a while. Things will be different in a few years.”

 

            “She’s the smartest person at our school,” Kara blurted out, “did you know that? And in more clubs than I can count. She’s popular and funny and kind. She’ll probably be valedictorian when our class graduates, and she’ll get into Harvard without a doubt. Nothing about your daughter has changed, Mrs Luthor, and being a teenager is hard enough without adults telling us we don’t know our own minds. I don’t mean to intrude on a family matter, but if you think telling Lena  _ not _ to do something is going to work, then you don’t know your daughter very well, because on top of all of that, she’s the most insufferably stubborn person I know.”

 

            “Well … garlic bread anyone?” Lex asked, taking a slice and holding it out towards Lena, who shook her head, looking slightly dazed at Kara coming to her defence.

 

            The rest of dinner passed by in polite conversation, with Lena silent unless prompted to talk, while Kara answered all of Lex’s questions and tried to avoid Lillian’s shrewd stare. As soon as they finished eating, Kara offered to help clean up, but Lex waved away her help, so she excused herself. It was already dark, and she’d missed dinner at her own home. Lillian called their driver to come and pick her up, despite Kara’s sheepish protests, unsure what to make of her, and she awkwardly thanked her for dinner. Lex’s goodbye was more cheerful, and he retreated to the game room to watch a hockey match on the massive flat screen, leaving Lena to walk Kara outside.

 

            It was a mild summer’s night, and Kara grabbed her bike from where she’d left it leaning against the side of the steps, wheeling it down the gravel driveway with Lena walking beside her. The wheels clicked as the gentle breeze rustled leaves, and they were silent as they walked further away from the sprawling dark mass behind them, pinpricks of yellow light shining out of the occasional window. Lena felt a little jittery, wishing that she could say something, but at a loss for words again as they walked down the tree lined path, glimpses of the stars visible through the leafy canopy overhead. 

 

            “Thank you,” Lena eventually blurted out.

 

            Kara looked up at her in surprise, her eyebrows rising slightly. “What for?”

 

            “For dinner.”

 

            “Oh, well, you know, sometimes you can’t fight your own battles.” She gave her a dimpled smile as she shrugged, the bike veering off to the left slightly.

 

            Lena reached out to stop her with a touch on her arm, and at the questioning look Kara shot her, she grabbed her by the front of the denim jacket she was wearing and pulled her closer. Dropping the bike to the ground with a clatter, Kara came willingly, her hand immediately coming up to cup Lena’s jaw, urging her head up so that she could kiss her delicately. Eyelids fluttering closed, Lena let herself be kissed, savouring the feeling of Kara’s soft lips and the way it made her stomach nervously flutter, and her lips curled into a smile as she pushed herself up against her. She’d never kissed anyone else but Kara - not properly - and it was everything she’d dreamt of since Kara had started at St. Rao’s and Lena had promptly begun to daydream about the golden haired pretty girl she sat next to in class. And now they were wrapped up in a kiss, their insides all warm and chests heaving slightly, and she couldn’t help but think about how it was well worth the wait. 

 

            As a bright beam of light illuminated them, they broke apart, blinking in surprise as they both let out shaky laughs, watching as the car approached out of the darkness. Ducking down to pick up her bike, Kara tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and nervously pushed her glasses up her nose, while Lena bit her lip and kicked at a piece of gravel. The car grew steadily closer to their position in the middle of the long driveway and Kara quickly ducked down to kiss Lena again, realising that it was her last chance for the evening, and it made Lena’s heart soar.

 

            “So,” Kara started, her eyes sparkling in the dark as she smiled, “I really like you, Lena Luthor.”

 

            With a breathless laugh, Lena let her forehead rest against Kara’s shoulder, feeling a warm arm wrap around her and hold her close. “I really like you too, Kara Danvers.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of you probs won't like this bc of how the book ends lmao so I apologise if you don't, but thank you for reading the fic, I really appreciate it

            The summer passed by in a haze of sunny days and happy moments, with things falling into place easier than either of them expected. It was with some hesitation that Kara and Lena became a couple, but it had felt all too perfect, like the natural order of things, for them to deny themselves and each other the  _ rightness _ of it. At first it was just a few meet ups, with Kara plucking up enough courage to reach out and grab Lena’s hand at the old roller skating rink, or Lena would come over for dinner, seated beside Kara, while Alex and Sam sat across from them and Eliza at the head, making easy conversation as Lena was welcomed into the folds of the family with ease. A part of Kara thought that Eliza was so welcoming because she was happy that she was finally finding her place in the family, and becoming comfortable with who she was. Lillian was somewhat less welcoming, but made small steps to accept the fact that her daughter had a girlfriend, and over the weeks, Lena seemed to relax slightly.

 

            All too soon, the summer was over, and both girls returned to school together, both nervous but their courage bolstered by the presence of the other. Alex was off to college, and Sam was staying in National City, expecting her baby at the end of the year, and a few more of their friends had graduated too. It was a daunting prospect, returning after the dramatic climax at the end of the previous school year, and after a peaceful summer, they were apprehensive as they walked through the main doors of the school, hand in hand. At the first glances cast their way, eyes widening with surprise and a flurry of whispers already spreading, Kara gave Lena’s hand a quick squeeze.

 

             From then on, it was easier. They still had their circle of friends, surrounding them during meal times, ever present in classes and in the hallways, and without Veronica’s taunts, it was easier to bear the whispers. It wasn’t always  _ easy _ , but they managed. When the cards started coming again, Kara wasn’t even surprised, and her friend circle grew with every person she openly helped. Even when she did it from a distance, it was always just as rewarding, and she found herself relishing the chance to bring the same happiness to other people’s lives, feeling satisfied whenever she saw the weight lifted off their shoulders, whether it be the first year scholarship boy who couldn’t afford soccer shoes, only for a pair to show up in his pigeonhole, or the sixth year girl who had little motivational messages slipped under her door when the stress of their workload grew too much for her. 

 

            The weeks flew by so fast that before they knew it, it was Christmas time, and Kara and Lena were in a hospital room, cooing over a tiny baby with dark hair and Sam’s eyes. She was called Ruby, and Alex was made godmother. She became a regular guest at the Luthor mansion, and Lex had had his ankle monitor removed as his house arrest ended, which made Lillian all the more gracious to her, although the days where everyone gathered in Eliza’s living room were far more eventful and gratifying. Everyone from their little fight club, a name which had stuck, would meet up for pizza and game nights, careful not to disturb the newborn upstairs, and it would feel just like family. The rest of the school year passed by in a blur, and at the end of it, Querl and Jack graduated, their group growing smaller still, yet Kara was glad for them both as they went off to college at the end of the summer, even though she knew they’d all miss them both. She was just happy to still have Lena by her side, and they entered senior year perhaps more in love than ever.

 

            Senior year seemed even busier than the last, and with another year’s worth of cards, Kara found herself even more in tune with herself. There was something about helping other people that had helped her uncover different parts of herself, doing things she’d never thought she would, and in doing so, she had become a different person - a better person. While she was never quite popular - not to Lena’s extent, at any rate, which had never diminished, despite the fact that she cheered on her girlfriend at rowing competitions, instead of a boyfriend at polo matches - Kara was likeable. She was friendly with a lot of people in many years, taking up tutoring, helping the younger members on the rowing team practice, and taking up running track every morning with a girl called Nia. It was in senior year that she finally found herself, and so did Lena. They both became comfortable with themselves, and Lena was able to shirk off the lingering concerns about what other people would think.

 

            They went to prom together, Lena in a tux just like the one she’d worn to the school dance a few years back, and Kara in a blue dress, slow dancing along with everyone else. Lena was prom queen, to no one’s surprise. Both of them got their Harvard acceptance letters in the mail, making them nervously excited about their uncertain futures, with the knowledge that at least they’d be going together, and they graduated at the start of summer, putting on the navy caps and gowns and walking across the stage to accept their diplomas. Lena was valedictorian, and Kara glowed with pride as she clapped at the end of the speech, her heart swelling with love as she looked at the young woman on the stage. She was a far cry from the girl she’d met all of those years ago, scared to get close to her and open up, and she would’ve been lying if she said the shine in her eyes wasn’t somewhat due to tears as well as joy.

 

            It was with some sadness that they cleared out their dorms, packing away everything that they’d accumulated over their years at St. Rao’s, and the few of them that were left went down to the lake to celebrate their graduation and enjoy each other’s company for the last time for a while. Even as she looked around at Winn, Mike and Jess, Kara knew that they would be friends for years to come. She’d brought them all together, in some way or another, and she would hold them together too. They all left the school behind with a certain fondness for it, and they parted ways at the airport with plans for another game night soon. 

 

            When Kara made it back to Eliza’s, with Lena in tow, the feeling of home hit her hard. She only had the summer left there, before she went away to college, and she walked inside with excitement, greeting Alex with a tight hug, her sister already home for summer vacation, and Sam with just as much enthusiasm, smiling at the sight of the bubbly baby she was carrying. It struck her that over the past two years, her first thought of family had become  _ this _ , and she was glad for it. They spent hours in the living room, filling each other in on what they’d all missed out on over the phone, and Kara watched as Lena animatedly chatted with Alex, feeling a warmth spread through her at how perfect everything was. 

 

            The only thing that would’ve made it more perfect was if she’d finally got the answers she’d craved so much. Since she’d been sent that first card, she’d received fifty-one others, all up. An entire deck. Yet she hadn’t had so much as a whisper of who had been sending them, although Lena had long since stopped writing it out for the mysterious person. Even when Kara had asked her again, she’d sword that she had no idea who it was, and even though she knew that Kara had wanted it to be her, it wasn’t. Kara knew she was telling the truth - Lena always did - yet it had nagged at her for years now.

 

            It was late summer, just before she was about to leave for Harvard, with the nervous anticipation of her law degree and the inevitable stepping into her parents’ shoes at their company, that she finally ran into a stranger with the last piece of the puzzle for her. The last message she’d receive off the messenger.

 

            “Kara,” the man said, stepping out of the alcove of a doorway as she walked past, just having come from coffee with Winn at their favourite diner, her last chance to see her friend before he went off to MIT in a few days. She turned at the sound of her name and was handed an envelope before she could even say anything. She didn’t have to ask to know who it was off.

 

            “Who sent you?”

 

            “Open it.”

 

            “Who sent you?”

 

            The man was silent, and with a sigh, unable to stop herself, Kara tore open the envelope and pulled out an empty box of playing cards, squashed flat with words scrawled across it in a handwriting that had quickly become familiar. 

 

**_Dear Kara, the end is near. I think you’d better be getting down to the cemetery._ **

 

            Freezing for a moment, Kara’s eyebrows pulled down into a frown as she reread the words again, her lips soundlessly making the words. It suddenly struck her that tomorrow was the anniversary of her parents’ death, and she swallowed the lump in her throat as a hollow feeling made her feel slightly faint.

 

            “My parents,” she hoarsely said to the man, “tell me - was it them?”

 

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

            “Why not?” Kara asked, quickly losing her patience as she fought back the urge to grab the man and give him an insistent shake.

 

            “I-I was sent here.”

 

            “By who?”

 

            The man shrugged, giving Kara an apologetic look full of regret as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “I don’t know. I don’t know who she is …”

 

            Turning away from him, Kara ground her teeth together in frustration, shoving the empty card box into her coat pocket as she walked away, heading down the street as she made her way towards the cemetery a few blocks away. Her mind was quickly jumping to conclusions, and the one that Kara kept landing on was that it was her mother. Her mom had organised all of this before she’d died. The sky was the deep blue of twilight, with thin grey clouds speaking of the early autumn about to be ushered in, and Kara shivered as the dirty sidewalk passed quickly beneath her feet. 

 

            She knew her way to the cemetery with ease, although she’d only been there once, for her parent’s funeral, and as the wrought iron gates and spiked fence loomed up out of the encroaching darkness, she paused on the threshold. Her grief wasn’t quite as raw as it had once been, with the years dulling the pain a little, but she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to the cemetery. Yet for the sake of an answer, she was here, and she took a deep breath, steeling herself, before she stepped through the open gate and followed the path through the sea of headstones. It took her a few minutes of remembering before she recalled the way to their grave, and she slowed as she neared them, the dark silhouettes of security guards standing close by.

 

            Her loud footsteps cut off as the figures turned, and Kara squinted as she peered through the fading light, realising that it wasn’t security guards. It was two men. Two that she knew. Clark and Lex.

 

            “Congratulations, Kara,” Lex said, giving her a smile.

 

            “My mother?” she asked, a flicker of unease running through her. 

 

            “You’re a lot like she was,” Clark said. “Before.”

 

            “So she- she sent you to do this? Organised it before she died?”

 

            Clark shook his head, his dark hair falling across his forehead as he gave her a soft smile. Kara couldn’t help but wonder why he was there; was he there for her, or for a story? How deep did the silly game she’d got herself caught up in go? 

 

            “You were being tested,” Clark gently told her, gesturing to the graves, “to see if you can avoid  _ this _ life. Your mom used to be a good person, before she made herself some enemies. You have a lot of her strength, and kindness.”

 

            “But it wasn’t her who sent us,” Lex said.

 

            It took a moment to sink in as Kara stared at the headstones of her parent’s graves, fresh flowers she could only assumed Clark or her Aunt Astra had left there, while questions bombarded her mind. The silence of the cemetery was almost eerie, the creaking of trees, rustling of leaves and hushed sounds of the city accompanying the sound of her heart beating loudly in her ears. She still didn’t understand.

 

            “What are you doing here then? How did you know that I’d be right here, at this exact time?”

 

            “Our employer sent us,” Lex told her.

 

            “She told us you’d be here, so we came. She hasn’t been wrong yet.” 

 

            Despite the warmth of her cousin’s smile, Kara felt anything but comforted by it, feeling confused as she tried to make some sense of it all. “Who’s your employer?”

 

            “We don’t know, Kara. But you were sent here tonight to remind yourself that you don’t want to end up the same way that your parents did.”

 

            She numbly nodded, staring down at the headstone. Her parents had been famous lawyers, powerful and rich, taking on the biggest cases and biggest clients, and it was only when she had grown older that Kara had realised that that hadn’t meant they’d taken innocent clients. Her mom might’ve been strong and kind to Kara, but to the rest of the world, she was cold and ruthless, and it had put her and her husband into an early grave. The reminder was a harsh blow, making Kara falter for a moment, before her cousin gave her shoulder a quick, reassuring squeeze.

 

            With that, he left with Lex, both of them silently retreating into the darkness, leaving Kara to think over their words and puzzle through the meaning. Someone was looking out for her best interests, wanted her to be better than her parents had been, to be  _ more _ . She just didn’t know  _ who. _ She stayed for a while, a silent statue at the foot of the graves, trying in vain to make out the words etched into the marble in the dark, but eventually the biting cold grew too much, and she slipped back through the cemetery with a troubled mind.

 

            She walked home in the cold, back to Eliza’s empty house, with her adoptive mom in work, letting herself inside with a gust of cold air. A wall of warmth greeted her, and she stamped her feet on the mat just inside the door, her numbed cheeks stinging as the feel flooded back into them. Shrugging off her coat and kicking off her boots, Kara made her way down the hallway, pausing just before she turned into the kitchen.

 

            A woman was sitting at the kitchen table, her dark hair falling past her shoulders and a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips as she climbed to her feet. She was short, a good nine inches shorter than Kara, her pale skin covered in a smattering of freckles, and dressed in dark clothes. Kara wasn’t sure how old she was, her height making her look younger, but when she spoke, her voice was deep, with an accent that Kara couldn’t quite place but had a slight lilt to it. English she guessed. She was rather nondescript, yet vaguely familiar.

 

            “Hello Kara. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

 

            She paused for a moment at the sight of the woman, some inkling of familiarity stirring in her mind. Kara had seen this woman before, a few times throughout her life, like she was a background character in her story, never getting close enough to interact with her, but passing her by on the street, or in the hospital waiting room when Kara had once broken her arm, in the same departure lounge at the airport. Kara hadn’t realised it at the time, on any of those occasions, but it suddenly struck her as shockingly clear. This was the messenger.

 

            “It’s you,” Kara numbly replied.

 

            The young woman smiled, her cheeks dimpling as she arched an eyebrow, her green eyes sparkling with amusement. Nodding, her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners.

 

            “You sent-”

 

            She nodded again, reaching into her pocket and drawing out a stack of playing cards. Kara’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the sight of them, so familiar, although the last she’d seen of them, they’d been in her desk drawer in her bedroom upstairs. The woman neatly shuffled them in small hands, the glimpses of black writing occasionally visible as she fiddled with the deck.

 

            “It was a few years ago when I saw your parents buried. And I saw you, and your studying in the library, and your nights spent in your bedroom and dorm room. The way you were oblivious to everything around you, isolating yourself. I saw you, and I just kept coming back, watching, the same way you did with some of these cards.” A sheepish look crossed her face, and she quickly drew a card, flipping it over to show the Ten of Diamonds with Imra Ardeen written on it. It was one of the first ones Kara had ever received. “I killed your parents, Kara. I organised the plane crash. I made Mike cheat on his fake girlfriend, I made Veronica bully you, and Lena toy with your feelings. I did it all to you. I  _ made _ you do all those things you thought you couldn’t.”

 

            She fell silent for a moment, and Kara found herself unable to move as she stared at the young woman with a wary look on her face. With a few more shuffles of the cards, the woman let out a quick laugh, giving Kara a lopsided smile.

 

            “And why? I did it because you are the epitome of ordinariness, Kara. I mean, I said it at the beginning of the story. You weren’t an exceptional person, in any way at all, you just had things happen  _ to _ you. And you would’ve just let life pass you by, swallowed up in your grief and loneliness, while others suffered with their own problems. But if a girl like you could stand up and do what you did for all of those people, well maybe everyone else can. Maybe everyone can live beyond what they’re capable of. All it takes is one person to care. One person to change someone’s life. And now … now look at you, look at your  _ life _ . You have friends, you’re a part of this family now, moving on from all that grief, and you’re at peace with who you are. You have love. I did all of this for  _ you _ , for all of those people, because you were the only one who cared enough to help, and they desperately needed it. So did you.”

 

            Pulling the kitchen chair out further, she sat back down, and Kara stumbled forward, remaining standing, but standing closer to her now. She had the uncomfortable feeling like her whole life had been invented around her, like she was living in some sort of  _ Truman Show _ world. Unsure of what was happening, she watched as the woman ran a hand through her dark hair, before letting out a soft sigh and pushing a black file across the table towards her.

 

            “It’s all in there,” she assured her, “everything. Everything I wrote for you. Every idea I played around with, or person you helped, hurt or ran into.”

 

            Her tongue felt thick in her dry mouth, and she found it hard to make her voice work as she stared at the black file. “But … how?”

 

            Gesturing vaguely with one hand, the woman gave her a wry smile, reaching out to tap the file. “Even  _ this _ is in there. This discussion.”

 

            Letting out a choked sound of surprise, Kara numbly pulled a chair out and collapsed into it with shaking hands pressed flat against the surface of the table to try and steady herself. The woman watched her with concerned eyes, patiently waiting for her to say something, as if she had anticipated her next question.

 

            “Am I real?” Kara finally managed to ask, her voice hoarse and hollow.

 

            The woman barely even thought about her answer - she didn’t need to - and she gave Kara a slight smile of understanding, tapping the file again, before pushing it across the varnished surface of the table. “Look in there. At the end. See it?”

 

            In small scrawled letters, at the bottom of the page, her answer was written there in black ink. It said,  _ ‘of course you’re real. Like any thought, or any story. It’s real when you’re in it.’ _

 

            Pushing the chair out, the legs grating against the tiled floor, she climbed to her feet, leaving the deck of fifty-two cards neatly stacked on the table, and quickly zipped up her dark coat. “I’d better be going now. You probably want to go through the file and make sure it’s all consistent. It’s all there.”

 

            For a moment, Kara felt a flutter of panic in her stomach, like the sensation of falling from the very top of a rollercoaster, before she was dragged back down to reality with the sudden, desperate urge to get off. “What do I do now?” she asked, her voice cracking as she pulled the file towards her, “tell me. What do I do now?”

 

            The woman remained calm, if somewhat awkward as she shifted slightly where she stood, giving Kara a soft look. “Keep living, Kara. It’s only the pages that stop here.”

 

            Despite her initial declaration that she was leaving, the woman stayed another ten minutes, making Kara a cup of tea and setting it down in front of her on the table, while Kara was frozen in shock, her mind still reeling from the surrealness of it all, trying to recover from what had just transpired.

 

            “I really think I ought to be going,” the woman said again, this time with more finality.

 

            Looking up at her, Kara blinked slowly in surprise and climbed to her feet. With some difficulty, she walked the woman to the door, where they said goodbye, and she watched the woman walk down the street, until she was swallowed up by the darkness of night and it grew too cold for Kara to keep watching from the doorstep. Shutting the door, she shuffled back down the hallway and into the kitchen, the cosiness suddenly seeming like a farce as she walked over to the table and sat back down. Reaching out with a trembling hand, she picked up the cup of tea and took a scalding sip, a flood of warmth filling her stomach as she wondered what the woman’s name was. She had the feeling that she was about to find out very soon.

 

            As she opened the file, Kara had the sudden thought that the woman had written about this. She was sure of it. She’d written about it all. As she walked up the street, leaving the brownstone behind her, she would’ve pulled out a small notebook from the pocket of her coat and written down a few things. Written about how Kara had gone back inside, taken a sip of tea and opened the file. It occurred to Kara that she should write about her experiences too, after all, they’d happened to  _ her _ , but she assumed the woman would’ve beaten her to it. It would be her name as the publisher of Kara’s story, and she’d get all the credit for it, or all of the shit if she did a bad job. But it was Kara that had given life to all of the pages of this story.

 

            She ended up taking the file upstairs with her cup of tea, changing into her pyjamas and trying not to think about many things, although she couldn’t help herself. Sitting in the middle of her bed, she looked through the large file, finding everything just as she said. All of the ideas were written in, and people sketched in, their personalities taking form with the words. Beginnings and endings merged and blended together, all of the cards weaving a greater story - a story that Kara hadn’t even realised was being written. Hours passed by, the shadows lengthening, and the first glimmer of sunlight breaking through the darkness of night as dawn finally broke, without a wink of sleep for Kara.

 

            It was the sound of Eliza’s key in the door, the sky the purple of a bruise outside the window, with the tinge of orange on the horizon, that roused Kara from the reading that had consumed her. She didn’t move from her bedroom though, sitting numbly in the middle of her bed as the minutes passed by. Her phone rang a few times, and her stomach growled with the urgent sounds of hunger, but she didn’t move all morning. It wasn’t until lunchtime that Kara wondered what she was waiting for, and came to understand that she was waiting for life beyond the pages of this story.

 

            Eliza left her alone for the whole day, sleeping off her shift and possibly oblivious to the fact that Kara was even home, and it wasn’t until after dinner time that a gentle knock disturbed her and the door was opened to reveal Lena, a smile softening her face as her eyes landed on Kara.

 

            “Hey,” she quietly said, letting herself in and carefully shutting the door behind her, before turning back to Kara and pausing slightly as she took in the circles beneath her eyes. “Everything okay?”

 

            Approaching the bed, she dropped a kiss onto Kara’s head and sat down on the edge of the bed, jostling the mattress as she got comfortable. Picking up one of the pieces of paper from the file, she tilted her head to the side as she read it. “What’s this?”

 

            For the next hour, Kara explained everything to her, leaving nothing out of it, while Lena listened intently. It occurred to her as she was explaining, looking at Lena and seeing the encouraging look in her eyes, that Lena  _ believed _ her, that Lena had always believed her, and Kara seemed to relax slightly as relief washed through her. But just before she could relax completely, a final question whispered at the back of her mind, and Kara scrambled for the file. She flipped through the stacks of paper, her eyes scanning the words as Lena watched her with a questioning look on her face.

 

            “What are you doing??” Lena asked, stretching out on the bed and propping her chin up in her hand as she arched an eyebrow at Kara, a small smile curling her lips.

 

            “I’m looking for  _ this _ ,” Kara said, waving her hand between herself and Lena. “I’m looking for you and me together. Our future. What happens when we’re in college, and after. If we-”

 

            Lena reached out and took the file out of Kara’s hands, scattering the paper across the bed as she ignored the small sound of protest that slipped out of her girlfriend’s mouth. Shifting into a kneeling position, Lena reached out to gently cup her face in her hands, her green eyes sparkling as she gave her one of her heartbreaking smiles, leaning forward to quickly kiss the tip of Kara’s nose, before letting out a quiet laugh of delight as she pulled back.

 

            “I don’t think it’s in there,” she softly told her, and Kara frowned slightly as she tilted her head to the side, her face still tenderly held between Lena’s warm hands. “I think … I think this belongs to  _ us.  _ Whatever happens next, it’s our decision. She helped us get together, but what happens now is up to us.”

 

            She sat amongst the loose pieces of paper, thinking about the last few years of her life, finding a nagging thought growing as she reached for the deck of cards she’d shoved into its box that she’d reassembled. As she thumbed through the worn cards, she saw all of those people and the places she shared with them. She sat beside a boy one day, her first friend, and played board games with him so he could keep his club. She freed a girl from a guy who didn’t love her, and later on helped that same guy overcome his grief from his dead parents. She clumsily coached a boy ballroom dancing, bruised her knuckles as she put a bully in her place, helped a scared girl with a drug addiction, and a secretly pregnant girl kicked out of home. She helped her sister know she wasn’t alone, and formed a family, feeling happy as she took in the content look in her adoptive mother’s blue eyes whenever she saw the girls getting along. And she laughed with the thrill of understanding as she helped the girl she loved come to terms with loving her back, both of them finding happiness and acceptance together. 

 

            As she thumbed through the cards, the words of the author came back to her, and the truth of the situation became clear to her. ‘ _ But if a girl like you could stand up and do what you did for all of those people, well maybe everyone else can. Maybe everyone can live beyond what they’re capable of. All it takes is one person to care. One person to change someone’s life.’ _

 

            As Lena stepped back into the bedroom a few minutes later, two steaming cups of tea in her hands as she kicked the door closed behind her, Kara gave her a bright smile, staring at one of the people she’d helped. For all the difference she’d made to everyone’s lives, they’d changed her life too, and she realised that the woman had been right. All it took was one person to care. If one person could care, could reach out and help someone, then maybe everyone else could. With a laugh, Kara climbed to her feet and grabbed Lena’s face in her hands, crushing their lips together as her girlfriend struggled not to spill any of the tea, before she pulled back, her eyes bright with understanding and acceptance as she smiled at her.

 

            “It wasn’t about the messenger!” Kara exclaimed, climbing back onto the bed as Lena carefully set the cups down on the nightstand. “It was about the message.”

 

            Eyebrows rising in mild surprise, Lena joined her on the bed, cuddling up next to her as Kara wrapped her arm around her. “Oh? And what was the message?”

 

_             “I’m _ the message.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just in case it wasn't very clear, hello, yes, I am the messenger, it is me, lostariels, the writer of this fic, and the message is please be kind and helpful to others and yourself, unless they're bullies, in which case you should beat the shit out of them
> 
> thank you for reading the fic, and please consider reading the book in case you want some clarification from a different pov :)


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